Issue88 第二篇I, 绝望中求拍！

chennanhuaUID: 2721993

Issue 88 Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.
2010-1-5
200min  写的那叫绝望啊！下文是我花了一天自己改出来的，请大家多多指点。其他不说了，坚持也给其他人改，攒人品。
These days, people who work in cities can enjoy the rural lives whenever they want by driving there in few hours, who wish to buy some beautiful clothes for themselves needless go out for shopping but just choose and pay them in the internet, who prefer to warm milk only should put it in the microwave oven for one minute, it is obviously known to us technologies are improving our lives. However, whatever the technologies bring about, they are still the tools created by people, although they do influence every aspects of the society, they can’t play a determining role, especially in social customs and ethics.
In the progress of society moving forward, technologies play the core role, by which people all over the world advance their living standards. Compared nowadays society with former society few decades ago, we can clearly root out that technologies change what kinds of food we eat, what material our clothes made by, how we go to our destination, even how we think about. For examples, Noah have just finished his tirely work as a salesman, he intends to enjoy a weekend at home but anywhere, however, he need to buy some presents for his cute nephew for his three-years old birthday, feel obliged to have a important talk with his parents living in the town two hundred miles away this weekend, it seems impossible for Noah to have a comfortable weekend at home, but look at how he can deal with these? He open his personal computer, ordering a Zhile bear which is a kind of educational toy, in five minutes, then call his parents with his mobile phone talking about when he will have a one-week holiday with them, then he enjoy his weekend sitting in the sofa, eating delicious food from fridge and watching a moving film through TV. Can you imagine these happened one hundred years ago?
Technologies really influence our lives as well as the social customs. With highly developed sciences and technologies, people can easily go abroad in where people have absolutely different way of lives and different social customs, and adapt dwelling there. Just like people in south of China like eating rice and pork, people in north of China are habit to eat noodle, beef and mutton few years ago. Nowadays however, communication opportunities among different areas are increasing due to the development of technologies, and social customs gradually change for people both live in differ areas, more and more people in south China adapt to eat noodle, vice versa, more people in north China like rice.
However, every coin has two sides. Technology also is a double-edged sword. For instance, cloning a revolutionary technology, on the one side, has certain medical benefits in therapeutic cloning such as creating clonal donors for the organ transplants and finding treatments for some serious disease such as Parkinson's disease and diabetes; on the other side, may affects the sense of individuality of person and departure ethics when using in human beings cloning. We can absolutely not allow the technologies determine the ethics, vice versa, we should confine technologies with ethics. Just as the cloning expert Mark Westhusin said "Cloning is incredibly insufficient and dangerous, the human race is not ready for it, and it will only cause more trouble".
In sum, technologies certainly influence people lives as well as our social customs and ethics, but we should hold the boundary of ethics, and never allow the technologies determine who we are.

fancywwUID: 2583671

These days, people who work in cities can enjoy the rural lives whenever they want by driving there in few hours, who wish to buy some beautiful clothes for themselves needless go out for shopping but just choose and pay them in the internet, who prefer to warm milk only should put it in the microwave oven for one minute, it is obviously known to us technologies are improving our lives. （语法问题，让人崩溃的长句，不地道的表达）However, whatever the technologies bring about, they are still the tools created by people, although they do influence every aspects of the society, they can’t play a determining role, especially in social customs and ethics.

In the progress of society moving forward, technologies play the core role, by which people all over the world advance their living standards. （费解的定从）Compared nowadays society with former society few decades ago, we can clearly root out that technologies change what kinds of food we eat, what material our clothes made by, how we go to our destination, even how we think about. For examples, Noah have just finished his tirely work as a salesman, he intends to enjoy a weekend at home but anywhere, however, he need to buy some presents for his cute nephew for his three-years old birthday, feel obliged to have a important talk with his parents living in the town two hundred miles away this weekend, it seems impossible for Noah to have a comfortable weekend at home, but look at how he can deal with these?  （又一个混乱崩溃的长句）He open his personal computer, ordering a Zhile bear which is a kind of educational toy, in five minutes, then call his parents with his mobile phone talking about when he will have a one-week holiday with them, then he enjoy his weekend sitting in the sofa, eating delicious food from fridge and watching a moving film through TV. Can you imagine these happened one hundred years ago?

Technologies really influence our lives as well as the social customs. With highly developed sciences and technologies, people can easily go abroad in where people have absolutely different way of lives and different social customs, and adapt dwelling there. Just like people in south of China like eating rice and pork, people in north of China are habit to eat noodle, beef and mutton few years ago. Nowadays however, communication opportunities among different areas are increasing due to the development of technologies, and social customs gradually change for people both live in differ areas, more and more people in south China adapt to eat noodle, vice versa, more people in north China like rice.

However, every coin has two sides. Technology also is a double-edged sword. For instance, cloning a revolutionary technology, on the one side, has certain medical benefits in therapeutic cloning such as creating clonal donors for the organ transplants and finding treatments for some serious disease such as Parkinson's disease and diabetes; on the other side, may affects the sense of individuality of person and departure ethics when using in human beings cloning. We can absolutely not allow the technologies determine the ethics, vice versa, we should confine technologies with ethics. Just as the cloning expert Mark Westhusin said "Cloning is incredibly insufficient and dangerous, the human race is not ready for it, and it will only cause more trouble".

In sum, technologies certainly influence people lives as well as our social customs and ethics, but we should hold the boundary of ethics, and never allow the technologies determine who we are.

思路上：
第一段：However, whatever the technologies bring about, they are still the tools created by people, although they do influence every aspects of the society, they can’t play a determining role, especially in social customs and ethics.
第一段和最后一段一对比，清楚地发现作者从头到尾没有在讲一件事。首段给出的中心句是“科技不能起决定性作用，尤其是在习俗和伦理道德方面”。第一点是“科技极大改善人类生活”；第二点“科技影响习俗”；第三点“科技是双刃剑，要好好用”；结尾“科技对人类社会和习俗道德的确有影响，但要有把握限制。”陈述事实和讲道理没有分开。

语言上；
作者似乎是个逗号万能者。定从大多数都有问题。
逗号和定从造就了很多让人崩溃的混乱的长句。
一些短语和习惯表达有问题，如In the progress of society moving forward。

恕我直言lz思路有点混乱，语言有待提升。加油啊~

关于逗号，愿意的话去看这个：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-941110-1-1.html   很有帮助。

chennanhuaUID: 2721993

非常感谢！fancyww
现在脑子的的确确处于真空状态，现在就好好研读【Fundamental Course of Writtng】基础写作每日一讲（13）-（15）Proofreading。
2# fancyww

NaperyUID: 2710990

恩 我也是新人 对于修改作文 借用斑竹的一段回复：

请记住，在你没有给予他人帮助之前，没有人有义务帮你修改作文。
因此在发贴求拍的同时，首先要有帮别人改的行动。
1. 在自己发贴求拍以后帮别人改上一篇，然后在拍的最后贴上自己的文章链接希望别人能够回拍是个很不错的办法。
2. 加入作文互改小组这种方式。
3. 参与零散板油互改。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1048719-1-2.html
4. 找正在运营的修改铺。

最近已到了期末，估计很多人也在为GPA奋斗，所以改作文什么的难免跟不上进度了
LZ别灰心 等考试期过了 大家都会回来的！

Maci.UID: 2731643

我私自把你们的修改内容放到零散大帖子里 希望你们不要介意！嘿嘿，大家一起分享！

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1&extra=