【1010G精英组】ARGUMENT53 B组回收站

weaselUID: 2739489

4月18日，13点之前上交ARGU-53，把自己的帖子链接贴上即可


53, （生命科学/科学假说/并列）Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants(1)who showed signs of milddistress(4) when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recordingof an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely thanother infants to have been conceivedin early autumn(2), a time when their mothers' production of melatonin(3)—ahormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase inresponse to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier thisyear, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs ofdistress identified themselves as shy(5). Clearly,increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness(4) during infancy andthis shyness continues into later life(6).
★★★★




注意，为避免在版上制造混乱，习作贴处有变，大家按照下面我的方式去贴，直接贴在回收站，而不是贴链接，同样，修改过的也贴在回收站，我误解了版主的意思，带来不便，谅解！

橘子汁UID: 2672285

第一次写AW，首先字数就差了一大截||  以后慢慢积累吧。。
多指教。。。

Based on a continuing study, a conclusion is drawn by researchers that melatonin, a hormone produced by a pregnant mother, causes shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. The argument seems convincing that lots of results through research are quoted, but deeper analysis would help us find that some of them are unwarranted.

First, the number of infants that had been in the study was too small, thus making it impossible to elicit authentic results. The minimal number of references needed in a scientific experiment may be above 100. It is also not clear whether the hormone’s effect on one’s brain is to cause distress or shyness. The lack of study on this hormone itself may cause doubt about any of the statements on its properties or functions. It’s definitely possible that the signs of mild distress showed by some of the 25 infants were caused by other stimulus, say, an unusual odor or an unknown voice. On the other hand, no proofs could brace the saying that this kind of hormone would inevitably affect an infant’s brain, rather than his mothers’. And this arbitral speculation had made the original study thirteen years ago less reliable.

Moreover, the speaker is giving a wrong causality by saying that the teenager’s self-identification of their being shy is due to the shyness caused by melatonin before birth. As we know, one’s personality and disposition is largely attributed to their education, both from parents and teachers, and the environment they grow up in. For instance, a child’s peers with whom he spend most of his game time is a key factor that influences the acquisition of the child’s characteristics. So the conclusion that the later shyness has a categorical relation with the melatonin which may cause pre-birth shyness is totally ungrounded.

In sum, the assertion given by the author doesn’t stand up, and more empirical researchers on both the melatonin and the infants should be conducted to bolster his point.

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

Argument53
①Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants whoshowed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as anunusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. ②They discovered that these infants were more likely than otherinfants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers'production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—wouldnaturally increase in response to decreased daylight. ③In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than halfof these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselvesas shy. ④Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shynessduring infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

Logic chain
①+②+③=>④
①:隐含前提（mild distress=>shyness）
②:melatonin的作用对象
③:shyness只是由于先天因素造成的，没考虑后天影响

In this argument,the speaker concludes that the high levels of melatonin produced by theirmothers could lead to shyness of infants which can have an effect on their lifeafterwards. To support this conclusion the speaker points out that researchersstudied a group of infants who showed mild distress responding to unfamiliarincentive and the follow-up study showed that most of them identified themselvesas shy. This argument relies on several ungrounded assumptions, therefore unpersuasiveas it stands.

First, the author assumes the premise that infants’ shyness is the result of melatonin produced by their mothers. There is no research or evidence reasoning the functionof melatonin. The author even provides no information to justify whether melatonin has an effect on infants. Although the author points out that melatonin is ahormone which affects some brain functions, there is no reference on who willbe affected-mothers or infants.

Second, even if melatonin should be responsible for the infants’ shyness, the author assumes too hastily that mild distress responding to unfamiliar incentive equals to shyness as they are teenagers. While the speaker offers no evidence either mild distress showed by infants is caused by shyness or conditions where they growup have no responsibility to their shyness showed afterwards. Maybe it was justphysical discomfort that the infants responded to unfamiliar incentive. And it is also possible that family dissension leaded to the shyness or it was just a subjective judgment as they identified themselves as shy.

