ISSUE13 [REBORN FROM THE ASHES] TASK ONE by C。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

Issue13

"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

Today we are in the throes of globalization. A European mother could buy her daughter a dress which is made in China. A Singapore manager could drive a car that its spare parts gathered from all over the world. A Chinese teenager could see the American TV show through the internet. We connect with each other tightly by sharing goods and talking in the same language——such as English. The globalization maybe the reason that more and more lesser spoken languages have die out. The data comes from Ethnologue showing that 6% of the world's languages are spoken by 94% of the world's population. The remaining 94% of languages are spoken by only 6% of the population. As BBC ‘s reported,” In 1992 a prominent US linguist stunned the academic world by predicting that by the year 2100, 90% of the world's languages would have ceased to exist.”

There is not doubt that we should take some measures to prevent it. As the government is the biggest promotion to our society, I strongly agree with the assertion that the government of the countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such language from becoming extinct.

Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society. It governs not only the military, economy but also the education and other social science. Culture as a kind of social science should be properly protected by government. Language is essential to our humane being’s culture. People use the same language in the certain district in their daily life. After generations, this district created her own character. That’s what we call culture. Nowadays, with the increasing numbers of people prefer to travel places where guide them to another culture, we define this as a huge part of our progress of civilization. Protecting languages is definitely necessary since the dying of them. It increases our multiplicity of civilization, which inherit culture at the same time.

Taking China’s dialects as an example, as we know, there are ten mainstreams of dialects in china. And every kind of dialect has some difference more or less in different part of districts. Minnan dialect is original in southern of Fujian. since all the schools has promulgated mandarin—teaching, parents talking to their children in mandarin in stead of Minnan, the generation born in 1980s to 1990s have less and less known exactly how to express in Minnan in their daily life.

We are losing our characteristics, while we are celebrating our “fashion” life. What should the government supposed to do? Promoting the study of language is the basic important one. We must teach our citizens don’t forget our ancients, our history, our culture, of course our language. In addition, allocating funds to linguists on studying is also meaningful to protect them.However, we citizens as well have to realize that it is also our compulsion for protecting our language. Remember that we are the carriers of language and the heritage of culture. Besides, the linguists may take more responsible in their jobs.

Globalization is changing our social culture. The governments have to take some effective measures to thwart the languages from becoming extinct.

qisaimanUID: 2703629

Today we are in the throes of globalization. A European mother could buy her daughter a dress which is made in China. A Singapore manager could drive a car that its spare parts gathered from all over the world. A Chinese teenager could see the American TV show through the internet. We connect with each other tightly by sharing goods and talking in the same language——such as English. The globalization maybe the reason that more and more lesser spoken languages have die out. [die out 用的不错]  The data comes from Ethnologue showing that 6% of the world's languages are spoken by 94% of the world's population. The remaining 94% of languages are spoken by only 6% of the population. As BBC ‘s reported,” In 1992 a prominent US linguist stunned the academic world by predicting that by the year 2100, 90% of the world's languages would have ceased to exist.”
There is not doubt that we should take some measures to prevent it. As the government is the biggest promotion to our society, I strongly agree with the assertion that the government of the countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such language from becoming extinct.
Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society. It governs not only the military, economy but also the education and other social science. [ 政府管理一切这个说法太绝对了吧，不太符合美国国情似乎]  Culture as a kind of social science should be properly protected by government. Language is essential to our humane being’s culture. People use the same language in the certain district in their daily life. After generations, this district created her own character. That’s what we call culture. Nowadays, with the increasing numbers of people prefer to travel places where guide them to another culture, we define this as a huge part of our progress of civilization. Protecting languages is definitely necessary since the dying of them. It increases our multiplicity of civilization, which inherit culture at the same time.[对文化的定义和地域联系起来似乎说服力不够，不过文化确实不好定义，在我看来。]
Taking China’s dialects as an example, as we know, there are ten mainstreams of dialects in china. And every kind of dialect has some difference more or less in different part of districts. Minnan dialect is original in southern of Fujian. since all the schools has promulgated mandarin—teaching, parents talking to their children in mandarin in stead of Minnan, the generation born in 1980s to 1990s have less and less known exactly how to express in Minnan in their daily life.
We are losing our characteristics, while we are celebrating our “fashion” life. What should the government supposed to do? Promoting the study of language is the basic important one. We must teach our citizens don’t forget our ancients, our history, our culture, of course our language. In addition, allocating funds to linguists on studying is also meaningful to protect them.However, we citizens as well have to realize that it is also our compulsion for protecting our language. Remember that we are the carriers of language and the heritage of culture. Besides, the linguists may take more responsible in their jobs.
[如果用人的自由选择来反驳的话呢？语言被越来越少的使用的原因是什么呢，是不是要先填饱肚子再说呢，比如某些少数民族如果不说汉语就找不到工作]
Globalization is changing our social culture. The governments have to take some effective measures to thwart the languages from becoming extinct.

