ISSUE48 Rank2 2010-3-20

shohoku11wrjUID: 2731579

TOPIC:ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals.The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by thefamous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long beenforgotten."
WORDS:536

TIME: 00:50:00
DATE: 2010-3-19 22:32:28

I partially agree with thestatement in the issue. In my opinion, the most significant events and trendsin history were indeed pushed by groups of people who were not so famous, butthe emphasis on individuals is required for studying history.

First of all, it is obvious thatmost people did have contributed a lot for the progresses of human society. Without thepower of the majority, many significant movements could not be successful (a., succeed v., success n.), such as theCivil War and theAmerican Revolutionary War of U.S. in the aspect of society; the Renaissance of Europe which began in the late Middle Ages in the aspect of ideology; and the ImpressionismMovement in the aspect of Art, and so forth. Celebrities, like Martin Luther King,
Dante Alighieri但丁, and Monet,
did make great efforts in these movements, butthe majority whose identities have long been forgotten are the primary and fundamental powers.

However, when studying thehistory, we are not able to continue the researches by emphasizing little onindividuals. One reason comes to me is the fact that the famous few are thetypical cases at their time in the history, and I could not miss out them whenlooking back on the past events. For example, Abraham Lincoln is bestremembered for leadings the Union in the CivilWar and freeing the Confederate slavers with the 1863 EmancipationProclamation. Studying the colorful stories about Lincoln's lives makes historians know whatwas the main notion and ideology of the majority in that time and whatimportant events or movements happened around them. So, the paragons (人的模范, paradigms事物的模范)
of some famousfew play essential roles in the study of history.

Another reason why we should emphasize these celebrities is thehistorians actually study the whole society and groups of people around theseleading roles by the way of studying the famous few. The famous few evidentlyhave more recordations记录 thanothers in the historical archives(文档, achievesv.实现). Moreover, it will be orderly by focusing on someindividuals for their activities always run through most significant historicalevents. With these two obvious advantages, they are undoubted the most probablechoices/ (potential n.潜在性,可能性adj.有潜力的, 潜在的, 可能的)ofresearching cases. Furthermore, some famous few did influence a lot in thehistory. For example, the Code Napoleon, legislated by the notable emperor Napoleon who was a military军事的 and political leader of France, is the classic corpus文集 of laws which is a valuable text book of law students法律系学生.

Last but not least, emphasis on these famous people is good for the historicaleducation. There seems to be too much emphasis on individuals for one(这不是所有的原因，所以不要用the，用one) (obscure/unnoticed不引人注目的/unobtrusive不显眼的, 可替代后面那个which从句的意思) reason(whichshould not be ignored/neglected)
thatwhen the achievements are published. However, publishers focus on some bigexamples in order to catch the people's eyes, and then the popular would noticethe achievements of the historical researches which made by the great effortsby historians. In fact, during this kind of process of publishment, themajority have studied a lot of the whole group and the notion of that time byreading the stories of the famous few. Then, the useful knowledge andexperience could spread from generation to generation.

To sum up, due to analysis andreasons mentioned(还能有什么词替代？)
above,the emphasis on individuals, especially some famous few, isnecessary in the study of history and important for the education, although thegroups of people who have long been forgotten contribute mostly is theselfevident fact.

