argument25 【clover】by 桔子susan

桔子susanUID: 2754084

25.The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of
Hopewell.

"Two years ago, the town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. The best way to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."




The author concludes that in order to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, the town should built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. To support this argument, the author point out that after the contribution, the town of Ocean View has increased tourism and tax revenues, However, I find that the argument contains several facets that are questionable.

First of all, the author overlooks other factors which may mainly contribute the increase in tourism and tax revennues of Ocean View. The new golf course and resort hotel may just play an insignificant role. There are a great deal of golf courses and resort hotels in the world. When people choose one, they may consider the convenience of transportation and tourist services of the town. It is possible that the town of Ocean View has greatly improved their environment and public facilities which make it more attractive in the past two years, so that their tourist services have greatly enhanced. In addition, perhaps it is the attractive policy of local government that encouraged new business to open there, but not the construction of golf course and resort hotel. In this case, if the new municipal golf course and resort hotel are not the main reason reponsing to the improvement of economy in Ocean View, Hopewell has no need to build the similar to those in Ocean View.

Moreover, even if the construction of new municipal golf course and resort hotel serves as the main reason in the improvement of Ocean View’ economy, it may not goes the same way in Hopewell. To begin with, Hopewell may not have pleased environment and convienence to copy the construction. As we known, construction of a perfect golf course occupies for large area of land. Perhaps Hopewell has scant land to build a golf course, thus rendering the construction of a golf course impracticable. Besides, the construction may not contributes to Hopewell’s economy for it may has less convenient transportation than Ocean Viewand and provides unattractive policy. Consequently, few tourists would will to come to Hopewell and tax revenues may not have a significant increase. With no comprehensive comperation between the two towns, we can not adopt the suggestion.

Finally, even the construction of new municipal golf course and resort hotel could improve Hopewell’s economy, it may not become the best way. There are numorous ways to improve economy, the best way should best fit Hopewell’s condition. It is possible that Hopewell has more resource of mine than natural scenery. Therefore, development of industry could be a better way than development of tourism to improve Hopewell’s economy.

In conclusion, the author fails to figure out the main reason of the increase in tourist and tax revenues and imprudently considers Hopewell is suitable for the same constraction. What we need to do is get better understanding of the evironment and condition of Hopewell. Only in this way can we fogure out the best way to improve local economy and generate additional tax revenues.

taotaoleUID: 2694983

哦，不客气的指出了我认为的问题，要严厉要求对方，一起共同进步哦！
The author concludes that in order to improve Hopewell's economy, and generate additional tax revenues, the town should built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. To support this argument, the author point out that after the contribution, the town of Ocean View has increased tourism and tax revenues, However, I find that the argument contains several facets that are questionable.
主流开头。建议把原文的句子稍作转述会更好。
First of all, the author overlooks other factors which may mainly contribute the increase in tourism and tax revennues of Ocean View. The new golf course and resort hotel may just play an insignificant role. There are a great deal of golf courses and resort hotels in the world. When people choose one, they may consider the convenience of transportation and tourist services of the town. It is possible that the town of Ocean View has greatly improved their environment and public facilities which make it more attractive in the past two years, so that their tourist services have greatly enhanced. In addition, perhaps it is the attractive policy of local government that encouraged new business to open there, but not the construction of golf course and resort hotel. In this case, if the new municipal golf course and resort hotel are not the main reason reponsing to the improvement of economy in Ocean View, Hopewell has no need to build the similar to those in Ocean View.
分析了高尔夫和酒店建设对于经济及税收盈利的影响程度。指出后者改善因素不唯一，且从前者因素重要性上评价措施效仿的必要性。思路明确，建议在文章展开时能把层次更清晰地展现出来会更好。
Moreover, even if the construction of new municipal golf course and resort hotel serves as the main reason in the improvement of Ocean View’ economy, it may not goes the same way in Hopewell. To begin with, Hopewell may not have pleased environment and convienence to copy the construction. As we known, construction of a perfect golf course occupies for large area of land. Perhaps Hopewell has scant land to build a golf course, thus rendering the construction of a golf course impracticable. Besides, the construction may not contributes to Hopewell’s economy for it may has less convenient transportation than Ocean Viewand and provides unattractive policy. Consequently, few tourists would will to come to Hopewell and tax revenues may not have a significant increase. With no comprehensive comperation between the two towns, we can not adopt the suggestion.
这段是用的让步吗？那感觉不是很合理~还与上文有重复之嫌。先是让步的不合理：让步应该基于对文中不确实论据的假设肯定上，但这里却是你所做的假设，不是文中的（文中没说是主要的，直接就推断了）。其实这段应该是要说两个镇具体条件不一样，这是一个错误的类比吧？但呈现出的是重提上文其他导致经济发展的因素了。

Finally, even the construction of new municipal golf course and resort hotel could improve Hopewell’s economy, it may not become the best way. There are numorous ways to improve economy, the best way should best fit Hopewell’s condition. It is possible that Hopewell has more resource of mine than natural scenery. Therefore, development of industry could be a better way than development of tourism to improve Hopewell’s economy.
从否定最好经济发展方式来说。
整个论证部分给人感觉不是很有力（特别是最后一点），点有遗漏的或是表述不明确。感觉主要的问题是太拘泥于对材料里个别点的分析而忽略联系地指出错误点间的联系及论断者是怎样犯错误并导致结论不可靠的。就是在论证中还是要不断的扣住材料，强调错误的本质。此外一些反例的筛选有待提高。

In conclusion, the author fails to figure out the main reason of the increase in tourist and tax revenues and imprudently considers Hopewell is suitable for the same constraction. What we need to do is get better understanding of the evironment and condition of Hopewell. Only in this way can we fogure out the best way to improve local economy and generate additional tax revenues. 结尾部分是主流思路：概括-建议-总结

桔子susanUID: 2754084

嗯，感谢ttl同学

先说说我本来的想法
1.ov的繁荣不一定是这些建设带来的
2.ov和h不能类比，这种方式不一定能为H带来预期效果
3.ov的方式有效果也不一定是h的最好方式。

第二段用让步确实不合适，我又弄错了。不过第二段我是分为两个点讲，一是两地地形不同，H可能没有那么大块地来建golf场（这算比较吧）。第二点，我是想表述为两地的旅游条件不同，如H的交通可能不如OV发达，那么这个措施放在H就不合适了。（可能与第一段有些重复，我再斟酌斟酌，看看如何布局好）
第三段，其实就是想说还有其它的方式，建golf场不一定是最好的方式。我再想想。

再次感谢ttl同学