Third, even if the author can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the author’sassertion that the shyness of infants results from the high levels of melatonin before birth and lasts to their life afterwards is still unwarranted. The author overlooks an important fact that characters can also be figured by acquired disposition, not only innate factor. The shyness of teenagers shouldn’t only be blamed for their mothers’ melatonin before their birth. Perhaps it is not melatonin, which may be diluted or even disappears after so many years, but only the after-birth conditions that initiates shyness of theircharacters.

In conclusion, the author’s argument is unwarranted as it stands. The author could strengthenhis conclusion by providing more researching reports of the function of melatonin towards infants rather than ostensible effects on all human beings. What’smore, more clear evidence about the effects’ durability of melatonin should be presented. The principle of the unification of variables must be followed in every experiment,no exception in this experiment, which means to confirm that the group of 25 infants should live in the same conditions with others who are not considered as shy.

weaselUID: 2739489

In order to convince others that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness will continues into their later lifetime，the author presents us seemly strong reasons, containing the long term study about the guys' shyness and unique time when they are conceived with brains that are effected by their mothers' increased levels of melatonin. While we first glance at this argument, it seems somewhat credible. However, through further analysis about all the relevant evidence, the argument is questioned with the following aspects.

First of all, the argument is questionable at the mere mention of the long term study. In one hand, the number of infants who take part in this experiment is too limited to explain any consequence. There is a circumstance that most parts of 25 infants, or even all of them, contribute to special cases. We all believe that to some extent, any conclusion must be made in a common situation. On the other hand, the author also lacks description of experiments' environment. Did all of them participate in the study at the same time in the same place? Are there any other unusual stimuli that can also affect their performances existing? How about infants' moods, and health situations, and did they coordinate their action with the study? Before the author make final conclusion, he/she should present more complete data about the experiment that can answer these similar series of doubts.

Secondly, even if the questions above are answered, the following assumption that teenagers who show signs of distress identify themselves as shy is unwarranted. Are they truly shy? The author lacks an exact explanation about their shyness and maybe they consider their unnatural attitudes and behaviors as shyness, which are common for most people when they are interviewed at first time. We can not exclude the possibility that some teenagers are so naughty that they act as a shy person on purpose. In such a condition that the number of teenagers who are investigated is few, the cases above may happen with more opportunities. Therefore, the relevant explanations should not be neglected when it refers to this kind of topic.

Finally, the author offer a ridiculous assumption which he/she doesn’t provides enough evidence to confirm it. Does melatonin, which affects the infants' function of brains, really exert significant influences on shyness? It is entirely possible，but not absolute. Many other facts can also cause their shyness between infancy and juvenile era. For instance, the family's condition which includes education, economic level and etc plays an essential role on their nature forming. In addition, the author is also too arbitrary to state that their shyness will continue into later life. The juvenile is a period when teenagers just begin to form an independent personality. It means that the shyness can be changed and converted into an opposite character. In sum, without ruling out these and other possible factors, the evidence is not convincing.

Overall, after the analysis, the argument definitely lacks enough evidence to support its conclusion. Therefore, to make his/her statement more credible, more efforts should be taken to complete the main three points above firstly. Otherwise, the assertion will be an inevitable failure.

