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发表于 2009-12-15 00:52:57
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Issue 48
‘History’ is such a general concept that there is a controversial issue about whether the great figures or the nameless groups contributed more to the historical advancement. But if we examine the subgroups of general history, such as the history of science, economy and politics, the answer is clear that the key individuals play a more significant role in the great events and trends of history.
Let’s begin with the scientific history, of which the great development should mainly attribute(be attributed to 这里好像倒过来了~~) to the the hardwork( the hard work) of few distinguished scientists, no matter in the field of natural science or social science. The strict nature of natural science indicates that the one who wants to achieve something in this realm must hold a characteristic(characteristics) of curiosity, patience and creative ability. (稍微过度下~~~直接写出thunder似乎有点突兀,比如for supporting my view of point这样似乎比较爽一点)~~Thunder, for instance, (这应该是一个常识,个人认为用现在时)had always been a common natural phenomenon even before human history, but only Franklin got the conclusion, through dangerous experiments, that thers(there) was a close relationship between the thunder and great electric energy(缺少定冠词). As for the social science, the researchers must have keen insights into the social pehnomena (phenomena) and generate reasonable explanations about human behaviors, which requires(require) some kinds of specialized knowledge. Due to this reason(这里似乎有两个reasons 一个是科学家需要的品质普通人没有,一个是科学家需要的专业知识普通人没有,these reasons 比较好 而且最好点明这两个reasons是什么), whereas almost everyone can point out several social problems around them, few of them can find out the accurate causes and solutions. So there is no doubt that only a minority group of people contribute much to the scientific development.
Secondly, looking back to the development of economy we will find that the progress of economy is associated with that of science, which determines that also the key figures contribute more to the economic development. For example, in the Age of steam engine, there is a great development in economy because of the innovation of steam engine, which was a great achievement of Watt. Admittedly, without the hardwork(hard work) of workers and famers no development of economy would come true. But as the increasement(increase) of scientific technology, when there are great drawbacks of the current economic system, only the economists, who are familiar with the social economic situations and have foresight, can point out the right direction of the reform of economic system.(这一段有两个问题,先提小问题,小问题在于是不是只有经济学家才能解决我们现在牙买加体系的问题呢?用only太绝对了~~社会学家,伦理学家,经济学家,法学家都有可能从不同角度想出solution~~所以only这样说不太好需要信服的解释~~ 第二个是大问题~由于你前一段是从自然科学的角度提的 并且后面也同样涉及到社会科学,这里再具体的提经济上的例子是否和前面构成并列关系呢?应该是总分关系吧~~~如果要提经济,要么从社会角度到可以,比如谈谈卓越企业家~~不然真的很难和前面构成firstly secondly这样的并列关系)
Thirdly, although nobody can ingore(ignore) the function of the public in the evolution of political system, it is also a fact(这里要么用there be句型 后面用truth比较好,要么用it is also true这样 不然it is a fact写的有点不爽~~~) that the success of polical(political) reforms were(前面的主语是success~~好像是单数,所以success可以用plan修饰吗~~还是把前面的主语改成reforms success变成successful吧) all well planed and organized by sagacious political leaders. Without their effective directions, the public from different classes will search for their own benefits rather than work as a team. In other words, sometimes satisfying one’s (ones’)needs is the orginal (original)goal of the public to be involved in the refrom (reforms)of political systems. Under such circumstance, the effective guild of the leaders is very important. That is the reason why we still believe that it is the few leaders who play an more important in the progress of political history.
In sum, we have not paid too much attention to the few great men in history, as they indeed have acted as significant roles for ever.
总体来说 我充分理解luxixi同学的行文意图,是从科学 经济 政治三个并列角度来说明问题~~这样的平行结构呢 有一个小问题 就是前面的科学最好别提社会科学而讲自然科学,不然和经济重叠了构成不了平行关系~~~第二点是从逻辑上的提纲来看,三个方面实际并没有说明三个原因,因为仔细看会发现讲科学和讲经济的时候都重复讲了科学家的专业知识是普通人所不拥有的,也就是second那方面即使从表达精英和普通人不同时也是从属关系,怎么并列呢~~~而第三方面讲了精英所起到的团结作用~~这个作用本身没问题,但是你会发现和前面两方面的the famous few不是同类人~~~这样又有一个分类就变得有点混乱~~因为你即从科学,经济,政治角度讲,又穿插不同精英的种类分法:科学家和领导者,这样行文是不是写起来有点难受呢~~~呵呵一家之言 |
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