狐狸作文本本

clisalongUID：2715802

3、2作文修改--nicole

语言流畅，( ^_^ )不错嘛O(∩_∩)O~
见附件：

nathanycUID：2551974

3.2 Nathan 修改
不好意思，迟了

hulinlin24UID：2731389

Do you agree or disagree that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries?
It is commonly thought that our society had darmatically change by modern science and technology, and scientists had made extraordinary progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades. However, some people complain that some inventions exert negative impacts on society such as global warming by emitting gas of cars. The statement declares that “scientists should in charge of the negative influence on their inventions.” In my view, I disagree with this statement for the following reasons.

The primary reason is that scientists do the inventions in order to promote our lives’ quality. Inventing the telephone is to advance our communication; discovering the internet is to shorten our geographical distance. Without the modern transpotations such as cars, we cannot exchange our goods with longe distance people, even holding back our economic development. According to a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Societal Scientific Institution, eighty percent of residents votes that by the scientific invention, they live more convinient and much better than in the past. In the past, the house people living were dark, candles were the only resouces of light, thus most people had poor vision, while due to the bulb invented by Edison, we can read and write in a bright room.

Another reason cannot be ignored is that some negative effects of inventions are cause by people. Internet which is discovered by scientist to offer more information and way of communication for people is used by hacker to crime. Global warming is not only caused by the carbon dioxide that cars emit, but also because people destroy the forests which absorb the carbon dioxide. In addition, scienctists strive to remedy the wrong. Due to the air pollution induced by cars, scientists discover a new car which uses solar energy to replace the fuels.

Although inventions discovered by scientist have some weak points, the invents greatly enhance our society. Not only becase scientists want to develop the quality of our lives, but also because some negative impacts are not caused by scientists. Consequently, scientists should be encouraged to do more discoveries for our society.

howard_hhqUID：2648506

Do you agree or disagree that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries?

It is commonly thought that our society had dramatically ( darmatically) change by modern science and technology, and scientists had made extraordinary progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades. However, some people complain that some inventions exert negative impacts on society such as global warming(放句后) by emitting gas of cars. The statement declares that “scientists should in charge of(感觉不能用in charge of，be accountable to) the negative influence on their inventions.” In my view, I disagree with this statement for the following reasons.

The primary reason is that scientists do the inventions in order to promote(感觉用improve或advance较好) our lives’ quality. Inventing the telephone is to advance our communication; discovering(用building较好) the internet is to shorten our geographical distance. Without the modern transportations (transportations) such as cars, we cannot exchange our goods with long distance people, even holding back our economic development( 句子和上面的有问题，建议用从句). According to a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Societal Scientific Institution, eighty percent of residents votes that by the scientific invention(句子有问题), they live more conveniently (convinient) and much better than in(去掉) the past. In the past, the house people living (in) (was)were dark, candles were the only resources (resouces) of light, thus most people had poor vision, while(换成nonetheless) due to the bulb invented by Edison, we can read and write in a bright room.
(例子是很多，但是少了点逻辑，没有对例子进行讨论)
Another reason cannot be ignored is that some negative effects of inventions are cause by people. Internet which is discovered by scientist (and offers)to offer more information and way of communication for people is used by hacker to crime. Global warming is not only(提到句子前) caused by the carbon dioxide that cars emit, but also because people destroy the forests which absorb the carbon dioxide. In addition(用转折关系才对吧), (scientists)scienctists strive to remedy the wrong(behavior). Due to the air pollution induced by cars, scientists discover a new car which uses solar energy to replace the fuels.
同上
Although inventions discovered by scientist have some weak points(好突然呀), the invents greatly enhance our society. Not only becase scientists want to develop the quality of our lives, but also because some negative impacts are not caused by scientists(可以这样去连吗？). Consequently, scientists should be encouraged to do more discoveries for our society.

观点明确，整天逻辑还行，切入点也很好
逻辑性不太强，例子的论证不够深入

hulinlin24UID：2731389

3.5Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people prefer having other people make decisions for them rather than making decisions by themselves
Along with rapidly economic development, it is general accepted that facing more challenges, we have to make more decisions in the past. The statement declares that “most people like to have others make decisions for them instead of making decisions by themselves.” I agree with this statement for the following reasons.

