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liunian1031UID: 2670872

第一次动笔……虽然还有一个月就考了，但是仍旧写不出来~~

一开始是憋不出字~~后来拽文有点拽多了……写了400多……崩溃……

也不知道语法什么的是否跑偏了，辛苦各位啦！多谢多谢！

e~~我疏忽了~~题目是：老师是否更应该帮助学生树立自信than传授课业~~~

That education plays an indispensable role in this undating society is well-known, while during the relationship of education, teachers are always needful and could not be replaced. Until know, the essence of children`s education is still open to debate. Otherwise, there would not be the discussion on whether teachers should spend more time helping students build confidence than imparting them the ability to study. As I see it, imparting knowledge and educating students are the eternal theme of the education, as well as the teachers` basic responsibility.

Superficially, techers are always expected to have numerous of excellent qualities by the whole society so that they could make every student become a person of great ability and tremendous potential, such as help students build confidence. For one thing, it is almost believe by large amount of people that teachers` influence on children is huge and could not be replaced by others, if teachers tell them to trust in themselves or they have a fabulous ability, it will always convince children that they are different and then build a mind to study hard. For another, a person`s natural characters would be completely determined during their childhood, so in common situation, people usually need positive attitudes from others which could give them a supermassive energy to make their own way.

Nevertheless, more aspects taken into consideration lead me to believe that there are many other things which teachers should teach their students. In the first place, teachers, as the proverb goes, is the person that teach others knowledge and help them solve problems. It is obviously that teachers` basic responsibility is teaching, teaching students skills to solve the academic problems and imparting the knowledge which students did not heard before, so we have subjects called geography, history, anatomy and so on. The whole system of education`s substance is teaching knowledge. What is more, although teachers may have more influnce on students than others, parents also have the responsibility to care their children academically and mentally, children`s natural character would be effected by their family, so talking about the confident of children, teachers` help is not supposed to be the only channel to give a great push to students. A true fact is, personally speaking, is the collaborative obligation of the every aspect of the society, not only for teachers.

Admittedly, helping students trust in themselves with teachers` heart is a essential element of a successful education. However, taking more factors into consideration, the latter seems to be more reasonable. The core competence of education is the teaching skills of knowledge, which is the indispensable ability that teachers should spend more time expressing to their students than anything else.

NewYorker2010UID: 2660379

你连题目都不写 怎么改

NewYorker2010UID: 2660379

先说明，我不改语法，不恰当的地方你自己改
另外，恕我直言，你别介意，文章论证无力，跑的厉害，除了最后一段总结的在理以外，其他都在乱讲。
意见：
1. 注意不要把主语弄太长，太长的主语用It形式主语的巨型代替，作文里没有这么长主语的，比如你第一句话
2. 开头说了一堆没用的，为什么不直奔主题。
3. 第二段完全不能支持你的观点，光说teacher的重要性有啥用？为什么不关注传授课业为什么重要，好的基础知识能给学生带来什么，恕我直言，第二段啥用没有。
4. What's more前面还算点题，说应该传授知识，但是后半段就是不说为啥，又跑了到其他因素上去了。始终没关注为啥传授知识的好。
5. 只有最后一段说道点儿上了。

liunian1031UID: 2670872

3# NewYorker2010


批评得很到位~~我都不知道自己在说什么……T_T
第一次提笔，还是没有找到思路吧~~~我面壁去好好思考一下~~~
多谢啦！灰常感谢~~~要不我也不知道下一步何去何从了~~~

wondersmiths2UID: 2609756

That education plays an indispensable role in this undating(要表达什么意思) society is well-known, while during the relationship of education, teachers are always needful and could not be replaced. Until know, the essence of children`s (注意中英文输入)education is still open to debate. Otherwise, there would not be the discussion on whether teachers should spend more time helping students build confidence than imparting them the ability to study(有点绝对！感觉是出题者不对). As I see it, imparting knowledge and educating students are the eternal theme of the education, as well as the teachers` basic responsibility.

