独立作文帖 by 米

eejchenUID: 2225156

谢谢zhisnoopy, 很多地方改的还是很不错的，我的作文词汇贫乏是个很大的问题，以至于有很多重复使用的词汇，谢谢～

dphenixyUID: 2657199

As we all know that many people prefer having other people make decisions for them. However, other people might hold the opposite attitude, （这里用逗号不知道合不合适），they want to make decisions by themselves. As far as I am concerned, I don not agree that most people prefer the former for the following reasons:6 h5 l8 U( b% o( O
To begin with, making decisions by oneself is a sign of independence. Believe it or not, people tend to make decisions by themselves since they are （were）very young. Most of us may still remember that when we were in our teenage,  we would like to choose what （how）we liked to decorate our bedroom. For instance, we might choose the picture of a main character in Disney cartoon, like snow white, to hang on the wall. We might choose some pictures of our favorite movie stars also. （这个例子很好，学习了^_^）There are many other examples like this. It is a kind of independence. We all want to be independent people, or we will lose respects of （from）our peers. Therefore, as independent people, we like to make decisions by ourselves.
In addition, we learn a lot by making decisions by ourselves. Making decisions is a difficult task sometimes because we might make wrong decisions. Nevertheless, we can learn much from making decisions.（感觉这样写更简洁一点：we learn a lot by making decisions on our own notwithstanding the suffering from a wrong decision in some cases）In one place（有这个短语吗，感觉on the one hand
和 for one thing 更常用一点）, let's say（好像有点口语化）, as a manager, to make right decision, he needs to do research on the whole background, analyze the statistics and discuss with other experienced people. By doing this, he gets to know almost all aspects of the problem. These is good for improving his ability（it would help him improve the ability to handle） those kind of problems. In the other place, if （even if ）he makes a wrong decision, he can still learn from it. He can find（by finding） the reason why he made a wrong decision and what did he miss in making that decision. Therefore, he will not make wrong decisions like this next time. In one word, making decision contributes greatly to one's ability in dealing with problems. People should make decisions by themselves to improve their capability.   5 ~0 q5 X: I- V; S$ V9 M
In sum, making decisions by oneself has many advantages. As smart people, we would like to make decisions by ourselves.
to 米：
楼主的思路很清晰，组织的也很好，例子也很恰当，很值得我学习；
不足之处在于有些词汇用的不太恰当或者过于简单，句型不够多变。
另外对于这个题目我也不太明白，是主要论述：是不是大多数人喜欢让别人为自己做决定；还是主要论述：应不应该让别人 & 为自己做决定？f0

mpromanusUID: 2565872

6# eejchen

Nowadays, along with the increasingly important international connection? (I'm not sure what are you trying to express but I guess you mean something like 'relationships between nations'.), people are becoming much more concerned about not only their own country, but also foreign countries. Therefore, they need to find some ways to learn about foreign countries. Some people believe that newspapers and magazines are the best way, however, other people might hold the opposite opinion. From my point of view, newspapers and magazines are absolutely not the best way to get information about the world ('The world' doesn't seem to be equal with 'a foreign country'. To be more accurate, you might want to say something like 'other nations in the world'.).

First of all, there are a large numbers of methods to know what happened all over the world, like the TV programs and the Internet. Newspapers and magazines do provide much information about the domestic and foreign countries (I meant to remove the 'the' but on a second thought I realized this is not just about that 'the'. There's no such thing like a 'domestic country', because 'domestic' means 'within one's own country', and what is 'a country that's wihin one's own country'? It's either 'domestic and foreign affairs', or 'native and foreign countries'.) for many years, especially twenty years ago, when other forms of medias were not improved to become so popular. Nonetheless, we live in the 21th century, the information age, when people are can access to information much more easily than before. People can watch the TV programs to know the information all over the world as soon as the incidents happened (You keep using 'the' without specifying what exactly 'the incidents' or 'the information' is. Remember that the definite article 'the' should only be used to SPECIFY a particular instance of a noun. Without this specification, you shouldn't use 'the'. Plus, it seems like you meant to say 'People...to get to know...' rather than 'to know'.). Take Barrack Obama (It is very vital that when you refer to a person of status for the first time, you do so with his full title ['President Obama'], or his full name. In formal occasions, referring to people for the first time by their last names alone without proper designations like Sir or Mr., would be extremely impolite.), the man who was elected to be President of the United States for example: there was an live broadcast (Of what? His candidate speech?) on TV. Therefore, people in my country knew the news very quickly. This efficiency cannot be obtained matched by newspapers and magazines.

