independent writing by pet~

beverly910614UID：2728081

External appearance or inner beauty, which is more important?

Nowadays, there are more and more cosmetic hospitals and operations. People care about their external appearances. When we turn on a TV or go to a shopping mall, the advertisements’ models are very beautiful. Of course, people commonly like handsome boy and pretty girl. But is the physical appearance really more important than inner beauty? I don’t think so. Several reasons are listed as follow.

First of all, a person without kindness cannot be welcomed by others, although he/she has beautiful face. Take the story of the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs for example. The queen is very beautiful, but she always asks the mirror “who is the most beautiful lady in the world?” The mirror would reply every time “The Snow White is the most beautiful lady in the world.” The queen is so jealous that she hires a hunter to kill Snow White. But the hunter doesn’t kill her at all. Then, the queen tries many ruthless methods in order to kill Snow White. I believe that no one would like the wicked queen, although she also has a beautiful face.

Secondly, a person’s inner beauty can maintain for a long time, even the beautiful face was gone with the time. Time is just like a magician. From young age to old age, your baby skin would turn into wrinkle, and your watery and crystal eyes would become dry and opaque, and your shaped statue may turn into beer belly. You are not a “handsome” boy or a “pretty” girl anymore at least on the appearance. But you still can be a handsome man or a pretty woman. That is to say, your beautiful inner beauty can maintain you appear pretty for a long time.

Although there are more and more technologies that can make people more and more beautiful in the appearance, nothing cannot be prettier than a person’s inner beauty.

In a word, no matter how beautiful a person is, if he or she has no inner beauty, no one would welcome him or her. And, appearance cannot last for a long time; time would eventually wear away your physical beauty, but it cannot take away your own inner beauty. So, inner beauty is more important than external beauty.

mpromanusUID：2565872

Nowadays, there are more and more cosmetic surgery hospitals and operations. People care about their external appearances. When we turn on a TV or go to a shopping mall, the advertisements’ models are very beautiful. Of course, people commonly like handsome boys and pretty girls, but is the physical appearance really more important than inner beauty? (Your opening points about people caring about appearances and liking good-looking models are good, but then, how are these relevant to the 'importance' part of the question? To put in other words, I don't see a very strong road by which your opening leads up to a discussion about the importance of beauty. People can care about very trival things, and beautiful models aren't necessarily 'important' either. Now, if you said that people consider cosmetic surgery necessary for finding good jobs, that shows some importance. My point is that you should think about how to make the connection more relevant and more obvious.) I don’t think so. Several reasons are listed as follow.

First of all, a person without kindness (Is 'inner beauty' all about 'kindness'?) cannot be welcomed by others, although he/she has a beautiful face. Take the story of the Snow White and Seven Dwarfs for example. The queen is very beautiful, but she always asks the mirror “who is the most beautiful lady in the world?” The mirror would reply every time “The Snow White is the most beautiful lady in the world.” The queen is so jealous that she hires a hunter to kill Snow White. But the hunter doesn’t kill her at all. Then, the queen tries many ruthless methods in order to kill Snow White. I believe that no one would like the wicked queen, although she also has a beautiful face. (This is a good example, but again, the question is about the 'importance' of the two kinds of beauty, not which kind people like more. You need to establish relationship between 'like/welcome' and 'importance', e.g. only things that are accepted and welcomed by people are important, so if the queen's beauty is not liked, then it's not important.)

Secondly, a person’s inner beauty can maintain (People 'maintain' things, and things can be 'maintained'.) for a long time, even the (I'd suggest 'his/her', so that readers don't lose the subject.') beautiful face was gone with the time. Time is just like a magician. From youth age to old age, your baby skin would turn into wrinkles, and your watery and crystal eyes would become dry and opaque, and your shaped statue? may turn into a beer belly. You are not a “handsome” boy or a “pretty” girl anymore, at least on the appearances. But you still can be a handsome man or a pretty woman. That is to say, your beautiful inner beauty can maintain you appearant? pretty (See previous comment about 'maintain'). for a long time.

Although there are more and more technologies that can make people more and more beautiful in appearances, nothing cannot be prettier than a person’s inner beauty. (Again, a double-negative..and the meaning of the whole part is turned around.)

In a word, no matter how beautiful a person is, if he or she has no inner beauty, no one would welcome him or her. And ('and' in formal writings cannot lead a sentence by itself.), appearances cannot last for a long time; time would eventually wear away your physical beauty, but it cannot take away your own inner beauty. So, inner beauty is more important than external beauty.

总结：

语法用词方面没有什么大问题，基本功很好啊，注意一下单复数。逻辑方面例子举得很好，但因为起始段并没有点题，所以每段论证结束的时候最好点一下题，否则读者很容易就忘记你到底在说什么问题了。