写作典型误区系列 -- 论证不够连贯与衔接

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Memorization of information by frequent repetition plays a role in many education systems. Does the usefulness outweigh the limitation?

  
Recently, the way of children study studying knowledge (建议改成：the way how children should study) has been bought into focus. Parents and schools have their own opinion opinions about using rote learning as an educate educational method (rote learning并不是教育方法，而是学习方法：learning technique). Whether this is good or bad could be examined as follow.

We will start with its merits. School always consistspersist with / stick to (请先弄清好consist的意思，意为“组成，由…组成”，你想说的是“总是坚持…观点”吧？) their idea that frequent repetition can help students have a more firm memorization of knowledgegain firmer mastery of / over knowledge 或better remember what they learn (原文为中式英语) and keep their study quality in a good positionkeep up their study quality / efficiency (原文为中式英语). At the same time However, (这里逻辑是转折的，不应用at the same time这些顺接连接词) rote learning is good for some students who want to get a high score but didn’t don’t really understand the real meaning. (However, the learning method is only good for students to score high in exams, but never involves helping students to obtain in-depth understanding of the knowledge they memorize.) Just take the History and Political Theories subjects for example, frequent repetition is a good way to learn well. Because there’re too many special words norrather than (nor常与neither－neither…nor搭配，作“既不…也不…”解，很少单独使用) the logic thinking should be remember. (写历史政治课例子的这句话逻辑不合理，须先理顺：死记硬背能表面得高分，因学生得以记住术语，但他们不会因此掌握个中道理。故建议改成：with frequent repetition student might be able to achieve good academic performance because they can remember content and terminologies from textbooks, but can hardly master logical thinking of the subjects.)

Nonetheless, it involves drawbacks. The parents are very worried about how many much knowledge can their kids receive. They figure that this way is not good for them. Also they consider understanding as the most important way to learn well. Particularly, childrenChildren can use knowledge flexibly in to answer questions and finish workshomework in particular after they understand the real meaning of information. What’s more, frequent repetition would make children feel boring and lose interest of in studying. Why didn’t schooldon’t schools change another funny way to teach students and let them find happy ,interesting in the class to make them find the classes interesting / to let them find happiness in studies? I think that’s a good way (应指明什么是the good way) to let them to get information more easily. (I think that’s the way / I think funny teaching is the best way to arm students with knowledge more easily.)
In conclusion, the rote learning skill may result in negative consequences and some benefits in students’ study. That is why rote method is widely used in education system.
(总结段的作用服务于回答题目问题，但文中该段完全未起到这种作用，这样连Task Fulfillment的分也拿不到。建议改成：In conclusion, since the benefits of rote learning merely serve a contemporary purpose for good academic performance but result in negative consequences, which prevent students from acquiring knowledge in a real sense, I believe it is not a healthy method to learn.)


写作中心点评：
1. 结构出现问题，在第二段，你一开始为该段定下“写merits”的基调，又在中途突然说起disadvantages来，在“连贯与衔接”评分项中失分绝对严重，应该把该部分内容写到第三段的“draw”论证那里。另外，总结段写的不到位，偏离题目要求。以后写作时也须注意不能再犯这种错误。
2. 低级语法错误多，像时态、介词搭配，具体见参考修改。以后注意腾出时间检查，保证不出现语法毛病。6分以上的文章是基本不容许这些语法错误的。
3. 部分句子逻辑不合理，见修改。
4. 写出来的句子还算流畅，但并未达到6分水平。请多看范文，有目的地积累一些表达，多仿写，提高写作能力。

估计得分：5分