美利坚独立写作帖子by左岸

Amber0926UID: 2555355

1.5周二
The environmental issue is too complex to be handled by the individual. Do you agree or disagree?

很久没写作文有点慌啊，还大量超时。。。沮丧~批改的同学不要手下留情啦。。。

The famous ancient Greek philosopher Hume said, "water and air are the source of people's lives, and the bases of the world". Nowadays, the increasing number of people are awared of the importance of environment. They fell obliged to pay more attention on the environmental protection issues since good environment is the foundation of human development. so the environment issue is not just a public problem and everyone should take it into account.

Firstly, environmental protection policy need everyone to put into practice. Even though some people assert that this issue is too complex to be handled by themselves, virtually, the government have planned relatively sound policies to protect environment. when it comes to put it into practice, everyone should play an pivotal role in the action. If environment policies are only drafted by government, people ignore to handle it. That mean nothing. Only all of us take environment issue seriously, can we make our world cleaner and make our lives better. In a word, the environment problem is a big issue, however, the concrete policy do need everyone to carry out.

Secondly, for most of the time,environment issue is not so complicated as we though. There are times, we contribute to our surroundings unconsciously. Putting the garbage to dustbin, avoiding to use plastic bags, refusing to wear fur and so forth. Everyone could make our condition better by his/her a little attention or awareness. Facing some complex environment problem such as to prevent the Greenhouse Effect from our world, are also need individual to participate in. we had better take public bus instead of by ourselves to reduce the exhaust gas pollution, and try to avoiding the use of air condition,resulting in to reduce carbon dioxide pollution. Environmental protection is solved step by step and every detail is influence the whole condition. All of those prove that the best solution is transiting the big problem to individual’s mission. In short,it’s kind of like the paradox, but many times, the complex environment problems could be solved by indivdual’s endeavor.


Based on all the facts previous stated, we could safely draw a conclusion that the environment issue is so complex, however, everyone is play an essential part in handle it. In view of our children’s children, everyone should take it into account seriously. As I said, the "Heaven" with clean water and air, green trees and beautiful mountains are do need to protected by the individual.

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

给佐佐打气

mpromanusUID: 2565872

The famous ancient Greek philosopher Hume (I only know about the Scottish philosopher, David Hume, and I don't quite recall this quote either. Kindly enlighten me?) said, "water and air are the source of people's lives, and the bases of the world". Nowadays, the an increasing number of people are awared of the importance of the environment. They feel obliged to pay more attention on the environmental protection issues since a good environment is the foundation of human development. So ('so' is a weak connetion and should not be used to start a sentence. Use 'therefore' or 'hence' instead.) the environment issue is not just a public problem and everyone should take it into account. (The question is asking you whether you agree that this issue is TOO COMPLEX for the individual to handle. Your expected answer is therefore either agree - it is too complex for the individual; or disagree - it is not too complex, i.e. it is simple enough for the individual to handle. The keyword is COMPLEX. Your answer, however, doesn't address this keyword at all, and responds more to a question such as 'do you agree that the environment issue is just a public problem?'. One simple way to check is to imagine whether a reader would be able to guess the original question from your opening paragraph. If not, you're likely off.)

Firstly, environmental protection policies need everyone to put into practice. (This sentence has one of the weirdest structures, because I guess you translated it directly from Chinese. You have a person, a verb and an object in this sentence - it's the easiest and most natural combination of all sentences. Just imagine, if you're given words like 'book', 'read', 'he', would you form a sentence like 'he reads a book', or 'a book needs him to read'? Yet somehow, you didn't come up with 'Everyone needs to put environmental protection policies into practice.' in this sentence.) Even though some people assert that this issue is too complex to be handled by themselves, virtually (I have no idea which part of this sentence it belongs to.), the government has planned relatively sound policies to protect the environment. When it comes to put it into practice, everyone should play an pivotal role in the action. If environment policies are only drafted by the government, people ignore to handle it. That mean nothing. Only when all of us take environment issues seriously, can we make our world cleaner and make our lives better. In a word, the environment problem is a big issue, however, the concrete policy do need everyone to carry out (Again, this weird sentence construction appears. I'm now totally baffled where you got this from because you didn't seem to have problems with other sentences.).

