issue50 互拍

prettywraithUID: 197049

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 429
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-3-11 11:53:30

Discriminating the past time when faculty prefer to stay in their own academic world, now faculty begin to find more opportunity connecting their academic knowledge to practical world. Undoubtedly, this behavior will enhance the education of the college more or less. But we should notice some academic areas do not exist such outside academia. Moreover, undue emphasis on working outside academia would deteriorate the instruction. Therefore, it is unpractical and necessary to ask for all faculty should work outside the academic world.

Why, people may wonder, should faculty work outside academic? Because the real world experience will bring numerous benefits to instruction, such as promoting faculty’s own knowledge level and teaching students more pragmatic knowledge.

On the one hand, by working outside academic area being related with their professions, faculty could complement knowledge and concrete examples of theory. And many problems have been realized first time in the real life. Then, after someone solve these problems, a new subject appear in the college. For example, several years ago, with the methods of financing, and under the help of using tools of mathematics, computation and the practice of programming, people begin to price assets or securities. Later, the subject financial engineering has been established. Thus, working non-academic being relevant to their majors, faculty often make their knowledge structure more perfect.

On the other hand, students would learn more useful knowledge from their professor’s lessons. Some textbooks have become outdated. And some usually complain even they cannot find a jobs with such old-fashioned knowledge. Thus, the teachers should supplement their classes with more related knowledge in real society as soon as possible.

But, neither every faculty nor every academic field should work outside academic be relevant to their professions. For instance, comparing with engineering research, theory research like theoretical physics and mathematics pays more attention on academic world. The faculty only researching theory emphasizes more theoretical deduction and induction, usually ignoring practical application. In contrast, the faculty of engineering research spends more time in applying the theory to practical needs, such as industrial improvement, financial services, and agricultural products. Thus, except for the faculty who focus on theory research, taking outside academic is beneficial for the instruction. Moreover, in different academic field, the case is also different. For the areas such as humanities, arts and philosophy, it is little difference to work outside or inside academic. Thus, it is improper to require all faculty working outside academia which is related with their professions.
More important, for the purpose of improving instruction on college and university, it is unnecessary to force all faculty attend outside academia. On the one hand, if some faculty waste most of their time for working outside academia and ignore their daily teaching tasks, in this case instruction is not advanced but worsen. On the other hand, there are many other effective methods to increase the instruction quality of high education. With redesigning the education plan, modifying experimental contents, establishing educating evaluation system and educational interaction, instruction could be made better.

Briefly, it is beneficial for improving instruction to encourage faculty working outside academia related with their professions. But, it may not be an effective method to achieve the goal advancing instruction. In addition, not every faculty or every academic area should be adapted this suggestion. Therefore, I suggest that faculty should make a balance between their academic jobs and outside academic on basis of their own situations.

qisaimanUID: 2703629

Discriminating the past time when faculty prefer to stay in their own academic world, now faculty begin to find more opportunity connecting their academic knowledge to practical world. Undoubtedly, this behavior will enhance the education of the college more or less. But we should notice some academic areas do not exist such outside academia. Moreover, undue emphasis on working outside academia would deteriorate the instruction. Therefore, it is unpractical and necessary -> unnecessary to ask for all faculty should work outside the academic world.

Why, people may wonder, should faculty work outside academic? Because the real world experience will bring numerous benefits to instruction, such as promoting faculty’s own knowledge level and teaching students more pragmatic knowledge.

On the one hand, by working outside academic area being related with their professions, faculty could complement knowledge and concrete examples of theory. And many problems have been realized first time in the real life. Then, after someone solve+s these problems, a new subject appear in the college. For example, several years ago, with the methods of financing, and under the help of using tools of mathematics, computation and the practice of programming, people begin to price assets or securities. Later, the subject financial engineering has been established. Thus, working non-academic being relevant to their majors, faculty often make their knowledge structure more perfect.

On the other hand, students would learn more useful knowledge from their professor’s lessons. Some textbooks have become outdated. And some usually complain even they cannot find a jobs with such old-fashioned knowledge. Thus, the teachers should supplement their classes with more related knowledge in real society as soon as possible. {perhaps this is the situation in China and it is not the same picture in America}

But, neither every faculty nor every academic field should work outside academic be relevant to their professions. For instance, comparing with engineering research, theory research like theoretical physics and mathematics pays more attention on academic world. The faculty only researching theory emphasizes more theoretical deduction and induction, usually ignoring practical application. In contrast, the faculty of engineering research spends more time in applying the theory to practical needs, such as industrial improvement, financial services, and agricultural products. Thus, except for the faculty who focus on theory research, taking outside academic is beneficial for the instruction. Moreover, in different academic field, the case is also different. For the areas such as humanities, arts and philosophy, it is little difference to work outside or inside academic. Thus, it is improper to require all faculty working outside academia which is related with their professions. {不如在观点里改成 有些需要 有些不需要， 这样看起来就不像argument了}

More important, for the purpose of improving instruction on college and university, it is unnecessary to force all faculty attend outside academia. On the one hand, if some faculty waste most of their time for working outside academia and ignore their daily teaching tasks, in this case instruction is not advanced but worsen. On the other hand, there are many other effective methods to increase the instruction quality of high education. With redesigning the education plan, modifying experimental contents, establishing educating evaluation system and educational interaction, instruction could be made better.

Briefly, it is beneficial for improving instruction to encourage faculty working outside academia related with their professions. But, it may not be an effective method to achieve the goal advancing instruction. In addition, not every faculty or every academic area should be adapted this suggestion. Therefore, I suggest that faculty should make a balance between their academic jobs and outside academic on basis of their own situations.