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Superficially, teachers are always expected to have numerous excellent qualities by the whole society so that they could make every student become a person of great ability and tremendous potential, such as help students build confidence. For one thing, it is almost believe by large amount of people that teachers` influence on children is huge and could not be replaced by others, if teachers tell them to trust in themselves or they have a fabulous ability, it will always convince children that they are different and then build a mind to study hard. For another, a person`s natural characters would be completely determined during their childhood, so in common situation, people usually need positive attitudes from others which could give them a supermassive energy to make their own way.

Nevertheless, more aspects taken into consideration lead me to believe that there are many other things which teachers should teach their students. In the first place, teachers, as the proverb goes, is the person that teach others knowledge and help them solve problems. It is obviously that teachers` basic responsibility is teaching, teaching students' skills to solve the academic problems and imparting the knowledge which students did not heard before, so we have subjects called geography, history, anatomy and so on. The whole system of education`s substance is teaching knowledge. What is more, although teachers may have more influence on students than others, parents also have the responsibility to care their children academically and mentally, children`s natural character would be effected by their family, so talking about the confident of children, teachers` help is not supposed to be the only channel to give a great push to students. A true fact is, personally speaking, is the collaborative obligation of the every aspect of the society, not only for teachers.

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Admittedly, helping students trust in them with teachers` heart is a essential element of a successful education. However, taking more factors into consideration, the latter seems to be more reasonable. The core competence of education is the teaching skills of knowledge, which is the indispensable ability that teachers should spend more time expressing to their students than anything else.

总体很不错，注意小错误！

fancywwUID: 2583671

That education plays an indispensable role in this undating society is well-known, while during the relationship of education, teachers are always needful and could not be replaced. Until know, the essence of children`s education is still open to debate. Otherwise, there would not be the discussion on whether teachers should spend more time helping students build confidence than imparting them the ability to study. As I see it, imparting knowledge and educating students are the eternal theme of the education, as well as the teachers` basic responsibility.

前面绕啊绕，罗嗦了，就算是套话也没怎么切入重点。

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Superficially, techers are always expected to have numerous of excellent qualities by the whole society so that they could make every student become a person of great ability and tremendous potential, such as help students build confidence. For one thing, it is almost believe by large amount of people that teachers` influence on children is huge and could not be replaced by others, if teachers tell them to trust in themselves or they have a fabulous ability, it will always convince children that they are different and then build a mind to study hard. For another, a person`s natural characters would be completely determined during their childhood, so in common situation, people usually need positive attitudes from others which could give them a supermassive energy to make their own way.

这段你貌似是在赞成老师要帮助学生建立信心是吧？和你首段末句的主题句相违背。

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Nevertheless, 一看这词，才发现你上一段似乎是在让步，但让得也太远了吧，像是在赞成了。more aspects taken into consideration lead me to believe that there are many other things which teachers should teach their students. In the first place, teachers, as the proverb goes, is the person that teach others knowledge and help them solve problems. It is obviously that teachers` basic responsibility is teaching, teaching students skills to solve the academic problems and imparting the knowledge which students did not heard before, so we have subjects called geography, history, anatomy and so on. The whole system of education`s substance is teaching knowledge. What is more, although teachers may have more influnce on students than others, parents 父母怎么又冒出来了。。。also have the responsibility to care their children academically and mentally, children`s natural character would be effected by their family, so talking about the confident of children, teachers` help is not supposed to be the only channel to give a great push to students. A true fact is, personally speaking, is the collaborative obligation of the every aspect of the society, not only for teachers.

9 L; ^- S, y) Q2 D: s* d

这段意思也在到处飞。。。没有一个focus

Admittedly, helping students trust in themselves with teachers` heart is a essential element of a successful education. However, taking more factors into consideration, the latter seems to be more reasonable 在阐述自己立场时不要用这么"没立场"的词，如seems. The core competence of education is the teaching skills of knowledge, which is the indispensable ability that teachers should spend more time expressing to their students than anything else.

