作文本~~~

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

4.27
Recently, there is  a growing public concern over the issue that desire of money is the only reason for business. individuals have different answers due to their respective point of view. On balance, from my perspective, the final judgment should depend on  a case by case analysis of the two situations.  At the first glance, the opinion that businessmen are only encouraged by perusing wealth seems somewhat appealing. However, the further reflection tells me that I cannot agree with the claims for the following reasons.
The first reason that I support above statement is that most of the businessmen, the purposes of business are self fulfilling rather than mass wealth. Nowadays, we often see the books about the successful life about the celebrities. Such as Bill Gates LiJiacheng in the shelves. From of the books, we can find that most of the successful people  are often in the hard conditions. When they face the problem and critical options, it is the power of fulfill their dream that motivated themselves to overcome the difficult work. What is more, when they accumulate tremendous properties, what they do is donate most of the wealth to the poor men. If the desire of money support them to run a business ,why they do so?  

There is also a further, more subtle, reason . For some people, the motivation of run a business is derived from their interest. Take my father for an instance. His was used to be a white collar worker in the office. And  several years ago he quit the job and  do a small business. When  people ask him for the reasons, he always gives the answer that his decision is based on his own interest. He says  he has study the management for  small business which people often overlook for years and he likes the life of being a businessmen. In short,  interest may be another motivation for businessmen.

However, before we draw a conclusion ,we had better look at the other side of the claims. Admittedly, money plays an important role in the business. There is no denying that the industrial revolution, industry develops drastically, not only results from the development of technology, but the desire of accumulating more wealth. for instance, when the businessmen realize their products often sale out in the market, in order to sell more, they invent the assembly line in the factory instead of many workers.

From what I have mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that businessmen are encouraged more than the desire of money.

BriaIFUID: 2515589

Recently, there is  a growing public concern over the issue that desire of money is the only reason for business. individuals have different answers due to their respective point of view. （既然这里说了不同的人有不同看法，第一句的“over the issue that"中的that 不妨改成whether酱紫的问句形式） On balance, from my perspective, the final judgment should depend on  a case by case analysis of the two situations.  At the first glance, the opinion that businessmen are only encouraged by perusing wealth seems somewhat appealing. However, the further reflection tells me that I cannot agree with the claims for the following reasons.

The first reason that I support above statement is that most of the businessmen, the purposes of business are self fulfilling rather than mass wealth. Nowadays, we often see the books about the successful life about the celebrities. （标点符号误用，句号删掉）Such as Bill Gates LiJiacheng in the shelves（是想说关于比尔和李的书在书架上吧？但最好in the shelves删掉，否则以为比尔和李在书架上了@@）. From of the books（all of？）, we can find that most of the successful people  are often in the hard conditions. When they face the problem and critical options, it is the power of fulfill（ing) their dream that motivated themselves to overcome the difficult work. What is more, when they accumulate tremendous properties, what they do is donate most of the wealth to the poor men. If the desire of money support them to run a business ,why they do so?  这个反例不错

There is also a further, more subtle, reason . For some people, the motivation of run a business is derived from their interest. Take my father for an instance. His was（删） used to be a white collar worker in the office. And  several years ago he quit the job and  do a small business. When  people ask him for the reasons, he always gives the answer that his decision is based on his own interest. He says  he has study（studied） the management for  small business which people often overlook for years and he likes the life of being a businessmen. In short,  interest may be another motivation for businessmen.

However, before we draw a conclusion ,we had better look at the other side of the claims. Admittedly, money plays an important role in the business. There is no denying that the industrial revolution, industry develops drastically（？是说industrial revolution in which industry develops drastically吗？）, not only results from the development of technology, but the desire of accumulating more wealth. for instance, when the businessmen realize their products often sale out in the market, in order to sell more, they invent the assembly line in the factory instead of many workers.

