处女作issue130-求拍，狠拍，往死里拍

princess617UID: 2649486

还有8天就考了，今天第一次写，写了4个多小时。。。写成这个样子。。。
求好心人指导，评价，啥都行~~~

The speaker claims that the destiny of society hinges on the way children are socialized, and that yet we have not learnt to educate children to create a better society. In response to this statement, we need to analyze the proposition comprehensively and systematically. To some extend, I agree with the speaker's general assertion. However, a far more compelling argument can be made that the destiny of society are determined by many different aspects aside from socialization of kids. And although it seems that we are confused in seeking an efficient way to raise children to bring about a better society, the truth is our society is actually better than any other eras in the human history.

First and foremost, there is no denying the fact that socialization of children is of vital importance to the development of our society. Admittedly, nowadays many children are in a lack of communication skills, sense of cooperation and the ability to socialize. To socialize children properly can cultivate their self-care ability, provide them basic knowledge and skills needed for the long run, and more importantly help build their value system and moral standards. By playing sport games such as basketball, kids can have a better understanding and experience of team-work and cooperation. On the other hand, improper socialization may lead to antisocial behavior which is undoubtedly harmful to the future society. In short, to make sure that children are socialized in a proper way is significantly important both in personal and social aspects.

Despite the merits of socialization displayed above, however, I tend to disagree with the speaker's over-stated assertion in virtue of the factors in two respects. As I see it, socialization is not the only and most important element in terms of the growth of children and the future of our society. Firstly, in terms of personal development there are so many other factors that can significantly influence the extend to which an individual will ultimately contribute to the society. In some cases, the perseverance to chase one's dream and the passion about life are much more direct and crucial factors that lead them to the contributions to society. Consider the case of the gifted composer-- Beethoven, with an uncommunicative and eccentric disposition, deaf and blind; it is certainly not the flexible social skills but his amazing talent and the devotion to music that brought the world his glorious and outstanding 5th symphony and other masterpieces. Secondly, as for the destiny of society socialization is not the only determinate factor. Obviously, the major force of our current society--the adults, and even the development of technology can influence the future trend of the society.

Finally, and more importantly, the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children to create a better society demonstrates a lack of consideration of the true definition of a "better society". If we define a "better society" as a society in which different countries closely cooperate together to tackle the common problems such as environmental problems, in which human rights are paid more attention then ever before, in which those mentally or physically challenged individuals can receive help and respect, then we can conclude that our society is better then ever before. Meanwhile, I concede that some examples could be found to show that varieties of problems exist in contemporary world and our society could be improved.

From the analysis made above, I conclude that while socialization of the younger generation is essential to the future of society, we should also take into account many other more direct and crucial factors. We are standing at the apex of the history, but what has already been done by the current generation is not enough, we should pay more attention in the education of children to enhance their sense of responsibility, strengthen their communication and cooperation skills in order to bring about a brighter future.


btw: Despite the merits of socialization displayed above, however, I tend to disagree with the speaker's over-stated assertion in virtue of the factors in two respects.这句话我套了一下模板，但是我不太确定in virtue of the factors in two respects准确的意思？而且是不是这么用的？？

princess617UID: 2649486

为什么大家看了都理我 T_T...

mamababasisiUID: 2615766

赫赫~~1.To socialize children properly can cultivate their self-care ability, provide them basic knowledge and skills needed for the long run, and more importantly help build their value system and moral standards. 这句的第一个逗号后面那小分句是不是有语法错误？？？
2.第三段最后一句可否改成the prop of society-the adults, and even the development of technology, as the propelling force of history evolution, can influence the trend of future society.
3.第四段的最后一句可否改下：i concede that a large variety of social problems underlying today remains unsolved demonstrates that there is still room for us to improve.

另，你最后的问题，你那么说是没错，但是可否直接简单一点说 in virtue of two factors/aspects？

princess617UID: 2649486

3# mamababasisi

赫赫~~1.To socialize children properly can cultivate their self-care ability, provide them basic knowledge and skills needed for the long run, and more importantly help build their value system and moral standards. 这句的第一个逗号后面那小分句是不是有语法错误？？？ 2.第三段最后一句可否改成the prop of society-the adults, and even the development of technology, as the propelling force of history evolution, can influence the trend of future society. 3.第四段的最后一句可否改下：i concede that a large variety of social problems underlying today remains unsolved demonstrates that there is still room for us to improve. 另，你最后的问题，你那么说是没错，但是可否直接简单一点说 in virtue of two factors/aspects？

好人啊~~终于有人理我了~~~感动的稀里哗啦~

1 那个小分句是不是该改成“provide them basic knowledge and skills that are needed for the long run”

2和3 恩恩，这样好多了~~

感激，感激，感激~~~

谢谢~~~~~~~

princess617UID: 2649486

"3.第四段的最后一句可否改下：i concede that a large variety of social problems underlying today remains unsolved demonstrates that there is still room for us to improve."

请问，你改的这句话里是不是有两个动词了？remains& demostrates?
我觉得应该是
a large variety of problems underlying today, which are still remain unsolved, demostrates that there is still room for us to improve.
不知道对不对呢？？？

windLeeUID: 2691719

大致晃了眼，写得好。　没什么好担心的! 占个鼓励位

-------- glorious and outstanding 5th symphony and other masterpieces------- －－〉楼主这些词我都相当喜欢～　

princess617UID: 2649486

谢谢鼓励~~泪奔~~

哎，不过不瞒你说，这些都是我花了4个小时，手边资料一大堆，借鉴许多加上不断修改啊修改啊得到的结果。。。

我现在真的无限惶恐，
我要能在45分钟之内写出这么个东西，估计要等个一年了，555。。。