小飞侠的独立作文贴，剑指5月8日的ibt，恳请大家拍砖~

BriaIFUID: 2515589

谢谢jbc童鞋的修改~我上课回来以后慢慢更正~

PS：连在一起真的不是偶滴错@@偶在AWP和word里面都是分开来的……汗……
不过还是谢谢你的提醒，考试时的确应注意。共勉。

happyxixi1011UID: 2755572

With an ever increasing speed of technological advancement and population explosion, the need for land is growing tremendously almost with every minute that passes(passed). While it is important to reserve land to ensure people's survival, people should not neglect the equal significance of reserving land for endangered animals.

The first reason that people should reserve adequate land for endangered animals is that we humans have reduced (lead)those wild animals to the edge of extinction. Had it not been our greed for natural resources to meet our own materialistic needs such aswearing fur coats, purchasing red wood furniture and driving limos using fossil fuels, disasters like deforestation and desertification would not have happened in such a tragic speed. Dodo birds, South China Tigers, Yangtze River Dolphins...countless wildlife has died from hands of mankind,can we bear the price to see more?
Actually, ensuring an ecologically-balanced home for endangered animals will not only benefit these wildlife, it can better the environment in which we human beings are living as well.(好论点，我本来想写的，可是没想到该怎么表达) Mother Nature has its own balance of food chain. With a stable and sustainable living environment,endangered animals can easily breed and nurture their offspring; as a result, the vulnerable biodiversity can gradually be strengthened. For humanity, an ameliorated biodiversity not only means the fantastic picturesque spot on our way of traveling, it will also have positive effect onthe air we breath in, the water we drink, the soil we live on, and so forth.

To conclude, although it is not completely unwarranted to reserve land for ourselves, both lessons from history and the rationale of ecology have demonstrated that we should never again(建议改成continue to) satisfy our own needs at the cost of sacrificing our animal friends.

BriaIFUID: 2515589

谢谢happyxixi同学的修改：）

BriaIFUID: 2515589

TOPIC: Many teachers assign homework tostudents every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students?Use specific reasons and details to support your answer
WORDS: 361
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-4-22 下午 11:14:28

For many years, homework has beenconsidered the primary tool to ensure effective learning. Yet would dailyhomework be necessary（更正：necessary） for students accordingly? Teachers had better think twice beforenodding to the option.

Admittedly, homework is necessary as ithelp students digest what is learned in class. Without doing assignments onalgebra and calculus, students definitely cannot grasp thoroughly the theoremsand formula in mathematics. Homework can also help students find their weakpoints in the learning process immediately, which enables them to consult theirteachers and classmates on time so that they won't run into big trouble at thetime of examination.

However, whether homework should beassigned on a daily basis is just another question. Teachers should bear inmind that nowadays, students take far more than one lesson in school. Inactuality, most students have to attend six or seven courses one semester inorder to get the adequate credits needed for graduation. Under such a heavyburden, hardly can they cover every subject they are learning in the limitedtime after school. What one teacher assigns may seem little, but once thehomework of various subjects is added together...what a huge task the studentswill be confronting!

Not only will daily homework exert heavyburden on students; worse yet, it may bring students some bad habit. In orderto hand in all the homework at due time, chances are that some students maycopy others' work to get by. If such a plagriasm（更正：plagiarism……汗死……那么恶心的词在考场怎么可能拼对嘛~好吧……慢慢攒RP@@） conduct is not discovered timely by the teachers, over time theywill even gradually get used to the bad habit, and would be increasinglyreluctant to do the work by themselves. In that way noy（not） only will their academic curiosity be dampened, it is alsodetrimental for them to build moral integrity. Wouldn't that be totally runningcounter to the original purpose of homework?!

Therefore, while homework is still thefundamental instrument to help students understand the knowledge learnt inclass, it would be wise for teachers to make assignments according to the exactclass volume of their students. Too frequent or even daily homework may wellcounteract what it is meant to be.

