菜鸟求大家改作文 拜托大家了！！！

pingzi126UID: 2605837

作文题目：Do you agree or disagree that a teacher who is a serious and strict person is more effective than a teacher who is a humorous and easygoing person?

本题目为08.08.23NA独立写作原题
本人用词不丰富，用句不漂亮，482字超时完成的，望大家多多提缺点，我的时间不多了，先谢谢了！



With the development of modern society,teachers recently pay far more attention on their methods and attitudes during the education system than before. When facing the question that whether a serious and strict teacher teaches more effectively than a humorous and easygoing one,someone may consider that teacher who are serious and strict can successfully ask students to do according to their demands.Yet as far as I am concerned humorous and easygoing teachers are able to cultivate students more effectively for the following reasons.

First of all,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would let students feel relaxed and understand what they are saying more easily.Some humorous teachers often tell a funny story connected to the content which will be teached later.Then students will be happy to continue to listen to the teachers and have a deep impression on the knowledge in the class.Even after a few years students can still remember the lesson the huomorous teachers teach.Instead,teachers who are serious and strict will make students obtain knowledge under high pression and unactive to study.Thus a humorous and easygoing teacher is more effective when teaching students.

Furthermore,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would help students close to themselves and build a friendly and harmonious relationship with students.If teachers always treat students as their friends,then students would like to tell their inner minds to and ask help from their teachers. Students can communicate with teachers when they facing the difficulty and get useful assistance.On the contrary,serious and strict techers will make students not easy to exchang their words with the teachers.It does harm to students.So such teachers can not teach students that effectively.

Finally,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would make students enjoy their school lives and keen on their study.Humorous and easygoing teacher can cultivate students' interests on the subject they teach.Take me as an example.When I was in high school,I met a humorous and easygoing math teacher.I did not like math before,but the math teacher's interesting teaching methods made me develop my interest on this subject gradually.At the end of that term,I got a high mark during the math exam.Now I am majoring in math and I think this can be not seperated from that teacher's humor and easygoing.

Admittedly,other think that a serious and strict teacher is more effective,however,I still insist a teacher who is humorous and easygoing can offer more effective education.I hold that students can study more effectively under the help of humorous and easygoing teachers because students can understand the knowledge and keen on their study better.In addition,students can communicate with teachers better in that case.Therefore,a teacher who is a humorous and easygoing person is more effective than one who is a serious and strict person.

duck2010UID: 2757376

With the development of modern society,（标点后要空格）teachers recently pay far more attention on their methods and attitudes during the education system （什么意思？） than before. When facing the question that whether a serious and strict teacher teaches more effectively than a humorous and easygoing one,someone may consider that teacher who are serious and strict can successfully ask students to do according to their demands.Yet as far as I am concerned （加个逗号比较好）humorous and easygoing teachers are able to cultivate students more effectively for the following reasons.



First of all,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would let（make似乎更好） students feel relaxed and understand what they are saying more easily.Some humorous teachers often tell a funny story connected to the content which will be teached later.Then students will be happy to continue to listen to the teachers and have a deep impression on the knowledge in the class.Even after a few years students can still remember the lesson the huomorous teachers teach.Instead,teachers who are serious and strict will make students obtain knowledge under high pression and unactive to study.Thus a humorous and easygoing teacher is more effective when teaching students（on teaching）.



Furthermore,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would help students close to themselves and build a friendly and harmonious relationship with students.If teachers always treat students as their friends,then students would like to tell their inner minds to and ask help from their teachers. Students can communicate with teachers when they facing the difficulty and get useful assistance.On the contrary,serious and strict techers will make students not easy to exchang their words with the teachers.It does harm to students.So such teachers can not teach students that effectively.8 i% x, n' [9 Y& F- U3 s( e# d9 x* c
1 I' L5 y3 [. C9 @+ S

Finally,being humorous and easygoing,teachers would make students enjoy their school lives and keen on their study.Humorous and easygoing teacher can cultivate students' interests on the subject they teach.Take me as an example.When I was in high school,I met a humorous and easygoing math teacher.I did not like math before,but the math teacher's interesting teaching methods made me develop my interest on this subject gradually.At the end of that term,I got a high mark during the math exam.Now I am majoring in math and I think this can be not seperated from that teacher's humor and easygoing.（这个例子举得蛮好）4 h' p( N' h. ~! W7 ]

Admittedly,other think that a serious and strict teacher is more effective,however,I still insist a teacher who is humorous and easygoing can offer more effective education.I hold that students can study more effectively under the help of humorous and easygoing teachers because students can understand the knowledge and keen on their study better.In addition,students can communicate with teachers better in that case.Therefore,a teacher who is a humorous and easygoing person is more effective than one who is a serious and strict person.