The primary reason is that limited experiences exert negative impact on our decision. The environment we live in is pure. In fact, the society is not as simple as we might think. Thus, when we face an important decision, we always seek help from our parents who will consider all kinds of factors, such as the effects and the results. For example, after we graduate from the university, considering a job position, we often fail to take into account the future job promotion only focus on the salary. So it is necessary to ask our parents to make decisions for us. On the other hand, the thought of a child might not correct. Children often mislead by some television programmes which have negative influence on children. As a result, making a correct decision depends on the parents.

Another reason cannot be ignored is that from the economic aspact, other people making decision for us will save more money and time. Nowadays, many consultant firms are built to offer services of decision-making, such as Mckinsey Company. From completely considering the current economic situation and a company its own conditions, the consultant company will make the most effience and suitable decision for a coporation. A company only pay some consultative fees to the consultant firm compare with a huge sum of money that spent on doing the market investigation and employees’ salaries.

Admittedly, making decision by ourselves have some advantages. We fully understand what situation we confront and we know ourselves better than others. However considering what have been discussed above, having other people make decision outweigh making decision by ourselves, because not only others have more valuable expriences, but also we can save much time and money.

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

狐狸姐的作文写得不错哦~~逻辑很赞，例子也不错。

hulinlin24UID：2731389

The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.

Along with the rapidly economic develop, people in growing number are beginning to complain that work is more stressful and less leisurely than in the past. So travelling become a best way for people to release the pressure from their work. Some people prefer to take a trip alone because their enjoy the free periods. As for me, I would like to take part in a tour group led by a guide for the following reasons.

The primary reason is that we are unfamiliar with the local culture and have language obstacle. Without the tour conductor, sometimes we would make some mistake in local places. My friend Lily went to Feng Huang for example, she was holding up an umbrella to visit a local resident. And then the local resident tent to have an unfavorable attitude toward her visiting. Because in Feng Huang, holding up an umbrella to a person’s home represents the disrespect of the host. Thus, no one can deny the importance of the tour guide. In addition, when we travel abroad in a group, the tour guide also play the role of translator. By the help of the tour conductor who master a foreign language, it is much easier for us to communicate with the local people, such as bargain over the price.

Another reason we cannot be ignored is that from the economic aspect, we can save much money and time. According to a recent investigation conducted by the Chinese Social Scientific Institution, eighty percent of residents vote that travelling in a group will greatly reduce their cost. Tourist company carter a plane or a vans for tourists, so we can enjoy the lowest discount compare with the fees that we book the tickets from the transportation corporation. On the other hand, people always go into rapture at the mere mention of outlets shopping where they can buy the on sale luxuries led by the tour guide.

From what have been mention above, I could safely draw the conclusion that it is the best choice for us to travel in group with a guide. Because the guide is familiar with the local culture and language as well as offer some methods to reduce our cost.

rjyuuUID：2591508

22# hulinlin24
by 瓜仔

zhisnoopyUID：2703722

Along with the rapidly economic development, people in growing number are beginning to complain that work becomes（个人感觉用become比is更合适些） more stressful and less leisurely nowadays（是过去和现在比较嘛，加个nowadays会好些吧。） than in the past. So travelling become the best way for people to release the pressure from their work. Some people prefer to take a trip alone because their can(我总觉得直接用enjoy有点奇怪，可能也没错吧。) enjoy the free time（爱词霸上解释说free period是指免费期间。）. As for me, I would like to take part in a tour group led by a guide for the following reasons.



The primary reason is that we are unfamiliar with the local culture and have language obstacle. Without the tour conductor, sometimes we would make some mistakes in local places. Take my friend Lily for example，when she went to Feng Huang, she was holding up an umbrella to visit a local resident（这句话这样写会不会好点：She visited a local resident with an umbrella in her hand）. And then the local resident tent to have an unfavorable attitude toward her visiting. Because in Feng Huang, holding up an umbrella to a person’s home represents the disrespect to(我理解是对主人的不尊重而不是主人对客人的不尊重) the host. Thus, no one can deny the importance of the tour guide. In addition, when we travel abroad in a group, the tour guide also play the role of translator. By the help of the tour conductor who master a foreign language, it is much easier for us to communicate with the local people, such as bargain over the price.- d( ]. ]- J5 ~) j* i" t
: \% R3 f$ E3 ]. t& w1 A! R" o: V