Secondly, for most of the time, the environment issue is not so complicated as we thought?. There are times, we contribute to our surroundings unconsciously. Putting the garbage into the dustbin, avoiding to use plastic bags, refusing to wear fur (Isn't this about animal rights?) and so forth. Everyone could make our conditions better by his/her a little attention or awareness. Facing some complex environment problems such as to prevent (1. You don't 'prevent' something 'from' something - you can only 'prevent' something 'from' happening; 2. You can't 'prevent' the greenhouse effect because it's always there and happening. It's a naturally occuring phenomenon that helps to maintain the surface temperature of our planet. The problem is not its existence, but its severity.) the greenhouse effect from our world, are also need individual to participate in. (The 3rd time of this weird sentence structure, and the verb 'are need' is like, simply wrong. This sentence doesn't even has a subject.) We had better (If you use 'had better', it means you didn't do it but you thought you would like to.) taken public buses instead of by ourselves (You mean when you take public buses, you don't do it by yourself?) to reduce the exhaust gas pollution, and try to avoiding the use of air condition, resulting in to reduction of carbon dioxide pollution. (Air conditioning doesn't produce carbon dioxide..it's the CFCs in the coolant.) Environmental protection is solved ('Environmental protection' is not a problem, and it doesn't need to be 'solved'.) step by step and every detail is influences the whole condition. All of those prove that the best solution is to transiting (This word means to 'pass through', not to 'pass on'.) the big problem to individual’s mission. In short,it’s kind of like the paradox (There're many paradoxes. Which one are you talking about?), but many times, the complex environment problems could be solved by indivdual’s endeavor.

Based on all the facts previously stated, we could safely draw a conclusion that the environment issue is so complex, however, everyone is to play an essential part in handling it. (The question is asking whether it IS too complex, not whether the individual SHOULD or WILL or DO handle it. If you compare your conclusion here with the original question, you would see how far off you have drifted.) In view of our children’s children (You mean, your 'grandchildren'?), everyone should take it into account seriously. As I said, the "Heaven" with clean water and air, green trees and beautiful mountains are do need (Again, I see this wrong and absurd use of 'need' the verb.)to be protected by the individual.

总结：

语法 - 额。只能说你对动词的使用让我叹为观止啊。。请至少好好复习need，还有单句中主+谓+宾的写法，把单句先练好再来长句。你现在大部分简单句子还是没有什么问题的，一碰到复句就开始发懵，什么奇怪的动词词法都能用出来。。=.=

词汇 - 没有太大问题，请注意一下近义词不要用错。。

逻辑 - 再额。又是典型的主观题跑成了道德题。。感觉中国出来的孩子们好像都很政治正确道德强烈五讲四美三热爱二拥护一和谐啊。。=.= 题目问的是同不同意环境这个话题对个人来说过于复杂，不是个人能处理得了的，所以你的回答就是简单的 - 要么同意它的确对个人来说太复杂，要么不同意，就是这个话题对个人来说不复杂，可以处理。你现在写的是 环境问题是每个人都应该参与对待的问题，这个话题复杂与否能让个人处理与否，和个人道德上来说应不应该处理这个问题，完全是两码事。。你可以勉强说因为这个问题其实让个人处理并不复杂所以个人应该处理，但是你不能说因为大家应该处理这个问题这个问题就一定不复杂能让每个人自己处理了，应该与否对这个问题本身的复杂度木有影响啊。。

Amber0926UID: 2555355

1.7周四 People today spend too much time on their enjoyment --what they like to do --rather than what they should do?

