Issue147 求拍！寄托处女贴……

ntjabUID: 2699651

还有两个星期就要考试了！看着论坛上N多G友都写了10几20篇ISSUE了，自己才写了6篇……:mad: ，而且感觉写出来的文章就6级水平:L 。someone says“不要自己一个人傻写，要找高人指点！”。thus，把今天刚刚写的练习发上来，恳请各位路过的大牛、G友猛拍，though文章比较*&*！


TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."


Do we have only one choice between tradition and modernization because of their incompatibility, as the speaker claims? I find the speaker's statement specious in two respects. First, tradition and modernization are both significant to out social development, and neither of them can be neglected. Second, with the joint efforts of government and citizen, tradition and modernization can coexist rather well in which the function of synergia is more powerful than single one.

On the one hand, tradition which could distinguish one culture from the other is important to the nation. In other words, tradition is the carrier of culture including ethics and morals which is helpful to the harmony of the society. For instance, if we observe the reasonable tradition that tutors us how to manner courteously, communicate with others appropriately, and what is our reliability. People can live in concord with each other leading to the civilization of the whole nation. On the contrary, without the direction of tradition, people might lose spiritual support and feel void or confused in living. In short, tradition is significant to a nation which can not be substitute.

On the other hand, one xenophobic nation which stubbornly sticks to her tradition can hardly progress smoothly. We can not fail to see nations like France and England which have experienced industrial revolutions since 18th century, a signal of the beginning of modernization progress, have developed rapidly throughout the past hundred years. On the contrary, other countries, missing the chance of industrial revolutions, progress relatively slowly. Modernization can enhance the living standard of the people; can promote the power of a country; can also progress the civilization of the nation. In a word, modernization is so crucial to a nation that can not be surrogated.

For the reasons given above, we must strike a correct balance between tradition and modernization, which is rather possible with the joint effort of the government and citizen. For example, in Yunnan province of China, where a great many of minorities reside, tradition, like special festivals and dress habit, has been reserved with the joint efforts of government and residents, which has also been tapped as tourism resources. Their disparate tradition has attracted thousands of millions of tourists all over the word, which can also promote the modernization of the province because of the economic development. Thus, with the joint efforts and reasonable development plans, tradition and modernization can coexist well.

In sum, in asserting that we should choose only one between tradition and modernization, the author fails to realize the non-substitutable importance of each one. In my opinion, with the joint efforts of government and residents, tradition and modernization can coexist well as well as contribute more significantly to the social and economic development.


提纲：
disagree, they can coexist
function of tradition and harm of lose it, it is the characterization of a race which distinct from others, tradition will help people
function of modernization and harm of lose it, useful to the social development, without it, social progress will be stagnant
function of combination of these two ones, Yunnan minorities area traditions can be used as a source of
travel
in sum……

lynnzhang2009UID: 2789534

今天给你修改喽
TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."


Do we have only one choice between tradition and modernization because of their incompatibility, as the speaker claims? I find the speaker's statement specious in two respects. First, tradition and modernization are both significant to out social development, and neither of them can be neglected. Second, with the joint efforts of government and citizen, tradition and modernization can coexist rather well in which the function of synergia is more powerful than single one.（可以，，，开头明确提出缺点）

On the one hand, tradition which could distinguish one culture from the other is important to the nation. In other words, tradition is the carrier of culture including ethics and morals which is helpful to the harmony of the society. For instance, if we observe the reasonable tradition that tutors （改个动词性的词，tutor是名词）us how to manner （也是名词）courteously, communicate with others appropriately, and what is our reliability. People can live in concord with each other leading to the civilization of the whole nation. On the contrary, without the direction of tradition, people might lose spiritual support and feel void or confused in living. In short, tradition is significant to a nation which can not be substitute.（总之说出了tradition的重要性）

On the other hand, one xenophobic nation which stubbornly sticks to her tradition can hardly progress smoothly. We can not fail to see nations like France and England which have experienced industrial revolutions since 18th century, a signal of the beginning of modernization progress, have developed rapidly throughout the past hundred years. On the contrary, other countries, missing the chance of industrial revolutions, progress relatively slowly. Modernization can enhance the living standard of the people; can promote the power of a country; can also progress（这个词用在这里也不合适用advance吧） the civilization of the nation. In a word, modernization is so crucial to a nation that can not be surrogated.
有些词只注意中文意思，没有注意其词性和动词用时的意思。
For the reasons given above,（这里得出的有点牵强） we must strike a correct balance between tradition and modernization, which is rather possible with the joint effort of the government and citizen. For example, in Yunnan province of China, where a great many of minorities reside, tradition, like special festivals and dress habit, has been reserved with the joint efforts of government and residents, which has also been tapped as tourism resources. Their disparate tradition has attracted thousands of millions of tourists all over the word, which can also promote the modernization of the province because of the economic development. Thus, with the joint efforts and reasonable development plans, tradition and modernization can coexist well.（这是你的主要观点，所以这段要写的详细饱满些）

In sum, in asserting that we should choose only one between tradition and modernization, the author fails to realize the non-substitutable importance of each one. In my opinion, with the joint efforts of government and residents, tradition and modernization can coexist well as well as contribute more significantly to the social and economic development.
总体的思路清楚，轮廓清新，也每点都有例证，还是做到有地放失可能会更好些。例证和论证及语言再加强些。加油！

ntjabUID: 2699651

谢谢回拍！:)

xiao.xinUID: 2682051

我觉得应该值4分

ntjabUID: 2699651

4# civilmanxx

如果能有4分的话就够了……，这位朋友是civil的？