argument9 老外的作文及其点评

黑狐狸UID: 103185

9. ------------------------------
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."[/SIZE]
-------------------------------------------------------------------

At the first glance, this statement is very convincing that the reputation of Omega University's graduates has been tarnished from a process that encouraged students to evaluate all of their professors. However, after reconsideration, some parts of statement should be substantiated in order to analyze correctly what the real reason of the low employed rate of Omega University's students is.

First, author stated that nowadays companies disbelieve in academic performance of students who graduated from Omega University and hence most students have not been successful to get jobs after graduation. However, to make this statement more ponderous, author should also specify the number of unemployed students who just graduated from Omega University before the evaluation proocess have been used. By this information, readers con easily conclude that the low rate of employment in this university results from the evaluation process or not.

Moreover, statement did not give any information about providing majors at Omega University. Probably, all diciplines instructed at Omega Univesity can not meet company's need, thus most students failed in getting jobs. Therefore, to consider under the same basis, statistic data of the number of students at the same faculty in Omega University and Alpha University should be considered.

Finally, author did not provide the information whether evaluation process has also been used at Alpha Univesity or not. Without this major basic background, it is difficult to conclude that graduates at Alpha Univesity have been successful to be hired simply because this university does not use the evaluation procedure.

In short, to make this statement stronger, author should take more information into account. For example, the comparison of the number of unemployed graduates before and after evalution process has been adopted should be shown. Moreover, the same major students at both Omega and Alpha Universities should be used to consider in order to avoid factor about the difference of company's need in both university. Futhermore, author should also confirm that the higher rate of employed graduates at Alpha University resulted from the refutation to use evaluation procedure.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the steam always win--not through strength but by perseverance...no name

AmigoRo
TM Groupie



Thailand
322 Posts
Posted - 2002 Dec 03 :  22:05:08     
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Nu_nam,

You have raised some relevant points in your essay, but you have not tackled the complete problem.

IMHO, The first dubious assumptions is that the professors assign higher grades because of the teaching assessment. You have to comment on this assumption.

You have addressed the dubious correlation between employability and avrage grades reasonably well.

You mention that the it is important to compare the number of unemployed graduates before and after the evaluations started. This is a very valid point, but you have only mentioned it in passing in the summary.

Your style of writing is acceptable, but some of the sentences are a bit long and difficult to read. There are few minor grammatical errors.

As this is the first essay I am commenting on for you, I will refrain from assigning a score. Please keep posting, and I will start rating your work.

HTH
AmigoRo

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.
Franz Kafka

nu_nam2001
Chugging along...

Thailand
118 Posts
Posted - 2002 Dec 04 :  18:03:38     
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi AmigoRo;
Thanks very much for your comment. I will use your valuable suggesion to develop my later writing essay.
NAM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the steam always win--not through strength but by perseverance...no name


ss6872
Chugging along...

USA
187 Posts
Posted - 2003 Mar 06 :  15:24:44      
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is my take on this argument. This is my first practice argument exercise. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE someone comment on it.
The Dean of Omega university has issued a memorandum to terminate the 15-yr old practice of student evaluation of professors so as to increase their chances of securing a better job . He however, has given a series of specious reasonings based on unproven assumptions and his conclusion is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

To begin with, his argument assumes that the rise in the average student grade by 30% is somehow attributable to the establishment of the practice of evaluation of students by professors . He further assumes that professors are assigning higher grades in classes inorder to obtain a more positive evaluation from students. Yet he fails to substantiate it with any evidence. Absent any substantiation for this correlation, it is entirely possible that the increase in average student grade is due to other plausible reasons. These may include, perhaps, an increase in the standard of teaching, stricter admission criteria or hiring of better academic faculty. Infact the professors may have improved their teaching practices after knowing where they lack, by going through constructive evaluations. In which event, the dean抯 recommendation of removing this practice would be especially poor advice.

Further more the dean mentions that potential employers apparently believe the grades of Omega University to be inflated. However there is no substantial proof to show that the employers really believe so. It may just be a rumour started by an unsuccessful Omega University graduate. Hence it amounts to specious reasoning to account for the failure of Omega University graduates to procure better jobs. If such a notion does really exists among the employers then it should be verified by undisputable facts before attributing it to the greater unemployment of Omega graduates.

Finally the dean also assumes that the absence of the evaluation system resulted in the better success of Alpha graduates to secure jobs. However there could be copious other reasons why Alpha University graduates were more successful in procuring jobs. Perhaps, their academic courses were more suited to the job market needs , perhaps their graduates had better skills than Omega graduates, or maybe their overall grades were better than Omega graduates.

In sum the argument relies on a fallacious reasoning and unsubstantiated assumptions, on the basis of which the dean has failed to convince me that removing the evaluation practice will help Omega graduate secure better jobs. The argument maybe strengthened
a) by providing evidence on how the practice of evaluatuion of professors by students has affected their grading system
b) by verifying the credibility of the notion that potential employers do really believe that the Omega grades are inflated.
c) By evaluating the various factors for the greater success of Alpha university graduates in procuring better jobs [/SIZE]

ken0405UID: 124994

谢谢了，呵呵！