【ISSUE7】大伙儿来拍呀！拍死不偿命的！有拍必回！

yxwang1988UID: 2735195

TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video cameraprovides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that ithas become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 490 (693)
TIME: 00:45:00 +20:00
DATE: 12/31/2009 3:18:08 PM


The reducing cost and rising quality of video recording recent years is an icon that symbolizes the advent of digital media era. The changes are so rapid and radical that people feel traditional way of recording contemporary life in written text is obsolete and will soon be replaced by videos. From my point of view, however, instead of a replacement, the effect of modern media technology is more an enhancement to the traditional archive.

Initially, media technology, epitomized in videos and photographs, is never going to replace textual documentation in archiving information. Written documentation, in its most primary form, summarizes events and extracts important information in very compact form. Thus they can be stored in an efficient way. Technically speaking, video, regardless of its format (mpeg or xvid), requires larger storage space and are not easy to be indexed and searched efficiently. To illustrate, text can be searched to word by word level (if not letter by letter), while no similar technology can do the similar search for video on a frame to frame basis. Also, people's lives today are no longer limited to physical world. Many things like knowledge, ideas and reflections cannot be recorded in a picture or video. The spirit of America's founders for instance can never be in picture format. Declaration of Independences, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights as well as many other founding documents of USA are kept in textual form not because photography is not available by then, but because they contain ideas that pictures can never record.


Moreover, language can produce very accurate records of contemporary life. It is proverbially said that "Language is the most versatile art." English, for example, has been refined and enriched over the last two thousand years and developed into a very rigorous system, this enables people to describe things accurately and precisely. Videos on the other hand, only have a few decades’ history. Detractors may argue that textual documents can be easily manipulated by unethical recorders. I will argue that videos which claim to always provide accurate and convincing records, lies too. Let alone the many software packages like Photoshop and Adobe Premiere that enables easy editing and manipulation or media files, the many ways video is cut and rearranged, subtitled and narrated by themselves, can create vast difference. Reportages on Tibet unrest in 2008 exemplify the issue. TV channels in Taiwan, Mainland China, Hong Kong and US all broadcasted the same piece of video shot by a journalist in Tibet. Thanks to YouTube, I managed to watch them all. The message they conveyed however, are astoundingly different. Taiwan focused on how this 'peaceful' protest is subdued by the authority, while mainland China showed the brutal images of protestors’ violence. Hong Kong took a position that is somewhat neutral and US, as always, reflected on China's human right issue. Interestingly, the four video clips out of the same tape supported each of these positions respectively very well.  Note that the subtitles or narrations in the video serve the same purpose as textual documentation. They are the powerful tools that make the video complete.

Finally, only when we combine all these multimedia technique with traditional written documentation can we record contemporary life in a holographic way. Technology advances on computational power have enabled us to do so. Following the trend, it is stagnantly hackneyed to refuse using any new technologies. Videos and pictures are useful in providing information that enhanced the quality of the record. For every document, we can assign a video record as an enrichment so as to not only remember the ideas and stories but also present the exact color and shape. They are important visual evidence for future generation's study of history and for people who wish someday to retrospect over the time they have gone through.

Consequently, video camera or more generally, modern media technology, create a great enhancement to traditional form of archive. It will not however, replace or provide a more convincing account of any kind. Close attentions should be paid to technological development and I am looking forward to a new generation of digital media that exert greater impact on this issue.



又没有写完，特别悲剧...每次碰到这种感觉有话说的题目都会到最后写不完
有颜色的字都是后面加的，发上来之前修改了一下错别字和语法错误，个别的地方润色了一下。


希望大家猛烈攻击越恶毒越好，有拍必回！

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

The reducing cost（costs貌似是表示成本） and rising quality of video recording recent years is （语法错误，主谓一致）an icon（建议删掉）that symbolizes the advent of digital media era（这句总体有些中式）. The changes are so rapid and radical（和前面脱节，上句并米有提到多么激进，多么迅速，这里突然写这个有些唐突） that people feel traditional
way of recording contemporary life in written text is obsolete and will soon be replaced by videos. From my point of view, however, instead of a replacement,
the effect of（建议去掉，因为你这句话的主语就成了effect，而前面提到的替代是video）modern media technology is more an enhancement to the traditional archive.

