ARGUMENT200 附提纲~谢谢批改！

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
WORDS: 479
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-1-31 9:56:22
提纲：
主一：晕的多不能说明觉得疼：还有很多表现，比如哭，吐
主二：样本：可能这个调查里女的意志坚强，或者体质好
主三：结论有问题：1.女性可能是强大的潜在客户2.员工敏感！=病人不觉得疼
PS：这篇是限时完成的，不多不少刚好30分钟打完，当然自己修改过一遍，刚贴到word上的时候惨不忍睹，还有10天了。。。。。。
    希望大家能给出怎样提高的方法~挺慌张的现在~


This article concludes that dentists should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients in order to attract patients. To support this recommendation, the author cites that statistics collected from dentists indicate that men are much more fainting than women while visiting the dentist and then concludes that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. However, this argument suffers a series of logical problems and critical flaws, and is therefore wholly unpersuasive.

To begin with, the author assumes the feeling of distress about having dental work could only represent from one symptom-faint. However, common sense informs me that there are myriad of other symptoms could also caused by distressed. Thus, it is possible that women do not fait while visiting the dentist, but they may cry or throw up. Thus, only the faint cannot simply represent they are whether distressed or not.

Moreover, even though in this statistics, men are really more sensitive than women, but the arguer fail to support the condition of the sample in this study, such as age, occupation and habitus. Perhaps, in this study, the men virtually more likely to faint no matter whether visit the dentist or not. It is also possible, for instance, that the characteristics and habitus of women are stronger than men in this study, so that even they feel more pain, they won't faint at all. Thus, how can the author arbitrarily assume that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are only based on this one study?

Finally, even thought the statistics indeed truly represent the author's assume, but the recommendation that dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer is also unreasonable. The study only represents the patients’ condition when visiting the dentist, but begs a pivotal problem. Can they affirm that all the patients who suffered dental disease are really visit dentists? Perhaps, a plethora of women do not visit the dentist for the reason that they fear and cannot suffer the pain. Thus, if the advertisement only focuses on the male consumers, dentists would lose the vast numbers of female consumers. Moreover, the author's further recommendation that dentists should emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients is still problematic. I cannot be convinced that the sensitivity of their staff could release the pain of their patients because they are different people. So, this advertisement also cannot attract patients for the same reason.

In conclusion, the argument cannot be taken seriously as it stands. To better this argument, the author should reaffirm that the statistics could really and exactly reflect the most of patients' feeling when visiting the dentist. Moreover, as an advertisement, it cannot ignore any potential consumers.

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

这个文章版主要修改的，偶为了表示感激也改一下LZ的文章，低调些放在附件里~
修改内容在“零散作文大帖”https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1048719&pid=1773563710&page=3&extra=
也贴过去了，LZ可以去看看。