ISSUE208球拍。

hudu464UID: 2512268

208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

All of us by accident of birth are born into a particular society distinguished by its social habits and customs, its religious culture, its culture and political tradition and its stages of technological development. Our appearance and behavior irredeemably mirror our attitudes and interests, which subject to a particular social context we are in. In the endeavor to fully understand the ideas and values of this society, observing the appearance and behavior of its people has a necessary but not reliable role to play.

The assertion that our appearances and behaviors reveal our attitudes and interests is self-evident. These disclosed internal characteristics are closely associated with a society's ideas and values. All societies take upon themselves the task of initiating their members into its traditions, customs and practices. Ideas and values implied are acquired, learnt and later practiced both consciously and unconsciously by individuals in the society. Therefore, certain social patterns of a particular society become a signature image of its people. We naturally identified a women wearing chi-pao with a yellow skin as Chinese. A man who greets people with a bow is most likely to be Japanese. Holidays with specific rituals are another example of how people's appearance and behavior can reflect the ideas and values of the society. People in the United States and Europe dressed up for Halloween. Their appearances at that particular day reveal the ideas of the holiday. Spring Festival in China is celebrated with big family meal which manifests the importance of family reunion. Given the social nature of human being, disciplines focusing on social studies like sociology necessitate the studies of human appearance and behavior.

Two concerns complicate this issue are that human beings do not always demonstrate a high consistency between their attitudes and behaviors; not all ideas and values of a society are transferrable to observable appearance and behaviors. One dividing line between animals and humans which distinctly separates them is the powerful tendency in man to defraud and cheat. In this game the humans outpace all other animals by a phenomenal margin. Animals too, sometimes appear to cheat but it is always a strategy on their part, and not a deception in the criminal sense. There is no breach of trust in their case such as we observe among the human. As a result, social studies are far more complicated and disputed than zoology. People's behavior can be bent and thus betrayed their own attitudes and interests for avoiding expected social consequence or achieving personal goals. Manifestation of values and ideas could easily be altered and mistook, if they could be transferrable at all. Another concern is some ideas and values might not even be explicit enough to be expressed in appearance and behavior. Thus, there exist vast amount of values and ideas implied in literature, painting, music and other forms of human activities rather than appearance and behavior. In another case, some values and ideas are simply too deeply embedded that it becomes impossible to detect.

The dichotomy between individual and society could never be clarified in terms of how people's appearance and behavior could reflect the values and ideas of the society. To get a whole picture of the society, we need to explore both observable factors and implicit contributors.

plukaUID: 2721764

All of us by accident of birth（出生可不是事故呀，去掉of birth）are born into a particular society distinguished by its social habits and customs, its religious culture（religion，免得与后文的culture重复), its culture and political tradition and its stages of technological development. Our appearance and behavior irredeemably(意为不可挽回地:1 : not redeemable: as  a : not terminable by payment of the principal  *irredeemable bond*  b : INCONVERTIBLE a 2 : being beyond remedy  : HOPELESS  *irredeemable mistakes* 可改为inevitable或者apparently)mirror our attitudes and interests, which (is）subject to a particular social context we are in. In the endeavor to fully understand the ideas and values of this society, observing the appearance and behavior of its people has a necessary but not reliable role to play.（主题句）（前一句讲服饰举止可以反映社会风尚，这一句又说光观察服饰举止不够，中间最好用转折连接一下）

The assertion that our appearances and behaviors reveal our attitudes and interests is self-evident. These(these有指代的意味，但前文并未出现可以指代的项目。改为the）disclosed internal characteristics（哪些特征，谁的特征，个人的吗）are closely associated with a society's ideas and values. All societies take upon themselves the task of initiating their members into its traditions, customs and practices. Ideas and values implied are acquired, learnt and later practiced both consciously and unconsciously by individuals in the society. Therefore, certain social patterns of a particular society become a signature image of its people. We naturally identified a women wearing chi-pao with a yellow skin as Chinese. A man who greets people with a bow is most likely to be Japanese. Holidays with specific rituals are another example of how people's appearance and behavior can reflect the ideas and values of the society. People in the United States and Europe dressed up for Halloween. Their appearances at that particular day reveal the ideas of the holiday. Spring Festival in China is celebrated with big family meal which manifests the importance of family reunion. Given the social nature of human being, disciplines focusing on social studies like sociology necessitate（1 : to make necessary  : REQUIRE2 : FORCE, COMPEL。要表达的不是社会学让研究人类举止成为必要，而是研究人类举止是社会学的一部分吧，建议用cannot shy away之类的）the studies of human appearance and behavior.

