Argument7 请大家指教!

BerlinbearUID: 207694

Argument7
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.

“Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country.”
1、        没有证据表明DS能够吸引14-25岁的年轻人。
2、        如果Mesa Foods的盈利很少，所以百分之二十的盈利增长很可能很少。
3、        Mesa Foods的市场范围小，没有证据表明其推广到全国市场能够盈利。

Merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the statement draws a conclusion that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods and concentrate in particular on marketing its best –selling product, Diabolique Salsa, throughout the country. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence that Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year and .In addition, he/she asserts that Diabolique Salsa has had increased sales over each of the past three years. However, in my point of view, this argument suffers from some flaws.

For one thing, the memo recommends that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods for the reason that Omni prepares to expand their marketing of 14-to-25 years old consuming the most snack food. Accordingly, the argument relies on the premise that Meals Foods attract this age group powerfully. Yet, it is no any information that is associated with any other productions of Mesa Foods except for Diabolique Salsa. It is completely possible that Diabolique Salsa, adding other foods produced by Mesa Foods, are appealing to other age groups but not to 14-to-25 years old. For example, maybe the flavor of the Diabolique Salsa is so insipid that young ones are not very interested but adjusts to some old people. If in this case, the recommended acquisition would not serve Omni’s purposes.

In the second place, even if the memo’s author can substantiate the above assumption, the arguer neglects the possibility that last year’s 20% increase in Mesa’s profit based on a very thin profit and so that even 20% profit growth could not show how potential Mesa Foods is. What is more, the 20% increase might have been totally contributed to sales of Mesa’s Salsa and little margin created by other productions. Even worse, the increase of Mesa Foods maybe just advent only in year and actually in most years Mesa has not been profitable. If either in the case, and if Mesa’s salsa does not turn out to be popular among 14-to-25 years old market, then Omni’s is unlikely to gain profit from the recommended course of action.

Finally, the argument lies on the assumption that in the region where Mesa’s products are sold the preference of consumers between the ages of 14 and 25 typify nationwide preferences among this age group. If this is not the true situation, then it is extremely possible that Omni would not sell enough profitable productions including Diabolique Salsa to gain a profit from its Mesa’s projest. Thus, lacking of more specific marketing information about what the 14 to 25 young people prefer to choose snake food, it is difficult to assess the merit of the memo’s recommendation.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more forceful proofs concerning Mesa’s profitability over a longer time period, and about to extent to which Mesa’s salsa accounts for any such profitability.

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

所以，我就帮你看看咯，呵呵
Argument7
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning department at Omni Inc.

“Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year, and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing Diabolique Salsa throughout the country.”
1、        没有证据表明DS能够吸引14-25岁的年轻人。
2、        如果Mesa Foods的盈利很少，所以百分之二十的盈利增长很可能很少。
感觉第2点不是特别有说服力，因为我觉得提干想强调的是逻辑是：Mesa去年有20%的盈利，所以很有增长的潜力，而且，即使20%是很少的一部分盈利，但它占的比例也是不小的，所以也能说明公司有增长的潜力啊。我认为这里主要是强调比例而非比例所拥有的实际数量吧。建议天使把驳斥的中心移到时间上，看看，提纲说的是去年的20%增长，而去年仅仅一年的时间并不能说明长期的，或许除了去年其他时间全在亏本，如果是这样，能说明公司有很大的增长潜力吗？（呵呵，不知道我表达清楚没）
3、        Mesa Foods的市场范围小，没有证据表明其推广到全国市场能够盈利。

Merely based on unfounded assumption and dubious evidence, the statement draws a conclusion that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods and concentrate in particular on marketing its best –selling product, Diabolique Salsa, throughout the country. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence that Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year and .In addition, he/she asserts that Diabolique Salsa has had increased sales over each of the past three years. However, in my point of view, this argument suffers from some flaws，加个 which I would like to present in the following paragraphs.这样好象更能加强两段间的联系。

For one thing, the memo recommends that Omni Inc. should buy Mesa Foods for the reason that Omni prepares to expand their marketing of 14-to-25 years old consuming the most snack food. Accordingly, the argument relies on the premise that Meals Foods attract this age group powerfully. 觉得上面两句的顺序可以换一下，因为有这么一个前提：M吸引14-25岁的顾客，而O又打算打开这个年龄段的市场，所以O因该买M。Yet, it is there is 好点吧 no any information that is associated with any other productions of Mesa Foods except for Diabolique Salsa. It is completely possible that Diabolique Salsa, adding other foods produced by Mesa Foods, i cannot quite catch what u mean by "adding other foods ...Mesa foods,are appealing to other age groups but not to 14-to-25 years old. For example, maybe the flavor of the Diabolique Salsa is so insipid that young ones are not very interested but adjusts to some old people. If 删去in this case, the recommended acquisition would not serve Omni’s purposes.

In the second place, even if the memo’s author can substantiate the above assumption, the arguer neglects the possibility that last year’s 20% increase in Mesa’s profit was  based on a very thin profit and so that even 20% profit growth could not show how potential Mesa Foods is. What is more, the 20% increase might have been totally contributed to sales of Mesa’s Salsa and little margin created by other productions. Even worse, the increase of Mesa Foods maybe maybe is an adv，你的动词呢？ just advent only in year and actually in most years Mesa has not been profitable. If either in the case, and or 吧 if Mesa’s salsa does not turn out to be popular among 14-to-25 years old market, then Omni’s is unlikely to gain profit from the recommended course of action.
这段这样一写就比你提纲更全面更有说服力。

Finally, the argument lies on the assumption that in the region where Mesa’s products are sold the preference of consumers between the ages of 14 and 25 typify nationwide preferences among this age group. 这个句子有点容易引起奇异，建议修改下。可以短成两句，前面讲M is sold in the region where consumers between the age of 14-25 are found of it.后面讲：the preference of teen's taste in this territory typify nationwide preferences amoung this age group.If this is not the true situation, then it is extremely possible that Omni would not sell enough profitable productions including Diabolique Salsa to gain a profit from its Mesa’s projest. Thus, lacking of more specific marketing information about what the 14 to 25 young people prefer to choose snake food, it is difficult to assess the merit of the memo’s recommendation.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to the arguer’s claim. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would have to provide more forceful proofs concerning Mesa’s profitability over a longer time period, and about to extent to which Mesa’s salsa accounts for any such profitability.
最后一段建议再写点具体的措施之类的，要不然就显得有点摸版化了．
以上仅是一家只言，仅供天使参考．