被删题目：the rising of the mass media lead to the death of

breezeUID: 120433

Issue 84.the rising of the mass media lead to the death of the hero.   
  We live in an information age which is dominated by the mass media in every aspects of society as well as in our lives . In such conditions, the appearance of any hero may come as a surprise since  science  is considered to be the most powerful force that can solve all the problems that puzzle us . As far as I am concerned  , I believe that the rising of the mass media has certainly contributed to the death of heroes.
    The intensive media coverage shortens or even deletes the physical as well as psychological distance—a precondition of the existence of heroes – between the audience and the figure on the media .The image of heros in the majority’s minds is usually people with great power plus high intelligence , who are superior than the ordinary people , and have the ability to help people out of disasters. This image of perfection is resulted basicly from the distances between the ordinary and the heroes, such a distance deprive most people of accesses to the greatfigures in society. As a result, the achievements of the great people are often aggrandized and idealized , that is to say ,the idolatry of many people to heroes is somewhat blind . Whereas  nowadays, with the prosperity of the intensive global media coverages , it is easy for the public to learn about every aspect of great figures through the mass media. Thus the msystery of heroes is being broken ,we get to know not only their superiorities but also their inferiorities. As a consequence, it is impossible for any one to fit into the traditional stereotype of heroes..
     The media are especially good at exposing the private lives of famous people , who otherwise might become heroes. As widely acknowledged , scandals have proved to be an effective way to attract the attention of the public, today’s mass media often appeal to exposing hidden aspects of lives of famous people to achieve the largest possible profits. It is almost a human nature to be curious of the privacies of others. The problem is , when a public figure gain attention from the public , the scandals about him appeared on the media almost simultaneously, these scandals often undermine the image of that person to some extent. Under such circumstances , it is impossible for any public figure to be considered as perfect as hero.
     Finally, the media have the power to mass produce celebrities, in which case none of them has the hope of becoming a hero. One of the most conspicuous powers of the mass media is make out celebrities through large-scale publicizing and proper packaging. In modern society, celebrities are produced is an unprecedented rate including pop stars, politicians, artists, educators, actors and so on. Their famousness is produced by magnificently superficial package and extravagant publicizing . By contrast, the repute of heroes are gained through gradually recognition by the public, thus the latter is better at enduring the test of time and changes in society, while the former image is frail and tend to be obscured by the appearance of new ones. In such case, the chance for any great figure to be distinguished for a time long enough to be recognized as hero is rear.
     In conclusion, with the rapid development of the global mass media, the hero who is considered omni competent has become a legend of the past, people nowadays are more willing to learn the truth of the society we live in as well as the great figures who have impact on it , rather than the ideal image of heroes who actually is not exist.
谢谢您给予评价

angeikimUID: 4857

最初由 oopy 发表
[B]不错不错.

语言稍微有点赘
第一段的方式我也常用，在寻求其他方式?(谁知道?)
如果都象第三段多举一些例子，分析更好拉
最后一段，一句话？。你可能有点干时间， [/B]

通常来讲, 第一个段落的第一个句子应该是给出你的general statement of the topic. 而这里面说的TOPIC 是只题目的中心而不是题目. 我和老外在做写作训练的时候， 她就总是强调这个 general statement, 说是一个文章如果缺少这个，是不会得到太高的分数的。

[B]breeze [B/]
你的文章不错， 稍微有一些语法上的问题，注意一下我想应该没有问题。
你对这个问题谈的可以说是比较透彻，对照ETS的范文, 我想5分及5分以上应该对你说是没有问题的。
努力吧

莹然UID: 114007

是哦，其实没必要追求那么地道,只要语言流畅，立意新颖或者深刻，就可以得高分咯！

breezeUID: 120433

Thank you for your corrections, what about this time?
     I believe that the rising of the mass media in modern society has contributed to the death of heroes.We live in an information age which is dominated by the mass media in every aspects of society as well as in our lives . In such conditions, the appearance of any hero may come as a surprise since  science  is considered to be the most powerful force that can solve all the problems that puzzle us .  
    The intensive media coverage shortens or even deletes the physical as well as psychological distance—a precondition of the existence of heroes – between the audience and the figure on the media .The image of heros in the majority’s minds is usually people with great power plus high intelligence , who are superior than the ordinary people , and have the ability to help people out of disasters. This image of perfection is resulted basicly from the distances between the ordinary and the heroes, such a distance deprive people of accesses to the greatfigures. As a result, the achievements of the great people are often aggrandized and idealized , that is to say ,the idolatry of many people to heroes is somewhat blind . Whereas  nowadays, the prosperity of the intensive global media coverages has made it easy for the public to learn about every aspect of great figures through it. Thus the msystery of heroes is being broken , we get to know not only their superiorities but also their inferiorities. As a consequence, it is impossible for any one to fit into the traditional stereotype of heroes..
      The media are especially good at exposing the private lives of famous people , who otherwise might become heroes. As widely acknowledged , scandals have proved to be an effective way to attract the the public’s attention , today’s mass media often appeal to exposing hidden aspects of lives of famous people to achieve the largest possible profits. It is almost a human nature to be curious of the privacies of others. The problem is , when a public figure gain attention from the public , the scandals about him appeared almost simultaneously, these scandals often undermine the image of that person to some extent. Under such circumstances , it is impossible for any public figure to be considered as perfect as hero.
     Finally, the media have the power to mass produce celebrities, in which case none of them has the hope of becoming a hero. One of the most conspicuous powers of the mass media is make out celebrities through large-scale publicizing and proper packaging. In modern society, celebrities are produced is an unprecedented rate including pop stars, politicians, artists, educators, actors and so on. Their famousness is produced by magnificently superficial package and extravagant publicizing . By contrast, the repute of heroes are gained through gradually recognition by the public, thus the latter is better at enduring the test of time and changes in society, while the former image is frail and tend to be obscured by the appearance of new ones. For example, the midely accoladed leader of china Chairman Mao who gained respect and reputation through his merits of establishing a new China is still popular after half century because it is his talents and great efforts that make him a lasting celebrity, by contrast, many pop stars who are famous for only one or two years soon became obscurity . In such condition, nowadays the chance for any great figure to be distinguished for a time long enough to be recognized as hero is rear.
     In conclusion, with the rapid development of the global mass media, the hero who is considered omni competent has become a legend of the past, people nowadays are more willing to learn the truth of the society and the great figures living in and influencing  the society  , but not the ideal image of heroes who actually is not exist.

paisleyUID: 64183

你第一篇我没看哦，直接看第二篇了。感觉写的很好呀! 论点足够深了.我想至少有5分。一个建议，用点稍微具体的例子. 我觉得毛主席哪个例子有点空洞. 呵呵。

另外，对你最后一个论点稍微做一点补充:人们渴望的是"力拔山兮气盖世"的英雄，是气概与天地齐同的奇人，而mass media 使得任何行为都变得trivial了，因此也将能创造英雄的条件扼杀了.