Issue190[已自改]

紫陌纤尘o0UID: 2745492

TOPIC: ISSUE190 - "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, even cruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."
WORDS: 519
TIME: 00:43:26
DATE: 2010/2/16 12:03:45

To the nature of human beings, all the things we always do are based on the sufficient of material needs for survive. In this case, under this fundamental level the use of public resource to support the arts seems to be inappropriate. However, it is not absolute but a relative term. It depends on how many people would benefit from the investment.

On the one hand, if in a society arts are regarded as a group of individuals’ entertainment and neglect the majorities’ lives, this would be cruel and even devil. Fundamentally, arts are the reflection of artists’ creativity and their remarkable skills. And people who appreciate artworks usually pursue mental improvement or maybe enjoyment. For instance, the Chinese first emperor Qin Shi Huang, who labored millions of people to build a wonderful palace called Epang Palace, which was destroyed by a superior riser soon after the emperor dead. The palace was full of valuable art works, such as famous paintings, lively statues, elegant ceramics, moreover, there were thousands of beauties and the palace itself is a splendid architecture. The emperor and bureaucrats were addicted to these arts all day long and enjoying their wonderful lives, meanwhile, the labors were dead of fatigue, starve and physical suffer. This case of investing on arts was inappropriate, for it aim to sufficient the few leaders at the sacrifice of millions lives let alone the huge amount money it had spent. A society should basically ensure that all its people have the possibility to survival, have the opportunity to pursue them own lives rather than provide convinces to the greedy minority, and then following after the spiritual pursuits such as arts maybe reasonable.

On the other hand, the effective usage of arts may bring a significant rise in profits to a society. The basic project of arts is always to attract people’s attention. If a society could take good use of the potential of arts which unique to them, then the money spend on arts is the money spends on developments. The architecture, for instance, is a significant branch of arts which most likely to have an influence on a certain place. Dubai is one of the seven emirates of the United Arab Emirates
at the beginning of 21 century, the government's decision to diversify from a trade-based, but oil-reliant, economy to one that is service and tourism-oriented has made property more valuable. The construction of some of the tallest skyscrapers and largest projects in the world such as the Emirates Towers, the Burj Khalifa, the Palm Islands and the world's second tallest, and most expensive hotel, the Burj Al Arab have attracted many investments from the whole world and Dubai has became the world’s largest financial centre. Each of these constructions is a splendid artistical project in the world. Although the economics of Dubai before that was in a relevant low level, the supporting of arts has achieved great success. In this case, arts could be a profitable industry under the wise policy. Accordingly, the use of money should look forward, plan its blueprint and take every potential possibility into consideration rather than merely for the temporary sufficiency.

In conclusion, the supporting of arts for the good of the minority or the majority amount of people could be where the rub is. The use of pubic resource to support arts sometimes can be a good way to help citizens who suffer in poverty out.

ShaylenUID: 2700072

To the nature of human beings, all the things we always do are based on the sufficient of material needs for survive.
[首先，先从句子的表达来说，这个句子小改动一下，会稍显得有力度些——what we are always doing are based on——用这个会不会略优一点？一是用what引起句式，二是改成现在时，说明这个问题是一只伴随着我们的。其次说all似乎过于绝对，而且和always感觉有些重复。或许说“人们会为了生存的基本物资而努力”，但这并不是我们生活所做的全部内容。]
In this case, under this fundamental level,断句 the use of public resource to support the arts seems to be inappropriate.
[这句话的跳出有些突然，建议中间添加过渡——art与之的联系]
However, it is not absolute but a relative term.
[这句话明显很中式：这不是绝对而是相对的，而且“相对的”这一含义的表达也不正确，其实两个词意思有些矛盾，取其一即可。]
It depends on how many people would benefit from the investment.
[虽然我清楚你这句it是在指代什么，但是还是会觉得it和后面的investment都有指代不明的嫌疑。建议将这句话扩写。最后一句话可作为你的中心论点，竟然是中心论点，那么一定就是表明你的态度，使读者清楚的知道你是在说怎样的事情，你对这个事情是支持还是反对或者中立，而且为什么会有这样的立场？]


开头算是中规中举，背景-过渡-中心论点的形式。
但是中间的过渡正如我所说，有些跳跃。因为art出现的有些突然。
和你的第一句联系起来，竟然提到art，那就证明人们在争取生存的基本物资时会将一部分的资源用于艺术，这样就是给了art一个角色定位。那么在背景之后的中间过渡上，是否应该介绍它的这一一个角色呢？间接暗示，正是因为这样的角色，所以才有后面的讨论。

