issue104【clover】第一次小组作业 by mintsh

mintshUID: 2460474

ISSUE104 - "It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears."

The viewpoint states that the formal education is the primary approach through which a culture could promote the ideas it adores and dismiss the ideas it fears. I concede that the formal education serves as one of the approaches that help to consolidate the will of a culture but it is not always the case when we take customs, parents teaching and social shifts into account.

One of the reasons why I cannot fully approve of the assertion has something to do with the important effect of customs in our daily lives to indoctrinate certain notions. It is well-known that corresponding customs and traditions took shape following the occurrences of each kind of culture. Set holidays for example, their purposes are not only for people to enjoy themselves for the time being but they are also aimed at reminding people indirectly of the connotation of their culture. Thanksgiving, of which the most impressive scene is depicted as a family enjoying a delicious feat around a table, is actually intended for the commemoration of the assistance from Indians when modern Americans’ ancestors primarily landed on this newly-discovered continent. Paralleling with the Thanksgiving, the Christmas when we exchange presents and lend a hand to others in need of help actually motivates us to obtain a deep understanding of the Christian spirits. Needless to say, this is an indispensable component of culture penetration and through customs we are unconsciously learning the ideas our culture praises.

Another aspect which the assertion overlooks is the parents teaching at home. As the modern psychology study has pointed out, in the early time of our lives, we learn mainly from simulating people around us and undoubtedly parents are the two who influence us the most. Only by the repetition of parents on the same behaviors for several times can we possibly acquire how to do so. Meanwhile, children would behave in the right way due to the criteria of the culture only when they observe their parents obey rules strictly. For example, the culture advocates the respect for the elderly; children would never cultivate themselves into this virtue if their parents treat the elderly in a crude way despite formal education received at school which tries to instill them with the importance to do so.

Furthermore, in order to make people adhere to the principles a culture appreciates the culture has to change to the degree that catches up with the pace of social shifts. The society is experiencing progress with the each passing day and some of the ideas would be out of date unless they adjust themselves towards the trends of social shifts. Set China for example, for thousands of years, the emperor of China had underestimated the positive impact of industry and the necessity to communicate with the rest of the countries in the world. The rulers endeavored to uphold a culture that was the opposite of an open-minded one and informed their citizens China was the most developed country in the world. The consequence did not sound so splendid as the rulers had once expected. Compared with the western countries that underwent the Industrial Revolution, China fell far behind in both science and industry system. Under attack of foreign countries, China became a half-colonized country. Until that moment, the rulers had been awaken by the severe strike and began to encourage people to learn the advanced techniques and the regime as well from foreign countries.

Admittedly, the formal education may be a good choice when it comes to promote ideas a culture acclaims among students at school. But the foundation of the dissemination of certain conceptions relies on its applicability for the contemporary society activities which requires persistent upgrading. Otherwise, the family teaching and traditions shall be counted in as crucial section for culture promotion.

九天揽月UID: 2737667

issue104【clover】第一次小组作业 by mintsh

本帖最后由 mintsh 于 2010-1-31 17:55 编辑

ISSUE104 - "It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears."
批改者：九天揽月
The viewpoint states that the formal education is the primary approach through which a culture could promote the ideas it adores and dismiss the ideas it fears. I concede that the formal education serves as one of the approaches that help to consolidate the will of a culture（文化的意志？will似乎用于人比较多）（用逗号会不会好点？）but it is not always the case when we take customs, parents teaching（改为family education是否更恰当？） and social shifts into account（TS）.
首段提出观点，部分同意原文观点，不过进一步明确论点会更好吧？

One of the reasons why I cannot fully approve of the assertion has something to do with the important effect of customs in our daily lives to indoctrinate certain notions. It is well-known that corresponding customs and traditions took shape following the occurrences of each kind of culture. Set（Take?） holidays for example, their purposes are not only for people to enjoy themselves for the time being but they are(可否去掉，简洁点？) also aimed at reminding people indirectly of the connotation of their culture. Thanksgiving, of which the most impressive scene is depicted as a family enjoying a delicious feat around a table, is actually intended for the commemoration of the assistance from Indians when modern Americans’ ancestors primarily landed on this newly-discovered continent. Paralleling with the Thanksgiving, the Christmas when we exchange presents and lend a hand to others in need of help actually motivates us to obtain a deep understanding of the Christian spirits. Needless to say, this is an indispensable component of culture penetration and through customs we are unconsciously learning the ideas our culture praises.
本段TS明确，例证准确，节假日能起到传承文化的作用，但似乎完全没有提及formal education, 不知论证开始是否要先让步，再反驳？