今天的作业好难写啊，我写了一小时感觉叙述的都有点无厘头了~~~这两次写作文突然感觉自己的逻辑性好差。。。

太晚暂时不修改了，批改的同学见谅！

"All work and no play make jack a dull boy." There are times, we could hear the words like this. It means some enjoyment should be referred in people's work, in that way, people are more likely to be success. In fact, nowadays, more and more people feel obliged to to a lot of
boring jobs which they should to, since they have to make money to support their families. Thus, I disagree with the opinion that people today spend too much time on their enjoyment rather than what they should do.

First of all, with the assistance of high technology and advanced machines, people do really could enjoy more leisure time than before.

However, most of people still are involved in everyday's compulsory jobs. Getting up early, hurring to eat the breakfast, rushing to the bus station and then arriving to their office on time. This picture is not strange to everyone and vividly depicted modern people's lives. To get more fun and to enjoy more leisure time from the work, people sometimes would get help from the machine. Typing instead of writing, speaking by the visual phone instead of having a meeting in person together, sending email by computer instead of posting paper letters. All of this give rise to the enhancement of work efficiency and save of much more job time.virtually, it is only part of the picture, even though some advanced machine such as type machine, computer contribute great to people's work, never could they substitute people 's position. Therefore, people always play an essential part in daily’s work and their enjoyment is just relative increasing rather than before. In a word, people still have to spend enough tome on the job what they should do.

Secondly, people in growing number are beginning to believe that better rest equals better work. For most of the time, they did something what they like to do just want to release work stress and relax themselves, then go back to work energetic. For instance, my uncle is a leader of his department in one computer company. Usually, he prefer to do some risk sports on weekend to relax himself. I still remember what he said” bungee jumping and diving make me feel in heaven, and all of this mere moment filled me with energy to work. Human ,not a machine, need to do something what we like to do that to refresh our mind, to exercise our physical condition, to do ahead our job. In short, nowadays, people just spend little time to enjoy and relax ourselves and a bunch of time are costed on routine jobs.

In conclusion, with the development of science and technology, people could save much time on what they should do and then do something what they like to do; in addition, people save little time to enjoy themselves to better work. All of these, however, show that people still spend much time on regular work which they should do and enjoyment is a manner for them to relax and better devoted in routine.

eyreknowUID: 2604430

"All work and no play make jack a dull boy." There are times(sometimes), we could hear the words like this. It means some enjoyment should be referred in people's work, in that way, people are more likely to be success.(个觉得这句话没什么好解释的，It tells us that…之类的意思就可以了。另外，没有be referred in这种用法吧。）， In fact, nowadays, more and more people feel obliged to to（do，嘿嘿，下次记得放word里过一下红线再发出来喔~） a lot of boring jobs which they should to, since they have to make money to support their families. Thus, I disagree with the opinion that people today spend too much time on their enjoyment rather than what they should do.

First of all,with the assistance of high technology and advanced machines, people do really could enjoy more leisure time than before. （do really could？people can really…)

However, most of people still are involved in everyday's compulsory jobs. Getting up early, hurring to eat the breakfast, rushing to the bus station and then arriving to their office on time. This picture is not strange to everyone and vividly depicted(depicts) modern people's lives. To get more fun and to enjoy more leisure time from the work, people sometimes would get help from the machine. Typing instead of writing, speaking by the visual phone instead of having a meeting in person together, sending email by computer instead of posting paper letters. All of this give rise to the enhancement of work efficiency and save of much more job time（save么有这种用法）.virtually, it is only part of the picture, even though some advanced machine such as type machine, computer contribute great to people's work, never could they substitute people 's position. Therefore, people always play an essential part in daily’s work and their enjoyment is just relative increasing rather than before. In a word, people still have to spend enough tome（time) on the job what they should do.（后两句话逻辑混乱，层次上升到二维了，时间上过去和现在，事件上的被迫工作和做喜欢的事）