hopneyUID: 2626063

53 Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

In this experiment, the researchers studied 25 infants to find out the effect of unfamiliar stimuli. There are only 25 infants, which is just a small proportion of a country, and the number cannot well attest the result that the infants showed signs of mild distress. A typical case which could more or less clarify it is the medicine experience to test the medicine efficiency. In most case, the medicine test is engaged in a large scale of normal people ahead of production. If 25 participators who all have the antibody of this medicine participate, this experiment is certainly fails with the conclusion that this medicine has no medicine functions. So only 25 infant in a small proportion cannot attest really the study.
A second argument is the infants who burned in early autumn just are the result of mothers’ melatonin affection. An infant will be burned on time after her/his mother was pregnant, which is about 10 months. So in the research, the statement the infants burned in early autumn is maybe just a coincidence, which could not well attest the conclusion in end.
And finally, in the following study about these infants, the study shows that they had shown sign of shy. As we known, shy is only a characteristic of common people. Everyone has this characteristic to some extent, whose behavior is afraid of talk, act in front of the public. What’s more, the shyness of teenager will be influenced by many factors, such as their parents’ cultivation, the friends around them, the national culture, and so on. So the assumption that the infant will show shy because of the melatonin cannot stands.
In conclusion there are three arguments in this conclusion. The author could strengthen his conclusion by providing more researching date of infants. Secondly, the mild distree of infants is the result of the melatonin of their mothers. And third is that the shy is just a characteristic of human beings, and is not only influenced by durability of melatonin, which is effected by more factors. The principle of the unification of variables must be followed in every experiment, no exception in this experiment, which means to confirm that the group of 25 infants should live in the same condition with others who are not considered as shy.

实在是难憋出来

hopneyUID: 2626063

我的半天验证码弄不对，不能算13点以后吧
forgive me, it is the first time i wrote an argument

weaselUID: 2739489

修改hopney

红色是修改和建议，紫色是小结，蓝色是用的赞的，学习

In this experiment, the researchers studied25 infants to find out the effect of unfamiliar stimuli. There are only 25infants, which is just a small proportion of a country, and the number cannotwell attest the result that the infants (who accepted the test) showed signs of mild distress.A typical case which could more or less clarifyit is the medicine experience to test the medicineefficiency. In most case, the medicine test is（shouldbe）engaged in a large scale of normal people aheadof production. If 25 participators who all have the antibody of this medicineparticipate, this experiment (is去掉) certainly fails with the conclusion that this medicine has nomedicine functions. （这里可以再添一句，不然跟下面so连接就有个跨度，比如添一句：But in fact, we have not know whether the medicineis useful or not. ）So only 25 infant(s)
in a (too) smallproportion cannot attest really(查了一下语法书，这个really理论上可以放在动词后面，但是一般习惯上放在前面或者及物动词后面的宾语的后面，这里就是the study后面) the study.


表达的不是太清楚，我加上了一些，我认为好一点，你也可以自己再改改，逻辑错误找的没问题，但是说清楚自己的意思也很重要

A second argument is the infants（这里少一个修饰，翻译出来就很明显了，早秋出生的孩子是妈妈’s M的影响） who burned（burn是燃烧） in early autumn justare the result of mothers’ melatonin affection. An infant will be burned on time after her/his mother was pregnant,which is about 10 months. So in the research, the statement the infants burnedin early autumn is maybe just a coincidence, which could not well attest theconclusion in end.


这段很新颖，想说是大部分出生的孩子都会经历早秋这段时间，所以论者以此为理由是不合适的。。。。。。
同样的问题我觉得是表达地不那么完整，适当再改改

And finally, in the following study aboutthese infants, the study shows that they had shown sign of shy （causedby melatonin）.As we known, shy is only a characteristic of common people. Everyone has thischaracteristic to some extent, whose behavior is afraid of talking, acting in front ofthe public. What’s more, the shyness of teenager will be influenced by manyfactors, such as their parents’ cultivation, the friends around them, thenational culture, and so on. So the assumption that the infant will show shybecause of the melatonin cannot stands.



In conclusion there are three arguments inthis conclusion. The author could strengthen his conclusion by providing moreresearching date of infants. Secondly, the mild distressof infants is the result of the melatonin of their mothers. And third isthat the shy is just a characteristic of human beings, and is not onlyinfluenced by durability（持久性？用这个词不是太理解：） ofmelatonin, which is effected by more factors（这里的定语从句放在这是不是会引起歧义？因为我也不是很清楚，在此提出讨论）. Theprinciple of the unification of variables must be followed in every experiment,no exception in this experiment, which means to confirm that the group of 25infants should live in the same condition with others who are not considered asshy.（这句话没问题是没问题，但是同样是在说调查类错误，我觉得应该放在secondly前面，结构才清晰）