In addition, people can go abroad to have a nice trip and learn about a foreign country. It provides an vivid impression of the country to them. Before I came to Atlanta, I cannot imagine that the sky is so blue in a sunny day and the majority of people here are so nice. I learn about people's lifestyle here and make some good international friends. I cannot imagine all of these experiences if i just stay at my country and read the newspapers and magazines. No doubt that being there is a good way to learn about a foreign country. (Good point. This is exactly the kind of examples that ETS exmainers would like. You could afford be more specific about what exactly you learned about 'lifestyle' in Atlanta but was not able to know back at your own country. That would really hit the point, and would be a good chance to show off your langauge too.)

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that although reading newspapers and magazines are good ways to learn about a foreign country, there are many better ways to know about other countries and people there. (You need to get back to the question..like, 'therefore newspapers and magazines are definitely not the best ways to learn about a foreign country.' I understand this might look redundant, but that's the kind of 'beacons' that your examiners look for when they have limited time and must quickly construct a relatively complete idea about your essay. In other words, the examiners won't have much luxury to read between the lines, so I always maintain that your position on the question needs to be very clearly and directy stated.)

总结：

这篇总体水平相当好，说理和语言都做得不错。有一些用词方面需要注意的地方都在文章中指出了。

我觉得你现在句子的流畅程度控制得非常不错，接下来可以再继续多尝试一些表现力强的词汇，增加你的文采~

eejchenUID: 2225156

谢谢企鹅mm的评改！给我了很大的信心啊！不过还是犯了很多错误，词汇也比较贫乏，快要考试了，一定好好加油！

eejchenUID: 2225156

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


As we all know that teachers assign homework to students sometimes because all of us were students once upon a time. Is daily homework necessary for students? Some people might think this is not necessary because students may feel stressful. Other people, however, might hold the opposite opinion. From my point of view, I definitely fall into the latter category.
First of all, doing homework is a good way to review what we have learned that day. Most of people might have experience like this: they forget what they have learned easily when they do not review the knowledge frequently. Take myself for example, I am always forgetful about the vocabulary when I am absent from them for a long time, no matter how impressive memory I have ever had about the words. A recent survey shows that people remember better if they review 12 hours after the first sight of something. Therefore, by doing homework, students can better remember what they have studied. It is an important method to help students about the study work.
In addition, there are many kinds of homework. In other words, homework is not always boring and time-consuming. Sometimes teachers assign homework which is interesting. I still remember that when I was a little girl, my teacher gave us an assignment that we should make a card for our mother because it's Mother's Day. I did not want to make the card because my mom and I quarreled that morning. However, when I went home after school, my mom have already prepared a delicious dinner for me. I realized that she love me and I love her too. Finally, I made a beautiful card for her that night. In my opinion, it was the homework that make me know better that I love my mom. It's helpful, at least for me.
Although homework has many advantages to students, it is not without its disadvantage. It is generally accepted that too much homework is not necessary because students will have no time to play with their friends and communicate with their peers. Hence the quantity is essential. Appropriate amount of homework is critical for students to review and prepare for the next day's classes.
In sum, daily homework plays an important part in students' study, it is necessary for teachers to assign appropriate homework to students, which will not occupy too much time of theirs and exert a good effect on their studies.

zhisnoopyUID: 2703722

As we all know that teachers assign homework( to students 我这两个词可以去掉~~)sometimes because all of us were（换成are吧，前面用的assign是一般现在时哦~） students once upon a time. Is daily homework necessary for students? Some people might think this is not necessary because students may feel stressful. Other people, however, might hold the opposite opinion. From my point of view, I definitely fall into the latter category.1 e. L! h/ R5 E# h7 a) k

First of all, doing homework is a good way to review what we have learned that day. Most of people might have experience like this: they forget what they have learned easily when they do not review the knowledge frequently. Take myself for example, I am always forgetful about the vocabulary when I am absent from them for a long time, no matter how impressive memory I have ever had about the words. A recent survey shows that people remember better if they review（ what they've learned，加上这个会完整点吧~） 12 hours after the first sight of something. Therefore, by doing homework, students can better remember what they have studied（我好像记得study没有完成时，因为是点动词，但是不确定，路过的同学帮忙看下呢？）. It is an important method to help students about the study（work删掉吧，study本来就是名词了，跟work有点重复。）.

In addition, there are many kinds of homework. In other words, homework is not always boring and time-consuming. Sometimes teachers assign homework which is interesting. I still remember that when I was a little girl, my teacher gave us an assignment that we should（,which asked us to,换定语从句似乎更流畅些。) make a card for our mothers because it's Mother's Day. I did not want to make the card because my mom and I quarreled that morning. However, when I went home after school, my mom had（我觉得这应该是过去完成时） already prepared a delicious dinner for me. I realized that she loved me and I loved（主从句时态一致？） her too. Finally, I made a beautiful card for her that night. In my opinion, it was the homework that make me know better that I love my mom（如果是主从时态一致的话，是不是动词要换成made和loved了？还是有哪几种情况是从句只能用一般现在时的？汗，自己也忘了……）. It's helpful, at least for me.

