1.3 单独做决定 大作文 改

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

1.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There’s an old saying that the power of the individual is less stronger than the sum of the whole team. Considering the negative effects brought by making decision alone, I completely agree with the statement that we shouldn't make an important decision alone, thus leading to some unpredictable consequences.

To begin with, it is undeniable that the power of whole team is much stronger than of a individual. If I were left to make a choice, I would like to discuss with my friends or my team members. Take my own experience for example. when I planned to continue my postgraduate study and applied for some universities in the USA, although I had some dream schools already, I still turned to my uncle who lived there for many years for some suggestions. Because he could offer me some useful information about the which school had more reputation and would gave me more competitive edge when I would find job after my graduation. Based on those information and some suggestions he provided to me, I could make a wiser choice when I faced sorts of introduction from universities.

Furthermore, it is also indisputable that the suggestions of others sometimes will be helpful for your reference. Meanwhile, you can have a decision under a more objective circumstance. take my team leader for instance. though he was our manager and he could make choice without any suggestions from his subordinates, he usually would call us to sit around table and listened to our various opinions. He told me that all those opinions could help him make decision more intelligent, avoiding some subjective basis.

Finally, it is common that someone who makes decision alone sometimes will have unimaginable effects. There are countless adverse instances. there's a famous business case in China about a IT company named Golden Apple. its director made an unsuitable strategy alone without listening to the suggestions from its board, thus losing a huge profits when competing with its rivals. This company finally bankrupted as the result of this default.

Judging from the evidences I offered above, it is obvious that the superiority of making decisions before listening to others' suggestions preponderates over the effect of making decisions alone. Therefore, it is better for us to discuss with our team members or friends first, then to make our objective decision.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There’s an old saying that the power of the individual is less stronger than the sum of the whole team. Considering the negative effects brought by making decisions alone, I completely agree with the statement that we shouldn't make an important decision alone, thus leading to some unpredictable consequences. (I have a suspicious feeling that you might have already twisted the question in your mind, because you took the word 'important' off when you first cited the question.)

To begin with, it is undeniable that the power of a whole team (The opposite of 'alone' is not necessarily a 'team'. 'Team' is not a naturally occuring social structure. It's often formed with a specific purpose or task, so it's very weird that you keep saying 'team' without specifying what team exactly that is. 'Team' is definitely not the only ensemble of people that can make decisions.) is much stronger (Stronger in what?) than of a individual. If I were left to make a choice, I would like to discuss with my friends or my team members. Take my own experience for example: when I planned to continue my postgraduate study and applied for some universities in the USA, although I had some dream schools already, I still turned to my uncle who lived there for many years for some suggestions. Because he could offer me some useful information about the which school had more better reputation ('Reputation' is not measured by amount.) and would give me a more competitive edge when I would find look for a job after my graduation. Based on those that information and some suggestions he provided to me, I could make a wiser choice when I faced sorts of introductions from universities. (This is a good example, but it didn't persuade me that you would have made a bad choice if you were to do it alone. The question also has a very strong statement with the word 'never', so if you want to agree with it, you must demonstrate why people should 'never' make important choices alone. NOT EVEN ONCE. What you've managed to argue here is that making one important choice with someone else is good, but that doesn't mean you should never do it the other way.)

Furthermore, it is also indisputable that the suggestions of others sometimes will be helpful for your reference. (Again, this sounds too similar to your first point. Didn't your first example just say you made a wiser choice because your uncle's information was good 'base'?) Meanwhile, you can have a decision under a more objective circumstance. Take my team leader for instance. Though he was our manager and he could make choices without any suggestions from his subordinates, he usually would call us to sit around a table and listened to our various opinions. He told me that all those opinions could help him to make more intelligent decisions more intelligent (I simply abhor such 'make' phrases, which are obviously influenced by grammar teaching in China.), avoiding some subjective basis. (My suspicion came true. You already forgot about the 'important' part of the question.)

Finally, it is common that someone who makes decisions alone sometimes will sometimes have unimaginable effects. (People don't have effects. Things have effects on people. Straighten your sentence. It should read like '..make decisions THAT will sometimes have unimaginable effects.)  There are countless adverse instances. there's a famous business case in China about an IT company named Golden Apple. Its director made an unsuitable strategy move alone without listening to the suggestions from its board, thus losing a huge profits when competing with its rivals. This company finally bankrupted as the result of this default.('Default', in its legal sense, is a totally unrelated term.) (I understand you were trying to use 'specific' examples, but sadly this example is not specific at all. Specific doesn't mean you just name the company or the person, becuase IT DOESN"T MATTER whether the comapny is called Golden Apple or Silver Pear. Specific means you need to give DETAILS THAT ARE OF INTEREST TO THE QUESTION - details like what the decision was, under what circumstances it was made and most important of all : why it was an important decision - then argue that this is an example that demonstrated the issue in the question.)

Judging from the evidences I offered above, it is obvious that the superiority (Why don't you just use 'xxx is superior than xxx'? It's very difficult for people to remember that everything from here on is about 'superiority'.) of making decisions before listening to others' suggestions (Caught you right on. A person shouldn't make a decision alone, yes, but that DOESN'T mean he will or must make the decision by listening to others' suggestions. He can get people together and vote. That's just an exmple. My point is that you've limited yourself into a discussion of only one aspect of an issue without qualifying it.) preponderates over the effect of making decisions alone. Therefore, it is better for us to discuss with our team members or friends first, then to make our objective decision.

总结：

语法 - 基本上很好，有些小的错误给你用红字标出了请注意一下。目标完全可以是做到没有低级语法错误。

词汇 - 要怎么说呢，中间两段的用词水平和风格明显与开头结尾不相符，而且还是有喜欢用拗口的名词词组的倾向，我不知道你读不读自己写的文章，有时候放两天不看题目再去读很容易就能看出自己哪儿写废了。。

逻辑 - 还是没有做到紧密扣题。扣题的意思就是灰常八股的让你每段后面都要说一句 所以我同意/不同意xxx 这样的话。。另外就是题目问的两个关键字 never 和 important 不幸被你完全忽略了，其实有never这种语气很重的关键字的最好写。。所以还是请好好审题，一定要审清题目，不要自己想当然地写。

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

多谢mpromanus再次指点 ,回去继续改进自己的八股文写法 下次注意题眼 和逻辑

jjooyyUID: 2704028

高手改了 我就不说什么了