issue212 if a goal is worthwhile, then any means taken to a

ken0405UID: 124994

212. “ if a goal is worthwhile, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.”

The speaker asserts that any mean taken to attain the goal is justifiable, if the goal is worthwhile. AT the first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat plausible, but further reflection obviously shows that it ignores many indispensable aspects, which play significant elements in this problem.                                                                  As apposed to the view offered, the means employed in the pursuit of the aim should be determined by many things, which will be discussed fully as follows.
To begin with, in order to illustrate the point further, let’s take the tobacco company for an example. If the conception offered by the speaker is convincing, the tobacco company which aims to earn profits as much as possible, would take it for granted to attract more people to consume the cigar, which will do harm to the health of people. Accordingly, it is safe to have a consequence from these examples presented that the claim of the speaker is not reasonable.
In the second place, one who aims to achieve accomplishment should take into consideration that the means taken should be within the scope of moral and law. Namely, it means that the way adopted to realize the goal should be just and honest. For example, it is a common sense to accept that providing food and shelter for an orphan who feels hungry is highly worthy. However, what if the means taken to reach the foal involves stealing from others? And what if the means includes employing the child in a factory at the expense of education, which is significant to him to be independent in the future? Obviously, the tendency to help the child will be counterproductive and even result in the moral dilemma ultimately.
Last but not least, the feasibility of means should be thought thoroughly by weighting the benefits of achieving the goal against its cost. In addition, the efforts of means should be considered in the long run. For instance, with the rapid development of industry, emerges the social problem of pollution brought out by numerous factories. In order to protect the environment, is it wise for government to close all of the factories, which largely contribute to the advancement of economy? We can go no far to conclude that closing all factories should not be employed, since this measure will stop the improvement of qualities of people’s living standards, which is the first task for government to do.
In sum, it cannot be denied that goal plays beneficial influences on society, which stimulate individual to work hard and can guide individual to live a meaningful life. And there exist many kinds of means to reach one’s target. What is important is that the useful means can’t be adopted discretionary and must be taken with full considerations.
虽然不知道有没有帮忙改改，我还会一如即往的贴贴子的。
呵呵，多谢大家了。
SMM，多谢。
tommatoeggs多谢。
law：好想像你也经常贴
我们交流交流？？
我们这里上网不方便啊。
呵呵。玉泉山庄啊，都是沸点惹的获。

SMMUID: 106624

212. “ if a goal is worthwhile, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.”

The speaker asserts that any mean taken to attain the goal is justifiable, if the goal is worthwhile. AT the first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat plausible, but further reflection obviously shows that it ignores many indispensable aspects, which play significant elements ? in ? this problem. As apposed to the view offered, the means employed in the pursuit of the aim should be determined by many things, which will be discussed fully as follows.

{The speaker asserts that any mean to attain a goal is justifiable, only if the goal is worthwhile. This opinion seems to be plausible at first glance. Anyway, if the goal is sufficiently valuable, we will use our best efforts to ensure that it is realized. There seems also to be good grounds for achieving it, even at any means. Further reflection, however, would show that the speaker ignores many indispensable aspects that play significant roles in such cases. In my opinion, the means employed to pursuit an aim, even a worthwhile one, are usually determined by many factors, which I will discuss one by one as follows.}

[In my opinion, your English is Chinese English. Your first paragraph is not attractive, composing most of meaningless words. The first paragraph is very important. You must pay more attention to it. Please think it over and over again.]

[I suggest you learn to think in English. You may try to use English to write down you ideas, your observations, your tips, your dreams, anything you want to say, just in English. I also suggest you read more carefully and extensively some good articles. See how the authors put their ideas clearly and efficiently. You may also copy some good articles, especially the first and last paragraphs, the first and last sentences in every paragraph. After that, you may find, surprisingly, how powerful you will be]   

To begin with, in order to illustrate the point further?, let’s take the tobacco company for an example. If the conception offered by the speaker is convincing, the tobacco company which aims to earn profits as much as possible, would take it for granted to attract more people to consume the cigar, which will do harm to the health of people. Accordingly, it is safe to have a consequence from these examples presented that the claim of the speaker is not reasonable.

[Here , you present an example. But why you not generalize a conclusion from this example? Without generalization, your illustration seems too week to justify your opinion]

In the second place, one who aims to achieve accomplishment should take into consideration that the means taken should be within the scope of moral and law. Namely, it means that the way adopted to realize the goal should be just and honest. For example, it is a common sense to accept that providing food and shelter for an orphan who feels hungry is highly worthy. However, what if the means taken to reach the foal involves stealing from others? And what if the means includes employing the child in a factory at the expense of education, which is significant to him to be independent in the future? Obviously, the tendency to help the child will be counterproductive and even result in the moral dilemma ultimately.

Last but not least, the feasibility of means should be thought thoroughly by weighting the benefits of achieving the goal against its cost. In addition, the efforts of means should be considered in the long run. For instance, with the rapid development of industry, emerges the social problem of pollution brought out by numerous factories. In order to protect the environment, is it wise for government to close all of the factories, which largely contribute to the advancement of economy? We can go no far to conclude that closing all factories should not be employed, since this measure will stop the improvement of qualities of people’s living standards, which is the first task for government to do.

In sum, it cannot be denied that goal plays beneficial influences on society,?
[What’s your mean here? Goal plays beneficial influences? Who can say that? You must define the goal clearly. Your idea is not clear, so is your writing.]
which stimulate individual to work hard and can guide individual to live a meaningful life. And there exist many kinds of means to reach one’s target. What is important is that the useful means can’t be adopted discretionary and must be taken with full considerations.

[You may have written the essay within the time period. But you may try to re-write it and think clearly, step by step, sentence by sentence,  about what you want to say. This topic is abstract and difficult. But this is just what GRE AW wants to test: to address on an abstract, complex topic clearly and efficiently.]

[I must make claim that I’m not sure if what I said is good for you. Please think yourself.

Best wishes

SMM]

SMMUID: 106624

I'm sorry if my comments are too sharp to be acceptable.
Your efforts wiill  certainly improve your writting ability. But we must write and re-write our essays again and again. I think this is very important, once you have got familiar with GRE AW.

ken0405UID: 124994

太感谢了，真的太感谢了。第一段和最后一段我也觉得该改改的。真的好感谢你smm，真的。我也觉得自己写的作文没什么内容啊，有点疲乏。呵呵。谢谢，我需要的就是这样的批评，真的感谢。我一直在修改我的作文。真的好感谢gter.net。我会继续加油的。以后是不是用english留言比较练作文，但我怕大家看不懂。呵呵。怎么办？？我会继续的