hank的小文

tonyhankUID: 2767812

2.22 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most people often let others make decisions for them rather than make decisions by themselves.
麻烦大牛批改啦~



In this hectic and technology advanced society, more and more people feel that their knowledge and capability cannot meet the modern society's need. Thus, many of them are prone to choose a life-style of interdependence. In other words, they prefer to let other people make decisions for them. However, in my opinion, we must hold those right to make the final decision, especially in those cases which may change our fate. After all, no one can know us thoroughly like we do.   

Admittedly, faced with those fierce competition and overwhelmed knowledge in modern society. More and more people begin to feel that they lack a sense of confidence to make decisions by themselves. For example, one of my friends once said to me that he preferred to be an employee rather than a leader in his company because he felt relaxed and comfortable to let others to make those key decisions for his company."I cannot bear the pressure when I think my decision would change many other people's lives and I don't think I own that kind of capability to make an accurate judgment towards our company's situation." He said to me. As far as I am concerned, cases like my friend are not rare. Naturally, people always want to choose a relaxed life style by all means. When they face some important situation which must make decisions right now, they will feel nervous and anxious. So, many of them choose to let others to make decisions for them. In their mind, this behaviour of escape will make feel better.

However, in my opinion, we have to make most of our decisions for ourselves by all means even though it seems to be very difficult because just we can make the most accurate judgement to ourselves. Meanwhile, if those key decisions are all made by ourselves, we will never feel regret for it even though we may meet failure in future. Take my own situation as an example, when I graduated from my high school, I was faced with a situation to choose my major in university. I felt very nervous in that time because I was afraid of choosing an unfavorable major by myself which may impede my future career. In that time, a friend of mine told me that you can choose finance as your major, people from that field can often get a reasonable salary when they graduate. Thus, I followed his words at that time. However, unfortunately, when I entered into my university, I found I did not enjoy this major at all. I always felt dazzled about those baffling numbers and these boring economic principles can always make me feel sleepy. Last year, I decided to change my major to chemistry.I bet chemistry is the very subject which can stimulate my mind and now I  still feel very happy everyday about my lab works. Meanwhile, What's important is that, since then, I no longer let any other people to make choices for me and I believe I will follow my heart in the rest of my life.

In sum, it is true that let others to make decisions for us can make us feel more relaxed and comfortable because the responsibility on our shoulders seems to be lessen to a great extent. However, we must keep one thing in mind that we are the only person who can be responsible for our lives. Nobody can realize our interest and capacity like we do. Thus, why don't you take your own right to make decisions for yourself from now on?        

mpromanusUID: 2565872

In this hectic and technologically advanced society, more and more people feel that their knowledge and capabilities cannot meet the modern society's needs. Thus, many of them are prone to choose a lifestyle of interdependence. In other words, they prefer to let other people make decisions for them. However, in my opinion, we must hold that right to make the final decision, especially in those cases which that may change our fates ('Fate' has a certain sense of being inevitable and often adverse, therefore you usually don't say 'change' 'fate' but 'change' 'lives', if you're trying to express a positive change.). After all, no one can know us thoroughly like we do. (Given the question as what you've written, it's actually a much simpler question: it's asking whether you agree with a descriptive statement. In other words, your primary argument is about whether this phenomenon - 'most people prefer to let other people make decisions for them rather than to make decisions themselves' - is indeed happening and true. It's NOT asking you directly about which decision-making method we should adopt, or which way you prefer, or anything that deep. To give an example, this question is like someone asking you 'Do you think it's bloody hot today?', rather than 'Since it's bloody hot today, do you think we should better move to somewhere with a cooler climate?' You need to answer that first question first before you can IMPLY an answer to the second question. My point here is that your topic sentence needs to include a clear answer to the question that whether you agree with the statement given in the question, then you can continue to say what we should do.)

Admittedly, faced with those fierce competitions and overwhelming knowledge in the modern society, more and more people begin to feel that they lack a sense of confidence to make decisions by themselves. For example, one of my friends once said to me that he preferred to be an employee rather than a leader in his company because he felt relaxed and comfortable to let others to make those key decisions for his company."I cannot bear the pressure when I think about how my decision would change many other people's lives, and I don't think I own that kind of capability to make an accurate judgment towards our company's situation." He said to me. As far as I am concerned, cases like my friend's are not rare. Naturally, people always want to choose a relaxed lifestyle by all means. When they face some important situations in which they must make decisions right now on the spot, they will feel nervous and anxious. So ('so' can't lead a sentence by itself. Use 'therefore' instead.), many of them choose to let others to make decisions for them. In their minds, this behaviour of escape will make them? feel better. (This is a very good paragraph.)

