Nicole 作文本子

clisalongUID: 2715802

这个题目要反对，真的很难写。。。但是本人性格导致，就爱唱反调，差点把自己都掉这里啦
太久没写了。。。时间又赶，写得很中文。。。多多原谅吧。。。下次不再搞与大众不同啦。。。真的很难。。


To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past.


A hot and important controversy, nowadays, centering on the concerns whether understanding the past is necessary to solve problems present and future. There are thousand Hamlets in thousand people's eyes. Frankly, I not kind of agree with the author's general assertion that learning the past is an essential way to solve problems present and future.

The world is processing, as all well known, problems present and future are different from that of past. Your living patter nowadays is different from that of your parents. You will face some different kinds of problems that your parents would never meet in the past, right? The virus of computer, take it as an example, is varying every minute even every second. The Brain, the first computer virus, found in 1986 and primarily attacked DOS. As the development of the computer technology, the problem to solve The Brain has become a piece of cake. However, the Millennium Bug came out in 2000, caused a terrible panic in every country, and the past solution to the former virus is not useful to deal with the new virus. Not only the technology, but also the medical science shows us this opinion that learning the past is not an essential way to solve problems present and future.

Moreover, too much understand the past will become a block in solving problems present and future. The examples of the past seem similar to problems we face in the present or future. We always have a tendency to avoid making similar mistakes, learning from history, and then we will lost confident to code with the problems even though try to handle. As the variety of circumstances or the value, the problems will have different solutions. Some solutions seem useless in the past, however, it may work well this time.


History, nerveless, in some case helps us understand people and societies present. History did offer a storehouse of information about how human beings and societies behave. Understanding the operations of people and societies is difficult. An exclusive reliance on former data would needlessly handicap our development and find out the solutions to problems present and future. Because different people have their value, they have different ways to solve the similar problems, even though the problems are the same. In this case, although you understand the past very well, it is little useful for you to solve problems present and future. It would hinder to figure out the solutions, when you understand the experience from other courtiers or people, which is different from your current circumstance.

As a conclusion, understanding the past sometimes does help us the development of things, but it is little helpful to solve problems present and future, the world is developing and thus the solutions to problems present and future become different from the past.

今天看了下自己文章，发现自己的主题句陈述不好，等筒子们修改完，我再统一修改好了。

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

由于 颜色 显示 不出来，我发 附件了。。


有空就讨论 没事。

大家都考T 所以，评论的 可能会不对。   请指点。。

linawanggtaUID: 2708273

A hot and important controversy, nowadays, centering （concentrates）on the concernswhether understanding the past is necessary to solve problems present andfuture. There are thousand Hamlets in thousand people's eyes(这句话额是连续两天看到了，第一次看到很赞，但是考场上大家都用就很危险哦). Frankly,I(am)not kind of agree with the author's general assertion thatlearning the past is an essential way to solve problems present and future. 7 ]& D$ J% F3 x! x, @"Z4 e& b  x4 B8 @- i' f8 g+ qTheworld is （如果用undergoes 可能形象点）processing, as all well known（it is well known to all）, problems present and future(happen at presentand in the future) are different from that of past. Your living patter nowadays isdifferent from that of your parents(变化下Our living style may be turning a new leaf). You will facesome different kinds of problems that your parents would never meet in thepast, right? The virus of computer, take it as an example, is varying everyminute even every second.（很好的例子啊） TheBrain, the first computer virus, found in 1986 and primarily attacked DOS（时间都记住了啊，Nicole莫非是计算机专业的）. As the development of the computer technology, the problem tosolve The Brain has become a piece of cake. However, the Millennium Bug cameout in 2000, （可以试一试现在分词的形式，the abrupt emergenceof Millennium Bug in 2000）causeda terrible panic in every country, and the past solution to the former virus isnot useful to deal with the new virus. Not only the technology, but also themedical science shows us this opinion that learning the past is not anessential way to solve problems present and future.: C& T! O  w) j4 {0 x) s6 K" o1 m+ j: \) H5 ^Moreover,too much (better understanding of the past)understand the pastwill become a block in solving problems present and future. The examples of thepast seem similar to problems we face (face,第二次出现，可以换成encounter)in thepresent or future. We always have a tendency to avoid making similar mistakes,learning from history, and then we will lost confident to（in coding with） code with theproblems even though try to handle(even with endeavors). As thevariety of circumstances or the value, the problems will have differentsolutions. Some solutions seem useless in the past, however, it may work wellthis time.  \8 b/ T0 e( c' {! f! g3 ]4 C6 t+ `0 z0 y0 j: c5 [1 Y# E( J" Z  g# L3 D% |:V& ?* |, fHistory, nerveless(nevertheless), in some case helps us understand people and societies present.History did offer a storehouse of information about how human beings andsocieties behave. Understanding the operations of people and societies isdifficult. An exclusive reliance on former data would needlessly handicap ourdevelopment and find out the solutions to problems present and future. Becausedifferent people have their value, they have different ways to solve thesimilar problems, even though the problems are the same. In this case, althoughyou understand the past very well, it is little useful for you to solveproblems present and future. It would hinder to figure out the solutions, whenyou understand the experience from other courtiers or people, which isdifferent from your current circumstance.9 b) i3 Q2 J5 |- : b! g+ }# n* f- _/ k/ \4 s- P; VAs aconclusion, understanding the past sometimes does help us the development ofthings, but it is little helpful to solve problems present and future, theworld is developing and thus the solutions to problems present and futurebecome different from the past.前两段不错，例子也很好，额学去了，第三段有点欠佳，建议再组织下第三段。Helpful 和help 类似的词重复多次，可以背些相关词汇方便替换。