Another reason we cannot ignore is that from the economic aspect, we can save much money and time. According to a recent investigation conducted by the Chinese Social Scientific Institution, eighty percent of residents vote that travelling in a group will greatly reduce their cost. （数据说明，论证充分，大赞一个~~~）Tourist company carter a plane or a vans for tourists, so we can enjoy the lowest discount compare with the fees that we spent on booking the tickets from the transportation corporation. On the other hand, people always go into rapture at the mere mention of outlets shopping where they can buy the on sale luxuries led by the tour guide.
; y; O  u$ y  f2 [* Z3 w

From what have been mention above, I could safely draw the conclusion that it is the best choice for us to travel in group with a guide. Because the guide is familiar with the local culture and language as well as offer some methods to reduce our cost.

条理清晰，论据、例子生动、充分，就是感觉倒数第二段，最后几个长句有点太长了，短点可能更好把握吧~~~~

hulinlin24UID：2731389

Human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals

Along with the rapidly economic development, governments require more lands to satisfied with this situation of lacking of farmland and trade estate. The statement declares that lands used for farming, housing and industry far outweigh the lands for endanger animals. I disagree with this statement for the following reasons.

The primary reason is that without the lands, the numbers of endangered animals are decreasing and even bound to die out. This would lead to encroach on ecological balance. If one small part is removed, it will affect all the other parts. For example, if certain trees are cut down, bats will have no place to roost. If they cannot roost, they cannot breed. Bats naturally become extinct, so that there will be no animal to eat certain insects that plague our crops. In addition, our environment has been affected by the absence of certain animals. Certain flowers are pollinated by butterfies which migrate from Canada to Mexico. Some of the breeding grounds of these butterflies were destroyed. Now these flowers are disappearing from certain areas. We will no longer be able to enjoy their beauty.

Another reason cannot be ignored is that the quality of life has been change. According to a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Social Scientific Institution, eighty one percent of the residents vote that it is necessary to keep the land for endanger animals. Because considerable in number of children complain that they could see some animals only in the zoo, they even depend on their imagination to describe some animals that die out in our global due to the losing lands. What is more, rainforests around the world are being cut down to make room for humans. We will never be able to see or study this fragile ecosystem.

Admittedly, developing lands to real estates and entertainment facilities will drastically enhance the quality of our living enviornment. However, considering what have been discussed above, I could safely draw the conclusion that lands should be reserved for endanger animals as considering the ecosystem balance and our life’s quality.

howard_hhqUID：2648506

Along with the rapidly economic development, governments require more lands to satisfied(satisfy) with this situation of lacking of farmland and trade estate. The statement declares that lands used for farming, housing and industry far outweigh the lands for endanger animals. I disagree with this statement for the following reasons.
简洁明了，直说主题，很赞

The primary reason is that without the lands, the numbers of endangered animals are decreasing and even bound to die out. This would lead to encroach on ecological balance. If one small part is removed, it will affect all the other parts. For example, if certain trees are cut down, bats will have no place to roost. If they cannot roost, they cannot breed. Bats naturally become extinct, so that there will be no animal to eat certain insects that plague(可以用destroy或者ruin更准确) our crops. In addition, our environment has been affected by the absence of certain animals. Certain flowers are pollinated by butterflies which migrate from Canada to Mexico. Some of the breeding grounds(有问题) of these butterflies were destroyed. Now these flowers are disappearing from certain areas. We will no longer be able to enjoy their beauty.
例子觉得很好，但是就是后面少了点讨论

Another reason cannot be ignored is that the quality of life has been change(changed). According to a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Social Scientific Institution, eighty one percent of the residents vote that it is necessary to keep the land for endanger animals. Because considerable in number of(表达问题) children complain that they could see some animals only in the zoo, they even depend on their imagination to describe some animals that die out in our global due to the losing lands. What is more, rainforests around the world are being cut down to make room for humans. We will never be able to see or study this fragile ecosystem.
貌似你的例子不是很能支持你的论点

Admittedly, developing lands to real estates and entertainment facilities will drastically enhance the quality of our living environment. However, considering what have been discussed above, I could safely draw the conclusion that lands should be reserved for endanger animals as considering the ecosystem balance and our life’s quality.