感觉文章应该围绕instruction展开，可惜直到最后才看到，还没有充分论述；
开头新颖，至少对我来说；
结构也不错，有总有分；

plukaUID: 2721764

Discriminating （unlike in the past time之类的意思吧，不过这种用法我也不是很确定） the past time when faculty prefer to stay in their own academic world, now faculty begin to find more opportunity connecting their academic knowledge to practical world. Undoubtedly, this behavior will enhance the （+quality of）education of the college more or less. But we should notice some academic areas do not exist（用词不妥，have即可，且exist为非及物动词） such outside academia（用词不妥，在外的是职业环境，不是学术环境）. Moreover, undue emphasis on working outside academia would deteriorate the instruction. Therefore, it is unpractical and necessary（unnecessary） to ask for all faculty should work outside the academic world（ask all faculty to work outside...）.

Why, people may wonder, should faculty work outside academic（改名词）? Because the real world experience will bring numerous benefits to instruction, such as（“充实教育者自身知识”不应该是“benefits to instruction”的举例，而是原因吧。此处such as改成by可能合适些） promoting faculty’s own knowledge level and teaching students more pragmatic knowledge. 

On the one hand, by working outside academic area being related with their professions, faculty could complement knowledge and concrete examples of theory. And many problems have been realized（realize problems实现问题？这个搭配很诡异，problems appear/be discovered合理些） first time in the real life. Then, after someone solve these problems, a new subject appear in the college. For example, several years ago, with the methods of financing, and under the help of using tools of （冗赘可删）mathematics, computation and the practice of（冗赘） programming, people begin to price assets or securities. Later, the subject(+of) financial engineering has been established. Thus, working non-academic（词性就不对。想用名词还是副词自己改）（working少宾语） being relevant to their majors, faculty often make their knowledge structure more perfect. （从第二句开始偏离TS。主题句谈的是从实践中完善知识获得经验，可是下文却讨论许多学科是来自实践中的问题= =这是两码事。读完TS后，我所期待的下文应该是具体论述可以如何完善知识，获得哪些经验，这些知识和经验有啥好处云云。遗憾的是都没有提到。虽然最后来了句“faculty often make their knowledge structure more perfect”作为总结，但这个总结只能茫然地跟TS遥相呼应，却没跟文段主体连起来。）

On the other hand, students would learn more useful knowledge from their professor’s lessons. Some textbooks have become outdated. And some（此处不可省略主语students，不然会默认是上句的textbooks） usually complain even they cannot find a jobs with such old-fashioned knowledge. Thus, the teachers should supplement their classes with more related knowledge in real society as soon as possible.（往好了说是文段不完整，往糟的说是又脱节了。要谈的是“学生能学到有用的知识”，而不是“学生应该学习先进知识”。TS是前者，后文却在论述后者。顺着TS的方向，读者会期待下文论及学生学到什么知识，如何学到，有啥用云云，而不是为啥老师要教学生实际知识。建议作者认真对待TS！一旦确定，就请以之为路标和起点，不要写偏了。）

But, neither every faculty nor every academic field （搭配不当。“领域”如何外出工作？）should work outside academic be relevant to their professions.（这部分的修饰十分纠结。outside是介词，后面请接名词；一个句子只能有一个谓语动词，有了work绝不可能有be；be relevant to到底修饰啥？前面可没有名词。总之，语法请分析清楚） For instance, comparing with engineering research, theory research like theoretical physics and mathematics pays more attention on academic world. The faculty only researching theory emphasizes more theoretical deduction and induction, usually ignoring practical application（本句缺谓语）. In contrast, the faculty of engineering research spends more time in applying the theory to practical needs, such as industrial improvement, financial services, and agricultural products. Thus, except for the faculty who focus on theory research, taking outside academic is beneficial for the instruction. Moreover, in different academic field（个人以为概念重复了。前文讲不同教员的时候实际已经考虑了不同领域：工程应用领域的教员跟理论研究领域的教员）, the case is also different. For the areas such as humanities, arts and philosophy, it is（+of） little difference to work outside or inside academic. Thus, it is improper to require all faculty working outside academia which is related with their professions.
More important, for the purpose of improving instruction on college and university, it is unnecessary to force all faculty attend（force sb to do/into doing sth。另attend似乎不太妥当） outside academia（这个观点跟上段的有重复）. On the one hand, if some faculty waste most of their time for working outside academia and ignore their daily teaching tasks（结构不完整，if只能引导从句，主句在哪里？后面in this case是另起一句，这句还没完呢）, in this case instruction is not advanced but worsen（用被动）. On the other hand, there are many other effective methods to increase the instruction quality of high education. With redesigning the education plan, modifying experimental contents, establishing educating evaluation system and educational interaction, instruction could be made better.（这两段都是反面观点，然而各个分论点相互交叉，混乱了。建议理清一下，让各观点能够（尽可能）独立，互不重叠，这样显得比较条理分明）

Briefly, it is beneficial for improving instruction to encourage faculty working outside academia related with their professions. But, it may not be an effective method to achieve the goal advancing instruction. In addition, not every faculty or every academic area should be adapted this suggestion. Therefore, I suggest that faculty should make a balance between their academic jobs and outside academic on basis of their own situations.
两个大问题。

其一是主题句与论述老是连不起来：写文段的时候请一定记住中心观点，内容都要围绕论点来写，勿偏！
其二是语法。这是一切的基础，一定要搞定。

以上，加油！