linawanggtaUID: 2708273

我要疯了，搞了好久，我那个word的版本帖上来就发癫了，对不住啊，将就看哈。那些乱码都是，没有改动的，改动的就是粗体。如果看不清楚，Q我，我发邮件给你。:loveliness:

A hot and important controversy, nowadays, centering （concentrates）on the concernswhether understanding the past is necessary to solve problems present andfuture. There are thousand Hamlets in thousand people's eyes(这句话额是连续两天看到了，第一次看到很赞，但是考场上大家都用就很危险哦). Frankly,I(am) not kind of agree with the author's general assertion thatlearning the past is an essential way to solve problems present and future. 7 ]& D$ J% F3 x! x, @"Z4 e& b  x

4 B8 @- i' f8 g+ qTheworld is （is 如果换成undergoes 可能形象点）processing, as all well known（it is well known to all）, problems present and future(happen at presentand in the future) are different from that of past. Your living patter nowadays isdifferent from that of your parents(变化下Our living style may be turning a new leaf). You will facesome different kinds of problems that your parents would never meet in thepast, right? The virus of computer, take it as an example, is varying everyminute even every second.（很好的例子啊） TheBrain, the first computer virus, found in 1986 and primarily attacked DOS（时间都记住了啊，Nicole莫非是计算机专业的）. As the development of the computer technology, the problem tosolve The Brain has become a piece of cake. However, the Millennium Bug cameout in 2000, （可以试一试现在分词的形式，the abrupt emergenceof Millennium Bug in 2000）causeda terrible panic in every country, and the past solution to the former virus isnot useful to deal with the new virus. Not only the technology, but also themedical science shows us this opinion that learning the past is not anessential way to solve problems present and future.
: C& T! O  w) j4 {0 x
) s6 K" o1 m+ j: \) H5 ^Moreover,too much (better understanding of the past)understand the pastwill become a block in solving problems present and future. The examples of thepast seem similar to problems we face (face,第二次出现，可以换成encounter)in thepresent or future. We always have a tendency to avoid making similar mistakes,learning from history, and then we will lost confident to (
in coding with
)code with theproblems even though try to handle(even with endeavors). As thevariety of circumstances or the value, the problems will have differentsolutions. Some solutions seem useless in the past, however, it may work wellthis time.  \8 b/ T0 e( c' {! f

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History, nerveless(nevertheless), in some case helps us understand people and societies present.History did offer a storehouse of information about how human beings andsocieties behave. Understanding the operations of people and societies isdifficult. An exclusive reliance on former data would needlessly handicap ourdevelopment and find out the solutions to problems present and future. Becausedifferent people have their value, they have different ways to solve thesimilar problems, even though the problems are the same. In this case, althoughyou understand the past very well, it is little useful for you to solveproblems present and future. It would hinder to figure out the solutions, whenyou understand the experience from other courtiers or people, which isdifferent from your current circumstance.9 b) i3 Q2 J5 |- : b! g