Another aspect which the assertion overlooks is the parents teaching at home. As the modern psychology study has pointed out, in the early time of our lives, we learn mainly from（by更好？） simulating people around us and undoubtedly parents are the two who influence us the most. Only by the repetition of parents on the same behaviors for several times can we possibly acquire how to do so. Meanwhile, children would behave in the right way due to the criteria of the culture only when they observe their parents obey rules strictly. For example, the culture advocates the respect for the elderly; children would never cultivate themselves into this virtue if their parents treat the elderly in a crude way despite formal education received at school which tries to instill them with the importance to do so（是否有点绝对？）.
本段主题明确，但表达是否有点不够简练,如果能有formal education与family education的比较，可能会更清楚点。
Furthermore, in order to make people adhere to the principles a culture appreciates the culture has to change to the degree （？）that catches up with the pace of social shifts. The society is experiencing progress with the （去掉？）each passing day and some of the ideas would be out of date unless they adjust themselves towards the trends of social shifts. Set China for example, for thousands of years, the emperor (emperors, 复数更恰当) of China had underestimated the positive impact of industry and the necessity to communicate with the rest of the countries(other countries?) in the world. The rulers endeavored to uphold a culture that was the opposite of an open-minded（多用于形容人，open更准确吧？） one and informed their citizens China was the most developed country in the world. The consequence did not sound so splendid as the rulers had once（去掉once?） expected. Compared with the western countries that underwent the Industrial Revolution, China fell far behind in both science and industry system(system是不是有点多余？). Under attack of foreign countries, China became a half-colonized（semicolonial，半殖民的，韦伯词典） country. Until that moment（until用于否定形式，主句可改为否定式）, the rulers had been awaken by the severe strike and began to encourage people to learn the advanced techniques and the regime（与前文似乎没多大联系） as well from foreign countries.
本段论述清楚，但表达似乎有一点chinglish，（这点我也是问题:L ）对例子的阐述有点过于详细，与原题离得有点远。

Admittedly, the formal education may be a good choice when it comes to promote ideas a culture acclaims among students at school. (对于该结论没有正面论证) But the foundation of the dissemination of certain conceptions relies on its applicability for the contemporary society activities which requires persistent upgrading. Otherwise, the family teaching and traditions shall be counted in as crucial section for culturepromotion.（双重否定好像不够有力）


文章条理清晰，注重实例，语言功底较好，如果能增加让步的论证，即论证正规教育在传承文化方面的作用，或者做对比，可能反驳会更有力。个人观点哈！

mintshUID: 2460474

2# 九天揽月
~~看到满满的批改觉得很开心~等我领悟以后~再次修改~~谢咯~~

九天揽月UID: 2737667

2# 九天揽月  
~~看到满满的批改觉得很开心~等我领悟以后~再次修改~~谢咯~~
mintsh 发表于 2010-2-1 18:42

共同学习~~~你的词汇很多哦，学习了……

mintshUID: 2460474

真不好意思，才把网连上了~
同时谢谢月月的修改~

The viewpoint states that the formal education is the primary approach through which a culture could promote the ideas it adores and dismiss the ideas it fears. I concede that the formal education serves as one of the approaches that help to consolidate the inclination of a culture, but it is not always the case when we take customs, family education and social shifts into account which take an active part in perpetuating ideas too.

One of the reasons why I cannot fully approve of the assertion has something to do with the important effect of customs in our daily lives to indoctrinate certain notions. It is well-known that corresponding customs and traditions took shape following the occurrences of each kind of culture. Set（Take这里我个人觉得是不是两个都可以呢） holidays for example, their purposes are not only for people to enjoy themselves for a while but also aimed at reminding people indirectly of the connotation of their culture. To be frank, formal education never ignores the significance to inform students of customs inherited from the forefathers, nonetheless, the pictures on book and the narration from teachers cannot replace the real experience which demands participation in traditions. Thanksgiving, of which the most impressive scene is depicted as a family enjoying a delicious feat around a table, is actually intended for the commemoration of the assistance from Indians when modern Americans’ ancestors primarily landed on this newly-discovered continent. Paralleling with the Thanksgiving, the Christmas when we exchange presents and lend a hand to others in need of help actually motivates us to obtain a deep understanding of the Christian spirits. Needless to say, this is an indispensable component of culture penetration and through customs we are unconsciously learning the ideas our culture praises.