ShaylenUID: 2700072

On the one hand, if in a society arts are regarded as a group of individuals’ entertainment and neglect the majorities’ lives这句没读懂, this would be cruel and even devil.[提取TS，总而言之：艺术对于人们的生活很重要] Fundamentally, arts are the reflection这个词用的好 of artists’ creativity and their remarkable skills. And people who appreciate artworks usually pursue mental improvement or maybe enjoyment应该是先享受再有升华吧？. For instance, the Chinese first emperor Qin Shi Huang, who labored millions of people to build a wonderful palace called Epang Palace, which was destroyed by a superior riser soon after the emperor dead. The palace was full of valuable art works, such as famous paintings, lively statues, elegant ceramics, moreover, there were thousands of beauties首先这半句的表达有问题 and the palace itself is a splendid architecture它本身的宏伟不正是因为你前面的那些形容么？前面的叙述为这个palace的特征，建议可用feature这一词学会造句. The emperor and bureaucrats were addicted to these arts all day long and enjoying their wonderful lives, meanwhile, the labors were dead of fatigue, starve and physical suffer. This case of investing on arts was inappropriate, for its拼写错误 aim to sufficient这一词还不如satisfy来的确切 the few leaders at the sacrifice of millions lives,还是断句问题 let alone the huge amount money it had spent. A society should basically ensure that all its people have the possibility to survival应该是survive？, have the opportunity to pursue them own lives rather than provide convinces to the greedy minority这句木有读懂。。。, and then following after the spiritual pursuits such as arts maybe reasonable.

注意题目的背景是are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive，因此在举例时应该提及这个例子的社会背景；其次，
表述很多地方觉得是像翻译过来的句子，用词不是很准确，句子表达有些单调。我觉得论证还是有力度的，虽然中间的表述有些啰嗦，但是能大概明白你的想传达的重点。记得点明背景，这样加上后面百姓的fatigue之类的，更有说服力。

其实我想问，你这个例子说的是啥，我发懒，没有去好好查查，嘿嘿。反正不管真实性呢，老外也没学这个历史啥的，能支持你的论证就好。

ShaylenUID: 2700072

On the other hand, the effective usage of arts may bring a significant rise in profits to a society.[提取TS，总而言之：艺术能生财] The basic project of arts is always to attract people’s attention这句话从何而起？.

If a society could take good use of the potential of arts which is语法错误缺少 unique to them, then the money spend on arts is the money spends on developments.[还是很中式的表达，钱用于开发潜力=钱用在发展，这个等式有点说不通，只能说钱用于艺术投资后所带来的影响同样的也促进了社会发展，因此这句有点不够完整] [我还觉得这里用potential倒不如用possible]

The architecture, for instance, is a significant branch of arts[建筑学应该说是艺术里的一个领域，不算是分支] which语法错误缺少is most likely to have an influence on a certain place[这句话挺抽象的，定语从句用的很多，建议学会用其它的句式：例如伴随状语之类的].

Dubai is one of the seven emirates of the United Arab Emirates at the beginning of 21 century, the government's decision to diversify from a trade-based, but oil-reliant, economy to one that is service and tourism-oriented[有点别扭，可不可以改成：that is tourism-oriented and emphasize the service industry] has made property more valuable.[我不得不说，这个表达很扭捏，政府战略角色的过渡，经济政策的改变，这些英文表达很中式。结尾的made property more valuable更显得如此，这个句子主干就是“决策促进经济繁荣”]

The construction of some of the tallest skyscrapers and largest projects in the world such as the Emirates Towers, the Burj Khalifa, the Palm Islands and the world's second tallest, and most expensive hotel, the Burj Al Arab have attracted many investments from the whole world and Dubai has became the world’s largest financial centre[这句话的事实我表示怀疑].

Each of these constructions is a splendid artistic选词注意 project in the world. Although the economics of Dubai before that was in a relevant low level[好明显的中式翻译，其实一个形容词就可以解决], the supporting of arts has achieved great success.
[老调重弹，中文的思维但要有稍微地道的表达吧，能够简洁的地方不要拖沓不要啰嗦，在选词方面也要注意，这里是说意指杜拜酒店对经济的发展也有作用，因此我建议你在这边表达时应说清楚这个“辅助的作用”，来暗指艺术对于发展的同等重要性] In this case, arts could be a profitable industry under the wise policy.[这句写在这里不错，有点总结的意味，加上条件说明：在开明的政策下，艺术也能促进发展]
Accordingly, the use of money should look forward, plan its blueprint and take every potential possibility into consideration rather than merely for the temporary sufficiency.[表达啊，表达啊，啥叫use……look forward?虽然有拟人的写法，但这个太牵强了。]


我觉得你的论证还是不错滴，先不谈那些例子是否属于这个范围内，就从例子所论证的效果来看，还是比较有力的，
只是你的行文表达比较扭捏，让人读着很拗口。我时隔好久再来看作文，真的觉得语言简洁朴实就足够了，
不需要太多的花哨，但是要顺畅自然。例如face这个词吧，看似很简单，其实用起来挺有意思的。
The class of 2009 faces unprecedented levels of debt
People living with AIDS and the virus that causes it can face rejection in their community and their jobs


虽然我们有的时候写作文确实是像在翻译，但是翻译也是有讲究的吧。去找了一个例子，
例如翻译“如何在全球化加快的新形势下，从中国的实际出发，抓住机遇，迎接挑战，
保持持续、快速、和谐和全面的社会经济发展，是值得我们密切关注的重大战略问题。”

翻译时要调整为英语的顺序。英语的顺序如同“一棵大树”，此树的主干是“——重大战略问题是保持……社会经济发展”，
大分支是 ①“如何在……新形势下”（条件状语），②“从中国的实际出发，……”（方式状语）。
英语句子的结构就这样形成了：——句子的主干结构：…a major strategic issue is how to maintain economic and social development…；
——加上分支结构：①Under the new circumstances…，和②…by adapting to China’s reality,…；
句子的主干和大分支结构确定后，再添加其他的修饰成分和附加成分。

ShaylenUID: 2700072

素材提供：

Does the Burj Khalifa measure up?

