Issue 48【第一次限时（换血大改）】

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 448

TIME: 00:40:32
DATE: 2010-1-30 9:20:25

If we cast a look back at history, the significant events and trends are mostly made by groups of normal people even whose names were not recorded. The speaker claims that the study of history over emphasizes on the famous few in these memorabilia. However, it’s the most efficient and perhaps the only way of learning a certain period and the event.

Let’s take an example to illustrate, suppose in a significant battle, a group of soldiers have triumphed over their rival. If the lord wants to promote someone’s position of these soldiers, to our general knowledge, the leader or maybe the most excellent one would be the candidate. Without other soldiers, it is impossible for an individual to succeed, whereas it is the superior one, who as a representation of them, should be horned. The study of history is the same as this to some extent, as the time passes, the majority of people who had contributed to the events had be forgotten, the only way to have some knowledge about certain events is to study the famous few who had been recorded by historical documents.


The significant events and trends are those that had made great changes in certain time or have strongly affected on a nation, such as an important war or a meaningful reform. And the famous few were always the leaders of these events who led the normal people to accomplish or the well performed ones who had made great contribute to the entire process. After hundreds of years, even the stoutest building will ruin away let alone the numerous ordinary person. To study history, the only access is to research the well-known people, during whose life experiences to make clear about the entire historical events. For example, the Qin Shi Huang Di in China who had commenced the first vision of the Great Wall which is one of the world’s wonders. To study the use of this huge project and how it was built, undoubtedly, historians cannot find any information through the millions of labor who built it. The Great Wall has remained when even the bones of the men who built it have disappeared without any trace. Accordingly, we have no choice for any other efficient method except placing much attention to the famous few.


Some places are protected as former residence place of famous people. Why are the local people proud of this? The famous one could be a scientist who has significant achievement in certain area, a hero who had led many successful battles, or maybe a writer who has formed the fundamental of a branch of literature. After they passed away, these places are protected as memorize of these people. This indicates that, people always pay more attention to famous few rather than the public.


Whether to common sense or to the feasibility, the superior few are always lighted up. It is the famous historical people who stringed the plots of significant events and made it possible for later generations to know. Thus, the study of the famous few is the study of history.

hurongchildUID: 2595535

If we cast a look back at history, the significant events and trends are mostly made by groups of normal people whose names were not even recorded. The speaker claims that the study of history over emphasizes on the famous few in these memorabilia. However, it’s the most efficient and perhaps the only way of learning a certain period and the event.

Let’s take an example to illustrate, suppose in a significant battle, a group of soldiers have triumphed over their rival. If the lord wants to promote someone’s position of these soldiers, to our general knowledge, the leader or maybe the most excellent one would be the candidate. Without other soldiers, it is impossible for an individual to succeed, whereas it is the superior one, who as a representation of them, should be horned. The study of history is the same as this to some extent, as the time passes, the majority of people who had contributed to the events had be forgotten, the only way to have some knowledge about certain events is to study the famous few who had been recorded by historical documents. （这一段的主题句最好在开头摆出来，让我找得好辛苦，我想考官也会很辛苦的）


The significant events and trends are those that had made great changes in certain time or have strongly affected on(有这个用法吗？） a nation, such as an important war or a meaningful reform. And the famous few were always the leaders of these events who led the normal people to accomplish or the well performed ones who had made great contribute（contributions） to the entire process. After hundreds of years, even the stoutest building will ruin away let alone the numerous ordinary person. To study history, the only access is to research the well-known people, during whose life experiences to make clear about the entire historical events（语法有点问题哈）. For example, the Qin Shi Huang Di（不用DI了~） in China who had commenced the first vision of the Great Wall which is one of the world’s wonders. To study the use of this huge project and how it was built, undoubtedly, historians cannot find any information through the millions of labor who built it. The Great Wall has remained when even the bones of the men who built it have disappeared without any trace. Accordingly, we have no choice for any other efficient method except placing much attention to the famous few.（这个例子啊，我想问一下，我们研究长城的历史价值难道是研究秦始皇？不是研究长城建造给我们国家带来的种种战争防御优势和历史文献关于它的记载吗~？)


Some places are protected as former residence place of famous people. Why are the local people proud of this? The famous one could be a scientist who has significant achievement in certain area, a hero who had led many successful battles, or maybe a writer who has formed the fundamental(build the foundation) of a branch of literature. After they passed away, these places are protected as memorize(用名词形式） of these people. This indicates that, people always pay more attention to famous few rather than the public.（这一段好像没有说什么···题目不就是想这一种现象吗？你说了这个现象，但是这个现象为什么是好的呢？）

