20天托福110分---旅狼的作文修改铺子

ivytogetherUID：2508316

刚开始准备，实在是很迷茫，还望LZ多多指正！！非常感谢！！

Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good grades)




Concerning the modern education, there has been a hit controversy regarding whether it is more important to award students for effort than for their achievements. Some poeple may hold the standpoint that achievements are of greater significant arguing that the suceess such as good grades is a relatively obvious standard to judge students and it can make it easy to carry out the awarding for good students, while others view this issue differently. As I perceive the case, considerable though the benefits that turning to achievements when awarding students brings about are, they can not compete with those of praise them according to their sfforts, when we take into delebration that it can better inspire students' interest in knowledge itself rather than good grades and contribute to chiledren's development in all aspects.



Admittedly, some minor defects of awarding students by efforts include making it more difficult to evaluate how hard they have been working while the achievements are comparatively obvious and mistakenly awarding some hard-working students in an unappropriate study method.



When people are centering on the drawbacks it causes, isn;t it necessary for them to give some consideration to the considerable convinience and benefits it enjos. In the first place, giving students who is hard-working certain recognition is benificial for inspiring and developing there enthusiazm in study itself. If teachers are always thinking highly of those who is sucessful in obtain high scores, most of students must take good grades as the goal of their study. And it is quite possible that they will try their best to do well in exams, for example, they will just try to keep some so-called excellent sentences in mind just to catch the teacher's eyes and gain a nice mark, or maybe they just remember the theory without really understanding it, and even some adopt cheating for good performance in tests. Any of these cases will  strikingly do harm to their development.



Aslo arguing for those students who are really working hard are those people who share the opinion that process is far more valuable than results, and students must be aknowledged about it, which is a health and proper attitude towards life. people say that, there are too many out of our control in our surroundings, what we can dominate is only ourselves, our attitudes as well as our efforts. For example, a scientist working on cancers, devoted all himself to the research work, and intellegent and diligent though he is, very little achievements has been asquired due to the less-advanced equipments and the tough issues. Should we ignore his great efforts and claim that he has done nothing for human beings and all what he has done is just a waste a money and time? If that, tough items must be avioded by the majority.

As has been discussed above, there may be ine or two merits applying achievements in determining who should be awarded; However, there are far more advantages of praising students according to their efforts, including avoid the problem that students take good results as their final goals rather than obtaining new knowledge and contribute to their positive attitude to their school life and life in the future.

NewYorker2010UID：2660379

LZ好人 看了LZ的评论 对自己的写作有了一定的理解 谢谢

tc1220UID：2585174

能帮我看看作文么？ 22号就考了...
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Pring books will disappear in twenty years. Give specific examples and reasons to support you position
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Back to an earlier period in history, with the invention of Papermaking technique in China, printing book come out gradually. Soon printing book becomes the most popular medium that we get knowledge. However, an argument is rising in the beginning of the 21th century that printing books will disappear in twenty years. I, a college student, deeply feel the pulse of technology and hold the opinion that printing books will probably disappear in the future.

First, with the technology developing quickly, the advent of some modern media has played a significant role in education. The mass media like television, radio provides us numerous programs. For example, the BBC learning English program offers us more opportunities to listen to English and speak English. This is what silent printing books cannot be comparable. Hence, since the modern media are always associated with sounds and pictures, who is willing to read printing books?

What's more, through a good and serious movie we may also acquire knowledge, such as the rule of survival, the thinking of the life, viewpoints of the world and the moral norms. All of these are beneficial for us in terms of maturity in spirit, attitude and behavior. Take the movie <<The Pursuit of Happyness>> as an example, after watching this movie, I was shocked. Facing the tremendous pressure from work, family, tax, house and the frustration from the fact, Chris, the protagonist in the movie, struggled for survival and dream every day. Eventually, he succeeded! Happiness is mine (i), not yours (u), and everyone has right to pursue his happiness. What an inspirational and emotive movie it is. And reading one printing book may never reach such an extent.

In addition, there are some other educational medium through Internet is coming out, like distance learning. The internet allows rich and diverse communication by displaying text, graphics, animation, photos, sound and video. Compared with printing book, it in all aspects surpasses the role of printing books. Sociologists state that more and more people are willing to obtain knowledge on the internet because of efficiency, plenty and convenience.

Of course, not ever one enjoys the experience of learning based on modern media and they can also list some undesirable things that may afflict other people. Printing books are convenient to take with while some media are relatively difficult to be with us. And printing books are also touchable and makeable so that we can read it repeatedly, which is a preferable advantage of books.