如果是第一次写的话，我觉得已经很棒了！
少了一个开头段，总体逻辑错误找的没有问题，而且有亮点的地方，提出的建议就是在句与句的连接，段落内的结构，意思表达的完整上下下功夫，这些可以多看看官方的范文，琢磨一下，
个人意见，自己也在这些方面努力，有什么大家一起讨论，言语不礼貌，请见谅：）

sola-nanaUID: 2744594

改 Ita chi

In order to convince others that increasedlevels of melatonin before birth causes shyness during infancy and this shynesswill continues into their later lifetime，the author presentsus seemly strong reasons, containing the long term study about the guys'shyness and unique time when they are conceived with brains that are effectedby their mothers' increased levels of melatonin.（孤陋寡闻了..没见过argu如此开头形式，不知合不合适..）While we first glance at this argument, it seems somewhat credible. However, throughfurther analysis about all the relevant evidences,the argument is questioned with the following aspects.

First of all, the argument is questionable at the mere mention of the long term study. On the one hand, the number of infantswho take part in this experiment is too limited to explain any consequence. There is a circumstance that most (parts) of 25 infants, oreven all of them, contribute to special cases很费解. [We all believe that tosome extent, any conclusion must be made in a common situation.]（-这句和本段后半层的意思差不多..） On the other hand, the author also lacks description ofexperiments' environment指自然环境（conditions andcontext—在eco上面看的）. Did all of them participate in the study at the same time in thesame place? Is there any other unusual stimulithat can also affect their performances existing? How about infants' moods, andhealth situations,
anddid they coordinate their action with the study?（情绪、健康状况怎么与研究一直/协调？费解..）Before the author make final conclusion, he/she should present more completedata about the experiment that can answer these similar series of doubts.
（第一段，前：样本容量不足；后：实验条件是否相同）

Secondly, even if the questions above are answered, the following assumption that teenagers who show signs of distress identifythemselves as shy （应该用过去时态）is unwarranted. Are they truly shy?The author lacks an exact explanation about their shyness and maybe theyconsider their unnatural attitudes and behaviors as shyness, which are commonfor most people when they are interviewed at first time. We can not exclude thepossibility that some teenagers are so naughty that they act as a shy person onpurpose. In such a conditionthat the number of teenagers who are investigated is few,（这句应该放在第一段..） the cases above（指代不明确，应该指明是题述的情况）may happen with more opportunities（一般指机遇一类的，用chance/possibility更好些）.（样本容量小和题述情况更可能发生没有啥必然联系吧..只能说小的样本不能代表整体，即不能得出像题述的概括性的结论） Therefore, the relevant explanations should not be neglected whenit refers to this kind of topic.
（二，不能确定害羞是不是真正的害羞）

Finally, the author offer a ridiculous assumption whichhe/she doesn’t provides（s去掉..） enough evidence toconfirm it.（每段开头应该说明攻击点，这样太笼统了..）Does melatonin, which affects the infants' function of brains, really exert significant influences on （呼呼~学习下~~）shyness? Itis entirely possible，but not absolute. Many other facts can also cause their shyness between infancy and（from..to..更好吧..）juvenile era. For instance, the family's condition which includes education, economic level and （and不用了..）etcplays an essential role on（in吧..） their nature forming. In addition, theauthor is also too arbitrary tostate that their shyness will continue into later life. The juvenile is a period when teenagersjust begin to form an independent personality. It （用非限制性定语从句换下更好~）means that the shyness can be changed and converted into an oppositecharacter. In sum, without ruling out these and other possible factors, theevidence is not convincing.
（三，shyness产生的原因不止一个）

Overall, after (with) the analysis, the argument（换成Speaker/author）definitely lacks enough evidence to support its conclusion.Therefore, to make his/her (前面argument后面his/her...)statement more credible, more efforts should be taken to completethe main three points above firstly. Otherwise, the assertion will be aninevitable failure.