Whether to common sense or to the feasibility, the superior few are always lighted up. It is the famous historical people who stringed the plots of significant events and made it possible for later generations to know. Thus, the study of the famous few is the study of history.

hurongchildUID: 2595535

前辈，看了你给我改的issue，我收获很大，你的思路很很好，今天写的issue你能不能再给俺看看~

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

3# hurongchild
呀呀呀~~你可千万别称我为前辈啊~折寿折寿……
我也是一个普通的板油啊，都说了3月8号考么，互相学习指正就可以了嘛~
我的意见对你有帮助是我最大的荣幸~
好的，我今天还改好多文章，忙完一定给你看看！
加油~O(∩_∩)O~

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

前辈~哈哈~https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1064612-1-1.html
同题作文，先贴再改。
最近几天觉得issue越写越烂了。。

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

5# ringtailbunny
呼呼~太不厚道了~居然挖俺的老贴
好吧，你简单给我看看，这篇写的确实不怎么样，等偶今天搞定那50个阿狗分析给你改~

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten." WORDS: 448 TIME: 00:40:32 DATE: 2010-1-30 9:20:25 If we cast a look back at history（很亮）, the significant events and trends are mostly made by groups of normal people even whose names were not recorded. The speaker claims that the study of history over emphasizes on the famous few in these memorabilia. However, it’s the most efficient and perhaps the only way of learning a certain period and the event. (哇塞,全肯型,这种型号现在看的不多…还有,你三句话的关系我建议先说第二句,然后第一句,最后第三句,你自己想想) Lets take an example to illustrate, suppose in a significant battle, a group of soldiers have triumphed over their rival. If the lord wants to promote someone’s position of these soldiers, to our general knowledge, the leader or maybe the most excellent one would be the candidate. Without other soldiers, it is impossible for an individual to succeed, whereas (这个连词给我感觉怪怪的)it is the superior one, who as(server as还是is?) a representation of them, should be horned. The study of history is the same as this to some extent, as the time passes, the majority of people who had contributed to the events had be forgotten, the only way to have some knowledge about certain events is to study the famous few who had been recorded by historical documents. (TS这么提还是有点危险,另外征战何其多,搞个具体的呗) The significant events and trends are those that had made great changes in certain time or have strongly affected on a nation,(这个不一定吧..) such as an important war or a meaningful reform. And the famous few were always the leaders of these events who led the normal people to accomplish or the well performed ones who had made great contribute to the entire process. After hundreds of years, even the stoutest building will ruin away(这里是不是缺个分号什么的还是固定用法?) let alone the numerous ordinary person. To study history, the only access is to research the well-known people, during whose life experiences to make clear about the entire historical events. For example, the Qin Shi Huang Di in China who had commenced the first vision of the Great Wall which is one of the world’s wonders. To study the use of this huge project and how it was built, undoubtedly, historians cannot find any information through the millions of labor who built it.(欠妥.一来研究长城是通过长城本身，再者即使通过人研究，那些参与过在长城上征战的人和修筑的人也貌似秦始皇有价值。。。) The Great Wall has remained when（这个when有点问题吧。。） even the bones of the men who built it have disappeared without any trace. Accordingly（说实话啊，我觉得你这个accordingly和后面的结论这句用的不好，有点绝对是不）, we have no choice for any other efficient method except placing much attention to the famous few.（再说这里就说死了最终的结论，后面怎么发展？） (TS飘逸流还是少一点的号) Some places are protected as former residence place of famous people.（人民英雄纪念碑。貌似美国也有个二战的类似的。。。） Why are the local people proud of this? The famous one could be a scientist who has significant achievement in certain area, a hero who had led many successful battles, or maybe a writer who has formed the fundamental of a branch of literature. After they passed away, these places are protected as memorize of these people. This indicates that, people always pay more attention to famous few rather than the public.（看到这里我不得不说，少些全正或者全反，毕竟大多数的题目全正全饭的结论都是不严密的，这台考研功力了。本来作者的逻辑应该不错，可是在这样一个不好写的题目下，也很难避免出漏子的。。。。TS的话，我个人强烈不建议3段统统飘逸流，那个老师看累了怎么办，读这中文章很消耗精力的。。） Whether to common sense or to the feasibility, the superior few are always lighted up. It is the famous historical people who stringed the plots of significant events and made it possible for later generations to know. Thus, the study of the famous few is the study of history. （结尾我一直很随意的。。