zylpascalUID: 2710054

I partially agree with thestatement in the issue. In my opinion, the most significant events and trendsin history were indeed pushed by groups of people who were not so famous, butthe emphasis on individuals is required for studying history.
First of all, it is obvious thatmost people did have contributed a lot for（contribute to 而非for） the progresses of human society. Without thepower of the majority, many significant movements could not be successful (a., succeed v., success n.), such as theCivil War and theAmerican Revolutionary War of U.S.(US此处多余！前有 American) in the aspect （field）of society; the Renaissance of Europe which began in the late Middle Ages in the aspect（field） of ideology; and the ImpressionismMovement in the aspect of Art, and so forth. Celebrities, like Martin Luther King,
Dante Alighieri但丁, and Monet,
did make great efforts in these movements, butthe majority whose identities have long been forgotten are the primary and fundamental powers.（but完了之后是不是应该论一下呢？）
However, when studying thehistory, we are not able to continue the researches by emphasizing little onindividuals. One reason comes to me is the fact that the famous few are thetypical cases at their time in the history, and I could not miss out them whenlooking back on the past events. For example, Abraham Lincoln is bestremembered for leadings the Union in the CivilWar and freeing the Confederate slavers with the 1863 EmancipationProclamation. Studying the colorful stories about Lincoln's lives makes historians know whatwas the main notion and ideology of the majority in that time and whatimportant events or movements happened around them. So, the paragons (人的模范, paradigms事物的模范)
of some famousfew play essential roles in the study of history.
Another reason why we should emphasize（不要再出现emphasize了
语言词汇缺少变化！
可用pay such importance on or endow with them such crucial status）
these celebrities is thehistorians actually study the whole society and groups of people around theseleading roles by the way（approach 长音节词） of studying the famous few. The famous few evidentlyhave more recordations记录 thanothers in the historical archives(文档, achievesv.实现). Moreover, it will be orderly （？）by focusing on someindividuals for their activities always run through most significant historicalevents. With these two obvious advantages, they are undoubted the most probable （绝对化 the most/ 改为 seems to be
more competitive）choices/ (potential n.潜在性,可能性adj.有潜力的, 潜在的, 可能的)ofresearching cases. Furthermore, some famous few did influence a lot in thehistory. For example, the Code Napoleon, legislated by the notable emperor Napoleon who was a military军事的 and political leader of France, is the classic corpus文集 of laws which is a valuable text book of law students法律系学生.
Last but not least, emphasis on these famous people is good for the historicaleducation. There seems to be too much emphasis on individuals for one(这不是所有的原因，所以不要用the，用one) (obscure/unnoticed不引人注目的/unobtrusive不显眼的, 可替代后面那个which从句的意思) reason(whichshould not be ignored/neglected)
thatwhen the achievements are published. However, publishers focus on some bigexamples in order to catch the people's eyes, and then the popular would noticethe achievements of the historical researches which made by the great effortsby historians. In fact, during this kind of process of publishment, themajority have studied a lot of the whole group and the notion of that time byreading the stories of the famous few. Then, the useful knowledge andexperience could spread from generation to generation.
To sum up, due to analysis andreasons mentioned(还能有什么词替代？discussed)
above,the emphasis on individuals, especially some famous few, isnecessary in the study of history and important for the education, although thegroups of people who have long been forgotten contribute mostly is theselfevident fact.( the fact
that groups of people who have long been forgotten contribute most.)

字数太多了
呵呵
别见怪~~ 实战中没必要这么多
也很难~~

结构很好
主旨破得很不错——抓住一点,从教育和研究的角度出发
用了三大段
很有气势
；所用欧美典故也不错
政治社会的居多
（呵呵
比我强 ~~我就会自然科技工程类的典故）最后一段尽然只有一句话？呵呵
可不可以把句式打散
用两句或三句呢？
整体不错~~ 我感觉实战时考场上能写出这水平的80%， 4分以上没问题~~ 加油

shohoku11wrjUID: 2731579

谢谢你的夸奖
这篇文章写前作了很多工作，然后一边看着提纲一边写。很多优美的语句来自wikipedia。

你写的也不赖，而且文中犯的错误也比较少，ISSUE 6分的一个要求就是要：
--uses language fluently, with varied sentence structure and effective vocabulary
这点你的文章赞一下。

附：ISSUE 6评分标准
6 A 6 paper presents a cogent, well-articulated analysis of the complexities of the issue and demonstrates mastery of the elements of effective writing.
A typical paper in this category
--develops a position on the issue with insightful reasons and/or persuasive examples
--sustains a well-focused, well-organized discussion
--expresses ideas clearly and precisely
--uses language fluently, with varied sentence structure and effective vocabulary
--demonstrates superior facility with the conventions (grammar, usage, and mechanics) of standard written English but may have minor flaws

看看自己还有什么地方可以提高的，有时候为了符合一个标准必须在另一个标准上有所削弱，这可能是我们在练习过程中要仔细斟酌。