Another aspect which the assertion overlooks is the family education at home. As the modern psychology study has pointed out, in the early time of our lives, we learn mainly by simulating people around us and undoubtedly parents are the two who influence us the most. Only by the repetition of parents on the same behaviors for several times can we possibly acquire how to do so. Meanwhile, children would behave in the right way due to the criteria of the culture only when they observe their parents obey rules strictly. For example, the culture advocates the respect for the elderly; children would hardly cultivate themselves into this virtue if their parents treat the elderly in a crude way despite formal education received at school which tries to instill them with the importance to do so. Parents’ appreciation of certain ethic and their adoration for a culture will certainly speed their children along the path to approving the same things.

Furthermore, in order to perpetuate the principles a culture appreciates the culture has to change to the degree that catches up with the pace of social shifts. The society is experiencing progress with the each passing day and some of the ideas would be out of date unless they adjust themselves towards the trends of social shifts. Set China for example, for thousands of years, the emperors of China had underestimated the positive impact of industry and the necessity to communicate with the rest of the world. The rulers endeavored to uphold a culture that was the opposite of an open one and informed their citizens China was the most developed country in the world. The consequence did not sound so splendid as the rulers had ever expected. Compared with the western countries that underwent the Industrial Revolution, China fell far behind in social system, science, industry (这里是为了表达工业体系，恩，只有industry其实意思也差不多)and so forth. Under attack of foreign countries, China became a semicolonial（半殖民的，嘿嘿，因为月月新认识的） country. Not until that moment, had the rulers been awaken by the severe strike and began to encourage people to learn the advanced techniques and the regime as well from foreign countries. In this case, no matter how perfect formal education works to indoctrinate citizens about the constant notions inappropriate for sustainable development, citizens will be forced to absorb from foreign cultures by the sense of crisis

Admittedly, the formal education may be a good choice when it comes to promote ideas a culture acclaims among students at school. But the foundation of the dissemination of certain conceptions relies on its applicability for the contemporary society activities which requires persistent upgrading. Otherwise, the family teaching and traditions shall be counted in as crucial section for culture
promotion.

chaliaUID: 2589767

文章写的很好吖~

我都没什么改的地方~~ 加油~!

lemonshuoUID: 2636040

各位大侠可不可以帮俺瞧瞧~~这是俺第一次写作文，不知道该找谁切磋，占了楼主的板面，不好意思啦……哪位有时间帮俺改改，感谢不尽呐
  DATE: 2010/2/4 11:27:25
235.All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent problems.

In recent years, too many social problems we suffer are tough to a point where no single nation can tackle with ease, which makes a global university be proposed as a solution. In weighing up both the prospective benefits and potential risks, however, I reckon that a global university as many other simple solutions to some most complicated problems, would be awkward in serving as a key.  
Some social problem such as, unemployment, juvenile delinquency, famine are big headache for every government. Though, the solutions to such problems require a combination between theories and practice, a university on a global context is borne with many flaws.
First, the inherited nature of a university on a global scale poses many problems that hinder the blueprint from being converted into reality. It would be almost a mission impossible for all nations with diverse cultures, values, and regions to overcome countless impediments. Sometimes, the approaches of a problem from different person may varied widely, let alone different countries.
Second, feasibility though this proposal enjoy, there is no guarantee that a smooth operation would be thereby accomplished. How do people of different personality and background work as a group to achieve a certain goal? What to do when they hold their respective voice? Which one should give up his or her idea? As so many problems are raised, the potential uncertainties and risks brought by the proposal are far weighed by the possible solutions and opportunities.
Third, though a global university can work, it can’t guarantee the effectiveness and efficiency of overcoming all the global issues. The students who are just step out of the ivory tower are so innocent that they can’t handle such complicated problems as global warming, economic crisis, natural disasters, and so on. If students can solve these issues, then there is no need of the existing of connoisseurs and global meetings. The Davos Forum which is held twice a year is a place for experts and chiefs from all over the world to get together and discuss economic problems. From 2008, the economic crisis took place, they have been puzzled by the complex trend of economics. The elites with rich experience can’t tackle it, let alone the fresh man. It can serve as an evidence that bolster my claim that a global university can’t help to solve global issues.
Forth, a global university will standardize education and the way of thinking. That is to say, one should compromise on their own belief and style. It is opposite of the aim of education which appreciates creating. Then, teaching and researching will be trapped in a vicious circle. So, a global university, suppose it is feasible, it will drive education to a dead end, and won’t be an effective solution to social problems.
In sum, though there are many persistent global problems that need to be solved on a global scale, the development of a global university can’t work. It is effective and efficient in streamlining and optimizing most of the social problems, if we have more communications on education, economics, environmental protecting and other fields of the society.
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