issue51~~求拍

ella_dylUID: 2595060

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

WORDS: 556      TIME: 00:50:00     DATE: 2010-3-13 上午 11:05:19

As the statement suggests---education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. To judge whether this makes education truly effective, we need to figure out the aim of education? Let's look at the definition of UNESCO: learning to know and to do; learning to get together; learning to be. According to the three points, I can not fully agree with this issue.

Admittedly, learning with interest does help in some aspects of learning to know and to do. Students are more involved in what they are interested in instead of merely passive learners. However, some basic knowledge, such as math, is totally boring and few people will develop real interest while learning these subjects. But they are indeed indispensible in our lives.

Moreover, interest is not innate but can be cultivated. When interest accords with one’s natural talent, education is truly effective. Actually, today’s so-called "interest" of students is usually aimless. Many are just interested in drawing for three days and later switch to dancing or something else. Simply follow students’ premature interest is a waste of time and resources. A famous educationist once made this point quite clear: education should teach students in accordance of their aptitude. Thus, although interest is the best teacher, students also need basic knowledge as well as systematic instructions to develop their individual gift.

Talking about individualism, I concede that it is becoming more and more vital. People appreciate special characteristics and skills distinctive from those of others. The trend applies to both social lives and professional careers. Nevertheless, as the modern society is highly-competitive, we can hardly achieve a goal without others' help, the sense of cooperation is of great significance nowadays. Merely focusing on individual needs is not sufficient in education. Apart from techniques, a more important part is learning to get together. A spirit of teamwork comes out to be extremely indispensible. Report shows that the sense of cooperation is the most essential part in the character of leadership. Nowadays, without cooperation, life may be a nightmare. Communication can be checked and neither individuals nor the society will make progress.

Furthermore, the narrow focus does little to help learning to be. When education designed to meet individual needs, everyone simply cares about themselves, which may cause misleading in their value system. They may consider selfishness quite advisable, which might cause more dangerous ideology, such as money worship. Thus, moral education should be added, especially in preliminary education, to encourage harmonious atmosphere in society. In Asia, in order to solve social problem emerging along with the development of economy, many governments are advocating Confucianism, which was constructed by Confucius thousands years ago. His theory suggests everybody be kindhearted and dedicate. These words which seems far away from us may be the kind of treatment of social greedy and other problems.

To sum up, I agree with the speaker insofar as that individual needs and interests of each student should be underscored and valued, but general education should remain the way it has been. In addition, it is the responsibility of both teachers and parents to give students advisable suggestions to instruct them find their real interest. Moreover, the lessons about social morality and the construction of sense of cooperation should be added. In this way, education can achieve its ultimate goal.

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

WORDS: 556      TIME: 00:50:00     DATE: 2010-3-13 上午 11:05:19

As the statement suggests---education should be specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. To judge whether this makes education truly effective, we need to figure out the aim of education? Let's look at the definition of UNESCO(from UNESCO 是否好一点？第一反应是这样的…): learning to know and to do; learning to get together; learning to be. According to the three points, I can not fully agree with this issue.

Admittedly, learning with interest does help in some aspects of learning to know and to do. Students are more involved in what they are interested in instead of merely passive learners. (比较的双方是同一性质的吗？) However, some basic knowledge, such as math, is totally boring and few people will develop real interest while learning these subjects. (主观意识太强！)But they are indeed indispensible in our lives. (简单举一小个例子，比如…)

Moreover, interest is not innate but can be cultivated. When interest accords with one’s natural talent, education is truly effective. Actually, today’s so-called "interest" of students is usually aimless. Many are just interested in drawing for three days and later switch to dancing or something else. Simply follow students’ premature interest is a waste of time and resources. A famous educationist once made this point quite clear: education should teach students in accordance of (介词搭配！)their aptitude. Thus, although interest is the best teacher, students also need basic knowledge as well as systematic instructions to develop their individual gift
(单复数！).

Talking about individualism, I concede that it is becoming more and more vital. People appreciate special characteristics and skills distinctive from those of others. The trend applies to both social lives and professional careers. Nevertheless, as the modern society is highly-competitive, we can hardly achieve a goal without others' help, the sense of cooperation is of great significance nowadays. Merely focusing on individual needs is not sufficient in education. Apart from techniques, a more important part is learning to get together. A spirit of teamwork comes out to be extremely indispensible. Report shows that the sense of cooperation is the most essential part in the character of leadership. Nowadays, without cooperation, life may be a nightmare. (这个形容很突兀，明显的中式，可以具体描述，比如人很难在社会立足之类的。) Communication can be checked and neither individuals nor the society will make progress.

Furthermore, the narrow focus does little to help learning to be. When education designed to meet individual needs, everyone simply cares about themselves, which may cause misleading in their value system. (needs 这里更多的应该是代表知识上的需要吧？你对它的定义是怎么回事？)They may consider selfishness quite advisable, which might cause more dangerous ideology, such as money worship. Thus, moral education should be added, especially in preliminary education, to encourage harmonious atmosphere in society. In Asia, in order to solve social problem emerging along with the development of economy, many governments are advocating Confucianism, which was constructed by Confucius thousands years ago. His theory suggests everybody be kindhearted and dedicate. These words which seems far away from us may be the kind of treatment of social greedy and other problems.

To sum up, I agree with the speaker insofar as that individual needs and interests of each student should be underscored and valued, but general education should remain the way it has been. In addition, it is the responsibility of both teachers and parents to give students advisable suggestions to instruct them find their real interest. Moreover, the lessons about social morality and the construction of sense of cooperation should be added. In this way, education can achieve its ultimate goal.

首先，读罢你的文章有种读译文的感觉，倒也不是说语言有多中式，很多联系却是。看来你会从准备过程在受到考验但也能学习很多。Critical thinking 要建立在有理有据的前提，而有理有据也恰恰是critical think的体现之一。其次，中心词的把握有偏差。你把更多的笔墨花在了interest的意义上了，而该issue的重点其实是specifically designed to meet the needs and interests是否教育唯一的有效做法，或者是其意义所在。先做到这两点再在结构上下功夫。语法错误要避免。加油！

ella_dylUID: 2595060

2# 123runfordream
这篇文章我的思路是想在强调对个体重视的同时，更不可忽略的是意识与价值观的培养。看到一片例文写的是有关individual education和general education的问题，个人不是太想写这个，是因为这个原因造成偏题？如果是的话，那AW的开放式写作的限度究竟是什么呢？
B2段和B4段我的确加入了很多中式的观点，不知道其他地方还有没有同样的感觉。小C是觉得需要西式一些吗？有关critical thinking部分，是内容比较空吗？
还有半个月就要考了，比较纠结，写了不少，小C多指教啊

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

3# ella_dyl

AW的开放式写作的限度是你从哪个角度写都必须让人信服~而你没有做到。
其实我所谓的critical thinking 就是你还欠缺逻辑的连贯和完整性。
中式和西式之区别是中国人很容易想当然地做些没有解释的惯性联系。而逻辑写作是你是否具备了有理有据的基础。

我的一点拙见~