Initially, media technology, epitomized（这个不能表示名词形式吧？这是作为分词） in videos and photographs, is never going to replace textual documentation in archiving information（google查了，这个文件存档多是用information archiving，你的意思是in doing sth…，但是很少见有这么用的，直接用名词形式就可以了）. Written documentation, in its most primary form, summarizes events and extracts important information in（冠词）very compact form. Thus they can be stored in an efficient way. Technically speaking, video, regardless of its format (mpeg or xvid), requires larger storage space and are not easy to be indexed and searched efficiently.(这不是一个cogent的论据，video requires larger storage space这个很容易被攻击的，影音文件最多只是张光盘吧，书面文件更占空间才对啊；如果是指内存的话，那确实文本文件没有video占的大，但是又不符合语境) To illustrate, text can be searched to（去掉） word by word level（要么是word by word,要么是by word level）(if not letter by letter)(这个没必要吧…), while no similar technology can do the similar search for video on a frame to frame basis.（这个论据只是进一步解释上边easy to index的，但是，这个两种记录手段如果在这个地方作为比较太组钻牛角尖了吧，再说文本文档和video记录的适用方面必然不一样，你要是做部字典，那肯定用摄像机拍下来的不如写的，要是你要描述一个地方的风景，写的就很明显没有video生动了，你总不能把一个地方的景色描述出来一个字一个字查吧？我感觉这是比较的大方向…） Also, people's lives today are no longer limited to physical world（查了google这个多用来表示物理世界，物质世界通常是the material world）【你的意思是video是用来记录物质世界的，书写是用来记录精神世界的呗？】. Many things like knowledge, ideas and reflections（这几个词用的太抽象了，你既然是作为对many things的形象描述，这么抽象的概念显然无法让人意识到是什么things） cannot be recorded in a picture or video. The spirit of America's founders for instance can never be in picture format. Declaration of Independences, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights as well as many other founding documents of USA are kept in textual form not because photography is not available by then, but because they contain ideas that pictures can never record.


Moreover, language can produce very accurate records（language produce records?）of contemporary life. It is proverbially said that "Language is the most versatile art."(感觉同学对video camera理解偏差了，上段就是把摄像机当照相机了，你觉得video camera的记录都是照片啊？可有语音的啊，这里提出language can produce…明显是说video camera只是记录图像的) English, for example, has been refined and enriched over the last two thousand years and developed into a very rigorous system, this enables people to describe things accurately and precisely.(这两者有什么逻辑联系啊？意思是说一个国家没有严密的体系就不能很好的描述事物？) Videos on the other hand, only have a few decades’ history. Detractors may argue that textual documents can be easily manipulated by unethical recorders. I will argue that videos which claim to always provide accurate and convincing records, lies too（这个真没懂？谎言？）. Let alone（这个用的不合适吧，更不用说…那么前面应该有个比它更坏的措施，表示一种让步关系吧） the many software packages like Photoshop and Adobe Premiere that enables easy editing and manipulation or media files, the many ways video is cut and rearranged, subtitled and narrated by themselves, can create vast difference. Reportages on Tibet unrest in 2008 exemplify the issue. TV channels in Taiwan, Mainland China, Hong Kong and US all broadcasted the same piece of video shot by a journalist in Tibet. Thanks to YouTube, I managed to watch them all. The message they conveyed however, are astoundingly different. Taiwan focused on how this 'peaceful' protest is subdued by the authority, while mainland China showed the brutal images of protestors’ violence. Hong Kong took a position that is somewhat neutral and US, as always, reflected on China's human right issue（纯中式表达）. Interestingly, the four video clips out of the same tape supported each of these positions respectively very well.  Note that the subtitles or narrations in the video serve the same purpose as textual documentation. They are the powerful tools that make the video complete.（这个逻辑联系没有看懂— —）