From what I have mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that businessmen are encouraged more than the desire of money.
加油！

lycheeeUID: 2447890

4.27
Recently, there is  a growing public concern over the issue that desire of money is the only reason for business. individuals have different answers due to their respective point of view. On balance, from my perspective, the final judgment should depend(depends) on  a case by case analysis of the two situations.  At the first glance, the opinion that businessmen are only encouraged by perusing wealth seems somewhat appealing.(既然都已经亮出观点了，这句也许可以不要了吧……) However, the further reflection tells me that I cannot agree with the claims for the following reasons.
The first reason that I support above statement is that most of the businessmen, the purposes of business are self fulfilling rather than mass wealth. Nowadays, we often see the books about the successful life about the celebrities. Such as Bill Gates LiJiacheng in the shelves.（这个……也许加个冒号会比较不引起歧义？） From of the（of the 改成those？） books, we can find that most of the successful people  are often in the hard conditions. When they face the problem and critical options, it is the power of fulfill their dream that motivated themselves to overcome the difficult work. What is more, when they accumulate tremendous properties, what they do is donate most of the wealth to the poor men. If the desire of money support them to run a business ,why they do so?  
0 ^2 F! ^7 ~5 s9 M1 J3 ?+ k
There is also a further, more subtle, reason . For some people, the motivation of run a business is derived from their interest. Take my father for an instance. His was used to be a white collar worker in the office. And  several years ago he quit the job and  do a small business. When  people ask him for the reasons, he always gives the answer that his decision is based on his own interest. He says （that） he has study the management for  small business which people often overlook for years and he likes the life of being a businessmen. In short,  interest may be another motivation for businessmen.4 s0 B) H9 p4 W+ n; a4 z( r; p
$ K, b3 X, l3 J5 `! n
However, before we draw a conclusion ,we had better look at the other side of the claims. Admittedly, money plays an important role in the business. There is no denying that the industrial revolution, industry develops drastically,（这个是同位语么……？念得有点别扭……） not only results from the development of technology, but the desire of accumulating more wealth. for instance, when the businessmen realize their products often sale out in the market, in order to sell more, they invent the assembly line in the factory instead of many workers.（要是我考试时也有时间写这样的反面论证就好了……）

From what I have mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that businessmen are encouraged more than the desire of money.

很好……基本上没问题~

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

4.28Recently, there is a growing public concern over the issue that whether a people should care the important event happened around the world, even if it does not affect his or her life. Individuals have different answers due to their own respective point of view. On balance, from my perspective, I think the final judgment should depend on a case by case analysis. At first glance, the opinion that  it is not meaningful for  a people  who does not  care about the event happened in the world seems somewhat appealing ,but further reflection tells me that I can not agree with that for the following reasons.

The first and foremost reason why I support the above statement is that we should keep the pace of the development of the world. It is indisputable that along the development of the technology and economy, we should keep the latest  news in order to learn the new skills. For instance, since the industrial revolution, industry develops dramatically, not only leads to a prosperous society, but also brings about a lot of new inventions which change the world drastically. If we are not  concerning on the tendency of the technology, we will be out soon. In order to become a person with  a more competitive ability, we should pay attention to the event happening  around the world.

There is also a further ,more subtle, reason should be taken into account. Knowing the event around the world will enrich our experience and inspire us. There is no denying that people from different country have different experience. For instance, If I did not see the news about the new Apple product, iphone,I will not believe that a small tiny phone would have so many functions. If I did not see the news about Bolt who creates a new world record on men's 100 meter running. I will not believe our human beings will run at a such quickly speed. Such experience I will not have without paying attention to the TV news or newspaper to know the latest events happened through the world.  

However, before we  draw the conclusion, we had better look at the both side of the claim. Admittedly, with the media development, there are all kinds news in the newspaper and TV, if we know all the events  happened in the world, we will waste a lot of time, which is very precious for us. Thus, some events of negative and some news just for fun, we could abandon them. for example,  a famous celebrity's new scandal or a new African president has built a new palace. In short, we should just care what we are interest in.

Judging from what I have mentioned above. We should safely draw the conclusion that it is critical for us the care about the events  happened around the world. However, we should discard the news which is not important or we are not interest in..