However, in my opinion, we have to make most of our decisions for ourselves by all means, even though it seems to be very difficult, because just we can make the most accurate judgement to ourselves? (This is a random guess but do you mean 'because only we can make the most accurate judgements about ourselves'?). Meanwhile, if those key decisions are all made by ourselves, we will never feel regret ('Regret' is a verb in itself. You feel 'regretful'.) for it (What? You used 'those key decisions', so you should at least use a plural 'them' here.) even though we may meet failures (Why don't just say 'we may fail'?) in future. Take my own situation as an example: when I graduated from my high school, I was faced with a situation to choose my major in university. I felt very nervous in at that time because I was afraid of choosing an unfavorable ('unfavorable' involves an action of 'favor', so it's not very clear who 'unfavorable' here targets at. In other words, who finds the major unfavorable?) major by myself, which may impede my future career. In At that time, a friend of mine told me that you (Who? If you're not using a direct quotation here, you need to pay attention to your persons.) can choose finance as your major, because people from that field can often get a reasonable salaries when they graduate. Thus, I followed his words at that time. However, unfortunately, when I entered into my university, I found that I did not enjoy this major at all. I always felt dazzled about by those baffling numbers, and these boring economic principles can always make me feel sleepy. Last year, I decided to change my major to chemistry. I bet chemistry is the very subject which can stimulate my mind and now I  still feel very happy everyday about my lab works. Meanwhile, What's important is that, since then, I no longer let any other people to make choices for me, and I believe I will follow my heart in the rest of my life. (Well, this is a well-written paragraph, but all wasted, because it has nothing to do with the question itself. See the comments in the opening paragraph - the question is not asking you to compare and contrast the two decision-making methods or to show which one is better.)

In sum, it is true that letting others to make decisions for us can make us feel more relaxed and comfortable, because the responsibility on our shoulders seems to be lessen to a great extent. However, we must keep one thing in mind that we are the only person people (Although here I'd suggest 'individuals'.) who can be responsible for our lives. Nobody can realize our interests and capacities like we do. Thus, why don't you take your own right to make decisions for yourself from now on? (Ahh...the favored 升华. But again, you never quite hit the question. If you put this last sentence together with the original question, I think you'll immediately see how far off you are.)

总结：

语法上要注意一下单复数。用词遣句的功底很好~

最大的问题是跑题 - 如果你给的题目就是这个样子的话。这个问题是一个证明题，问你同不同意某个现象的确是像他题目里说的那样的，也就是说，问你‘现在很多人宁愿让别人替他们做决定也不愿意自己做决定’，是不是实际情况的确是这样？而不是道德题，不是问你哪个比较好，更不是问你应该选哪个~就像你第二段那样，继续描写现在的确有很多人因为各种不同的原因不愿意自己做决定就可以了。

liveraUID: 2732661

Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education?

Nowadays more and more parents purse their own dream in their kids by forcing the children to learn various kinds of specialties such as art, music ,drama and so forth. There are absolutely on problems about the idea that learning a good variety of skills will contributes to children’s successes. But if people think that every kid should learn enjoying art, music and drama, which should be not appropriate.

First of all, not all the children are fond of such activities. And often girls prefer these ones because of their own nature and distinct features which are apparently different from the boys. If the parents of little boy force him to learn music or drama, it will have bad influence on the development of his character that is hazardous for his future. For example ,the little boy may gradually talk less and become separate from his companies.

Besides, it is impossible for all the kids in china to master these skills. As we know, the financial situation of the wide rural area is not good. Some parents even can’t afford to send their own kids to school and have no option but leave the kids at home to help housework. It is much better to put funds on music and drama development to the compulsory education in the countryside to grantee the equal opportunities of being educated.

Finally, if the family condition is fairly good to afford to let the kids to learn such kinds of skills, honestly speaking , it is good for the developments of the children. However, the prerequisite of the decision should be based on the children’s own interest and their own motivation. Parents should never use the parental hierarchy patents to force them, which will only leave an unnecessarily and harmfully big burden to their children. 2# mpromanus

liveraUID: 2732661

拜托楼主也给修改下作文，不到一个月就要考试了。。。谢谢 3# livera