+ }# n* f- _/ k/ \4 s- P; VAs aconclusion, understanding the past sometimes does help us the development ofthings, but it is little helpful to solve problems present and future, theworld is developing and thus the solutions to problems present and futurebecome different from the past.
前两段不错，例子也很好，额学去了，第三段有点欠佳，建议再组织下第三段。
Helpful 和help 类似的词重复多次，可以背些相关词汇方便替换。

clisalongUID: 2715802

18号作文：
Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.


为了不用重复的词汇，我尽力了。。费时了。。超时了。

Riding in a subway car the other day, I read a paper about Haiti's biggest health threat. There are some words impressed me, that is, Haiti's biggest health threat greatly puts the blame on its terrible environment. These words amused me that I had actually gone underground to see the light, when I first saw the controversy that money ought to be paid on health care issues or environment issues by governments. On the other hand, the environment is usually changed to benefit human life. And thus I prefer government should pay more attention on environmental control rather than health care.

First of all, the critical environment condition worsens our subsistence. It is not hard to figure out factory waste, municipal refuse and gas runoff from highways do significant damage to our habitat, the waste dumped into rivers, the water downstream becomes undrinkable and unusable for agriculture, and also kills plant and animal life in the rivers. Air pollution also takes revenge on our surroundings. The chemical waste, poured by the electrical generators into the air, destroys plant life and human buildings, as falling back to the earth in form of acid rain. What's more, global warming is deteriorating. Scientists believe that if humans continue to increase the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, the temperature of the earth will continue to rise. This could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal flooding; coastal regions would eventually be ruined.

Grimy environment endangers our health. According to data, published by the WHO, more than 24 percents of global disasters dues to once evitable environment pollution. The report further evaluated that more than 33 percents of the children under 5 died because of environmental exposures. Preventing atmospheric pollution is useful to help more than 400 million people survive, especially in the developing countries. Poisonous gases have killed a large number of people, shortening the lifespan of millions of people as well. Ironically, people spent lots of time on finding a new effective medicine or treatment options, instead of figuring out what the inner cause--the exacerbating surroundings. This would become a vicious cycle --the environment is becoming worse and worse, doing harmful to human health.

Optimizing the environment, finally, is good for human development. Good surroundings could contribute to the progress or growth of the economy. My hometown, take it as a vivid example of such enlightenment, used to be in severe environment. In that time, the economy remains a bad level; our salaries are low as well. After a new mayor came, he majored in improving our environment and developing our tourist industries. Nowadays, however, things are entirely different. Our economy, in some case, developed, and the living standard of residents here are becoming better.As all well known, Economic sustainability, however, is intertwined with environmental sustainability, particularly the fight against global warming.

Anyway, maybe people would provide thousands of reasons why we should pay more attention to health care issues, as an old saying, there are thousand Hamlets in thousand people's eyes. To improve the environment, in my opinion, is more necessary to be provided more attention by governments.

xuln0709UID: 2761332

Riding in a subway car the other day, I read a paper about Haiti's biggest health threat.（现分开头，精彩！海地的例子，我学习了哈~） There are some words impressed me, that is, Haiti's biggest health threat greatly puts the blame on its terrible environment. These words amused me that I had actually gone underground to see the light, when I first saw the controversy that money ought to be paid on health care issues or environment issues by governments. On the other hand, the environment is usually changed to benefit human life. And thus I prefer government should pay more attention on environmental control rather than health care.（衔接词用的不错）


First of all, the critical environment condition worsens our subsistence. It is not hard to figure out factory waste, municipal refuse and gas runoff from highways do significant damage to our habitat, the waste dumped into rivers, the water downstream becomes undrinkable and unusable for agriculture, and also kills plant and animal life in the rivers. Air pollution also takes revenge on our surroundings. The chemical waste, poured by the electrical generators into the air, destroys plant life and human buildings, as falling back to the earth in form of acid rain. What's more, global warming is deteriorating. Scientists believe that if humans continue to increase the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, the temperature of the earth will continue to rise. This could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal flooding; coastal regions would eventually be ruined.（这一段理证很好）

