eddie的独立作文 2.5

eddie23508okUID: 2281260

2.5 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Which is more important, relating well to other people or studying hard at school? People hold various preferences. As for me, these two affects all pervade in people's future career success and both of them share the same importance. My reasons to support my perspectives are listed as below.

To begin with, it is important for people to study hard at school, which can help people gain solidified learning base, widen the range of knowledge source and form good habit for future studying. In the school, various kinds of knowledge of major or out of major are imparted to students. By studying hard, people can harvest general recognition about human's logic and foundamental principles towards the universe. And every job is based on what are taught in school. Without such knowledge from school, people would not get employed in the society, let alone success in career.

However although study hard at school renders important for people, it does not necessarily mean the whole for our personal development. As we all live in a society full of interpersonal relationships, there is another crucial affair for us to solve--that is dealing with different kinds of people properly in our lives. This is also called EQ of a person. By getting along well with the people around us, we can be facilitated with lots of advantages, which will also benefit our future career. For example, when we want to get promoted in the company, supports from our colleagues derive from our routine relationship with them. What’s more, when we have a good social relationships, we can gain large amount of information necessary for our career development. It's hard to imagine how a person who is arrogant or mean to everyone can achieve success in his career.

As the most important elements deciding people's career life, both of relating well with those around and studying hard at school play vital role in people's personal development. Either lacking of good EQ or ignorance of basic knowledge from school would lead no one to career success. Thus people should never ignore the cultivation of developing good interpersonal relationships and learning hard at school.

To sum up, as mentioned above, in order to attain career success, people have to maintain an appropriate interpersonal relationship with people around as well as study hard at school.

captainlchUID: 2591903

Which is more important, relating well to other people or studying hard at school? People hold various preferences. As for me, these two affects (facts)all pervade in people's future career success and both of them share the same importance. My reasons to support my perspectives are listed as below

To begin with, it is important for people to study hard at school, which can help people gain solidified learning base, widen the range of knowledge source and form(cultivate) good habit for future studying. In the school, various kinds of knowledge of major or out of major are imparted to students. By studying hard, people can harvest general recognition about human's logic and foundamental principles towards the universe. And every job is based on what are taught in school. Without such knowledge from school, people would not get employed in the society, let alone success in career.

However although study hard at school renders important for people, it does not necessarily mean the whole for our personal development. As we all live in a society full of interpersonal relationships, there is another crucial affair for us to solve--that is dealing with different kinds of people properly in our lives. This is also called EQ of a person. By getting along well with the people around us, we can be facilitated with lots of advantages, which will also benefit our future career. For example, when we want to get promoted in the company, supports from our colleagues derive from our routine relationship with them. What’s more, when we have a good social relationships, we can gain large amount of information necessary for our career development. It's hard to imagine how a person who is arrogant or mean to everyone can achieve success in his career.

As the most important elements deciding people's career life, both of relating well with those around and studying hard at school play vital role in people's personal development. Either lacking of good EQ or ignorance of basic knowledge from school would lead no one to career success. Thus people should never ignore the cultivation of developing good interpersonal relationships and learning hard at school.

To sum up, as mentioned above, in order to attain career success, people have to maintain an appropriate interpersonal relationship with people around as well as study hard at school.

红色代表修改，蓝色代表删除，楼主的文章结构上很好，但是不知道些平衡观点可行否？遣词造句水平还需慢慢提升。
我水平也不高，意见还望笑纳！

mangohahaUID: 2758178

2.5 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?
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Which is more important, relating well to other people or studying hard at school? People hold various preferences. As for me, these two affects all pervade in people's future career success and both of them share the same importance. My reasons to support my perspectives are listed as below（首段简洁明了，没什么问题，应该是平衡的观点是么？。。。）.# o' `' a. I* c$ }) `, l$ s
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To begin with, it is important for people to study hard at school, which can help people gain solidified learning base, widen the range of knowledge source and form good habit for future studying.首句指出study hard 的好处 In the school, various kinds of knowledge of major or out of major are imparted to students. By studying hard, people can harvest general recognition about human's logic and foundamental principles towards the universe. And every job is based on what are taught in school. Without such knowledge from school, people would not get employed in the society, let alone success in career." L) U* G* |* b& z& i
本段论证没问题。。。
However （however 强转折的出现下面应该是你本文的观点了吧）although study hard at school renders important for people, it does not necessarily mean the whole for our personal development. As we all live in a society full of interpersonal relationships, there is another crucial affair for us to solve--that is dealing with different kinds of people properly in our lives. This is also called EQ of a person.（本段的观点出现了EQ的重要性）（中间有断层。。。EQ的内容不仅仅包括getting along well with others, 所以这里你应该有个过渡，这样getting along well 就是本段的观点 而不是EQ） By getting along well with the people around us, we can be facilitated with lots of advantages, which will also benefit our future career. For example, when we want to get promoted in the company, supports from our colleagues derive from our routine relationship with them. What’s more, when we have a good social relationships, we can gain large amount of information necessary for our career development. It's hard to imagine how a person who is arrogant or mean to everyone can achieve success in his career.（本段观点前面的话有些多余，如果去掉不影响本段论证那就去掉吧，过渡是很好不过太长了就适得其反了）

As the most important elements deciding people's career life, both of relating well with those around and studying hard at school play vital role in people's personal development. Either lacking of good EQ or ignorance of basic knowledge from school would lead no one to career success. Thus people should never ignore the cultivation of developing good interpersonal relationships and learning hard at school.（本段建议去掉。。。 这一段感觉上是对第一段后面的重复，或是应该就是最后一段的总结）

To sum up, as mentioned above, in order to attain career success, people have to maintain an appropriate interpersonal relationship with people around as well as study hard at school.
本段是对上一段的重复

就本文而言，提纲感觉没有列好，对题目的理解也有偏差，EQ不等同于good relationship… 这是其一，其二，平衡观点的使用有待商榷，而however最为强强转折之后的观点应该是本文的观点，而且就整篇文章而言明显第三段比其他段落都要长很多，论证的过程也更加仔细，看后的印象最为深刻，而对于二段的论证不温不火，如果下面是转折说明relationship的重要性，这将是骗好文章。不过现在的情况是你让人看不懂你要表达的主题。
语言方面我实在太烂。。。不敢轻易改动，不过可见作者的写作功底之深厚^_^ 加油，就是提纲有问题，其他的很好


如果有说的不对是过分的地方，请您原谅。。。 ^_^