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

For many years, homework has been considered the primary tool to ensure effective learning. Yet would dailyhomework be necessary（更正：necessary） for students accordingly? Teachers had better think twice before nodding to the option. , e$ ?# h3 X5 Z5 u; W8 L/ G
: E6 p# Z2 t3 [& }) R. {+ `- f+ w
Admittedly, homework is necessary as it helps students digest what is learned in class. For instance,Without doing assignments on algebra and calculus, students definitely cannot grasp thoroughly the theoremsand formula in mathematics.moreover, Homework can also help students find their weakpoints in the learning process immediately, which enables them to consult their teachers and classmates on time so that they won't run into big trouble at the time of examination.+ v( J1 E/ k( C3 ^( E1 ]  i; f
楼主单词怎么老黏在一起？
3 [: h) ]$ U4 H1 E' MHowever, whether homework should be assigned on a daily basis is just another question. Teachers should bear in mind that nowadays, students take far more than one lesson in school. In actuality我看了半天才明白啊 一定要打空格, most students have to attend six or seven courses one semester inorder to get the adequate credits needed删去 for graduation. Under such a heavyburden, hardly can they cover every subject they are learning in the limitedtime after school. What one teacher assigns may seem little, but once thehomework of various subjects is added together...what a huge task the studentswill be confronting!
8 d8 L' B) O2 y2 U# N! o
/ {% G4 W4 n8 V. S' f  \( dNot only will daily homework exert heavyburden on students; worse yet, it may bring students some bad habit. In orderto hand in all the homework at due time, chances are that some students maycopy others' work to get by. If such a plagriasm（更正：plagiarism……汗死……那么恶心的词在考场怎么可能拼对嘛~好吧……慢慢攒RP@@） conduct is not discovered timely by the teachers, over time theywill even gradually get used to the bad habit, and would be increasinglyreluctant to do the work by themselves. In that way noy（not） only will their academic curiosity be dampened, therefore，it is alsodetrimental for them to build moral integrity. Wouldn't that be totally runningcounter to the original purpose of homework?!' M% b  W+ q3 h0 O2 P
% i) Z% r) V6 }7 ?
Therefore, while homework is still thefundamental instrument to help students understand the knowledge learnt inclass, it would be wise for teachers to make assignments according to the exactclass volume of their students. Too frequent or even daily homework may wellcounteract what it is meant to be.

我觉得楼主写作功底很好，只是少一些连接词，过渡有些生硬。文章写得不错

BriaIFUID: 2515589

谢谢steven。连词的问题我尽量注意。
我也不知道哪能老是连一起……
我不是故意的and我的word里面完全是分开的@@

BriaIFUID: 2515589

TOPIC: All students should be required totake basic science classes even if they are not this major.
WORDS: 434
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010-4-26 下午 11:49:26



Science, like arts, is one of theindispensible（更正：indispensable） instruments through whichhumanity can learn about the world they live in. Given its paramountsignificance, it is well-grounded to say that all students should be requiredto take basic science classes regardless of their majors. Actually, this couldbe beneficial to students in several aspects.

To begin with, learning some basic sciencecan help students understand better how and why the world functions as itcurrently appears. For instance, geology classes will reveal to them the beautyof natural structure, biology lectures can display the entire evolution ofdifferent species on Earth, while chemistry courses just show them how amazingchemical reactions are which have formed nearly everything from the air webreath in to the cosmetics we use...Basic science classes simply open a door inwhich students can explore every aspect of life.

Furthermore, studying science can sharpenstudents' reasoning ability as well as skills to conduct experiments. Everycategory of basic science has its own set of elaborated equations, formula andtheorems. In order to truly explore the answer and comprehend the rationale ofcertain phenomenon, a large number of calculations and deductions are neededand as a result, students will be acquire a more sophisticated logicalcapability through the process. Likewise, they would have to conduct variousexperiments to observe the mechanism of physical movement, hence theirexperimental skills improved. Both skills are employable knowledge which willhelp them tremendously when going to work.

