1月7日独立作文-现代社会享乐过度

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

好久不写作文了，请狠砸！
People today spend too much time on their enjoyment --what they like to do --rather than what they should do?

With various physical and emotional stimuli nowadays, people focus too much on merely enjoyment, and have vague perspectives on their real life destinies. Although some may oppose the statement above, I do not as positive opinion on this topic. It is true that we have lost more and more virtues in the modern society by pursuing the wrong objects.

Born as humans, our first concern should beour own health, since a health constitution is everything else is based on. In ancient Chinese books, convincing evidence shows that many people then easily lived happy and healthy lives till the age of 120 and even older. Surveys decades ago also give examples of elderly people who have high quality of lives, and do not suffer at all before they pass away. However, cases of this sort are quite rare nowadays. Modern society provides us too many chances of quick enjoyment. We consume junk food all the time, because they seem more tasty than organic food; we stay up very late in the bars for temporary fun; we spend 5hours in a roll playing computer games. It is these bad habits that we gradually get addict to. Yet, as all the experts points out, our health can be severely threatened bythese unruly activities.

Moreover, as one species from the long listof evolution history, we human beings are supposed to show respect to Mother Nature, and pursuit long term harmonious relationship with the environment. Nevertheless, what we are doing to this planet in the past centuries has brought too many negative consequences. We destroy forests because we want the wood for fancy products, we continually pump out and burn up petroleum because we want energy for huge urban centers, we hunt wild animals because we want the fur and meat. Only until recently had someone finally noticed that what we are doing is too much harmful to the planet. As scientist start to worry about onthe greenhouse effect, pollution and desertification, most of us still refuse to shift from the overwhelmed enjoyment to what we really should do, which isto protect the environment.

In addition, a fundamental principle of the human society is to work hard, and earn what we deserve. In the traditional agriculture society, people sow seeds in the spring and reap in the autumn. A peasant has to cultivate each single plant in his field throughout the whole year in order for the harvest. Nowadays, although modern commercial keeps some ideas of equivalent exchange, the desire for unearned wealth is getting out of control. The fever in stock markets, ardor longing for finance lever and speculation are dangerous stimulus in the modern society. One perfect example is the credit crisis which emerged in the United Sates and spread all over the world in 2009. We want the fortune, but refuse to work hard for it, If this attitude doesn't change, the crisis in 2009 could hardly be the last one.

In conclusion, people nowadays pay too much attention on lust, and confuse superficial needs with our essential demands.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

With various physical and emotional stimuli nowadays, people focus too much on merely enjoyment, and have vague perspectives on their real life destinies. Although some may oppose the statement above, I do not as positive opinion on this topic ('as' should be followed by a clause. This is a fragment.). It is true that we have lost more and more virtues in the modern society by pursuing the wrong objects. (The question is asking you whether people are spending TOO MUCH time on what they LIKE to do rather than what they SHOULD do. There are 3 keywords here for you to focus. There's nothing about whether people have lost VIRTUES or anything. DO NOT change the question unless you're very sure you're able to relate it back to the keywords in the original statement, e.g. you must explain that by 'virtues', you mean things that people should do.)

Born as humans, our first concern should be our own health, since a healthy constitution is what everything else is based on. In ancient Chinese books, convincing evidence shows that many people then easily lived happy and healthy lives till the age of 120 and even older. Surveys decades ago also give examples of elderly people who have high quality of lives, and do not suffer at all before they pass away. However, cases of this sort are quite rare nowadays. The Modern society provides us too many chances of quick enjoyment. We consume junk food all the time, because they seem more tasty than organic food; we stay up very late in the bars for temporary fun; we spend 5 hours in a roll playing computer games. It is these bad habits that we gradually get addicted to. Yet, as all the experts points out, our health can be severely threatened by these unruly activities. (This is well written, but HOW DOES IT RELATE TO THE QUESTION? Don't ask your reader to read between the lines - because they won't have the time or mood to.)

Moreover, as one species from the long list of evolution history, we human beings are supposed to show respect to Mother Nature, and pursuit a long term harmonious relationship with the environment. Nevertheless, what we are doing to this planet in the past centuries has brought too many negative consequences. We destroy forests because we want the wood for fancy products (such as?), we continually pump out and burn up petroleum because we want energy for huge urban centers, ('petroleum' is the product of crude oil, which people drill for.) we hunt wild animals because we want the fur and meat. Only until recently had someone (Who?) finally noticed that what we are doing is too much harmful to the planet. As scientist start to worry about on the greenhouse effect, pollution and desertification, most of us still refuse to shift from the overwhelming enjoyment (I don't really see what 'enjoyment' is in here. What you've been describing is a luxurious way of life, which you need to define as 'enjoyment'. Plus, you're making a conclusion without evidence - 'most of us still refuse to...' - which is, in fact, exactly what you're expected to do for this essay. You're focusing too much on what the 'enjoyment' is, and not on proving whether people do have too much of it.) to what we really should do, which is to protect the environment.

In addition, a fundamental principle of the human society is to work hard, and earn what we deserve. In the traditional agriculture society, people sow seeds in the spring and reap in the autumn. A peasant has to cultivate each single plant in his field throughout the whole year in order for the harvest. Nowadays, although modern commerce keeps some ideas of equivalent exchange, the desire for unearned wealth? is getting out of control. The ferver in stock markets, ardor longing for finance lever? and speculation are dangerous stimulus in the modern society. (I can't say I agree entirely with that - those speculators are earning what they gambled into, and they're not earning it entirely out of nil capital. Every gambler puts in his life as the bet, it's just that you don't see it as readily as in a farmer.) One perfect example is the credit crisis which emerged in the United Sates and spread all over the world in 2009. We want the fortune, but refuse to work hard for it, (You have no idea what the credit crisis is actually about, do you? It's about 'credit' - people borrowing without due consideration of their actual spending power. It has nothing to do with fortune with no hard work. A lot of the people who suffer from the credit crisis are honest, hard-working blue-collar employees who never had any idea or doubt about the way of life they were used to.) If this attitude doesn't change, the crisis in 2009 could hardly be the last one. (Again, you fail to settle the actual question. The question is not asking about the human economic system. That topic alone could fill an entire book, and casually talking about it without sufficient background knowledge is not going to lead you anywhere.)

In conclusion, people nowadays pay too much attention on lust, and confuse superficial needs with our essential demands.

总结：

语法和词汇都不错，有一些小的错误用红字标出了，注意一下就好。

逻辑的问题比较大。问题有三个关键字：too much, what they like to do, what they should do，这是一个主观题，你需要的结论是现在的人是不是这样子，而不是那么有激情地描述现在的人是多么多么堕落多么多么不道德多么多么不环保，但是最后什么结论都没有 - 这种期望读者去猜 你说他们这么坏的意思是不是就是说你觉得他们的确是做坏事做太多了做好事不够？ 的写法貌似在中国学生中很普遍，但是你要明白在英文的议论文中，描述和结论是完全不同的东西，描述之后要有结论/判断，联系回问题，也就是点题，才算你的论述完整。不然，对读者来说，你只是说了那么多的坏处，没有结论，他自然随便想怎么结论都可以，为什么一定要认为你这个表述证明了你想证明的论题？这就是所谓的open-end argument，对于一个命题作文来说，开放式论述可以说等于白写。。

名字是个词儿UID: 2707493

呃，被批惨了，不过话说这位国宝的英文表达还真不是盖的，随便帮别人改作文，都这么有文采～学习了！