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

2# qisaiman

谢谢~希望可以交流更多。我再思考思考...

QuincySMUID: 2162088

呃 很有默契啊。。。你居然改了我的文章，而我破天荒地今天想起来改改作文，就选到你的了。。。

Today we are in the throes of globalization. A European mother could buy her daughter a dress which is made in China. A Singapore manager could drive a car that its spare parts gathered from all over the world. A Chinese teenager could see the American TV show through the internet【觉得和题目相关性不太大，保留意见】. We are connected with each other tightly by sharing goods and talking in the same language——such as English. The globalization maybe the reason that more and more lesser spoken languages have die out. The data comes from Ethnologue showing that 6% of the world's languages are spoken by 94% of the world's population【语法错，自己改】. The remaining 94% of languages are spoken by only 6% of the population. As BBC ‘s reported【语法错，自己改】,” In 1992 a prominent US linguist stunned the academic world by predicting that by the year 2100, 90% of the world's languages would have ceased to exist.”
There is not doubt that we should take some measures to prevent it【另起一段了就别用代词了吧，自己重述一遍】. As the government is the biggest promotion to our society, I strongly agree with the assertion that the government of the countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such language from becoming extinct.
【这段和前面一段感觉是个整体吧，陈述了一些相关事实并提出了你的观点。立场表得很鲜明。但是你的逻辑不那么令人信服。概括一下逻辑链，你说了：
当今的潮流是全球化，威胁了某些语言==>毫无疑问我们要保护它们
政府是社会的最大推动力==>社会应该保护濒危语言
我们从argu的视角来解读，这两个逻辑其实都是不成立的。对于前一个，我们应该回答“濒危为什么就一定要保护？”，这正是文章需要有的内容。对于后一个，政府保护语言怎么就推动社会发展了？所以我觉得草木说二十问还是很重要的。这些问题都是应该审题的时候问自己，然后写成实体内容的，而不是写在开头。我知道这些是你想说的，但我觉得，开头就是用来表明自己观点的，因此不必涉及太多细节了。】
Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society. It governs not only the military, economy but also the education and other social science. Culture as a kind of social science should be properly protected by government. Language is essential to our humane【拼写错】 being’s culture. People use the same language in the certain district in their daily life. After generations, this district created her own character.
感觉你句子功夫不够，像这句前半部分你本来是想说“在一个地区的人在日常生活中使用他们的语言”，所以certain district应该是修饰people的较为合适。个人意见，仅供参考。That’s what we call culture. Nowadays, with the increasing numbers of people prefer to travel places where guide them to another culture, we define this as a huge part of our progress of civilization. Protecting languages is definitely necessary since the dying of them【这句没写完吧】其实这句才应该是你真正的重点。前面说到了语言形成了文化，文化如何如何重要。那么语言的存留是文化得以传承的必要条件嘛。这也和你后文的inherit culture呼应了。这句话是论述的核心。试想一个不讲道理的辩论：“语言形成了文化，但是形成完了就可以丢开了嘛。”缺了这一句话，就无法说出保留语言的必要性了. It increases our multiplicity of civilization, which inherit culture at the same time.