Although some may argue that it does nothave much use to require art students attend science classes, such argumentshould not be taken seriously. Not only because the reasons mentioned above, butalso think about a very simple fact: how boring and tedious it would be to scanthe books about literature theories, to listen to the principles of abstractpainting, or to recite those pieces of classics all day long- having some basicscience classes can simply serve as a wholesome supplement to the study ofthose who do not major in science. They can just totally enjoy themselves withthe endless possibilities that science can offer without worrying about notbeing able to grasp the scientific theories which are too complicated, sincesuch complex issues normally will not be covered in the basic level classes.

To sum up, I geniunely（更正：genuinely） advocate that all students takeone or two basic classes even if they are not in this major. Their well-roundeddevelopment later in life will prove how beneficial it could be studying somebasic science in their university years.

wyl_stevenUID: 2728535

Science, like arts（art）, is one of theindispensible（更正：indispensable） instruments through whichhumanity can learn about the world they live in. Given its paramountsignificance, it is well-grounded to say that all students should be requiredto take basic science classes regardless of their majors. Actually, this couldbe beneficial to students in several aspects.2 @1 ~. I( z" u1 }

! I' D+ Z; F% b* ]4 J, g. fTo begin with, learning some basic sciencecan help students understand better how and why the world functions as itcurrently appears. For instance, geology classes will reveal to them the beauty beauties of natural structure, biology lectures can display the entire evolution ofdifferent species on Earth, while chemistry courses just show them how amazingchemical reactions are, which have formed nearly everything from the air webreath in to the cosmetics we use...Basic science classes simply open a door inwhich students can explore every aspect of life.perfect!. R- ]6 K* m+ L- \& f1 I* u+ T- Y

. g; U. ]. f: L+ R1 AFurthermore, studying science can sharpenstudents' reasoning ability as well as skills to conduct experiments. Everycategory of basic science has its own set of elaborated equations, formula andtheorems. In order to truly explore the answer and comprehend the rationale ofcertain phenomenon, a large number of calculations and deductions are neededand as a result, students will be acquire a more sophisticated logicalcapability through the process. Likewise, they would have to conduct variousexperiments to observe the mechanism of physical movement, hence theirexperimental skills improved. Both(These?) skills are employable(radical is more suitable) knowledge which willhelp them tremendously when going to work.0 g; N7 W" ~5 H( f( X- i3 A

- Z+ e% z; e" g# iAlthough some may argue that it does nothave much use to require art students attend science classes, such argumentshould not be taken seriously. Not only because the reasons mentioned above, butalso think about a very simple fact: how boring and tedious it would be to scanthe books about literature theories, to listen to the principles of abstractpainting, or to recite those pieces of classics all day long- having some basicscience classes can simply serve as a wholesome supplement to the study ofthose who do not major in science.( i am puzzled) They can just totally enjoy themselves withthe endless possibilities that science can offer without worrying about not(not omit)being able to grasp the scientific theories which are too complicated, sincesuch complex issues normally will not be covered in the basic level classes.


* o" T* a* l( N
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To sum up, I geniunely（更正：genuinely） advocate that all students takeone or two basic classes even if they are not in this major. Their well-roundeddevelopment later in life will prove how beneficial it could be studying somebasic science in their university years.

内力厚的人就是不一样~~~~

lycheeeUID: 2447890

楼上的同学已经改了 我还需要改吗？
anyway， 第一次改人作文，如有差错请勿介意……


Science, like arts, is one of the indispensible（更正：indispensable） instruments through which humanity human(觉得词太大了看着不舒服……humanity一般指人性)can learn about the world they livein. Given its paramount significance（“比任何东西都重要”会不会夸张了点……）, it is well-grounded to say that all students should be required totake basic science classes regardless of their majors. Actually, this could bebeneficial to students in several aspects.（连接很顺畅~）

To begin with, learning some basic science canhelp students understand better how and why the world functions as it currentlyappears. For instance, geology classes will reveal to them thebeauty of natural structure;, biologylectures can display the entire evolution of different species on Earth, whilechemistry courses just show them how amazing chemical reactions are which haveformed nearly everything from the air we breath in to the cosmetics weuse...Basic science classes simply open a door [url=]in which[/url][z1]
students can explore every aspect of life.

