Issue48 【0706G－LOVEAW小组】第十次作业 by iq28

iq28UID：2152875

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 748         TIME: N/A          DATE: 2007-2-21

Fundamentally I disagree with the author's assertion. Since there is no such a balance upon which can the contributions of individualities and groups of people be weighed, the topic may be too intricate for the author to announce superiority of groups of people to those brilliant individuals. To present my viewpoint, I will discuss the complexity of the issue in the following details.

Great milestones in fields as natural science, arts, are usually be erected by those gifted persons. For example, the first industry revolution was provoked by the appearance of steam machine, which was invented and improved by a single man named James Watt. The second industry revolution, during which the electricity power was widely utilized among the world, was a result of the ten years of hardworking of the great British scientist Faraday. When it comes to arts, Beethoven and his music style are adored by the later critics as the watershed of the classicism and romanticism. All these changes have been made by the individualities, due to their unusual talent, experience, persistence or so forth, and these do not happens occasionally. Compared with groups of common people, those prominent persons whose names have successfully been passed down from generations to generations are more responsible, intelligent, diligent, all of which are necessary factors that lead to primary accomplishments. The same work done by the ordinary groups of people day by day does make sense, but lacking inspiration, nothing new and significant will be created merely through the repeated or even boring work. Therefore, it is those extraordinary persons but not those great people that contribute more to the overall trends and developments of the society.

Admittedly, it is unfair to neglect the outstanding accomplishments made by the groups of people. In the Second World War, thousands of British soldiers sacrificed their lives to defeat the attack of the brutal Nazi. The huge project of Manhattan cannot succeed without the talents of myriad scientists assembled in Los Alamos National Laboratory. Although the history merely immortalizes the wise and powerful leadership of Churchill and the father of nuclear weapon Oppenheimer who took the charge of the project, it is the British Army that faced and fought with the enemies in the front-line, and the major part of the project of Manhattan was obviously done by other scientists but not a single Oppenheimer. To be just, limelight of the public always prefers to focus on those eminent idols. As a result, eventually the efforts made by the inferiors of the leader were forgotten by the society, and thus fails to gain their niches in the history. To some extent I show my mercy for those unnamed, for their indispensable achievements are often completely shadowed by the aura of their leader, which is apparently somewhat unjust for them.

However, despite of the contribution, the work of the groups of people is not without their problems. Oftentimes their work only limits to the existed certain circle, if they have not received the directions given by few brilliant people, never can they create new tools or ideas which are more crucial in promoting the human race. At the same time, just as mentioned above, the ideas and abilities of leader can only be fully fulfilled with the overall hardworking of his colleagues, partners or inferiors. In fact, the individuals and groups are not incompatible, but when they cooperate, momentous progress will take place at a much higher possibility. The individual just lead the group to the entrance of a new world, then the steps into the new world must be taken by the group, just as it did in the two times of industrial revolutions. Although Watt and Faraday created steam machine and electricity power, they cannot release their amazing power unless they are applied by the industries. Consequentially we can see a perfect cooperation is born, if those pictures above always come true in the history.

In summary, if consider the human race as a giant, his left leg is the talented individuals while the right is the groups of people. It is impossible to imagine that the giant can advance towards prosperity with only one of his legs. In addition, just as discussed above, although the groups' contribution is affluent when seen as a whole, the credits made by a great individuality is much more significant than any single person of the groups, which may be the reason why history grants him the honor that his name is remembered forever.



[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-19 13:33 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

自己的修改
重点问题就在第二段 groups of people的sustain不同于对于trends的贡献
还有,文章可能对于人是否被记住可能没有论述太多,不过可能也没有必要

Fundamentally, I disagree with the author' assertion for he overlooks the significant contribution which only can be achieved by the brilliant individualities. There is no denying that the majority of the people in society play a vital role in sustaining the society, we shall never forget their outstanding work which greatly accelerates nearly every aspects of the developments of our society. (开头拼凑的)

(新的第一段)Fundamentally I disagree with the author's assertion. Since there is no such a balance upon which can the contributions of individualities and groups of people be weighed, the topic may be too intricate for the author to announce superiority of groups of people to those brilliant individuals. To present my viewpoint, I will discuss the complexity of the issue in the following details.