我习惯了总结段意..所以在正文段每段后面写了攻击点...
第一、二段内容有点穿插了..第一段两小层内容也有些插..注意调整下..
还有注意，argu每段首句TS一定明确指出谬误..
欢迎讨论~~

郁闷，怎么连互改掉色掉的都这么严重...
除了红色其他全掉了...所以全用红色标了..见谅~~

huan19880122UID: 2657720

今天作文只能自己改啦 郁闷 我们专业竟然在雨天开运动会 还要全员出席 才被放回来 赶紧贴上
这次是彻底感冒了...
In this statement, the author draws a conclusion that the increased level of melatonin before birth would lead to shyness during infancy and even continues into later life. To support the conclusion, the arguer put out a serious of evidences concluded from a study. At first glance, the argument seems convincing to some extent, however, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

Basically, the conclusion is founded on a study, however, unless the surveyors sampled a sufficient numbers of infants and did it enough randomly, the study results are not reliable. For example, if all the infants are chosen from those who born in early autumn or these infants would account for only a little percentage, then all the following conclusions collapse. Assuming that the selected samples are reasonable, the study still lacks of clear and definite control group, so we have nothing to prove that these infants are more likely conceived in early autumn.

Even if we accept the results above are reasonable, the argument remains questionable. The author lightly identifies that the melatonin should be responsible for the shyness of those infants. Although there is a correlation between them, the argument fails to rule out other possible explanations for shyness. It might be genetically decided, or it’s the faction of other unknown factor in body, and maybe we should also concern about the influence caused by the mood of the mothers during the period of pregnancy.

Finally, the author derived a statement from the follow-up study relied on the assumption that no factors other than melatonin caused the shyness. However, as we all know, the environmental factors contribute a lot in shaping personality. Further more, “more than half” is not only insufficient but also vague to prove the conclusion.

To sum up, the arguer fails to support his claim that the increased level of melatonin before birth would cause shyness during infancy and also in later life. If the arguer had provided more information and put out a more rigorous study to substantiate the conclusion, it would have been more logically acceptable.

很久没写过作文了  用词各种查 拼写各种错 文章很多地方模板的感觉很严重  
我argument 处女作~

huan19880122UID: 2657720

改橘子汁

掉色了  所有觉得需要改的地方后面都有汉字 也算好找 这次就不重弄了 不好意思了

Based on a continuing study, a conclusion is drawn by researchers (不是researcher，应该是作者、结论是作者根据study得出的) that melatonin, a hormone produced（不是melatonin造成的，而是其水平增加造成的） by a pregnant mother, causes shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. The argument seems convincing that（这个从句我理解上感觉是表示原因 不知道用that好不好） lots of results through research are quoted, but deeper analysis would help us find that some of them are unwarranted.

First, the number of infants that had been in the study was too small, thus making it impossible to elicit authentic results. The minimal number of references needed in a scientific experiment may be above 100（想要表达的意思应该是样本的数量应该很多，但是说科学实验的样本数量要超过一百，这句话本身就是错的，样本需要取多少基于总体的基数，没有具体数量限制）. It is also not clear whether the hormone’s effect on one’s brain is to cause distress or shyness. The lack of study on this hormone itself may cause doubt about any of the statements on its properties or functions. It’s definitely possible that the signs of mild distress showed by some of the 25 infants were caused by other stimulus, say, an unusual odor or an unknown voice. On the other hand, no proofs could brace the saying that this kind of hormone would inevitably affect an infant’s brain, rather than his mothers’（没明白跟孩子的母亲有什么关系）. And this arbitral speculation had made the original study thirteen years ago less reliable.

Moreover, the speaker is giving a wrong causality by saying that the teenager’s self-identification of their being shy is due to the shyness caused by melatonin before birth. As we know, one’s personality and disposition is largely attributed to their education, both from parents and teachers, and the environment they grow up in. For instance, a child’s peers（这里的peer如果是动词 那么’s有错误 如果是名词 不能加with） with whom he spend most of his game time is a key（用key感觉不严谨，韦氏解释play the most important part in、过于强调重要性，我们并不确定他的影响是最重要的，可以用essential等其他词） factor that influences the acquisition of the child’s characteristics. So the conclusion that the later shyness has a categorical relation with the melatonin which may cause pre-birth shyness is totally ungrounded.