Furthermore, studying science can sharpen students'reasoning ability as well as skills to conduct experiments. Every category ofbasic science has its own set of elaborated equations, formula and theorems. Inorder to truly explore the answer and comprehend the rationale of certainphenomenon, a large number of calculations and deductions are needed and as aresult, students will be acquire a more sophisticated logical capabilitythrough the process. Likewise, they would have to conduct various experimentsto observe the mechanism of physical movement, hence their experimental skillsimproved. [url=]Both[/url][z2]
skills are employable knowledge which will help them tremendouslywhen going to work. （这段真是畅顺 楼主是念化学的吧？^_^）

Although some may argue that it does not havemuch use to require art students attend science classes, such argument shouldnot be taken seriously. Not only because the reasons mentioned above, but alsothink about a very simple fact: how boring and tedious it would be to scan thebooks about literature theories, to listen to the principles of abstract painting,or to recite those pieces of classics all day long- having some basic scienceclasses can simply serve as a wholesome supplement to the study of those who donot major in science. They can just totally enjoy themselves with the endlesspossibilities that science can offer without worrying about not being able tograsp the scientific theories which are too complicated, since such complexissues normally will not be covered in the basic level classes.（最后两个长句子很好~）

To sum up, I geniunely（更正：genuinely） advocate that all students take oneor two basic classes even if they are not in this major. Their well-rounded developmentlater in life will prove how beneficial it could be studying some basic sciencein their university years.




[z1]觉得不顺，也许指代door的不可以用in which吧？



[z2]有点指代不明 不如笼统写“上述skills”


就是开头两句有点吹过头了……感觉。不确定的词我都是查collins的……其他都很好
学习了很多的……要是我在考场上能写到这样的作文就好啦…… 楼主作文一定没问题的！

BriaIFUID: 2515589

楼上：谢谢你的修改哈……额……吹过头无非是想糊弄下ETS的老头子们@@不过呵呵……以后我会注意的：）
楼上的楼上：谢谢指出小错误！细节上我再完善一番……
不过嘿嘿，我看到你写的是27号然后你改的是我26号的~为了不产生对27号题目任何先入为主的印象，我就明天帮你看文咯，希望不要介意：）

BriaIFUID: 2515589

TOPIC: "It is important to know the event happening around the world that not affect your daily life, do you agree or disagree?"
WORDS: 503          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2010-4-28 下午 02:44:12

Should people bother to care about what happens around the world, if it does not even have a bit effect on our daily life? Despite the sad truth that an increasing number of people are delivering a negative answer, I still reckon that for the following reasons, it is still necessary for people to keep an eye on those global events.

To begin with, although some events that are occuring（更正：occurring） around the world may seem to have no impact on our daily life temporarily, it does not mean that they will not affect us in the future. Even the chain effect or the butterfly effect may sound a little bit exaggerating; things are nevertheless interrelated with each other. For example, a Russian driver may not see the consequence of the Iraq War waged by the U.S. and it's alliances from a global perspective. It can to some extent be justified since Russia has nothing to do with this war, but once he/she foresees the inevitable fluctuation this war would bring to the global oil price, he/she will know that the oil price in Moscow will also rise accordingly in the near future. Hence, this knowledge can help him/her make a wise decision about whether to maintain a car or to choose public transportation instead before the surge of global oil price affects the Russian local market.

Furthermore, knowing what is happening around the world will make a person informative about the international community. Such information can also help expand his/her knowledge spectrum; so that he/she could have something to talk about in whichever event he/she participates. Imagine if a musician is introduced to a new friend who is an environmentalist. Both would feel embarassed（更正：embarrassed） if the conversation only ends up with two or three rounds of routine greeting. Yet if the musician have some idea on the recently-held Copenhagen Conference or the eruption of Iceland volcanos（更正：volcanoes， volcano要加es）, or if the environmentalist knows something about what is on the air in Broadway or in Vienna, then their conversation could be developed more naturally and concretely, and both would have expanded their knowledge in another realm after the conversation.