Grimy environment endangers our health. According to data, published by the WHO, more than 24 percents of global disasters dues to once evitable environment pollution. The report further evaluated that more than 33 percents of the children under 5 died because of environmental exposures. Preventing atmospheric pollution is useful to help more than 400 million people survive, especially in the developing countries.(一连串数据举例清晰流畅，水到渠成） Poisonous gases have killed a large number of people, shortening the lifespan of millions of people as well. Ironically, people spent lots of time on finding a new effective medicine or treatment options, instead of figuring out what the inner cause--the exacerbating surroundings. This would become a vicious cycle --the environment is becoming worse and worse, doing harmful to human health.) g0 M4 l# ]# _) ^
Optimizing the environment, finally, is good for human development. Good surroundings could contribute to the progress or growth of the economy. My hometown, take it as a vivid example of such enlightenment, used to be in severe environment. In that time, the economy remains a bad level; our salaries are low as well. After a new mayor came, he majored in improving our environment and developing our tourist industries. Nowadays, however, things are entirely different. Our economy, in some case, developed, and the living standard of residents here are becoming better.
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Anyway, maybe people would provide thousands of reasons why we should pay more attention to health care issues, as an old saying, there are thousand Hamlets in thousand people's eyes. To improve the environment, in my opinion, is more necessary to be provided more attention by governments.
能力有限，全篇找不出不妥之处，惊叹于楼主强大的例证和理证能力，只有膜拜和学习的份儿了。。。楼主句式变换多样，词汇丰富，句子衔接流畅，值得学习啊~~这篇文章收藏了哈~
BY 琳子

hulinlin24UID: 2731389

Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.( t- t8 E% |. k% `( h" L
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Riding in a subway car the other day, I read a paper about Haiti's biggest health threat. There are some words impressed me, that is, Haiti's biggest health threat greatly puts the blame on its terrible environment. These words amused me that I had actually gone underground to see the light, when I first saw the controversy that money ought to be paid on health care issues or environment issues by governments. On the other hand, the environment is usually changed to benefit human life. And（去掉） thus I prefer government should pay more attention on environmental control rather than health care.开头的写得非常好，赞

First of all, the critical environment condition worsens our subsistence. It is not hard to figure out （that）factory waste, municipal refuse and gas runoff from highways do significant damage to our habitat, the waste dumped into rivers, the water downstream becomes undrinkable and unusable for agriculture, and also kills plant and animal life in the rivers.（句子最好要有连接词） Air pollution also takes revenge on our surroundings. The chemical waste, poured by the electrical generators into the air, destroys plant life and human buildings, as falling back to the earth in form of acid rain. 写得好What's more, global warming is deteriorating. Scientists believe that if humans continue to increase the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, the temperature of the earth will continue to rise. This could melt the polar ice caps and cause devastating costal flooding; coastal regions would eventually be ruined.

Grimy environment endangers our health. According to data, published by the WHO, more than 24 percents of global disasters dues to once evitable environment pollution. The report further evaluated that more than 33 percents of the children under 5 died because of environmental exposures. Preventing atmospheric pollution is useful to help more than 400 million people survive, especially in the developing countries. Poisonous gases have killed a large number of people, shortening the lifespan of millions of people as well. Ironically, people spent lots of time on finding a new effective medicine or treatment options, instead of figuring out what the inner cause--the exacerbating surroundings. This would become a vicious cycle --the environment is becoming(become) worse and worse, doing harmful to human health.

- k
Optimizing the environment, finally, is good for human development. Good surroundings could contribute to the progress or growth of the economy. My hometown, take it as a vivid example of such enlightenment, used to be in severe environment. In that time, the economy remains a bad level(below the average level); our salaries are low as well. After a new mayor came, he majored in improving our environment and developing our tourist industries. Nowadays, however, things are entirely different. Our economy, in some case, developed, and the living standard of residents here are becoming better.As all well known, Economic sustainability, however, is intertwined with environmental sustainability, particularly the fight against global warming.

Anyway, maybe people would provide thousands of reasons why we should pay more attention to health care issues, as an old saying, there are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes. To improve the environment, in my opinion, is more necessary to be provided more attention by governments. (最后一段最好是总结)

词语丰富，表达流畅，例子也好
第四段有点生硬，建议可以再改动改动

clisalongUID: 2715802

2.20作文：Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country.