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 448

TIME: 00:40:32
DATE: 2010-1-30 9:20:25
If we cast a look back at history, the significant events and trends are mostly made by groups of normal people even whose names were not recorded. The speaker claims that the study of history over emphasizes on the famous few in these memorabilia. However, it’s the most efficient and perhaps the only way of learning a certain period and the event.
(哇塞,全肯型,这种型号现在看的不多…还有,你三句话的关系我建议先说第二句,然后第一句,最后第三句,你自己想想)
Lets take an example to illustrate, suppose in a significant battle, a group of soldiers have triumphed over their rival. If the lord wants to promote someone’s position of these soldiers, to our general knowledge, the leader or maybe the most excellent one would be the candidate. Without other soldiers, it is impossible for an individual to succeed, whereas (这个连词给我感觉怪怪的)it is the superior one, who as(server as还是is?) a representation of them, should be horned. The study of history is the same as this to some extent, as the time passes, the majority of people who had contributed to the events had be forgotten, the only way to have some knowledge about certain events is to study the famous few who had been recorded by historical documents.
(TS这么提还是有点危险,另外征战何其多,搞个具体的呗)

The significant events and trends are those that had made great changes in certain time or have strongly affected on a nation,(这个不一定吧..) such as an important war or a meaningful reform. And the famous few were always the leaders of these events who led the normal people to accomplish or the well performed ones who had made great contribute to the entire process. After hundreds of years, even the stoutest building will ruin away(这里是不是缺个分号什么的还是固定用法?) let alone the numerous ordinary person. To study history, the only access is to research the well-known people, during whose life experiences to make clear about the entire historical events. For example, the Qin Shi Huang Di in China who had commenced the first vision of the Great Wall which is one of the world’s wonders. To study the use of this huge project and how it was built, undoubtedly, historians cannot find any information through the millions of labor who built it.(欠妥.一来研究长城是通过长城本身，再者即使通过人研究，那些参与过在长城上征战的人和修筑的人也貌似秦始皇有价值。。。) The Great Wall has remained when（这个when有点问题吧。。） even the bones of the men who built it have disappeared without any trace. Accordingly（说实话啊，我觉得你这个accordingly和后面的结论这句用的不好，有点绝对是不）, we have no choice for any other efficient method except placing much attention to the famous few.（再说这里就说死了最终的结论，后面怎么发展？）
(TS飘逸流还是少一点的号)

Some places are protected as former residence place of famous people.（人民英雄纪念碑。貌似美国也有个二战的类似的。。。） Why are the local people proud of this? The famous one could be a scientist who has significant achievement in certain area, a hero who had led many successful battles, or maybe a writer who has formed the fundamental of a branch of literature. After they passed away, these places are protected as memorize of these people. This indicates that, people always pay more attention to famous few rather than the public.（看到这里我不得不说，少些全正或者全反，毕竟大多数的题目全正全饭的结论都是不严密的，这台考研功力了。本来作者的逻辑应该不错，可是在这样一个不好写的题目下，也很难避免出漏子的。。。。TS的话，我个人强烈不建议3段统统飘逸流，那个老师看累了怎么办，读这中文章很消耗精力的。。）


Whether to common sense or to the feasibility, the superior few are always lighted up. It is the famous historical people who stringed the plots of significant events and made it possible for later generations to know. Thus, the study of the famous few is the study of history.
（结尾我一直很随意的。。）


重贴。格式问题

ringtailbunnyUID: 2579853

没注意时间。。。。。。。。。。。。。。我错了。。。。。。。。。。。。。
我就搜了一下同题的。。然后看到你的名字了。。然后。。然后就没有然后了。。

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

9# ringtailbunny
我水平本来就不行啊，你看着找自信是应该的嘛
嘿嘿，说不定我现在水平能比办个月前强些~
呼呼~还有20道阿狗，估计得些时间，今天尽量能给你看吧~

bxdz8UID: 2770508

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binghuoshenlongUID: 2670882

我发表一下 不成熟的意见
1 长句子用的水平不高  都是同位语 定语  而且是最简单的组装
2 虽然我语感一般 但是还是感觉 说话用词不地道 就是很汉语化
3 条理清晰 很好
4 个别词用的有水平
5 我3.3 二战 一起努力

binghuoshenlongUID: 2670882

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1061253-1-1.html     我写的 你看看 欢迎改错 指出错误