楼主的文章观点很好，论述也不错。
楼主的语言只有少部分有些小语法错误，但完全不影响读者理解。
这篇文章写得挺不错的。
值得建议的是：楼主在运用英文写作时，中文思维较为严重，有些地方明显是中文直白翻译过去的。我建议楼主去背诵几篇新概念4里面的文章，增强语感。哪怕只有一个星期，这个方法也管用。
加油！

以楼主的基础，稍加努力，完全可以争取25+的托福作文。

pingzi126UID: 2605837

万分感谢善良的duck的细心批改！属实我写作文经常先脑子想中文，再翻译出来，谢谢你的建议，很受用！
我会继续努力的！:p
2# duck2010

mpromanusUID: 2565872

With the development of the modern society, teachers recently pay far more attention on their methods and attitudes during the education system? than before. When facing the question that whether a serious and strict teacher teaches more effectively than a humorous and easygoing one, someone may consider that teachers who are serious and strict can successfully ask students to do ('do' what?) according to their demands. Yet as far as I am concerned, humorous and easygoing teachers are able to cultivate students more effectively for the following reasons.

First of all, being humorous and easygoing, teachers would let make students feel relaxed and understand what they (Who? Teachers? Students?) are saying more easily. Some humorous teachers often tell a funny stories (If you say 'a funny story', then you're saying that these teachers tell one same story XD) connected to the content which that will be teached taught later. Then students will be happy to continue to listen to the teachers and have a deep impression on the knowledge in the class. Even after a few years, students can still remember the lesson the huomorous teachers teach taught. Instead, teachers who are serious and strict will make students obtain knowledge under high pression? and unactive to study? (This will read '...teachers...make students obtain knowledge under unactive to study.' That hardly sounds correct.).Thus a humorous and easygoing teacher is more effective when teaching students.

Furthermore, being humorous and easygoing, teachers would help students close to themselves? (Are the students already 'close' to the teachers, or are the teachers helping them to 'become' close?) and build a friendly and harmonious relationship with students. If teachers always treat students as their friends, then students would like to tell speak their inner minds to and ask for help from their teachers. Students can communicate with teachers when they face the difficulties and get useful assistance. On the contrary, serious and strict techers will make it difficult for students not easy to exchange their words with the teachers. It does harm (How? You need to elaborate a little.) to students. So such teachers cannot teach students that effectively.

Finally, being humorous and easygoing, teachers would make students enjoy their school lives and keen on their studying. Humorous and easygoing teachers can cultivate students' interests on the subjects they teach.Take me as an example.When I was in high school, I met a humorous and easygoing math teacher. I did not like math before, but the math teacher's interesting teaching methods made me develop my interest on this subject gradually. At the end of that term, I got a high mark during for the math exam.Now I am now majoring in math and I think this cannot be not ('cannot' and 'can not' are totally different expressions. 'can not' means there's still a choice of 'can', i.e. you can choose not to do something, or you can choose to do something, but 'cannot' is an absolute negative.) seperated (Weird expression. The idea you're trying to express is probably more like 'this cannot be the case if not for that teacher's ...', or 'this must be attributed to that teacher's ...'. Personally, I always prefer straight forward positives than double negatives.) from that teacher's humor and easygoing attitude.

Admittedly, others think that a serious and strict teacher is more effective, however, I still insist that a teacher who is humorous and easygoing can offer more effective education. I hold that students can study more effectively under the help of humorous and easygoing teachers because students can understand the knowledge and be keen ('keen' as an adjective can mean 'eager', but as a verb or noun it means 'lament'. They are two differently rooted words that happen to end up with the same spelling, by the way.)on their study better. In addition, students can communicate with teachers better in that case. Therefore,a teacher who is a humorous and easygoing person is more effective than one who is a serious and strict person.

总结：

总体来说相当不错，就是有些小的语法和遣词方面的错误要注意一下，语法上最主要的就是要注意agreement，单复数要统一，宾语形式要统一，因为你的句子组织长度都很好，所以要特别注意长句的检查。另外就是标点符号后面要有空格。论述方面非常好，说理和例子都很充分，文章的结构也很完整。