wqqangUID: 2770317

4.28改
别忘改我的~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦

Recently, there is a growing public concern over theissue that whether a people (person) should carethe important event happened around the world, even if it does not affect hisor her life. Individuals have different answers due to their own respectivepoint of view. On balance, from my perspective, I think the concrete analysis is depends on circumstances.(具体情况具体分析好像一般这么说) At first glance, the opinion that it is notmeaningful for a people who does not care about the event happened in the worldto focus on the new（干什么呢,句子不完整） seems somewhat appealing, but further reflection tells me that I cannot agree with that(个人认为把这个that换一下) for the following reasons.
The first and foremost reason why I support the abovestatement is that we should keep the pace of the development of the world. Itis indisputable that along the development of the technology and economy, weshould keep（catch或者其它，上面两行就有一个Keep） the latest news in order to learn the(可以不要吧) new skills. For instance, since theindustrial revolution, industry develops dramatically, not only leads to aprosperous society, but also brings about a lot of new inventions which changethe world drastically. If we are not concerning on (about)the tendency of the technology, we will be soon(总觉得加在这里比较好) out of date(out也忒口语了). For(in order to用过了) becoming a person with a more(感觉都不需要)competitive ability, we should pay attention to the event happening around theworld.
There is also a further, more subtle, reason should betaken into account. Knowing the event around the world will enrich ourexperience and inspire us. There is no denying that people from differentcountry have different experience. For instance, if I did not see the newsabout the new Apple product, iphone, I will not believe that a small tiny phonewould have so many functions. （这里可以简单说下这些function对你有什么帮助）If I didnot see the news about Bolt who creates a new world record on men's 100 meterrunning. I will not believe our（这个可以省略） human beings will run at a such（such a） quickly speed. Such experience I will not havewithout paying attention to the TV news or newspaper to know the latest eventshappened through the world.

However, before we draw the conclusion, we had betterlook at the both side of the claim. Admittedly, with the media development(development of media更好些吧), there are(is) all kinds news in thenewspaper and TV, if we know all the events happened in the world, we will waste a lot of time（it would be wasting of time）, which is very precious for us(这里which指代不明). Thus, some events of negative and some news just for fun, we couldabandon them（这句话怪怪的，可以用both and）. For example, a famous celebrity's（celebrity含有famous的意思） new scandal or a new African president has built anew palace. In short, we should just care what we are interest in.（这…如果人家interest in new palace or scandal怎么办）
Judging from what I have mentioned above. We shouldsafely draw the conclusion that it is critical for us the care about the eventshappened around the world. However, we should discard the news which is notimportant or we are not interest in. （最后段总结有点小小问题，题目是说那些对我们不重要的event要不要care, 你开头说随情况而定，这里又说discard not important new, 好像有点矛盾，稍作修改就好）

lz的模板写得相当不错，对于难度词的把握也很精准，建议例子再具体些，词组在多点，and句式再多变变。
向30分迈进吧~话说你写了多久啊，那么长

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

36# wqqang
感冒刚刚好 没来的及看帖， 谢谢，你说的很中肯。 我30分钟写的~

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

Recently, there is a growing public concern on the issue that whether a child's mission includes housework. individuals have different answers due to their own respective point of view. From my perspective, determining something should or should not be could be weighed in many aspects. the final judgment should depend on  a concrete analysis of concrete conditions. At first glance, the opinion that  household chores is unnecessary for children seems somewhat appealing. But further reflection tells me that I can not agree with that for the following reasons.
The first and foremost reason  why I support above statement is that housework is indispensable for children,because doing household chores ,such as lawn the grass ,sweep the floor is a good way to show their love for their parents. There is no denying that parents  always spare no efforts to sustain their family.Therefore,  the children should learn to share their parents' burden. A recent survey shows that  when a child do an easy housework or even  send newspaper will make his/her parents feel much better and happier for the life.For they will find what they have done was not in vain.
There is also a further ,more subtle, reason should be taken into consideration. Moderate housework not only helps children understand  what responsibility is,but also leads them to find a new way to relax rather than play computer games.  When a child   helps his/her parent with some housework, he/she will learn  how to make a contribute to a family and know  everywork cannot without efforts.What is more important, by doing housework in the home,children will relax themselves.Sweeping the floor or cleaning the kitchen, arranging their room and so on, all these work will distract their mind from book,which makes their brain to have a rest.

However,before we draw a conclusion,we had better look at the other side of the claim. Admittedly,  study and play are  integral for a child.When a child has to face a lot of homework to do,or perpares with tomorrow presentation, the housework willl no doubt make them feel more tired. Thus ,appropriate housework should be done by children.When they have no plan to play or have no work to do,they should do some housework.