建议：从列提纲开始练习:

1.审题，像delta说的那样，brainstorm一番，无论哪个立场，写下想到的任何支持观点

2.筛选观点，哪些重要有力，哪些边缘无用，排出三个论点（最好三个）；

3.写好四个句子：主题句+三个分论点句，即首句。做到意思明确，论点有力，不交叉。

另外你的文章长句超多，多了之后语法错误接踵而来，建议多写简单句。

红色单词是用得不当的。

欢迎探讨^_^

fancywwUID: 2583671

wondersmith同学的点评 都是“整体很不错 注意小错误”，还请说出问题的关键。

liunian1031UID: 2670872

8.26 综合写作~~~

高分120 writing~~~Practice 3. (230).

呃……这样写不知道有没有什么毛病呢，看着有点奇怪~开始怀疑我的写作能力了……

In the reading materials, scientists hypothesized a giant-impact theory that a disk of material formed of the Moon may have some communication with the Earth, but this theory is suspected for many reasons. But in the lecture, the professor is disagreed with these questionable of the theory and completely approve it for following reasons.

First, nowadays we could not see the huge mark on the surface of the Earth, but it does not mean there was not a mark before. As we all know, since the hard smack, it is already four million years later, so the mark in the surface of Earth is very easy to disappear by the force of nature, it has meet heavily wind and rain for million years, therefore, the mark`s disappear is very reasonable.

Second, some one said the composition of the rock on the Earth and Moon is different, but this is also the influence of other factors. When the smack happened, it would produce a high tempreture, which might make the water disappear, then the fact is not exactlly what we see today.

Finally, although the density of the Moon and Earth is not same, what we have researched is only the density of the Moon`s surface, not it`s core. So the result must have some deviations that human still can not solve. Therefore, the facts is reinforcely supported the giant-impact theory.

泡面UID: 2513568

In the reading materials(material), scientists hypothesized a giant-impact theory that a disk of material formed of the Moon may have some communication with the Earth, but this theory is suspected for many reasons. But in the lecture, the professor is disagreed with these questionable of the theory and completely approve it for following reasons.  O3 Z3 ]1 I; {9 x6 y* g2 |
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First, nowadays we could not see the huge mark on the surface of the Earth, but it does not mean there was not a mark before. As we all know, since the hard smack, it is already four million years later, so the mark in (on) the surface of Earth is very easy to disappear by the force of nature, it has meet heavily wind and rain for million years, therefore, the mark`s disappear is very reasonable.

Second, some one said the composition of the rock on the Earth and Moon is different, but this is also the influence of other factors. When the smack happened, it would produce a high tempreture, which might make the water disappear, then the fact is not exactlly what we see today.

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Finally, although the density of the Moon and Earth is not (the) same, what we have researched is only the density of the Moon`s surface, not it`s core. So the result must have some deviations that human still can not solve.（最后这句不太明白）
Therefore, the facts is reinforcely supported the giant-impact theory.
第三点理由是不是应该再写详细点，结尾过于简短了吧~
点抓的还可以，就是觉得整体有点单薄，说不出的感觉…额……
我听的不太全，感觉你记的笔记应该还是瞒不错的。

记得改我的作业哦~谢谢

ly8768UID: 2452066

1# liunian1031
That(这个that好像没用) education plays an indispensable role in this undating(updating) society is well-known, while during the relationship of education, teachers are always needful and could not be replaced. Until know, the essence of children`s education is still open to debate. Otherwise, there would not be the discussion on whether teachers should spend more time helping students build confidence than imparting them the ability to study. As I see it, imparting knowledge and educating students are the eternal theme of the education, as well as the teachers` basic responsibility.