今天不在状态，写得很不好。请猛拍，别怕我难受。。。

As I am sitting in my bedroom all quiet, a joke, about improving schools from the TV set, cuts a hole through the silent and comes into my ears, I am slide into thinking about improving schools. I now am an undergraduate student; school indeed means a lot of things in my life. Different people would hold different positives when they encounter the question, whether improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country. I prefer to say yes to this question. As all well known, the basic prerequisite of success for any country is the education of its citizens.

To begin with, improving schools is a fundamental task crucial for generations. The influence in advanced schools is meaningful not only for offspring but also for the adults. The education of the young is better, the fear about taking care of the young in the old is less. The education of the young is more abundant, the future of the development of the country is more hopeful. As an old saying, children are so important to the future of the country, as the frame is so important to the building. Every Chinese would never forget the dark time in our history, which is the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution--every student, at that time, are kept countryside from school to work in fields. My country is deep in great depression at that time. As an innovation coming, things are entirely different, my country nowadays is on the point of stepping on the road towards a developed country. Jiaotong School, owning one of China's top computer science programs, can be taken a vivid example of such enlightenment. Just a few weeks ago its students won an international computer programming competition organized by I.B.M. — the “Battle of the Brains” — beating out Stanford and other top-flight universities. This case, in a sense, can support the viewpoint that the prosperous development of education is good for the successful development of country.

Improving schools, moreover, spark economic activity and create jobs. Schools are necessarily large-scale affairs, attract a large amount of students, and accordingly need to employ a fairly large number of people as teachers, security guards and accountants, as well as other higher-level professionals. Because of paid regular higher salaries, the employees would be able to plan their finances and allow them to consume or make some investments. This in turn would encourage entrepreneurship and further develop the local economy, where the government asserts to improve schools. The locals could begin to open shops, restaurants. dormitories and entertainment facilities to serve the school employees and students. Profits from these small enterprises would further enrich the local community, and thus enrich the country. My hometown is the similar example of benefiting from improving schools.

Successful developed countries may possess other important factors. These factors includes: the protection of the poor through a social safety net; the correction of externalities such as greenhouse gas emissions; the provision of merit goods such as health care that society deems to be essential for all of its members. These factors may be very important factors in successful development of country. The most important one, however, I think, must be improving schools, because nothing but it can make the whole country stands to benefit.

dairymanUID: 2683905

2.20作文：Do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country.1 r; k8 H2 ^% j6 l' y4 ^( g

今天不在状态，写得很不好。请猛拍，别怕我难受。。。我拍人从来只说缺点不说优点

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As I am sitting in my bedroom all quiet, a joke,此处不该有逗号 about improving schools from the TV set, cuts a hole through the silent and comes into my ears, I am am不该有slide into thinking about improving schools. I now am an undergraduate student;分号？nicole标点有问题啊 school indeed means a lot of things删 in my life. Different people would hold different positives？这个单词明显用错了 when they encounter the question, whether improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country. I prefer to say yes to this question. As all well known, the basic prerequisiteprerequisite大家怎么都喜欢用？此风见长啊 of success for any country is the education of its citizens. X( }1 ~! g; H