Great milestones in fields as natural science, arts, are usually be erected by those gifted persons. For example, the first industry revolution was provoked by the appearance of steam machine, which was invented and improved by a single man named James Watt. The second industry revolution, during which the electricity power was widely utilized among the world, was a result of the ten years of hardworking of the great British scientist Faraday. When it comes to arts, Beethoven and his music style are adored by the later critics as the watershed of the classicism and romanticism. All these changes have been made by the individualities, due to their unusual talent, experience, persistence or so forth, and these do not happens occasionally. Compared with groups of common people, those prominent persons whose names have successfully been passed down from generations to generations are more responsible, intelligent, diligent, all of which are necessary factors that lead to primary accomplishments. The same work done by the ordinary groups of people day by day does make sense, but lacking inspiration, nothing new and significant will be created merely through the repeated or even boring work. Therefore, it is those extraordinary persons but not those great people that contribute more to the overall trends and developments of the society. (惊奇的发现这一段论证得还有点样子)
第二段不改,留给表得谁谁谁^_^~~

Actually we cannot neglect the meaning of the major part of the society, that is the groups of people, who also succeeded in fulfilling their responsibilities in sustain the existence and harmony of the society. Millions of peasants heavily plunder their farms to feed the society, millions of cleaners sweep the streets of the metropolis, millions of workers build the houses, factories, schools hospitals for us. Undoubtedly their contributions are at least as heavy as those who have their names in histories do, or even more essential. However, their achievement, if seen in person, was too little to mention compared with those great ones. There accomplishments can only be considerable when they are figured as a sum of a group of people. What is more, their work only limits to the existed circle, but never create new tools or ideas which are more crucial in promoting the human race and are often found by those brilliant persons. So it is not unfair that the history always remembers the names of the brilliant.
(这段错误很严重,没有说到significant events和trends.只是写了sustain,偏了,事实上只要把sustain直接换成trends或者events,事例再换掉,也就可以了)
(又发现严重错误,groups of people不等于社会主题的民众.sigh)

(新的第二段)Admittedly, it is unfair to neglect the outstanding accomplishments made by the groups of people. In the Second World War, thousands of British soldiers sacrificed their lives to defeat the attack of the brutal Nazi. The huge project of Manhattan cannot succeed without the talents of myriad scientists assembled in Los Alamos National Laboratory. Although the history merely immortalizes the wise and powerful leadership of Churchill and the father of nuclear weapon Oppenheimer who took the charge of the project, it is the British Army that faced and fought with the enemies in the front-line, and the major part of the project of Manhattan was obviously done by other scientists but not a single Oppenheimer. To be just, limelight of the public always prefers to focus on those eminent idols. As a result, eventually the efforts made by the inferiors of the leader were forgotten by the society, and thus fails to gain their niches in the history. To some extent I show my mercy for those unnamed, for their indispensable achievements are often completely shadowed by the aura of their leader, which is apparently somewhat unjust for them.

In fact, the significant contributions can not be achieved only with the unprecedented ideas sparked by those individualities. The individual just find the entrance of a new and better comfortable world for the human race, but the steps into the new world must be taken by the whole human race, because that the power of certain persons are so limited, compared with the whole society. As mentioned above, the developments, such as steam machine and electricity power, cannot release their amazing power unless they are applied by the groups of people. In this case, the prominent individualities and other ordinary members of the society are both indispensable in making the significant events.
(框架可以接受,就是单薄了)

(补充成两者互补)However, despite of the contribution, the work of the groups of people is not without their problems. Oftentimes their work only limits to the existed certain circle, if they have not received the directions given by few brilliant people, never can they create new tools or ideas which are more crucial in promoting the human race. At the same time, just as mentioned above, the ideas and abilities of leader can only be fully fulfilled with the overall hardworking of his colleagues, partners or inferiors. In fact, the individuals and groups are not incompatible, but when they cooperate, momentous progress will take place at a much higher possibility. The individual just lead the group to the entrance of a new world, then the steps into the new world must be taken by the group, just as it did in the two times of industrial revolutions. Although Watt and Faraday created steam machine and electricity power, they cannot release their amazing power unless they are applied by the industries. Consequentially we can see a perfect cooperation is born, if those pictures above always come true in the history.

In summary, the history is still just, because it cuts the name of every single person who contributes more that he should to the human race. Although the common groups of persons are also important, just as mentioned above, they are inferior to those brilliant ones.

改写的结尾
In summary, if consider the human race as a giant, his left leg is the talented individuals while the right is the groups of people. It is impossible to imagine that the giant can advance towards prosperity with only one of his legs. In addition, just as discussed above, although the groups' contribution is affluent when seen as a whole, the credits made by a great individuality is much more significant than any single person of the groups, which may be the reason why history grants him the honor that his name is remembered forever.

重点问题就在第二段 groups of people的sustain不同于对于trends的贡献
还有,文章可能对于人是否被记住可能没有论述太多,不过可能也没有必要



[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-2-25 15:20 编辑 ]

iq28UID：2152875

你改的是我已经改过的文章...
要知道我是不是能正真冲6分得看我那些限时的文章....
估计这篇的第一版能有4分就不错了