独立作文求改

御风凌歆UID: 2738216

题目是Is it more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.
写的有些忐忑，怕自己跑题，或者展开的思路不对……希望可以得到前辈们的指点><感激不尽。如果有思路等错误的地方能麻烦指出么？我就怕思路出问题。


Is understanding ideas and concepts more important than learning facts for students? Or the opposite is true? There is a catfight about this topic, each side stubbornly and arbitrarily clings to it’s own course. As far as I’m concern, learning facts is more convincing than the other view.
First and foremost, sometimes the ideas and concepts are too abstract for our students, while with the advantage of more directly perceived, facts are easier to be learned by students. Take me as an example, I’m a student of engineering and I know a great quantity of concepts of math、physics and much other booklore, yet if you ask me to make a house model complied with the laws of physics right now, maybe the result will disappoint you. Whereas, if you let my friend Nick do it, whose father is a carpenter, maybe the situation is totally different. Even though his physics grade is not as good as mine, he can deal with the task with flying colors, cause he has learned the facts from his father since childhood. That’s why the facts make difference.
Moreover, those concepts and ideas may be not applied well in society. As a student, the purpose of getting education so many years is to get a good position and salary after graduated from college, hence how to be successful in the future career is the top priority. What should you know if you want to like a ducks to water in your workplace? Perfect answer is your interpersonal skill, which requires the ability of communication, a good impression to others and a perfect attitude towards the work and your workmates. That’s a big deal. Well then, there are many books which specially aim at these points, but do you really think you will be a consummately transformed after reading those books? The answer is absolutely not. Therefore he truth is you have to learn all these skills from your experience, it’s useless to be an armchair strategist.
In a nutshell, I put forward the point that learning facts is much more crucial. People say that doing is always more significant than simply thinking.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Is understanding ideas and concepts more important than learning facts for students? Or the opposite is true? There is a catfight (This normally refers to a fierce argument between women. Use with caution if you don't intend to create an emotional effect. I'd normaly advise people to stick with 'fierce argument'.) about this topic, each side stubbornly and arbitrarily clings to it’s own course. As far as I’m concerned, learning facts is more convincing (Whether it's more 'convincing' is of no immediate concern here. The attribute of concern is 'importance'. You can give a convincing argument about something that's possibly very trivial, for example, whether a white horse is or is not a horse.) than the other view.

First and foremost, sometimes the ideas and concepts are too abstract for our students, while (This signals a transition if logic, which I don't see here.) with the advantage of more directly perceived ('Advantage of' expects a noun/noun phrase after it, and 'more directly perceived' is an adjective phrase.), facts are easier to be learned by students. Take me as an example, I’m a student of engineering and I know a great quantity of concepts in math, physics and much other booklore? (Do you mean 'theoretical stuff'?), yet if you ask me to make a house model house complying with the laws of physics right now, maybe the result will may disappoint you. Whereas, if you let my friend Nick do it, whose father is a carpenter, maybe the situation is may be totally different. Even though his physics grade is not as good as mine, he can deal with the task with flying colors (This phrase normally describes exam results.), because he has learned the facts (The facts of what? Physics? Model-making? The 'facts' and 'concepts' here need to be on the same platform to be comparable. If you are talking about facts in model-making and concepts about physics, of course you won't beat a professional carpenter!) from his father since childhood. That’s why the facts make a difference.

Moreover, those concepts and ideas may be not be applied well in society. As a student, the purpose of getting educated for so many years is to get a good position and salary after graduating from college (I admire your honesty. Seriously.), hence how to be successful in the future career is the top priority. What should you know if you want to be like a ducks in water (Hmm. Are you trying to translate 如鱼得水？At least be careful about your grammar..=.=) in your workplace? The Perfect answer is your interpersonal skills, which requires the ability of communication, a good impression to others and a perfect attitude towards the work and colleagues your workmates. That’s a big deal. Well then, (Too casual. You're not writing a TV drama script.) there are many books which specially aim at these points, but do you really think you will be a consummately transformed after reading those books? The answer is absolutely not. Therefore the truth is you have to learn all these skills from your experience. it’s useless to be an armchair strategist. (What does this have to do with 'facts' vs. 'concepts'? What is the point of all this with regard to the question?)

In a nutshell, I put forward the point that learning facts is much more crucial. People say that doing is always more significant than simply thinking. (Does 'doing' equal 'learning facts'? This sentence is not comparable at all to what you're trying to argue. It feels as if you're not clear about what exactly these 'facts' and 'concepts' are. A conclusion paragraph is to summarize your main arguments and state your main opinion, so it's not necessary to open up new arguments.)

总结：

你的语法和词汇还有很重的中式表达的痕迹，尤其在may类意思/动词的表达和使用上。。

逻辑方面，要说思路有问题吧可以说是有，就是你其实不很确定题目问的，和你在论述的learning facts和understand ideas and concepts这两件事情都是什么概念。。从你文章的整体，尤其是最后一句话来看，似乎你的理解是facts = 实践经验，concepts = 纸上谈兵 这样，不过以我的理解，这个问题问的是 具体事实 和 抽象概念，就是类似于 拿破仑哪一年成为法国皇帝 和 拿破仑为什么能成为法国皇帝 这两个问题之间的区别。如果按照你对题目的理解来看，在举例和论证的部分做得还是可以的，只是中间一联系回原本的题目的时候，就露出你对问题的理解其实并没有解释清楚这个现象了。就是像我在中间两段的评语中说的，你说了半天也没说明白你说的facts和concepts到底是什么的facts/concepts，不然就是说着说着这两个关键字就不见了。这说明你在写的时候你心里想着的并不是题目中的facts和concepts这两个字，而是另外的东西。。=.= 这个题目本身是很抽象的，所以不是说你一定要沿着哪种思路，完全可以把它化成具体的理解来写，但你必须在开篇做好这个解释，就是说你要一开始就说，我对这个问题的理解是，facts是什么概念，concepts是什么概念，然后顺着你的理解往下写。你没有打好这个理论基础的话，你的思路就是空中楼阁了，所以这类抽象型的题目重要的是做好破题。

御风凌歆UID: 2738216

感谢点评><受益匪浅啊
当初看到这个抽象的题目就感觉很难展开思路，果然到处都是破绽汗= =
于是我开题就写清楚我的理解facts = 实践经验，concepts = 纸上谈兵，说用这样的观点来比较的话，是不是就可以呢？然后第2段的例子中我清楚说明下facts和concepts指代的是什么，应该会好一些吧？
感谢大人提出的语法错误= =我以后写文章的时候会多多注意的