Secondly, people in growing number (More and more people就可以了)are beginning to believe that better rest equals better work（这种直译有点怪）. For most of the time, they did something what they like to do just want to release work stress and relax themselves(这句话两个谓语了）, then go back to work energetic（这是形容词，不能做状语）. For instance, my uncle is a leader of his department in one computer company. Usually, he prefer to do some risk sports on weekend to relax himself. I still remember what he said” bungee jumping and diving make me feel in heaven, and all of this mere（你是想写were?） moment filled me with energy to work. Human ,not a machine, need to do something what we like to do that(删去that) to refresh our mind, to exercise（改成enhance呢？） our physical condition, to do ahead （在下不才，有do ahead这种说法？）our job. In short, nowadays, people just spend little time to enjoy and relax ourselves and a bunch of time are costed on routine jobs. （前面的话基本上都不是为这个结论服务的。）

In conclusion, with the development of science and technology, people could save much time on what they should do and then do something what they like to do; in addition, people save little time to enjoy themselves to better work. All of these, however, show that people still spend much time on regular work which they should do and enjoyment is a manner for them to relax and better devoted in routine. (enjoyment could help them relax and work better)

你自己都发现了，逻辑实在太乱了。整个读下来都不太知道你究竟想证明什么。
我是一段一段改的，改到第二段我发现你first of all后面跟了一个极其有让步感觉的句子。我以为你要说人们当然还是娱乐了。结果第三段虽然以however开头，而你竟然一大半的话在证明第二段那句话：有机器啊，所以有时间玩啦，然后你又转折了，你说人们还是在工作。（sweety heart~读者有点晕了）
然后第三段你说好好娱乐等于好好工作，接整段证明，然后直接跟结论，人们玩很少工作很多。（where did this conclusion come from?)
结尾就不说了，随着上面下来的。

整个文章你就是摆事实，摆事实，摆结论。但是注意，这个事实和结论之间的关系你基本没怎么证明。
建议：拿到作文题目以后想明白题目什么意思之后，想同意不同意（既使是这种有一定难度的题目，如果功力不够，也别学G作文正正反反那种发散论证，同意就同意，不同意就不同意，最多加一个小让步就可以了。）
然后想三个可以证明自己观点的理由（一定要可以说服自己），然后依次铺开，举例论证之。（如果只有两点但是可以论证的非常充分也可以。但平时最好强迫自己想出三点。）

不想明白就下笔，平时的作业是写作超时，考试的时候可就……你可以想像的……
所以，别吝啬那点思考的时间。
另外，过渡词别乱用，虽然ETS喜欢什么过渡连接，但是用不对容易把人弄晕。

最后，
加油！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

"All work and no play make Jack a dull boy." There are times, we could hear the words like this. It means some enjoyment should be referred in people's work? (You seem to be assuming that 'work' = 'what people should do'. This could be valid or invalid depending on how you elaborate on it - I would advise that you clearly define such assumptions upfront.) , in that way, people are more likely to be successful. In fact, nowadays, more and more people feel obliged to do a lot of boring jobs which they should do, since they have to make money to support their families. (What does the 1st quotation have to do with this sentence? What does 'peope are more likely to be successful' have to do with 'more and more people feel obliged to do boring jobs'?) Thus, I disagree with the opinion that people today spend too much time on their enjoyment rather than what they should do.