Last but not least, knowing the events happending（更正：happening） around the world can also raise our global awareness. It is exactly through such awareness that human race are able to gradually make the world a better place. The Earthquake in Haiti or Yushu, China may have no impact on the daily life of an American citizen, but in a broader sense, aren't all human beings brothers and sisters to each other? Won't it be a humanitarian responsibility to give a hand to the people who have just suffered the calamity? Likewise, the civil wars in Congo and the flood which frequents the rural area of Peru may also have nothing to do with our daily life, yet if we keep ignoring them just in this excuse, human society can never see a brighter future.

All in all, for the above reasons, knowing the events happening around the world is still important even if they might seem unrelated to people’s daily life.

憋例子憋的有点搓，且用时较久，导致结尾仓促干瘪，sigh@@

lily@@UID: 2661882

Should people bother to care about what happens around the world, if it does not even have a bit effect on our daily life? Despite the sad truth that an increasing number of people are delivering a negative answer, I still reckon that for the following reasons, it is still necessary for people to keep an eye on those global events.
To begin with, although some events that are occuring（更正：occurring） around the world may seem to have no impact on our daily life temporarily, it does not mean that they will not affect us in the future. Even the chain effect or the butterfly effect may sound a little bit exaggerating; things are nevertheless interrelated with each other. For example, a Russian driver may not see the consequence of the Iraq War waged by the U.S. and it's alliances from a global perspective. It can to some extent be justified since Russia has nothing to do with this war, but once he/she foresees the inevitable fluctuation this war would bring to the global oil price, he/she will know that the oil price in Moscow will also rise accordingly in the near future. Hence, this knowledge can help him/her make a wise decision about whether to maintain a car or to choose public transportation instead before the surge of global oil price affects the Russian local market.
. M" @# i$ C- P$ a1 h9 ~& _+ a5 X" f  L' q3 q
Furthermore, knowing what is happening around the world will make a person informative about the international community. Such information can also help expand his/her knowledge spectrum; so that he/she could have something to talk about in whichever event he/she participates. Imagine if a musician is introduced to a new friend who is an environmentalist. Both would feel embarassed（更正：embarrassed） if the conversation only ends up with two or three rounds of routine greeting. Yet if the musician have some idea on the recently-held Copenhagen Conference or the eruption of Iceland volcanos（更正：volcanoes， volcano要加es）, or if the environmentalist knows something about what is on the air in Broadway or in Vienna, then their conversation could be developed more naturally and concretely, and both would have expanded their knowledge in another realm after the conversation.
5 Y. t1 |( m- Q6 e% @4 Y! U; x# l& q8 H0 j5 m9 t5 `6 y
Last but not least, knowing the events happending（更正：happening） around the world can also raise our global awareness. It is exactly through such awareness that human race are able to gradually make the world a better place. The Earthquake in Haiti or Yushu, China may have no impact on the daily life of an American citizen, but in a broader sense, aren't all human beings brothers and sisters to each other? Won't it be a humanitarian responsibility to give a hand to the people who have just suffered the calamity? Likewise, the civil wars in Congo and the flood which frequents the rural area of Peru may also have nothing to do with our daily life, yet if we keep ignoring them just in this excuse, human society can never see a brighter future.
All in all, for the above reasons, knowing the events happening around the world is still important even if they might seem unrelated to people’s daily life.
楼主的基本功很赞，措词自己也修正了，佩服~
一点不成熟的建议，有些长句子两三行，建议断一下。长句子最好用语法结构，如果是简单的长句子，最好断开，这样更好读哦~还有结尾，可以深化一下，这个我个人也能力不足，没有更高地见解啦！加油哦~

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

4.28 修改 BY 暧暧
见附件

B.doc (28 KB, 下载次数: 8)

2010-4-29 22:45:17 上传

下载次数: 8

BriaIFUID: 2515589

谢谢lily和暖暖的建议~
关于结尾……因为这篇文憋例子用时较久，导致后面时间不够就粗糙了，这点我自己也不是很满意，想办法改进。
还有两位提到的断句或者语句顺序问题，我也适当注意下，争取读起来更顺一些……
大家加油！