Superficially, techers are always expected to have numerous of excellent qualities by the whole society so that they could make every student become a person of great ability and tremendous potential, such as help students build confidence. For one thing, it is almost believe by large amount of people that teachers` influence on children is huge and could not be replaced by others, if teachers tell them to trust in themselves or they have a fabulous ability, it will always convince children that they are different and then build a mind to study hard. For another, a person`s natural characters would be completely determined during their childhood, so in common situation, people usually need positive attitudes from others which could give them a supermassive energy to make their own way.

Nevertheless, more aspects taken into consideration lead me to believe that there are many other things which teachers should teach their students. In the first place, teachers, as the proverb goes, is the person that teach others knowledge and help them solve problems. It is obviously that teachers` basic responsibility is teaching, teaching students skills to solve the academic problems and imparting the knowledge which students did not heard before, so we have subjects called geography, history, anatomy and so on. The whole system of education`s substance is teaching knowledge. What is more, although teachers may have more influnce on students than others, parents also have the responsibility to care their children academically and mentally, children`s natural character would be effected by their family, so talking about the confident of children, teachers` help is not supposed to be the only channel to give a great push to students. A true fact is, personally speaking, is the collaborative obligation of the every aspect of the society, not only for teachers.

Admittedly, helping students trust in themselves with teachers` heart is a essential element of a successful education. However, taking more factors into consideration, the latter seems to be more reasonable. The core competence of education is the teaching skills of knowledge, which is the indispensable ability that teachers should spend more time expressing to their students than anything else.

这个…写跑题了吧，还有错别字，记得要注意

liunian1031UID: 2670872

8.27~~~独立写作~~~

Agree or disagree:
Letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.


各位受累啦~~感激不尽啊~~~至少今天没跑题吧……

Friendship has never failed to fascinate people and in some people`s mind, friendship is to them what perfume is to flowers. However, it is by no means easy maintaining friendship. Otherwise, there would not be the dicussion on when a friend makes a mistake, is it better to point it out in the danger of destroying this friendship, or let it go? My view is that it depends.

As the proverb says, a true friend always tell the truth. However, gone are those days when the whole country prefer to speak bluntly in history. Nowadays, merely people can bear a friend always point out their minor mistakes which is no harmful at all, such a friend may think to be a captious person. If a person persist to indicate friend`s mistakes, without considering friend`s mind, there would be no one prefer to be friend with him or her. So as a intelligent person, when we see a little mistake of our friend in daily life, may be the best way is to let it be, which could protect him or her self-pride and do not destroy the atmosphere.

By contrast, I prefer it depends bacause there are also some conditions people must correct their friends` mistakes. For instance, your friend is doing a lowbreaking activity which is a grisliness mistake, as a true friend, it is your responsibility to indicate his or her mistake, cause if you do not correct it, he or she would get a severe punishment. Therefore, in this situation, although friends would angry with you, they could understand that you are doing what a veriest friend should do and that is the best help for them sooner or later. Do not point out mistakes does not mean impermissibility, it means do it in the right conditions.

On balance, I should admit honestly that I can not give a yes-no answer to this perplexing question. It mainly depends on how we analyze it. When your friend doing wrong in a minor thing during daily life, maybe the best way is not to tell him or her. But if your friend are doing some serious mistakes, as a friend, your responsibility is help him or her stop doing that.

goback211UID: 2419259

红色：错误
蓝色：建议

In the readingmaterials, scientists hypothesized a giant-impact theory that a disk ofmaterial formed of the Moon may have some communication(这个词是自己用的，还是阅读里的？感觉很飘逸，呵呵)with the Earth, but this theory is suspected for many reasons（我觉得还是直接用suspect the theory that …. which is hypothesized by….你这样写，前面一句有but，后面有紧跟一个but，不太好）. But in the lecture, the professor is disagreed(disagrees就可以了) with these questionable(这个是形容词，可以用suspicion或doubt) of the theory and completely approve it forfollowing reasons.

First, nowadays wecould not see the huge mark on the surface of the Earth, but it does not meanthere was not a mark before. As we all know, since the hard smack, it isalready four million(billion把) years later, so the mark in the surface ofEarth is very easy to disappear by the force of nature, it has meet heavilywind and rain for million years, therefore, the mark`s disappear（disappearance） is very reasonable.