本段主题句提出外貌与举止会反映我们的态度和兴趣，随后转为社会风俗影响举止行动。建议适当加几句补充，让个人的态度和兴趣更好地过渡到社会的文化和风俗上。事实上，我觉得这个过渡是比较重要的。题目给出的是两段式：1、服饰与举止反映个人态度与兴趣；2、观察社会成员的外表就能了解很多社会风俗。这个题目里面暗含的不就是”个人态度兴趣反映社会价值取向“么。
为论证两个观点（1、社会背景为其成员打下固有的形象烙印；2、人们的外貌与举止可反映社会思潮与价值观），分别举的例子是1、旗袍鞠躬对应中国人和日本人；2、万圣节的装扮反映欧美文化，春节年夜饭反映中国文化。第一类例子尚可，但觉得第二类例子浅了一些，起码应该同时提到人们的举止与背后的社会思潮。关于万圣节那个的疑问是，万圣节反映了啥文化？万圣节文化是啥？为什么说他们穿成那样就是反映了文化了？可以针对这个解释一点。春节的还算提到了中国重团圆的思想。


Two concerns complicate this issue（什么issue？指代一定要让人搞清）are that human beings do not always demonstrate a high consistency between their attitudes and behaviors; not all ideas and values of a society are transferrable to observable appearance and behaviors. （觉得既然是同一个句子里的，就不用分号了吧，直接用and that连接似乎通顺一些。）One dividing line between animals and humans which distinctly separates them is the powerful tendency in man to defraud and cheat（貌似暗示着后文会有些贬义色彩，defraud感觉尤贬） In this game(this指代啥，是powerful tendency吗？defraud and cheat是动词，不能作为名词性指代的内容吧）the humans outpace all other animals by a phenomenal margin. Animals too, sometimes appear to cheat but it is always a strategy on their part, and not a deception in the criminal sense. There is no breach of trust in their case （such） as we observe among the human. As a result, social studies are far more complicated and disputed than zoology. People's behavior can be bent and thus betrayed their own attitudes and interests for avoiding expected social consequence or achieving personal goals. Manifestation of values and ideas could easily be altered and mistook, if they could be transferrable at all. Another concern is some ideas and values might not even be explicit enough to be expressed in appearance and behavior. Thus, there exist vast amount of values and ideas implied in literature, painting, music and other forms of human activities rather than appearance and behavior. In another case, some values and ideas are simply too deeply embedded that it becomes impossible to detect. 

本段论述人类的举止并不总是反映自己的态度，因为两个理由：1、人类会骗人；2、有些思想和价值观没法用外观与举止表现出来。
首要问题是：说理太多，大道理太多，直观和例子太少。

没错，论述理由1的时候确实比较了动物和人，还提到人会为结果而扭曲自己的表现，但是没有具体的例子！当论证停留在大道理阶段而不给人直观经验时，就如隔靴搔痒，难以让人看进去。何谓具体的例子？随便举一个，一个伪君子会为了追求女性而衣冠楚楚殷勤有礼。这就比单纯地说为了social consequence和achieving personal goals具体多了。切记论证要清晰，例子就要清晰。
论述理由2的时候显得过于匆忙，篇幅太短，发展不充分，给出观点句之后不发展直接就上thus了。而最后一句的in another case似乎是又提出了一个观点，然而也没有发展。

The dichotomy between individual and society could never be clarified in terms of how people's appearance and behavior could reflect the values and ideas of the society. To get a whole picture of the society, we need to explore both observable factors and implicit contributors.
结尾显得匆忙，这个版式倒有些像argument了。


看来限时的影响还是挺大的。然而无论如何观点的发展部分极其重要，绝对不能漏！

全文思路安排：主题（光研究外貌举止不够）——>论证段1（外貌举止可以反映社会风俗）——>论证段2（有时人们的举止没有反映真实情况）——>结论。
建议是：论证段1其实有让步的意味，建议突出该意味；论证段2的主题只需要在后面加一句话，变为：有时人们的举止没有反映真实情况，“所以光研究外貌举止不够”——注意这一句话就是将这一个论证段的结论跟全文的结论连接在一起，保持完整性。
继续注意例证~这个很有难度的。

以上。