To begin with, improving schools is a fundamental task crucial for generations. The influence in advanced schools is meaningful not only for offspring but also for the adults. The education of the young is better, the fear about taking care of the young in the old is less这句实在没懂--！. The education of the young is more abundant, the future of the development of the country is more hopeful. As an old saying, children are so important to the future of the country, as the frame is so important to the building此句亦然. Every Chinese would never forget the dark time in our history, which is the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution      ----------             nb啊我一直都不知道文化大革命怎么说，这次终于见到了，居然还是在作文里，我深刻体会到大家是多么的nb啊--every student, at that time, are （kept countryside from school to work in fields）此句有语法错误. My country is deep in great  deep和great没必要一起吧 depression at that time. As an innovation我虽然不知道文革怎么说，但是我知道改革是reform。。 coming, things are entirely different, my country nowadays is on the point of 罗嗦stepping on the road towards a developed country. Jiaotong School, owning one of China's top computer science programs, can be taken as a vivid example of such enlightenment. Just a few weeks ago its students won an international computer programming competition organized by I.B.M. — the “Battle of the Brains” — beating out Stanford and other top-flight universities. This case, in a sense, can support the viewpoint that the prosperous development of education is good for the successful development of country这个例子很多，不过只说教育出人才，没说教育和发展的直接联系问题啊。换句说，你没写完，应该再写有了这批人才，我们就能更好地建设社会
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Improving schools, moreover, spark economic activity and create job opportunities. Schools are necessarily large-scale affairs, attract a large amount of students, and accordingly need to employ a fairly large number of people as teachers, security guards and accountants, as well as other higher-level professionals. Because of paid regular higher salaries时态注意, the employees would be able to plan schedule如何？ their finances and allow them to consume or make some investments. This in turn would encourage entrepreneurship and further develop the local economy, where the government asserts to improve schools. The locals could begin to open shops, restaurants. dormitories and entertainment facilities to serve the school employees and students. Profits from these small enterprises would further enrich the local community, and thus enrich the country. My hometown is the similar example of benefiting from improving schools.这段作者犯了一个致命的错误，如想知道，先给我么么一个

Successful developed countries may possess other important factors. These factors include: the protection of the poor through a social safety net; the correction of externalities such as greenhouse gas emissions; the provision of merit goods such as health care that society deems to be essential for all of its members.这一段写的漂亮啊，我注意到作者上一篇对于WHO的引用也是相当漂亮，对于楼主的敬佩有如滔滔江水延绵不绝，又有如黄河泛滥一发而不可收拾啊 These factors may be very important factors in successful development of country. The most important one, however, I think, must be improving schools, because nothing but it can make the whole country stands to benefit.结尾仓促无力想必时间不够

总起来说，如果楼主的头像是自己，那真是相当可爱~抱

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

As I am sitting in my bedroom all quiet, a joke, about improving schools from the TV set, cuts a hole through the silent and comes into my ears, I am(am不要，加个suddenly) slide into thinking about improving schools. I now am（am now） an undergraduate student; school indeed means a lot of things in my life.（不用这个表达形式会不会好点？） Different people would hold different positives（？） when they encounter the question, whether improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country. I prefer to say yes to this question. As all well known, the basic prerequisite of success for any country is the education of its citizens这里的转移很好，由school到edu.

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To begin with, improving schools is a fundamental task (that is不知道能不能省)crucial for generations. The influence in advanced schools is meaningful（有点生硬） not only for offspring but also for the adults. The education of the young is better, the fear about taking care of the young in the old is less. （我能理解，但这个表达有点chinglish）The education of the young is more abundant, the future of the development of the country is more hopeful.(同前) As an old saying, children are so important to the future of the country, as the frame is so important to the building. Every Chinese would never forget the dark time in our history, which is the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution--every student, at that time, are kept（in） countryside from school to work in fields. My country is（was）deep in great depression at that time. As an innovation coming, things(换个词替代吧，things不太好，但我也想不出更好的) are entirely different, my country nowadays is on the point of stepping on the road towards（chinglish了） a developed country. Jiaotong School, owning one of China's top computer science programs, can be taken a vivid example of such enlightenment. Just a few weeks ago its students won an international computer programming competition organized by I.B.M. — the “Battle of the Brains” — beating out Stanford and other top-flight universities. This case, in a sense, can support the viewpoint that the prosperous development of education is good for the successful development of country由前一个例子，可以再加入阐释，学校的先进技术，对国家的建设产生怎样的影响。

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Improving schools, moreover, spark economic activity and create jobs. Schools are necessarily large-scale affairs, attract a large amount of students, and accordingly need to employ a fairly large number of people as teachers, security guards and accountants, as well as other higher-level professionals. Because of paid regular higher salaries, the employees would be able to plan their finances and allow them to consume or make some investments. This in turn would encourage entrepreneurship and further develop the local economy, where（不确定这个where用的对不对） the government asserts to improve schools. The locals could begin to open shops, restaurants. dormitories and entertainment facilities to serve the school employees and students. Profits from these small enterprises would further enrich the local community, and thus enrich the country. My hometown is the similar example of benefiting from improving schools提出了这个例子，就该说两句啊。我觉得，这个观点，由学校建设促进经济----improving school带来的是更多的人，满足他们的消费----我觉得可能不太有说服力。Creat jobs还能说得通。不如说学校培养出专业人才从事经济方面的工作以及其他领域，对发展经济起到一定作用。