1.你的行文很自然，结构很好，观点很明确，例子很好，我才发现例子原来可以这样去举
2.也可能优点也是缺，你大部分用的都是短句，其实有很多可以去整合成长句
3.你段内的逻辑性不是很强，你的例子就是因为没有给点评论，导致给人感觉比较难和你的论点联系很好

mpromanusUID：2565872

12# hulinlin24

Along with the rapidly economic development (Of what? If you use 'the', your noun must be specific, e.g. the rapid economic development 'of the modern society'.), people in growing numbers are beginning to complailn that work is more stressful and less leisurely. In order to release the pressure from work, people tend to take some physical exercises. In my view, playing sports not only contributes to our physical fitness, but also teaches us courses about life.

The primary reason is that playing sports will develop our interpensonal skills, which will put us in a favorable position in the future job market. Many sports activities ('Sports' is a collective noun, and it can be either singular or plural depending on your context, so I'd always rather stay safe by using it in an adjective sense.) are involve team work, such as basketball ball and soccer. If we want to play them well, we must master some skills to care about what our team members are thinking and how to adapt to each other to achieve a common goal. Sports are not an individual activity (This has all the singular/plural forms confused within one sentence, and what you mean by 'individual activity' here is unclear. Do you mean that all sports activities involve more than one practioners, or more than one event participants? E.g. a 100-m sprint is considered an individual activity, but many people would compete within an event of 100-m sprint.), it needs corporation and mutual understanding. This is not easy to master. In addition, if we are the team leaders, we cannot seem to fail to take into account the ability of coordination (Of what? Match schedules? Equipment supplies? There are so many things a leader may coordinate, and what exactly are you talking about?) ability. Merits of each person should be placed given considerable emphasis and used in a suitable position? (You seem to be saying something like each person should be cast to a suitable position, within a team I suppose, depending on his/her strengths.). Consequently, by instructing us knowledge? (About what? You can't 'instruct' knowledge because knowledge is something you 'gain' from instructions. Plus, I don't really see where sports 'instruct' important knowledge in your examples. Yes, you need all those abilities in your team, but WHAT do thse abilities have to do with YOUR LIFE? You need to make that connection clear - e.g. teamwork skills will also be needed in work so what you learn in sports can be applied. You need to be very clear about where exactly 'sports' and 'our lives' are connected.) sports play an important role in our lives.

Another reason is that taking parts in the sport games teaches us how to face the difficulties. I may take the running as an example. I joined the women’s 800m long-distance running (FYI: 800m is no where near 'long-distance running'. It's the shortest common event of the 'middle distance' runs in formal track events. We'll be talking about at leat 3000m and up for 'long distance' runs.) in the last sports meeting (Which sports meeting? At your school? In your city? A national championship?). As we know, the last part of a long running is hard to stand. Even though I lost the game, I also still learned that persistence can lead to victory, which is essencial for our career. What is more, these games also teaches us to face defeats bravely, which is in turn helps us to face failures in life. When we confront the failures, we should not give up and should try up to live up with our ideals. An old saying goes that failure is the mother of success. Thus we acknowledge? a lot from sports. (Now this paragraph is a lot better in terms of logic development, because you made very clear connections between the lessons you learned in sports, and their relevance to your life.)

From what have been discussed above, I safely draw the conclusion that we gain a huge amount of knowledge (The question is very specific about what kind of knowledge you're expected to discuss, so you need to be specific too.) from sports games. Because it not only develops our interpersonal skills, but also teaches us how to face the difficulties. (This is an incomplete sentence. You should remove that 'because'. And again, you need to make that connection that such lessons are about life.)

总结：

你的单复数比较混乱，要注意一下。语言方面的问题不大，表意基本清晰。主要的问题是说理的时候没有坚持紧密地联系sports和life - 这个问题如果你做正方，那么本身就是要你证明sports如何能教导关于life的东西，引申就是sports和life要有可比性，要关联密切，那么如果你没有显示出这种可比的密切关系的话，当然说理就没法说清楚了。要随时集中在题目的要求上来写作。

fatleafUID：2755291

想问一下狐狸童鞋……
为什么你会挑这几篇来写呀？  有特殊原因么？~~

hulinlin24UID：2731389

想问一下狐狸童鞋……
为什么你会挑这几篇来写呀？  有特殊原因么？~~
fatleaf 发表于 2010-3-8 15:19

小组作业。。。预测JJ的作文

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

神人