【草莓酱拌饭组】1Issue7 处女写by单眼皮

单眼皮vs肿眼皮UID: 2705887

写了一下午，o(︶︿︶)o唉。。。。比挤牙膏还痛苦，怎么能够应付考场30分钟的要求啊。略微在word上改了语法。结尾比较仓促。。。
为方便大家阅读，把提纲给出来，因为我的语言，可能无法承载思维吧。两个例子把眼皮拉成双眼皮才想出来。
提纲：
1. 给出documentation的定义，引出VC和W两种记录方式
2. 阐述WC相比而言，更accurate
     WC-->多方面，多角度（图形，音色）；V文字表达若果不够客观，容易让人理解产生歧义；
3. WC convicing的优点
4. V也有其优点，【我无良地偷了芥菜子的例子】
5. 总结

In the era of information explosion, we use many communicable materials, such as text, video, audio, etc, to reflect our contemporary life. Before the video camera invented, primarily we write down for recording an object, system, procedure or an occurrence for many years. As the development of electronic technology, video camera is applied popularly in modern life and become a more important tool to take down.

Compared with written record, video camera can provide accurate portrayal for people to understanding comprehensively. While people get things only from reading text from paper document, video camera record can provide a vivid image through pictures, audio, what's more video camera is able to restore a situation dynamically with a group of motion pictures. Imagining that, when your best friend emails to you he/she spends his/her honeymoon in Maldives, a golden heaven for couples, where is so beautiful and famous for its sand beach, sapphire water and white clouds. You may not have a clearly and complete understanding for the heaven but may take the sea for granted as a small stinking river pass through before your door, until he/she send you his/her video record. Wow, you get to know how the sky is blue with white clouds, how shines of the sun bright, and how delicious of the seafood! While written record inevitably reflects the writer's thoughts, it may review one thing with a biased view. In addition, people will misunderstanding the writer's intention if he/she express obscurely and ambiguously. In contrast, video cameras offer information completely and objectively.

Not only accurate record video camera provides, but it also makes people more convinced than written records. Seeing is believing. People always trust what they see with their eyes. Video cameras are used widespread and common in security, military and industrial operations where surreptitious or remote viewing is required. As well, the archives taken down via video camera could help a primary teacher convince her/his students that the aurora is colorful and fantastic. Via the precise document which was shot by scientist in Antarctica, children learn that a penguin is different from a goose, and a sea lion is different from an African lion. The advantage of video camera is beyond comparison with the paper document.

Though, we have to admitted written record has its unique vantage, such as track an event rapidly and briefly, when one does want to record it from start to finish. Moreover, when people make a contract, an agreement and even a law, written record is playing its important role. Thus, video camera is becoming more important to record something, and written record will help to meet its shortfall.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

mark一下，明天来改。困死我也~~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

被我的word查出来的语法问题：

1）that is so beautiful and famous for its sand beach——that改为which；

2）but it also make people more convinced than written records——make改为makes；

3）a African lion——改为an African lion；

4）track a event rapidly and briefly——改为track an event rapidly and briefly。

单眼皮vs肿眼皮UID: 2705887

哦，我再去改改

单眼皮vs肿眼皮UID: 2705887

3# cinderella1016

不好意思，问一下，表打我哈。1）that is so beautiful and famous for its sand beach——that改为which；

我觉得that也不错啊。我理解的是that=which，但是word里经常纠错，把, which 让改成that

我吃完饭回来看看that 和which的语法。

deeper99UID: 2606523

楼主的文笔优美，从第二段就可以看出来了。
只是感觉构思似乎简单了些，可以借鉴一下前人的提纲。
既然楼主写得出优美的第二段，那么一篇优美的文章实际上是没有任何问题的，只要再在结构组织上下功夫就可以了。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

3# cinderella1016  

不好意思，问一下，表打我哈。1）that is so beautiful and famous for its sand beach——that改为which；

我觉得that也不错啊。我理解的是that=which，但是word里经常纠错，把, which  ...
单眼皮vs肿眼皮 发表于 2009-11-3 18:43

问题就在这个逗号上，非限制性定语从句不能用that，只能用which。
语法是语言规则，不是想当然的~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

楼主的文笔优美，从第二段就可以看出来了。
只是感觉构思似乎简单了些，可以借鉴一下前人的提纲。
既然楼主写得出优美的第二段，那么一篇优美的文章实际上是没有任何问题的，只要再在结构组织上下功夫就可以了。
deeper99 发表于 2009-11-3 23:23

优美是建立在准确的基础上的。。。

dairymanUID: 2683905

In the era of

明显是借鉴的，满分范文我觉得应该少借鉴，尤其是开头……