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Successful developed countries may possess other important factors. These factors includes: the protection of the poor through a social safety net; the correction of externalities such as greenhouse gas emissions; the provision of merit goods such as health care that society deems to be essential for all of its members. These factors may be very important factors in successful development of country. The most important one, however, I think, must be improving schools, because nothing but it can make the whole country stands to benefit.（还是不确定这个表达）

这篇文章，内容很丰富，尤其第二段有两个例子在里面。但美中不足的是，有些句子的表达还是不够地道。嗯，我也是，经常chinglish。这是很致命的弱点，一下子就把出的彩给抹杀了。所以，加油，表达上多斟酌！ps: 这篇文章有600字啦，MM超时了不？我就写不出这么多字。。。超时也写不出。。。撞墙去。。。。

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

呃，没颜色了，你下附件看吧。

新建 Microsoft Word 文档.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 1)

2010-2-21 13:48:56 上传

下载次数: 1

clisalongUID: 2715802

20号的文章，确实很烂，第二段的例子衔接也有点问题，现已纠正了，对于chienglish的问题，那句话我也觉得，所以，删掉了。。。
修改如下：多多指导：

As I am sitting in my bedroom all quiet, a joke, about improving schools from the TV set, cuts a hole through the silent and comes into my ears, I slide into thinking about school improvement. I now am an undergraduate student, school indeed means a lot in my life. Different people would hold different positives when they encounter the question, whether improving schools is the most important factor in successful development of country. I prefer to say yes (to this question). As all well known, the basic prerequisite of success for any country is the education of its citizens.

To begin with, improving schools is a fundamental task crucial for generations. The influence in advanced schools is meaningful not only for offspring but also for the adults.  As an old saying, children are so important to the future of the country, as the frame is so important to the building. Every Chinese would never forget the dark time in our history, which is the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution--every student, at that time, are kept countryside from school to work in fields. My country is deep in the Great Depression at that time. As an innovation coming, things are entirely different, my country nowadays is (on the point of) stepping on the road towards a developed country. Jiaotong School, owning one of China's top computer science programs, can be taken a vivid example of such enlightenment. Just a few weeks ago its students won an international computer programming competition organized by I.B.M. — the “Battle of the Brains” — beating out Stanford and other top-flight universities.  What's more, the ShenZhou IV launching to the outer space, in a sense, shows our country is stepping towards a high-tech country. And technology nowadays is evaluated whether a country is developed or not. Those achievements of my country are so successful, all because our country lays emphasis on education in recent decades.

Improving schools, moreover, spark economic activity and create jobs. Schools are necessarily large-scale affairs, attract a large amount of students, and accordingly need to employ a fairly large number of people as teachers, security guards and accountants, as well as other higher-level professionals. Because of paid regular higher salaries, the employees would be able to plan their finances and allow them to consume or make some investments. This in turn would encourage entrepreneurship and further develop the local economy, where the government asserts to improve schools. The locals could begin to open shops, restaurants. dormitories and entertainment facilities to serve the school employees and students. Profits from these small enterprises would further enrich the local community, and thus enrich the country. My hometown is the similar example of benefiting from improving schools.

Successful developed countries may possess other important factors. These factors includes: the protection of the poor through a social safety net; the correction of externalities such as greenhouse gas emissions; the provision of merit goods such as health care that society deems to be essential for all of its members. These factors may be very important factors in successful development of country. The most important one, however, I think, must be improving schools, because nothing but it can make the whole country stands to benefit.

clisalongUID: 2715802

2月21号 （09.03.27）4 H' y) A" z% |7 X; n4 u1 V
Teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom.

我写的作文真是一天比一天烂的。
直接给附件，方便大家修改。。谢谢筒子们猛拍。。。

nathanycUID: 2551974

我用word做了批注修改...
有些苛刻，敬请包涵哈
加油↖(^ω^)↗

半夏之北UID: 2517498

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