In sum, the assertion given by the author doesn’t stand up, and more empirical researchers on both the melatonin and the infants should be conducted to bolster his point.

论证的逻辑性需要加强，中间段落结构不太清晰，句子挺多挺好的，我就写不来，有些地方不够严谨

橘子汁UID: 2672285

改sola-nana

In this argument, the speaker concludes that the high levels of melatonin produced by their mothers could lead to shyness of infants which can(我觉得用might 语气上更好) have an effect on their life afterwards. To support this conclusion the speaker points out that researchers studied a group of infants who showed mild distress responding to unfamiliar incentive and the follow-up study showed that most of them
identified themselves as shy(意思有点不全，最好写出这些teenagers’ showing signs of distress). This argument relies on several ungrounded assumptions, therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

First, the author assumes the premise that infants’ shyness is the result of melatonin produced by their mothers. There is no research or evidence(这两个词并列起来好像不大恰当) reasoning the function of melatonin. The author even(个人感觉even不能用在这里和后面一起表示“甚至没有”，很有Chinglish的味道) provides no information to justify(justify后面跟的最好是正确有理的，而最好不要跟“whether”，直接用prove即可) whether melatonin has an effect on infants. Although the author points out that melatonin is a hormone which affects some brain functions, there is no reference on who will be affected-mothers or infants(reference to …如果是我我写成：yet there’s no reference to who on earth will be affected—the mother or the infant?).

Second, even if melatonin should be responsible for the infants’ shyness, the author assumes too hastily that mild distress responding to unfamiliar incentive equals to shyness as they are teenagers(作者写到teenager的shyness或者distress的时候没有说是因为unfamiliar incentive了，这里混用了前后的情境). While the speaker offers no evidence(offer的evidence用来干嘛？后面的这句话不能直接修饰evidence，应该加一个“to说明”) either mild distress showed by infants is caused by shyness or conditions where they grow up have no(either or后面怎么出现了no？要么用neither nor要么去掉no，这里注意否定的层数以免表达相反意思) responsibility to(English里面have responsibility to和be responsible for的意思不尽相同，这里宜用后者) their shyness showed afterwards. Maybe it was just physical discomfort that the infants responded to unfamiliar incentive. And it is also possible that family dissension leaded to the shyness or it was just a subjective judgment as they identified themselves as shy.

Third, even if the author can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the author’s assertion that the shyness of infants results from the high levels of melatonin before birth and lasts to their life afterwards(to their life afterwards有点别扭，可以改成all along their later life) is still unwarranted. The author overlooks an important fact that characters can also be figured by acquired disposition, not only innate factor. The shyness of teenagers shouldn’t only be blamed for(这里用blame for就是怪罪的shyness了，我想你想的是blame后面的……) their mothers’ melatonin before their birth. Perhaps it is not melatonin, which may be diluted or even disappears(用在may后面，no ”s”) after so many years, but only the after-birth conditions that initiates shyness of their characters.

In conclusion, the author’s argument is unwarranted as it stands. The author could strengthen his conclusion by providing more researching reports of the function of melatonin towards infants rather than ostensible effects on all human beings. What’s more, more clear evidence about the effects’ durability of melatonin should be presented. The principle of the unification of variables must be followed in every experiment, no exception in this experiment, which means to confirm that the group of 25 infants should live in the same conditions with others who are not considered as shy.


大家应该都是刚上手吧，逻辑的组织都比较混乱。或者是自己理解清楚了但表达出来比较混乱。多练习就好了。 另外注意语言表达的准确性。
我改的当中肯定也有错的，大家一起讨论，共同进步~

hopneyUID: 2626063

In this statement, the author draws a conclusion that the increased level of melatonin before birth would lead to shyness during infancy and even continues into later life. To support the conclusion, the arguer puts out a serious of evidences concluded from a study. At first glance, the argument seems convincing to some extent, however, a careful examination of this argument would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.

