ISSUE212球拍

hudu464UID: 2512268

TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."

Any means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable because projected benefits are expected with the achievement of that goal. The projected benefits, however, are not always precisely captured in reality. Thus, not every means in achieving this goal, whether in the noble name of determination or sacrifice, could be justifiable.

The very nature of a worthy goal is a desired outcome, which human beings spare no effort to achieve. Once achieved, it is bound to have an impact on the goal-achiever's life or even the entire community he lived in. Benefits came along, whether projected or unexpected, help justify efforts and attempts, even doubtful, made through the process. An imperial army, for example, won over a war in defending their land and sovereignty. The immoral tricks it played and casualty it claimed were downplayed or neglected because they were justified by the security and stability came after the War. Not all benefits of an achieved worthy goal could be predicted and came as clean and neat as a war.

Most of those perceived worthy goals either come in a unclear shape mixed with unwanted byproducts that overshadow the desired benefits or are at the cost of other people’s interests, rendering the taken means as dirty tricks or unnecessary sacrifices that could hardly be justified. We all are born with a natural desire to achieve worthy goals. Our embedded curiosity and competitiveness motivated us to explore the world of unknown and conquer challenges others are not able to. In the pursuit of worthy goals, whether, we human beings, as individuals or groups, scheme strategies and take risks. Nevertheless, they are hardly justified by the dubious evaluation of our worthy goal. Out of curiosity, in the hope of discovering myth of the universe, for example, we send brave men and women in spaceship into the unknown universe. Millions of public funds spent and accidental sacrifices of human lives are almost unjustifiable given the fact the benefits from this seemingly worthy goal remains remain to be intangible and vague. We are not sure whether there exists another inhabitable planet that could accommodate us in the future. If it does exist, could we finally be able to save ourselves from a deteriorating earth? Before the actual outcome unfolded before us, it is prematurely to justify all means we have taken. On the other hand, human being, by its very nature, is competitive. This competitiveness is accentuated in the rapid economic and social changes in contemporary society. In academic and business, people are driven to win over their competitors who shared same worthy goals like getting a contract or being admitted. Out of ambition and determination, people sometimes retreat to immoral schemes like deceiving and plotting against their competitors, which could hardly be justified either by moral sense or regulatory law. The outcome and benefits of a worthy goal attainted by cheating is tainted and unlikely to accept by other people. As parents, we want our children to perform better at examinations by their diligence instead of cheating tricks. As business partner, we will sue competitors who sent spies to steal confidential files. The pursuit of one’s worthy goal is not justifiable if it is to the detriment of others’ freedom in pursuing their goals regardless of how determinant the pursuer is or how clear the benefits are.

Individuals, as well as enterprises, are granted with the freedom to pursue worthy goals in their free minds. Means taken to realize this freedom are not always justifiable given the unpredictability of the outcome and could not be over expanded to do detriment to this unalienable freedom of others.

plukaUID: 2721764

Any means taken to attain a worthy goal is justifiable because projected benefits are expected with the achievement of that goal. The projected benefits, however, are not always precisely captured in reality. Thus, not every means in achieving this goal, whether in the noble name of determination or sacrifice, could be justifiable.

The very nature of a worthy goal is a desired outcome, which human beings spare no effort to achieve. Once achieved, it is bound to have an impact on the goal-achiever's life or even the entire community he lived(觉得用现在时态比较好) in. Benefits came along, whether projected or unexpected, help justify efforts and attempts, even doubtful, made through the process. An imperial army, for example, won over a war in defending their land and sovereignty. The immoral tricks it played and casualty it claimed were downplayed or neglected because they were justified by the security and stability came after the War. （however,）Not all benefits of an achieved worthy goal could be predicted and came as clean and neat as a war. 
本段指出达成目标带来的收益让实现目标的手段得以合理化，例子是守土战争，挺切题的。私以为主要的破绽在‘unexpected benefits’这一点。该段论述的对象应该仅是projected benefits吧，因为若是实施之时不知道会带来什么结果，又如何能预言会有unexpected benefits，如何能确信这些benefits能够offset可能的损失，从而不能决定该手段正当与否。下文的战争例子也是一个projected benefits的。

Most of those perceived worthy goals either come in a unclear shape mixed with unwanted byproducts that overshadow the desired benefits or are at the cost of other people’s interests, rendering the taken means as dirty tricks or unnecessary sacrifices that could hardly be justified. We all are born with a natural desire to achieve worthy goals. Our embedded curiosity and competitiveness motivated us to explore the world of unknown and conquer challenges others are not able to. In the pursuit of worthy goals, whether, we human beings, as individuals or groups, scheme strategies and take risks. Nevertheless, they are hardly justified by the dubious evaluation of our worthy goal.（从we all are born起至此句均起提出观点的作用，然而头三句似有散漫之嫌，第四句才正面点出作者看法，或可加以精炼，用两三句话阐明背景和观点即可） Out of curiosity, in the hope of discovering myth of the universe, for example, we send brave men and women in spaceship into the unknown universe. Millions of public funds spent and accidental sacrifices of human lives are almost unjustifiable given the fact the benefits from this seemingly worthy goal remains remain to be intangible and vague. We are not sure whether there exists another inhabitable planet that could accommodate us in the future. If it does exist, could we finally be able to save ourselves from a deteriorating earth? Before the actual outcome unfolded before us, it is prematurely to justify all means we have taken. On the other hand, human being, by its very nature, is competitive. This competitiveness is accentuated in the rapid economic and social changes in contemporary society.In academic and business, people are driven to win over their competitors who shared same worthy goals like getting a contract or being admitted. （这几句背景铺陈或可简化）Out of ambition and determination, people sometimes retreat to immoral schemes like deceiving and plotting against their competitors, which could hardly be justified either by moral sense or regulatory law. The outcome and benefits of a worthy goal attained by cheating is tainted and unlikely to accept by other people. As parents, we want our children to perform better at examinations by their diligence instead of cheating tricks. As business partner, we will sue competitors who sent spies to steal confidential files. The pursuit of one’s worthy goal is not justifiable if it is to the detriment of others’ freedom in pursuing their goals regardless of how determinant the pursuer is or how clear the benefits are.
本段讨论了两种benefits无法justify means的情况：其一是当副作用盖过收益，其二是当个人收益建立在他人损失上。觉得在背景铺陈、观点提出方面可以再简洁直接一些，毕竟背景如果讲太多就会像是兜圈子，观点如果迟迟不出来就有浪费篇幅之嫌。另外这段好长啊~考虑到视觉效应，不妨拆成两段。

Individuals, as well as enterprises, are granted with the freedom to pursue worthy goals in their free minds. Means taken to realize this freedom are not always justifiable given the unpredictability of the outcome and could not be over expanded to do detriment to this unalienable freedom of others.
结构：T（并非所有能达成目标收益的手段都合理）——>B1（达成目标带来的收益让实现目标的手段得以合理化）——>B2（两种benefits无法justify means的情况：其一是当副作用盖过收益，其二是当个人收益建立在他人损失上）——>结论（基于收益的不可预测性及损人利己的不道德，并非所有手段都合理）
发现作者的习惯是在首段主旨提出之后就开始让步段之类（我也习惯这么做），由于让步段观点与主旨常有所不同，要注意B1与首段之间是否需要连接词衔接（如admittedly, generally, theoretically之类）以保证过渡流畅。在表达方面，虽然理论上说简单句比较有力，但个人觉得观点句可以用复杂句，顺便把背景包括进去，这样其实也就减少了花在背景铺陈上的笔墨，显得注意力比较集中。其他的部分简洁明了即可。忌beating about the bush。

以上，加油！