请帮忙看下这个VISA 申请信有啥要改的？

lvhanbingUID：2176913

老感觉有一些有语病

Dear Visa Officer,


For the reason that I would like to have a visit to my“dreamlands” – Paris,

Nice and Munich as well as visit my best friend XXduring 2010 Chinese Spring Festival,
I apply for this Schengen Visa on January
2010. However, my friend XX,

who is studyingin a college of Nice, forgot to provide me the scanned copy of her passport,

also formal visa invitation lacks.
As aresult, I choose the Purposeof travel for “Individual Tourism”.

What is more, I am the legal man and general managerof “XXXXXXXXXX”,

hence I ignore “working certificate original &translation”.

Sorry for my carelessness for preparing the visa in such a shorttime.

If there is any need, I could provide working certificate as soon aspossible via EMS or FAX.

Warm Regards,
XXXX
2 FEB 2010


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sorry for my carelessness for preparing the visa in such a shorttime.  
特别是这句