& a:I- b/ d# ]# Z$ B3 j0 }/ @8 CSecond,some one said the composition of the rock on the Earth and Moon is different,but this is also the influence of other factors. When the smack happened, itwould produce a high tempreture(temperature), which might make the water disappear, then thefact is not exactlly(exactly) what we see today.（最后一句不太欠当，我们看到的的确是事实啊）

# L: `0S8 i, g; i' tFinally, although thedensity of the Moon and Earth is not same, what we have researched is only thedensity of the Moon`s surface, not it`s（its）core. So the result must have some deviations that human still can not solve.Therefore, the facts(fact) isreinforcely(不能这么用吧…) supportedthe giant-impact theory.(应该是support是谓语吧，那么is就不用了)

注意拼写，呵呵，还有每段都提一下reading，就算只加一句according to thereading 也行
最后一段我也没听清…
有点受中文的影响，动词作谓语的话，就不要写is了，呵呵

NewYorker2010UID: 2660379

给你一个建议：写完以后拷贝到Word里面 检查下拼写的错误 每次把凡是你错的拼写整理起来 勤加练习 一定会减少很多拼写错误的
加油

goback211UID: 2419259

Friendship has never failed to fascinate people and in some people`s mind, friendship is to them what perfume is to flowers(这句话不太理解，感觉应该是friendship to them iswhat is perfume to flowers吧).However, it is by no means easy maintaining friendship. Otherwise, there wouldnot be the dicussion(discussion) on(后面是when的话就不用on了) when afriend makes a mistake, is it better to point it out in the danger ofdestroying this friendship, or let it go? My view is that it depends.(有个牛人说过，最后一边倒，呵呵)


As the proverb says, a true friend always tell(tells)the truth. However, gone are those days when the whole country prefer(prefers) to speak bluntly in history. Nowadays,merely people can bear a friend always point(points)out their minor mistakes which is no harmful at all,(要有连接词) such a friend may think to be(be thought as,是这个意思么)
a captious person. If a person persist(persists) to indicate friend`s mistakes,without considering friend`s mind, there would be no one prefer(应该是prefers吧)to be friend with him or her. So as a(an)intelligent person, when we see a little mistake of our friend in daily life, may be(maybe) the best way is to let it be, whichcould protect him or her self-pride and do(应该是does吧) notdestroy the atmosphere.

Bycontrast, I prefer it depends(感觉这句有问题，但说不上来) bacause(because)there are also some conditions people must correct their friends` mistakes. Forinstance, your friend is doing a lowbreaking activity which is a grislinessmistake, as a true friend, it is your responsibility to indicate his or hermistake,(.) cause(Because?)if you do not correct it, he or she would get a severe punishment. Therefore,in this situation, although friends would angry with you, they could understandthat you are doing what a veriest(啥意思…)
friend should do and that is the best helpfor them sooner or later. Do not point out mistakes(语法有问题，用动名词) does not mean impermissibility, (加连接词while或其他)itmeans do it in the right conditions.

Onbalance, I should admit honestly that I can not give a yes-no answer to thisperplexing question. It mainly depends on how we analyze it. When your friend (is，整句话没有谓语) doingwrong in a minor thing during daily life, maybe the best way is not to tell himor her. But if your friend are(is) doing someserious mistakes, as a friend, your responsibility is (to)help him or her stop doing that.

整体不错，但是要注意小的细节，比如说第三人称复数形式，还有谓语的问题，还有就是两句话之间没有连接词的话是不能直接用逗号的
注意拼写，写完后可以到word里看看有多少拼写和语法错误，以后注意

liunian1031UID: 2670872

14# goback211

T-T ~多谢点评~~很到位~~
而且问题是我才发现我word里没有语法检查……盗版碟害死人啊……
所以写时太激动就错了一堆字……可恨……