Taking China’s dialects as an example, as we know, there are ten mainstreams of dialects in china. And every kind of dialect has some difference more or less in different part of districts. Minnan dialect is original in southern of Fujian. since all the schools has promulgated mandarin—teaching, parents talking to their children in mandarin in stead of Minnan, the generation born in 1980s to 1990s have less and less known exactly how to express in Minnan in their daily life.举例子很实在。但是这一段是纯例子，感觉很别扭。最后的事实是“8090后都不太懂闽南话了”，这只是一个事实陈述，属于题目中“more and more language在消失”的一种。你提到了学校和家庭都在教普通话，也许你想说政府要正确引导？但是没有主题句。空空的例子只是事实，不能说明什么。
We are losing our characteristics, while we are celebrating our “fashion” life.【不错】 What should the government supposed to do? Promoting the study of language is the basic important one. We must teach our citizens don’t forget our ancients, our history, our culture, of course our language. In addition, allocating funds to linguists on studying is also meaningful to protect them. However, we citizens as well have to realize that it is also our compulsion for protecting our language. Remember that we are the carriers of language and the heritage of culture. Besides, the linguists may take more responsible in their jobs.
还是同一个问题，没有摆出论点来。说了那么多人民的责任、研究资金的意义。不知道你想论证什么。按开头那句橙色的话，这一段也许可以概括为说“语言能让一个群体认知自我，保持自我”？那么再发展小逻辑，一点点论证过去。比如说（别管我这个东西合理与否，只是个例子），语言传承了独特的思想方式，而不同的思想方法带给创新思维的突破点会有差异，在今天的社会中，可能解决其他群体无法解决的问题。那么保留这些语言是保留创造力的源泉。国家强盛，政府当然希望了(扣了原题)。
Globalization is changing our social culture. The governments have to take some effective measures to thwart the languages from becoming extinct.

我先去吃饭了。。。欢迎讨论。我觉得你的问题主要在逻辑上不够连贯和完备。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

啊~太感动了。
好吧，淡定。
根据你的批改，有以下几点感悟，需要讨论：
1，开头两段的确是一个意思。本人写作文有个问题，一开始兴致勃勃，觉得满肚子话，写着写着就瘪下去了，导致结果是头重脚轻。杯具~~而你的意思是，这两段可以当做实际内容来写？
2，闽南语的例子。没有得到升华？只是简单地阐述了现象，没有对这种现象的结局提出建议？比如，政府能做什么，该做什么，怎么做。
3，逻辑！实不相瞒，本人作文逻辑一直存在很大问题。意识到了，就是抓破脑袋也没想好怎么办%>_<%。

这文章写完之后我就没有勇气看了。写的时候痛苦，看了也痛苦。现在该好好改改了。语言其实还是一大问题。没有背过什么东西——没有输入，输出自然就有障碍了。后悔以前怎么不背点。不过，我真不是一般地不喜欢。

总之，谢谢哈！期待下一步讨论...

中原527UID: 2707367

Issue13

"Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."

1Today we are in the throes of globalization. A European mother could buy her daughter a dress which is made in China. A Singapore manager could drive a car that its spare parts gathered from all over the world. A Chinese teenager could see the American TV show through the internet. We connect with each other tightly by sharing goods and talking in the same language——such as English.（这里也加点转折词吧，前面在讲全球化带来的便利，后面突然来句全球化是导致越来越多的少数语言消亡的原因） The globalization maybe the reason that more and more lesser spoken languages have die out. The data comes from Ethnologue showing that 6% of the world's languages are spoken by 94% of the world's population. The remaining 94% of languages are spoken by only 6% of the population. （这个…要么中间加个词过渡，要么，只说其中一句）As BBC ‘s reported,” In 1992 a prominent US linguist stunned the academic world by predicting that by the year 2100, 90% of the world's languages would have ceased to exist.”

2There is not doubt that we should take some measures to prevent it. As the government is the biggest promotion to our society, I strongly agree with the assertion that the government of the countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such language from becoming extinct.

3Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society. It governs not only the military, economy but also the education and other social science. Culture as a kind of social science should be properly protected by government. Language is essential to our humane being’s culture. People use the same language in the certain district in their daily life. （这里可以再充分阐述，语言交流形成共同意识，于是产生区域性的文化）After generations, this district created her own character. That’s what we call culture. Nowadays, with the increasing numbers of people prefer to travel places where guide them to another culture（这句看着别扭）, we define this as a huge part of our progress of civilization. Protecting languages is definitely necessary since the dying of them. It increases our multiplicity of civilization, which inherit culture at the same time.文章中并没有充分体现此点的必要性，为什么能够丰富文化的多样性呢。前面只简单提到吸引游客，这例子太空泛也比较薄弱，尝试具体举个例子进行阐述说明
还有，此段一开头就提出Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society.但我所看到的却是主要强调语言的重要性，把此句话放到倒数第二段比较合适。
4Taking China’s dialects as an example, as we know, there are ten mainstreams of dialects in china. And every kind of dialect has some difference more or less in different part of districts. Minnan dialect is original in southern of Fujian. since all the schools has promulgated mandarin—teaching, parents talking to their children in mandarin in stead of Minnan, the generation born in 1980s to 1990s have less and less known exactly how to express in Minnan in their daily life.（这里，可以提出，由于政府为了加强民族凝聚力而推广普通话，所以南方福建一带都说普通话，导致80后90后很少用闽南话，由此更可以强调政府的作用是具有影响力，措施不当会加速少数语言的衰亡）

5We are losing our characteristics, while we are celebrating our “fashion” life. What should the government supposed to do? Promoting the study of language is the basic important one. We must teach our citizens don’t forget our ancients, our history, our culture, of course our language. In addition, allocating funds to linguists on studying is also meaningful to protect them. However, we citizens as well have to realize that it is also our compulsion for protecting our language. Remember that we are the carriers of language and the heritage of culture. Besides, the linguists may take more responsible in their jobs.（前面已提到政府要支持语言学家的工作，这句再提感觉多余，语言学家本身就是搞这行的，说得像原来语言学家对此工作没有责任感）

6Globalization is changing our social culture. The governments have to take some effective measures to thwart the languages from becoming extinct.
最后一句干巴巴的…
C的逻辑顺序如下：
1由一段全球化带来的现象谈到语言消失的危急现状
2政府要采取措施
3第一句：Government plays an irreplaceable role in our society.后面接着谈的却是语言的重要性
4以中国闽南话为例，只是单纯地描述，具体分析米看到，其实我这里有个想法不知道行不行，政府措施得当不得当会影响少数语言的消亡，从反例也可以说明政府措施的重要性。
5具体措施：市民不能忘本（此点没法强调政府的重要性啊），政府应该支持语言学家（事实上，政府的措施太多了，就拿我们中国来说，少数民族保护法，上课实施双语教育（那个闽南话例子，可以在后面提出此法子）等等）
6总结
可以看出第2段和第3段显然安排有问题，第2段应放到第4段后面和第5段一起说
逻辑顺序就顺当多了：是什么（现状）——为什么（语言的重要性）——怎么办（政府要采取措施）

中原527UID: 2707367

顺便说声
草木20问我觉得可以发散思维，但不利于逻辑安排，可能越想越乱，我想法是，审题，用草木20问打开思路，但到后来具体写作时，我还是喜欢2W1H：WHAT,WHY,HOW

Maci.UID: 2731643

小弟觉得，每个人写作的模式都不同，但是一定要找到最适合自己的。
自己的还未定型的话，可以摸索一下，呵呵。

中原527UID: 2707367

8# Maci.
嗯啊，很多时候还是得要自己动笔才知道自己的模式

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

6# 中原527

中原的分析 我倒是想起我的想法——
1，陈述想象
2，政府的作用。
3，为什么要保护。——例子。
4，政府能做什么。
5，光政府还是不够的。还有要各方面的共同努力——这是我写个人啊，家长的教育，语言学家的研究的意义。
6，总结。

好像这样的逻辑还是不够严谨。

qisaimanUID: 2703629

看awintro ，观点是不是也比较重要。这个题目的比较好的观点是什么呢？大家觉得

中原527UID: 2707367

10# 123runfordream
2，政府的作用。
4，政府能做什么。
这两点有什么区别？

NaperyUID: 2710990

我觉得
前者是“死”的，
后者是“活”的。

政府的作用，或者说，政府的职能，比较好。
例如，政府的只能是，为人民谋福利。
当通货膨胀时，政府能做的，就是运用价格杠杆等调控啥啥啥的.....

忽视例子内容，嘿嘿，反正明白我这意思就行了。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

12# 中原527

2，政府在语言消失这一想象中能起到什么作用。扮演什么角色。
4，政府的具体措施。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

差不多是爪子的意思。