Although homework has many advantages to students, it is not without disadvantage. It is generally accepted that too much homework is not necessary because students will have no time to play with their friends and communicate with their peers. Hence the quantity is essential. Appropriate amount of homework is critical for students to review and prepare for the next day's classes.

In sum, daily homework plays an important part in students' study, it is necessary for teachers to assign appropriate homework to students, which will not occupy too much time of them and exert a good effect on their studies.

正反两面都有说到，很全面哦~~~

mpromanusUID: 2565872

20# eejchen

As we all know that teachers assign homework to students sometimes because all of us were students once upon a time. (This is ambiguous. Is the 'because' part the reason for 'teachers assign homework to students', or 'we all know'?) Is daily homework necessary for students? Some people might think this is not necessary because students may feel stressful. Other people, however, might hold the opposite opinion. From my point of view, I definitely fall into the latter category.

First of all, doing homework is a good way to review what we have learned that day. Most of people might have experiences like this: they forget what they have learned easily when they do not review the knowledge frequently. Take myself for example. I am always forgetful about the vocabulary (Of what?) when I am absent from them for a long time, no matter how impressive a memory I have ever had about the words. A recent survey shows that people remember better if they review 12 hours after the first sight of something. Therefore, by doing homework, students can better remember what they have studied. It is an important method to help students about their studies work. (This is true, but you only illustrated that homework is importnat. You didn't really demonstrate why 'daily' homework is necessary.)

In addition, there are many kinds of homework. In other words, homework is not always boring and time-consuming. Sometimes teachers assign homework which is interesting. I still remember that when I was a little girl, my teacher gave us an assignment that we should make a card for our mother because it's was Mother's Day. I did not want to make the card because my mom and I quarrelled that morning. However, when I went home after school, my mom have already prepared a delicious dinner for me. I realized that she loves me and I love her too. Finally ('Eventually' would be a better word here.), I made a beautiful card for her that night. In my opinion, it was the homework that make allows me to know better that I love my mom. It's helpful, at least for me. (I don't get your example. From what you've written, what happened was that you went home and saw a delicious dinner, then you realized about all this love..so isn't the dinner the key instead of the homework? And, yet again, you never addressed why 'daily' homework is necessary.)

Although homework has many advantages to students, it is not without its disadvantages. It is generally accepted that too much homework is not necessary because students will have no time to play with their friends and communicate with their peers. Hence the quantity is essential. Appropriate amount of homework is critical for students to review and prepare for the next day's classes.

In sum, daily homework plays an important part in students' studies. It is necessary for teachers to assign appropriate homework to students, which will not occupy too much time of theirs and exert a good effect on their studies. (Again, your final conclusion makes no emphasis on 'daily' homework but on homework in general. In other words, you fail to address the whole question.)

总结：

语言方面已经比较熟练了，注意一下标点。但是这篇你写偏了，因为题目特别要求的是每天作业，所以如果你要正方，你要注重的点是每天作业，而不单单是作业而已，就像结尾段第一句和第二句之间，明显关键字已经不一样了，所以请随时注意自己有否扣题。

eejchenUID: 2225156

谢谢企鹅mm的修改，如醍醐灌顶啊！
周末就考试了，这几天抓紧时间总结一下错误之处，到时考试的时候可别再犯类似错误了……

eejchenUID: 2225156

3.19Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Printed books have greater effects on society than television has.

Nowadays, along with the rapid development in modern science and technology, people have many more ways to enjoy their life. Some people prefer to watch television while others like to read printed books. When asked which one has greater effects on the society, they may have different opinions. As far as I am concerned, television has greater effect on society for the following reasons:
To begin with, television provides people with many entertainments, like music and variety show and some films and so on. All of these give people vivid impression and help them relax very well. Although printed books like novels and fictions can enable people to enjoy the interesting travel in the spiritual world, it is not as well as entertainment gained from TV programs. For example, I have read the novel Harry Potter before there was video on the TV show. I had to say that it was very interesting. However, when I watch the film "Harry Potter" on TV, I realized that this was much better for me to enjoy the magical world. Consequently, television is a much better way for us to relax. Then we will do better on our job and make improvement to the society.
In addition, television is more efficient in conveying information to us than printed books. There are increasing number of news on the TV programs, which help us get information of the outside world much quickly. There was an vivid example that Barrac Obama, who was elected as the president of the United States. People in China could watch his speech on the election and admire his capacity of giving such a good discourse which encourage not only American people but also people all over the world. No doubt that we cannot achieve this impression just from reading printed books. There are numerous of examples like this. From television, we can know our world better.
Admittedly, printed books has many advantages too, especially in those academic studies. A large amount of knowledge in those academics areas like physics, chemistry and maths can be learned from printed books. All of them are abstract materials so we need to read printed books and do some research. There are also some TV programs which has lectures about some science subjects.
In sum, from what has been discussed above, although printed books has many advantages, television still far outweigh them in many ways and exert greater effects on society.