Argument193 布置作业的频率【求拍，有拍必回】

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

Argument193: 429 words   30 minutes
The Department of Education in the state of Attra recommends that high school students be assigned homework every day. Yet a recent statewide survey of high school math and science teachers calls the usefulness of daily homework into question. In the district of Sanlee, 86 percent of the teachers reported assigning homework three to five times a week, whereas in the district of Marlee, less than 25 percent of the teachers reported assigning homework three to five times a week. Yet the students in Marlee earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than are the students in Sanlee. Therefore, all teachers in our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week, if at all.

The department of Education in the Attra state puts forward an advice that all high schools should not assign homework more than twice a week. To support the advice, the result of a recent statewide survey focusing on high school math and science is cited. Although teachers in district of Sanlee assign more frequent homework than those in district of Marlee, the students in Marlee earn better grades and are less likely to be required to repeat a year of school than those in Sanlee. However, a close scrutiny reveals several flaws in the argument, which lend little credibility to this recommendation.

First of all, the state wide survey is focus on high school math and science teachers, which obviously ignores teachers of other subjects, like language and history. Even if the result of the survey is statistically reliable, the recommendation is only available for teachers in high school math and science, rather than all teachers in every subject.

Next, although the survey is a statewide one, the result of only two districts is cited here, which can not be good representatives of all districts in the state. It is quite possible that the same result may not be found in other districts. Moreover, the result does not provide any information of the rest 75 percent of teachers in Marlee who do not report their frequency of assigning homework. The more those teachers assign home work to students, the less credible the evidence appears. Without proving that other districts are identical to the two cited here, and providing more information of the rest 75 percent teachers in Marlee, the evidence is unconvincing at all.

Then, the author attributes all the difference in grades to the frequency of homework assigned without ruling out other factors that could have influence. For example, the teaching equipment and the teachers' quality also contribute a lot to the grades. Moreover, there is not sign showing that the two districts use the same standard of giving grades and requiring students to repeat a year of school. Presumably, the district of Marlee tends to give higher grades and does not treat students who receive poor grades as strict as Sanlee.

In sum, to better support the recommendation, the Department of Education should provide more convincing evidence, including teachers in all subjects and all districts. Meanwhile, other possibilities that may influence the grades should be excluded in order to maintain the credibility of the survey. To better assess the argument, the standard according to which teachers in different districts use is needed to be identical to further support the survey.

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几个感想，不过都是吹毛求疵。我向来出名critical，楼主别介意。
楼主的写作不错，希望大家互相鼓励更上一层楼（希望最后10天能写点东西给你拍。不然光动嘴不动手实在太罪恶了。）

第一，语意重复。

比如： First of all, （1） the state wide survey is focus on high school math and science teachers, which obviously ignores teachers of other subjects, like language and history. （2） Even if the result of the survey is statistically reliable, the recommendation is only available for teachers in high school math and science, rather than all teachers in every subject.

这两句话基本上还是在讲一回事，虽然中间用了一个让步假设。

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插播一下，其实statistical problem这里应该有两处吧，可以捏在一起说。比如：
"the survey appears to suffer from two statistical problems, either of which renders the survey's result unreliable. First, statistics are from only two districts (representativeness) ;however, ……. Second, the survey involved only math and science teachers. Yet the speaker draws a broad recommendation for all subjects based on the survey's result." (Stewart, 2009)
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第二，词汇重复。

比如： grade (academic result, academic performance)
          identical (可以从方面来rephrase，比如disparity, difference）

第三，句子结构重复。

mm好像很喜欢用“副词， 句子”这样的形式。偶尔也可以换用从句来丰富一下文章的句子结构。
比如：Presumably, the district of Marlee tends to give higher grades and does not treat students who receive poor grades as strict as Sanlee.
可以试着改成：It is entirely possible that ……

第四，表达还是有点冗长。

有的时候可以大胆的写简单句吧。也算是换换句子结构的口味。
比如上面那句， the district of Marlee tends to give higher grades and does not treat students who receive poor grades as strict as Sanlee.
可以试试这样写：Sanlee teachers are stricter graders than Marlee teachers.

爱上千年的猫UID: 2476232

嗯，非常受教~~~我最近一直在总结argu的句子结构，看来需要多看看自己总结的，写的时候总是倾向于自己最熟悉的那几个句型，呵呵~~