先以段来说，这段的TS是说语言可以对现在生活进行准确记录。理解错误就不说了，单说后边的arguments对这个TS的支持。、
你的论据先是一个年代的对比，英国发展了几千年，我的理解是暗指这么多年都是文字记录，然后出现video才几十年，到这里就戛然而止了。
接着又说video记录的不可靠性。结尾出来video中的subtitle or narrations意思是这些和written records联系，突出说明即便是video起关键作用的还是文字。
那么，可以说，这两个论据和TS是一点儿关系都米有啊~~~
Finally, only when we combine all these multimedia technique with traditional written documentation can we record contemporary life in a holographic（这个全息不能这么用哇）way.（上边一直在说video的缺陷，一点儿优点也没谈到，而且连written的优点也没展开论述过，这里就突然提出应该结合起来，这很让人接受不了） Technology advances on computational power have enabled us to do so. Following the trend, it is stagnantly hackneyed to refuse using any new technologies（没懂— —）. Videos and pictures （噢…明白了，敢情你把video和camera拆开了？汗）are useful in providing information that enhanced the quality of the record. For every document, we can assign a video record as an enrichment so as to not only remember the ideas and stories but also present the exact color and shape. They are important visual evidence for future generation's study of history and for people who wish someday to retrospect over the time they have gone through.这一整段又在说Video records的好处，而TS确是应该把written methods和video records结合起来，论证很不严密啊！

Consequently, video camera or more generally, modern media technology, create a great enhancement to traditional form of archive. It will not however, replace or provide a more convincing account of any kind. Close attentions（很中式的表达） should be paid to technological development and I am looking forward to a new generation of digital media that exert greater impact on this issue.（which issue？）这句话和前面那句没有丝毫关系。

先提取一下各段的TS
From my point of view, however, instead of a replacement, the effect of modern media technology is more an enhancement to the traditional archive.

Initially, media technology, epitomized in videos and photographs, is never going to replace textual documentation in archiving information.

Moreover, language can produce very accurate records of contemporary life.

Finally, only when we combine all these multimedia technique with traditional written documentation can we record contemporary life in a holographic way.

Consequently, video camera or more generally, modern media technology, create a great enhancement to traditional form of archive. It will not however, replace or provide a more convincing account of any kind.

文章的主旨是谈现代记录不会取代传统的，而且其影响是对传统记录的一种加强。
接下来的分论点分别是：
1.video永远不会取代written。
2.语言能准确地记录当代生活。
3.二者结合形成一个全息的记录方式。
结尾强调不能取代。

首先分析主旨，应该包含两点：不能取代和加强。那么再看论据，第一个是基本对主旨的强调，第二个看不出于主旨有关，第三个也没有体现如何加强。结尾总结还不全面。

这个题目的核心在于说明video records 比 written 更重要，重要性体现在accurate and convincing，本来题目也没说要取代的问题。那么，我们的入手点就是先决定到底自己认为是更重要还是不如它重要或者一样重要相辅相成。然后你再根据它的限定条件展开自己的论述。审题关一定要认真对待，这是AW的核心啊！建议多看看introduction.

评论与建议：
依我看，同学审题没有审清楚，提纲应该是没有列过……
要时刻记得，issue中的每一句话都是为主旨服务的，段落TS是建立在文章主题句的基础上的展开，核心还是主题句内容，在论述过程中的每个论据都是用来证明段落的TS，从而对你的观点（即主题句）做出证明。这是一个逻辑严密的统筹过程，不是信马由缰的杜撰。AW主要是逻辑，你要用你的论据来说服别人相信你的观点！切记，切记~
还有，貌似同学致力于语言方面，喜欢用自己不熟悉的词，语言只是载体，表达清楚即可，用自己不熟悉的看似所谓高级词汇往往会误导读者。另外，同学句式比较简单，若说语言，偶感觉句式才是键，词汇就四六级词，不需要那么多生僻难词。


来自{零散板油互改大贴}
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1048719&page=1#pid1773491446
希望LZ积极参加互改活动，你的一份付出就是AW路上对别人的一份支持~
以上修改，个人意见，仅供参考~

yxwang1988UID: 2735195

2# 紫陌纤尘o0

感谢，感谢，受益匪浅，先回帖再仔细看一遍...
中间有个地方“English”我实际上指的是英语，英语的发展史几千年而不是英国

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

3# yxwang1988
I'm sorry.是我理解错误。不过，语言确实与VIDEO无可比性，因为video records中也有语言。LZ举这个例子不是很恰当。

希望LZ积极参加互改活动，零散作文帖里有LZ的4篇文章呢，我们会陆续修改，建议LZ自己先修改，这样的话先弥补了自己的不足，别人再改出来的你就可以学到更多。加油！

Maci.UID: 2731643

LZ 竟然有板油帮你批改了 我就不献丑了 呵呵

铺子停了很久 先去改其他板油的习作好了 谢谢！

sophielynnUID: 2742714

实在是高手这个水平~望尘莫及~只能瞻仰