Despite all the disadvantages, I still believe modern educational media will dominate the education market gradually. Plus with the popularization of high-tech E-books such as makeable PDF reader, disappearance of printing books will be accelerated further in the near future.

perceptionUID：2299669

老狼，好久不见，又要来请你指教了 谢谢

The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual. Do you agree or disagree?

Environment issue is now becoming one of the major concerns of human. As a big word, it usually pops up in the headlines and is repeatedly uttered by politicians. We are also told that many environmental issues like air pollutions and global warming are quite complicated. To address them, collaborated efforts of many generations of people and even cooperation of multiple governments are required. However, this by no means implies that individuals can do nothing beneficial to our environment.

There are really various kinds of simple things that could be done by individuals for the sake of the environment. In fact, every ordinary person could do that when conducting daily activities. For example, one could endeavor to utilize public transportation vehicles more frequently and minimize the use of private cars, so that less air pollution would be caused. One could try to make full use of household materials like paper, so that less natural resource would be consumed. One rechargeable battery may means that a score of ordinary batteries would not be used and then deserted. And one energy-saving lamp may render the need of electricity decreased by two thirds. These are trivial things indeed, but they are really advantageous to the environment. If more individuals could stick to such acts day by day and year by year, the environment and people would be benefited on the whole.

Besides personal habits, an individual could also positively affect the environment by taking part in relevant organizations and activities. Now there are a variety of non profit and non government organizations committed to environment conservation. Many of them are made up of common people like you and me. As a matter of fact, I and several friends used to do some volunteer work for a local organization devoted to environment protection in my hometown. We spend our spare time to pick up litter, clean up stream and tell the public the urgency and necessity of protect the air we breathe and the water we drink, tell them tips to maintain and improve the environment quality. Of course we are not big guys and only contribute little to our environment, but we feel good to do our share. And we believe that if more individuals are aware of the importance of environment protection and do something useful, things would be much better.

So to sum up, the environment issue deserves great attention from governments, but it also could fall on the shoulders of individuals. We ourselves should burden some responsibility to help make our environment more pleasant to us and future generations.

keppel_tuUID：2641964

Throughout the world forests are in crisis. We should work together to protect this important natural resource.

With the development of the technology, the standard of our life have been greatly improved. The whole world is becoming more and more prosperous. However, with the increase of the world's economy, the ecology of the earth is becoming worse and worse, and now the forests around the world are all in crisis. I think we should do something to pretect our living condition.

First of all, I think some of the companies should stop expanding blindly to destroy the forests. When I was a kid, I used to live in a small town near the forest. I enjoyed myself very much at that time with the twistting of the birds at dawn and the sight of rising sun glinting on the trees in the forest. However, when i came back last year, I found everything had been changed. The whole forest had been badly destroyed because of the expanding of a company. I could never hear the songs sung by the birds. Instead, I could only hear the noise caused by the machines in the factory. The factory had broken the balance between the human being and the nature. I think we should advise the government to stop this kind of factory which was built at the cost of the ecology.

Second, I think we should plant more trees. Our human being do make mistakes when we don't realize it is a mistake. However, when we realize it is a mistake we should work together to correct it. For example, as the world forests are in crisis we should work together to plant more trees not only plant trees on the special day, such as Planting Tree's Day, but also take planting trees as a usual Task.

All in all, I think everybody on earth should do something to solve the cirsis of world forests, from now on, from every little thing we can do.
麻烦旅狼给改一下，还有我40楼的一篇文章麻烦旅狼这次也给看下(上次旅狼大概太忙了忘记改了)。谢谢！

pingding205UID：2641955

看来楼主积累了很多篇要改了，等空了一些我再拿来恳请楼主帮忙

pingding205UID：2641955

谢谢。。。。楼主辛苦了

土豆美国UID：2602830

谢谢，这是我写的第二篇，写了一个半小时，有太多要注意的，都不敢写了
Some people believe that a college or university education should be available to all students. Others believe that higher education should be available only to good students. Discuss these views. Which view do you agree with? Explain why.



To study in college or university is a dream holded more or less by all students. But as we all know, no matter in history or today’s situation, it is untrue and impossible. And in my opinion, college education only should be available to good students, not all students, meanwhile let college benefit all people.