Will the world's tallest tower be a fiscal turning point for Dubai? CNN's Mohammed Jamjoom and Susan Lisovicz discuss.

The Burj Khalifa opened to a rock star's entrance just a few hours ago in the United Arab Emirates. After all, it's not everyday you get to open the world's tallest tower. Our Mohammed Jamjoom is in Dubai. And Susan Lisovicz, the New York Stock Exchange with, of course, the money angle. But let's go ahead and start with you Mohammed. Quite a spectacle.
Oh, absolutely. This was opulence on a grand scale today. This is, of course, the tallest building in the world. It's about half a mile up into the air. And everybody that we saw today who came here and thousands of Emiratis gathered, and they were cheering, and happy, and singing, and clapping at almost any event that they noticed. But when the fireworks display happened, they were just awestruck by that. That was a spectacular display. Earlier in the day, we actually took a tour inside the Burj Khalifa as it’s now known. We went up to the observation deck which is the tallest observation deck in the world. It's up on the 124th storey. I can tell you that the panoramic views of Dubai from inside that room were just spectacular. You saw all around, all around what surrounded Dubai, all around what surrounded this emirate. And everybody here believes, even though, even though Dubai has seen tough economic times recently and they faced a real major credit crisis, the people here believe that this will make them turn a corner, that this is a real symbol of what the government is investing in this emirate, and how they are gonna turn this corner and how they are gonna make everything better. Kyra.

Alright, so Mohammed, stay with me. Let's talk more about the dollars-and-cents. I mean it's a massive undertaking of debts. Susan Lisovicz, the New York Stock Exchange, what do you make of this?

Well, the timing is not good, Kyra. Because less than two months ago, we were talking about how the financial markets were shocked that Dubai basically had to be bailed out when it said it needed to freeze 26 billion dollars of debt owed by one of its largest government-owned groups. It's actually a name that we know well here in the US--Dubai World. And it took its neighbour Abu Dhabi to bail it out. There is a real estate crisis in Dubai and there is a credit crunch as well. So the timing is not particularly well. But Dubai is very anxious and very ambitious. And these kind of projects, as massive as they are, are started years ago when things were very much different, Kyra.

Glossary

Emirati: The Emirati people are citizens and ethnic group of the United Arab Emirates
awestruck: filled with feelings of admiration or respect
turn a corner: to reach a better point in your business or relationship
undertaking: a job, business or piece of work

ShaylenUID: 2700072

Dubai Inc. needs a rescue


Oil rich Abu Dhabi is in talks with fellow Emirate Dubai over its debt.

Nearly 90% of the oil of the United Arab Emirates is based here, Abu Dhabi, the capital of the UAE. That's how Abu Dhabi has built up the largest sovereign or government-controlled wealth fund in the world and why Abu Dhabi is expected to do more to bail out its fellow gulf emirate Dubai. Confirmation on Sunday that the UAE central bank will stand by banks in the emirate with more money if needed was one step.

"When investor confidence at the moment in Dubai has been shaken thoroughly, what would happen over the next week or two will go a long way towards either confirming or changing that view."

Dubai doesn't have much oil, that's why it diversified into property and tourism. The city state, with its palm-shaped islands, also boasts the world's tallest building, the world's largest mall, even one of the world's largest indoor ski slopes.

Whether it's Dubai World or DP World or Dubai Ports or its troubled property development arm known as Nakheel, financiers just call it Dubai Inc, a series of industries and international investments all tied to Dubai's ruling family, much of it built on loans from dozens of international banks. But while oil prices rose, property investments in Dubai, like in many parts of the world, fell hard during the economic slump.

ShaylenUID: 2700072

In conclusion, the supporting of arts for the good of the minority or the majority amount去掉 of people could be where the rub is是不是新四上面的呢？. The use of public拼写错误 resource to support arts sometimes can be a good way to help citizens who suffer in poverty out.

这个结尾好仓促啊。
我觉得你好像都没有论证完全。
你所有的重点都在art上面了，可是这个题目前半部分被你给忽略了诶。
虽然第二段有提及，但是后面只是一味的说art有多好多好，你的人民大众呢？
他们都饿死了……
呵呵 玩笑话 其实是想说 不要忘记平衡。
观点只有两个，这明显有且欠缺吧。

具体的都在上面说了 还有问题的话 我俩私聊好了
我终于改完了 好累 休息下
人老了 果真就不行了。