Judging from what I have mentioned above, children should help their parents with moderate household chores.

canoe03UID: 2786666

Recently, there is a growing public concern on the issue that whether a child's mission includes housework. Individuals have different answers due to their own respective point of view. From my perspective, determining something should or should not be，(楼主是实诚人，改成should be or not也许会好点儿) could be weighed(judged) in(from好像更合适，我也说不清楚，反正我们都是乱用介词的) many aspects. The final judgment should depend on a concrete analysis of concrete conditions. At first glance, the opinion that household chores is unnecessary for children seems somewhat appealing. But further reflection tells me that I can not agree with that for the following reasons.

first and foremost reason why I support above statement is that housework is indispensable for children, because doing household chores ,such as lawn the grass(用错了，修剪草坪用cut the grass on a lawn或者其他的用法) ,sweep the floor is a good way to show their love for their parents. (这里最好加一个转折词however之类的)There is no denying that parents always spare no efforts to sustain their family. Therefore, the children should learn to share their parents' burden. A recent survey shows that when a child do an easy housework or even send(sending) newspaper will make his/her parents feel much better and happier for the life. For they will find what they have done was not in vain. (这句有点突兀，再说明一下比较好)

There is also a further more subtle, reason should be taken into consideration. Moderate housework not only helps children understand what responsibility is, but also leads them to find a new way to relax rather than play computer games(GOOD!).
When a child helps his/her parents with some housework, he/she will learn how to make a(去掉？) contribute to a family and know every work cannot without efforts(这句表述有些许问题，请楼主斟酌). What is more important, by doing housework in the(去掉？) home, children will relax themselves. (这里加个For instance之类的会好点) Sweeping the floor or cleaning the kitchen, arranging their room and so on, all these work will distract their mind from book, which(这里把which改成and会使句子顺畅些) makes their brain(brains) to have a rest.

However, before we draw a conclusion, we had better look at the other side of the claim. Admittedly, study and play are integral for a child. When a child has to face a lot of homework to do, or prepares(prepares) with tomorrow(next day’s) presentation, the housework will no doubt make them feel more tired. Thus, appropriate housework should be done by children. When they have no plan to play or have no work to do, they should do some housework.

Judging from what I have mentioned above, children should help their parents with moderate household chores.
(这篇文章写得很流畅，论证也很充分，相比之下，我的这篇作文写得相当之糟糕。文章中还有些小错误，改正过来就好了，再接再厉，盼再有佳作！)


搞错了，不好意思啦！

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

Recently,many people are under the illusion that they will have more time in the future. From my perspective, I think the final judgment should depend on  a concrete analysis of a concrete condition.  At first glance, the opinion that new inventions will save our lot of time seems somewhat appealing. However, the further reflection tells me I can not agree with that for the following reasons.

The first and foremost reason why I support above statement is that the development of the whole society will bring about more pressure for us,which we have to pay  more attention and time to the work.There is no denying that since the industry revolution,indutry develops drastically, results in not only  accumulating  considerable wealth for few people,but   making the majority of people more busier than before as well. In order to sustain themselves, people have to do more work  to earn enough money. After the twenty years, the resource in the earth will  possible  be exhaust, which means people have to devote their own time to the work in order to survive in the world.

There is also a further, more subtle,reason should be taken into consideration,traffic problems may cost more time . As we  know  cars, a significant invention in the twenty century,bring a lot of promblem to us,especially in city.  Not only does a car pollute the air with plenty of waste gas,but also it causes frequently traffic jams in the city. Aiming for saving time we invented cars,but when we wait in a long endless line of cars,we find we have waste lots of time. So  in the future, the traffic jams will be worse for the increasing cars on the road. In short,we will spend more time on the road.

However,before we draw a conclusion,we had better look at the other side of the claim.Admittedly, some inventions are more effective and save lots of our time indeed.Such automatic resemble line in the factory,washing machine in the laundries, micro wave oven in our kitchens. Therefore,we may expect to some new inventions come into our lives in the next twenty years .