Because, at frist, can you imagine, if a university available to all students? For instance, recent years, China’s university enlarged the numble of their students. As my own experience, a small classroom which designed for 30 students, now are full of every corner with 50 students. Futher more seriously, university’s laboratory instrument, before the enlargement, it’s use situation is that each student has his/her own instrument to handle. But for now, it has being handled by turn, generally as one student handles with other two students looking at. In addition to that, it is merely just an enlargement, without available to all students. If, therefore, university is not university was, people who attended to university to get higher education received only a name about university education. At last, no one will get a real university education. And in my opinion, to people who deserve to get university education is not fair. Their resourses earn by their hard study work is leveled. Could it be looked as a punishment to hard work or ability？

And also, university is not a supermarket. University is born by the duty to explore the truth for human beings, which is destined to be hard and lonely that can not suit for majority but minority. Especially, to someone who can not endure the loneliness. On the other hand, just because those heros who enjoyed loneliness and struggled hard to advance and refresh our knowledge, benefit for the whole society and all people.

Although college education is only available to good students, however, no wall is in the kindom of knowledge. In another word, knowledge is opening to all people. Therefore, even if without college education, people can learn what he want and also find his/her niche in today’s society.

Finally, in a conclusion, I insist university should be available only to elite, and also, meanwhile, take care of the benefit of all people.

appletreeeUID：2631898

下面是我的第一篇练笔，恳请LZ有空的时候帮忙指正，谢谢！
Nowadays some companies prefer the “life-time employment” of their employees, whereas others prefer a limited time employment with the employees. As far as I’m concerned, the latter one is better for both the companies and the employees.

“Limited time employment” is better for companies. It will give the boss some time to testify whether the employee is eligible for the position. Usually in China, companies will sign a three-month contract with employees to see whether the employee will fulfill the tasks well. If the employee can do all the tasks the position requires well, the company will sign the formal contract with him or her.

The second reason that signing a limited time contract is better for the companies is that, this will give the employees pressure ， thus they will work hard. They know that the boss is watching at them. If they make some big mistakes, or if the boss thinks that they are not eligible, they will get fired. So they have to work hard and cautiously. This will definitely help to improve the productivity and efficiency.

“Limited time employment” is also good for the employees themselves. For fearing that they may be fired at anytime, they have to continue to learn and make them more competitive. If they know they won’t be fired in their lives, they will surely become lazy to learn new knowledge. This will make them less competitive. Also it’s good for them to find other good opportunities for personal development. If they are competitive enough, they will easily find a better company.

As we can draw from the above discussion, although life time employment will make the employees live under less pressure and make the company run more stable, it will do harm to both the companies and employees in the long run. Under the pressure of limited time employment, people are tending to make more progress and this will definitely impulse the development of the whole society.

appletreeeUID：2631898

忘了标注题目要求是：Businesss should hire employees for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree?

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

55# STELLA710 你的第一句话我基本没有看明白，为什么要在开头写个那么深奥的句子？浅显易懂直入主题就OK了。第一句话基本就是废句子，出力不讨好。另外，你的段落之间例子和论证还是不能平衡，尤其是第二段。第三段和第四段写的赞一个。只是不明白你的第三段中life security是什么意思。综合来看，你的英文水平不错，但是在写作文的时候总是试图显示从而是你的文章有一种拖沓的感觉。尝试用一下简单句来丰富文章。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

56# daney68 分一下段把，然后我给你改一下。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

59# pinoku 如果你要考试的话，就不用给你讲别的了，给你说一下最容易提分的地方。首先，你的第一段要明确，“As for me, I agree insofar that awarding students for achievement, for example good grades, is beneficial in some aspects such as encouraging competition. In a long run and in a more human perspective, However, I tend to support to award students for effort.”你仔细读一下你的这段话，你的意思是，从长远考虑，应该注重effort,也就是说他的对立面是“从短期考虑，我也支持achievement。但是你的通篇就一直在写effort的优点，从而造成你的文章不够严谨，解决这个问题的最好办法就是简化第一段。照清楚你的一轮对象。另外一个问题：记者写一些生活中的例子。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

33# nevergohome 你是不是考过GRE了？你的文章写得不错，但是托福文章和GRE文章的最大区别是托福文章要求的是你的基本文章水平。所以在你的文章中可以少用一些过长的且过繁琐的句子。然后尝试用一下简单句。另外，你应该更明确你的主题，和GRE作文相比，托福作文在改的时候在每篇作文上的时间会短很多。不向GRE那么长，所以留给老师的时间也会短很多，你用这么多长难句……会影响到你的分数的。最后，多使用一些例子，尤其是身边的例子。

腾格里旅狼UID：2573178

67# taoyukun-daidai 结论的话最好能稍微提到一点对立的观点，能够帮助你丰富文章。但是结论一定要和你在第一段写的结论相对应。