求改作文，谢谢

poplindaUID: 2747233

Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Automobile influences our lives a lot and it’s a great invention in the world in 19th century. As the change of the world, everything has been renewed. People’s modern lives need much efficiency. Automobile helps us a lot in both daily lives and social society.

As modern humans, we can’t live without automobiles. We are not allowed to waste time on the way. Busy days beginning in the morning, we drive a car or take a taxi to go to work. On occasion, we have to drive somewhere to handle problems. In the working day, we use automobile to save our precious time. Distance is not the main problem anymore if we make use of a car. What’s more, Automobile is also protects us from the rain or snow weather when we are on the road. Automobile turns to be a most convenient, fast and economical vehicle.

Internet makes people to people closer, automobile makes place to place nearer. In the past, we need to spend almost one month to get to another place where is far away. Now we will get there only within a couple of days by automobile. It is not only changed our traffic conditions but also expands the city. It makes the life style becoming true that is living in the country and working in the city. Because of it we have more choices to choose living places. It influences our views of life, consumption structures and the way of doing activities.

Automobiles’ popularization brings the social reform. A great many new fields are appeared. For example, Auto distributions, Auto Arts, Auto Advertisements, Auto Models and Auto Exhibitions are coming out. These fields stimulate domestic demand. Furthermore they bring lots of jobs which help to reduce social pressure. Around me, there are many people working in the field that related to automobiles.

Automobiles make our lives to be more colorful and wonderful.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

The Automobile influences our lives a lot and it’s a great invention in the world in the 19th century. As the change of the world, everything has been renewed (What does this have to do with the automobile? It's not even a correct sentence anyway.). People’s modern lives need much efficiency. Automobile helps us a lot in both daily lives and social society (I think I've yet to see a 'unsocial' society. Your expression is too vague to carry any meaningful information.).

As modern humans, we can’t live without automobiles. (I'm not sure if I'm going to agree to that. There're still many people who live without cars but with electricity, sanitation and modern appliances. What's your definition of 'modern humans'?) We are not allowed? (by whom?) to waste time on the way. on Busy days beginning in the morning, we drive a car or take a taxi to go to work. On occasions, we have to drive somewhere to handle problems (Again, this is TOO VAGUE to be meaningful. Where? What problems?). In the working day, we use automobiles to save our precious time. Distance is not the main problem anymore if we make use of a car. What’s more, the Automobile is also protects us from the rain or snow weather when we are on the road.(You've never seen those stranded cars in 40-cm of snow in north North America, have you?) the Automobile turns to be a most convenient, fast and economical vehicle. (That's okay, but how does this relate to your point - the automobile has improved modern life - ? You're saying the automobile is good, but that doesn't mean it necessarily improves our lives.)

The Internet makes people to people closer, the automobile makes place to place nearer (1. what does the Internet has to do with the autoobile? 2. this is not a correct English expression at all.). In the past, we need to spend almost one month to get to another place which is far away (If it's really far, far away, you'll probably need more than one month. Don't randomly state such facts without solid evidence. You'd do better if you say 'we need to spend a lot of time to get to distance places, sometimes one month or more.' - use 'one month' as an example, not a generalization.). Now we will get there only within a couple of days by an automobile. It has not only changed our traffic conditions but also expands the city (This is weird logic. Cars don't 'expand' cities - they don't move the city boundaries. That's a political matter and is definitely not governed by cars.). It makes the life style becoming true that is living in the country and working in the city. (This sentence is piled up together from fragments, and the grammar is plain wrong.) Because of it we have more choices to choose (Repetition.) living places. It influences our views of life, consumption structures and the way of doing activities?. (Again, these are vague and meaningless expressions. I can guess what you want to say, sure, but be assured that an average American will not be able to.) (Again, you're saying the automobile influences our lives - but your point is to prove it has IMPROVED our lives, and you're not doing that at all.)

Automobiles’ popularization brings the social reform? (WHAT social reform? There're so many things that can be called 'social  reform's.). A great many new fields are appeared. For example, Auto distributions, Auto Arts, Auto Advertisements, Auto Models and Auto Exhibitions are coming out. These fields stimulate domestic demands. Furthermore they bring lots of jobs which help to reduce social pressure. Around me, there are many people working in the field that related to automobiles. (Again, what is your conclusion? The automobile is good for the economy? The automobile industry employs more people than all other industries? Without a proper conclusion of your own, your reader is free to make his own - and he doesn't necessarily come out with the one you want to demonstrate by the question.)

Automobiles make our lives to be more colorful and wonderful. (Where's your evidence?)

总结：

这位同学其实我不是要打击你，不过我觉得你应该先多看几篇托福阅读再来模仿着写作文。。

语法 - 很多的中式表达。请注意分句句法。请从简单句慢慢开始练，不要勉强自己写长句。

词汇 - 使用的词汇太模糊，在论述中很少能表达确切的意思。如果你不会表达，请不要勉强自己必须用一两个词表达自己想说的东西，可以用短语甚至是句子，以语义明确的目的优先。平时请在阅读中多加积累。

逻辑 - 额。没有逻辑。。托福作文的形式是 开篇破题+总论，然后每一段 论点 - 论据 - 论证 - 结论点，最后一段总结主要论点+再次强调总论。请多看范文。。