First of all, with the assistance of high technology (This is a classic Chinese translation. There's just no such thing as 'high' technology. Use 'advanced' or 'modern'.) and advanced machines, people do really could enjoy more leisure time than before. However, most of people still are involved in everyday's compulsory jobs. Getting up early, hurrying to eat the breakfast, rushing to the bus station and then arriving at their offices? on time. (This is a huge fragment - not a complete sentence.) This picture is not strange? to everyone and vividly depicts modern people's lives. To get more fun and to enjoy more leisure time away? from the work (If you say 'leisure time from work', it means the 'leisure' comes directly from 'work'.), people sometimes would get help from the machine (What 'machine'? A microwave oven can be referred to as a 'machine', too.) . Typing instead of writing, speaking by the visual phone? instead of having a meeting in person together, sending email by computers instead of posting paper letters. (Another fragment. Please refrain from using gerunds in succession - you can't form proper sentences using gerunds alone because THEY ARE NOT VERBS.) All of this gives rise to the enhancement of work efficiency and saving? of much more job time?. Virtually? (Why do you use this word? What are you trying to express?), it is only part of the picture, even though some advanced machines such as type machine? (Do you mean 'typewriter'?), the computer contribute greatly to people's work, never could they substitute people 's positions (I think you mean 'people'. 'people's positions' would be a very direct translation from Chinese.). (This is a run-on starting from 'even though..'.) Therefore, people always play an essential part in daily’s work and their enjoyment is just relative increasing? rather than before. In a word, people still have to spend enough time on the job as? what they should do. (I think you're totally getting confused because you're thinking of two things at one time - 1. machines - whatever you think this means - mean more leisure time for people because they can play with them; 2. machines allow people to work faster but they cannot replace people. But what you faile to see is that these are 2 independent aspects of 'machines', and you were not able to relate them together because, well, they aren't related anyway.. And on top of that, your focus shifts to 'machines' instead of 'people', and you end up in a very awkward reasoning, and your attempt to relate this whole thing back to the question at the end of the paragraph becomes entirely futile.)

Secondly, people in growing numbers are beginning to believe that better rest equals better work. For most of the time, they did something that they like to do just want to release work stress and relax themselves, then go back to work energeticly. For instance, my uncle is a leader of his department in one computer company. Usually, he prefers to do some risk sports? (Do you mean 'extreme sports'?) on weekends to relax himself. I still remember what he said: 'bungee jumping and diving make me feel in heaven, and all of this mere (1. I'm not quite sure what you mean by this; 2. 'mere' has a negative sense as in, it means a 'just only enough' kind of 'only'.. Now I guess you meant to say 'very'.) moment filled me with energy to work'. Human, not a machine, needs to do something what he (You're using 'human' the singular at the beginning of this sentence, so make sure you're consistent throughout this sentence.) likes to do that to refresh our mind, to exercise our physical condition, to do ahead? our job. In short, nowadays, people just spend little time to enjoy and relax ourselves and a bunch of time are costed on routine jobs?. (How do 'people do things they like to relax' lead to this conclusion anyway?)

In conclusion, with the development of science and technology, people could save much time on what they should do and then do something what they like to do; in addition, people save little time to enjoy themselves to better work. All of these, however, show that people still spend much time on regular work which they should do and enjoyment is a manner? for them to relax and better devoted in routine?.

总结：

语法 - 额。你的句法真的需要好好练习。。不要用动名词来成句，因为动名词不是动词。。另外请注意单复。

词汇 - 有很多奇怪的表达，总觉得你很困难地想表达一些比较抽象的概念但没有什么抽象的词汇。。如果你说不出抽象的词汇，就不要逼自己，重要的是把事情说明白。。如果你觉得抽象的概念还是很重要，那就多复习一些表概念的词汇。。

逻辑 - 基本上来说你自己并不知道你自己的主要论点是什么，所以只是在很随意地想到什么就写什么，而且也没有什么论据。。我说的 知道主要论点是什么，不只是说你知道你要写同意或者不同意而已，而是说，你要很清楚地知道，你同意或者不同意的这个东西/概念，到底是什么？这个东西有哪些方面？有哪些假设？有哪些潜台词？到底让我比较的是两个什么概念？或者解释的是什么概念？这些都是在动手找论据之前就应该想好的。你现在这篇文章是明显的完全没有想过这个问题到底长什么样子，两个眼睛一个鼻子还是三条腿八个翅膀。。

当你可以很快地把一个题目这样具体化之后，接下来就很容易找出分论点和论据，怎么论证也就很明显了。剩下的时间就只是把这些东西敲到屏幕上。所以我强调 审题，审题的意思是你要想清楚2个事情：1. 题目问的东西 2. 自己要写的东西。所说你自己都想不明白的话怎么能说服读者呢。所以请多多练习这个审题的过程。我们要争取做到的是所谓 胸有成竹，本来就是说下笔画竹子之前心中已经完全有了自己要画的竹子的具体形象，写命题议论文也就是要尽力争取这样。