Basically, the conclusion is founded on a study, however, unless the surveyors sampled a sufficient numbers of infants and did it enough randomly, the study results are not reliable. For example, if all the infants are chosen from those who born in early autumn or these infants would account for only a little percentage,不错，对条件进行限定） then all the following conclusions collapse. Assuming that the selected samples are reasonable, the study still lacks of clear and definite control group, so we have nothing to prove that（这个有点问题，have no sufficien reason to prove that) these infants are more likely conceived in early autumn.

Even if we accept the results above are reasonable, the argument remains questionable. The author lightly identifies that the melatonin should be responsible for the shyness of those infants. Although there is a correlation between them, the argument fails to rule out other possible explanations for shyness. It might be genetically decided, or it’s the faction of other unknown factors in body, and maybe we should also concern about the influence caused by the mood of the mothers during the period of pregnancy.

Finally, the author derived（前后时态一致，derives) a statement from the follow-up study relied on the assumption that no factors other than melatonin caused the shyness. However, as we all know, the environmental factors contribute a lot in shaping personality. Further more, “more than half” is not only insufficient but also vague to prove the conclusion.

To sum up, the arguer fails to support his claim that the increased level of melatonin before birth would cause shyness during infancy and also in later life. If the arguer had provided more information and put out a more rigorous study to substantiate the conclusion, it would have been more logically acceptable.

总体来说，第一次没有参考模板的话，文章真的不错，标准的3段式，关联词用得很到位，envying
就是有2个小问题，作文时态前后不一致，
而且，对其他因素的描述不具体，就是unknown factor

youngstoneUID: 2670818

补作业~~
In this argument, the author concludes that the shyness during infancy and in their later life result from the increased levels of melatonin. To substantiate the conclusion, the author provides the evidence that a group of 25infants who are nervous to unfamiliar stimuli are more likely to be conceived in early autumn when there is a high level of melatonin, a hormone increasing with decreased daylight. In addition, the author reasons that more than half of the 25 children think they are shy. While clearly examining the evidences, we may find that they lead little support to the final conclusion.

In the first place, the result of the survey lacks credibility because only 25 children are included. It is obvious that such a limited sample makes little sense to any result. Besides, the mere statement that these infants are more likely to have been conceived is quite vague. The author does not provide any figures or statistics to show how many infants who are not shy are conceived in other seasons and what the actual proportion is. We do not know whether the difference of the birth seasons is distinct. For example, if 8 children were conceived in autumn while 6 in spring, 5 in summer and 6 in winter, we cannot get the conclusion that these children are more likely to be conceived in autumn. With a limited sample and a vague figure, the evidence cannot prove that autumn is the season that shy children are more likely to be conceived.

In the second place, even if autumn is really the high-conceive-rate season, it is not necessary that the production of melatonin rather than other factors leads to the high-conceive-rate in autumn. There may be not a causal relationship between the increase of melatonin and the high-conceive-rate. It is entirely possible that other chemicals rather than the melatonin contribute to the result. It is also possible that the sunshine’s lasting time itself influenced the time of conceiving child because we know that plants growing and propagating have a close relationship with the daylight. Without ruling out these possible explanations to the phenomenon, the author can hardly prove that the melatonin is the reason for the high-conceive-rate in autumn.

In the third place, more than half of the 25 children say that they are shy makes little sense to the final conclusion. To judge whether these children are shy and how serious every child’s condition actually is, it is obvious unjustified to listen only to their responds. Those who identified they are shy may not be that shy while those who didn’t may be quite a shy child. Since every person’ judging standard of shy varies drastically, what they say may not reflect their real conditions. Without a scientific way to judge their shy degree, any conclusion is ungrounded.

To sum up, there is no logical evidence to prove the conclusion that the increased levels of melatonin result in the shyness during infancy and in their later life. To bolster the conclusion, the arguer should have a larger sample and a more specific statistics concerning which season is most possible for mother to conceive infants. Further investigation of the level of melatonin is needed to better substantiate the cause of high-conceive-rate. Unless a scientific standard is used to evaluate the shyness of the children, I simply cannot tell whether these children are shy or not.