Judging what I have mentioned above,I can safely conclude that in the future we will has less time than before,if we do not find solutions to solve the problems I have mentioned.

lycheeeUID: 2447890

Recently, there is a growing public concern on the issue that whether a child's mission includes housework. individuals have different answers due to their own respective point of view. From my perspective, determining something should or should not be could be weighed in many aspects. 【这两句可以合成一句，不过，因为意思有重复，所以可以省掉其中一句】the final judgment should depend on  a concrete analysis of concrete【这个concerte换成certain怎样？】 conditions. At first glance, the opinion that  household chores is unnecessary for children seems somewhat appealing. But further reflection tells me that I can not agree with that for the following reasons.
The first and foremost reason  why I support above statement is that housework is indispensable for children,because doing household chores ,such as lawn the grass ,sweep the floor is a good way to show their love for their parents. There is no denying that parents  always spare no efforts to sustain their family.Therefore,  the children should learn to share their parents' burden. A recent survey shows that  when a child do an easy housework or even  send newspaper【“取报纸”的表达应该不是这样的吧……？】 will make his/her parents feel much better and happier for the life.For they will find what they have done was not in vain.【这句是不是应该在housework后面加个逗号，然后原因变成一个从句放在最后面这样比较通顺呢？】
There is also a further ,more subtle,【further和subtle的意思有没有重复呢？】 reason should be taken into consideration. Moderate housework not only helps children understand  what responsibility is,but also leads them to find a new way to relax rather than play computer games.  When a child   helps his/her parent with some housework, he/she will learn  how to make a contribute to a family and know  everywork cannot without efforts.What is more important, by doing housework in the home【at home】,children will relax themselves.Sweeping the floor or cleaning the kitchen, arranging their room and so on, all these work will distract their mind from book,which makes their brain to have a rest.
/ T+ P7 S7 q' F2 O( Q7 Z
However,before we draw a conclusion,we had better look at the other side of the claim. Admittedly,  study and play are  integral for a child.When a child has to face a lot of homework to do,or perpares with tomorrow presentation【改成presentation on tomorrow比较好】, the housework willl no doubt make them feel more tired. Thus ,appropriate housework should be done by children.When they have no plan to play or have no work to do,they should do some housework.
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Judging from what I have mentioned above, children should help their parents with moderate household chores.

感觉上关于relax的论述好像稍微薄弱了些？其他还不错，很标准的作文，只有一点点小问题，楼主加油~

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

5.4
Recently, many people are under the illusion that they will have more time in the future. From my perspective, I think the final judgment should depend on a concrete analysis of a concrete condition.  At first glance, the opinion that new inventions will save our lot of time seems to somewhat appealing. However, the further reflection tells me that (看上去更清晰点)I cannot agree with that for the following reasons.
  
Thefirst and foremost reason why I support above statement is that the development of the whole society will brings about more pressure for us, which we have to pay more attention and time on the work. There is no denying that since the industry revolution, Industry develops drastically, results in not only accumulating considerable wealth for few people, but also making the majority of people much busier than before as well（这边的ASWELL重复了可以去掉）. In order to sustain themselves, (people have to do more work  to earn enough money.)这句话改成这样好像读起来更舒服点呢the more work people do, the more money they earns.
After the twenty years, the resource in the earth will possible  be exhaust, which means people have to devote their own time to the work in order to survive in the world.

There is also a further, more subtle, the reason should be taken into consideration, traffic problems may cost more time. As we know, cars a significant invention in the twenty century, which brings a lot of promblem problems to us, especially in the city.  Not only does a car pollute the air with plenty of waste gas, but also it causes frequently traffic jams in the city. Aiming for saving time we invented cars, but when we wait in a long endless line of cars, we find we have waste lots of time. So in the future, the traffic jams will be worse for the increasing number of cars on the road. In short, we will spend more time on the road.这句话我觉得重复了

However, before we draw a conclusion, we had better look at the other side of the claim. Admittedly, some inventions are more effective and save lots of our time indeed. Such automatic resemble line in the factory, washing machine in the laundries, and microwave oven in our kitchens. Therefore, we may expect to see some new inventions come into our lives in the next twenty years.

Judging what I have mentioned above, I can safely conclude that in the future we will has less time than before, if we do not find solutions to solve the problems I have mentioned.

很不错的一篇文章，例子也很好，基本上文章很流畅，学习了！

hzd515976083UID: 2487213

40# wyl_steven 修改见附件 5-04-wyl_steven.doc (28.5 KB, 下载次数: 4)

2010-5-5 13:29:35 上传

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