第一篇独立作文BY DAISYTWINS

if-onlyUID: 2583115

By the increasingly （increasing）number of (这些可删掉)communication between each country (countries)in the （去掉）aspect(s) of culture, education, and economic, people generally desire a deeply understanding about a foreign country for enlarge(broadening) their horizon.Museum (,)as a historical spot(是否可换作reminder?) (,)will （it）be the best way to know its （the）country. I personally agree this statement by the following reasons.
There is no doubt that museum where collects its country’s artifacts from the past to nowadays displays its country’s people life style in the past to the public. When students walk in the museum and stand in front of these real crafts, paintings, and sculptures, they must be surprise by these amazing works.This valuable experience cannot be replaced by listen a story from others. Conceivably,it’s the best way for student to understand what happened about their country in the past century instead of read the history from the textbook. For example,every Chinese student learns about Nanjing massacre in the history class;however, is everyone really understands what happened that time? Read each word from the paper will be too abstract for student to understand that how much pains bring to us（them） from that war. But if we walk to the museum of Nanjing massacre, we would be shocked by these pictures and reports from that time. （总体的立意，论述不错，但是由于遣词不准确，影响了表达效果）: }& z, S4 @. V& _! p
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Moreover, as a traveler, to learn about a foreign country in a short visiting time, museum will be the best place to go. Generally, most museums tickets are cheap which travelers can afford it, and they could spend one (the whole)day on (in)the museum to see all the information (不太准确，不过我也想不出更合适的词了：))about this country from science, art, people’s life style, and etc. In addition, some museums always open some kinds of festivals such as knowing agriculture, or feeling local people’s life, which brings visits（visitor） into a real local community. （票价便宜这个理由有些弱，可以从博物馆内容的丰富性上去论述更好）
To sum up, I am convinced that museum plays a crucial （important就可以了，crucial有紧急，至关重要的意思）role for introduces a country to everyone. That’s the reason why every year each government spends lots of fund on the museum development.（最后一句有些武断，政府建博物馆是更多的为了保存文化，即使没有人去看）

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

5.21  09.2.14To be well-informed people should get information from many different information sources.

Parents desire their children to be a talent who is accomplished in every aspect. Employers are eager for their employees who are competent for every position. Thus, there is a hot debate that how can be a well-informed people? Some argue that gets information from different sources could be a way for become a well-informed people. Personally, I think this statement is indisputable and I fully agree with it.

As we know, one who knows currently news which includes political,economic, cultural, and etc could be called a well-informed person. To become areal well-informed people, how to gain information from different intermediate can be a crucial factor. Nowadays, numerous canards and unreal news come to our life;therefore, person would mislead by these fake news if they get information from one source. It is unfair to judge any issue if person only see or hear about from its one aspect. Television could effects a news’ result by putting vivid pictures, newspaper could
enlarges the news’ truth by using exaggerated comment, internet could hides some parts from the news by unknown purpose.
However, if people read the information through internet, newspaper, television or other information sources then combine together, that information can be accurate and comprehensive.

On the other hand, it also enlarges people’s horizon by gaining information from different resource. When someone read others autobiography or blog about same issue from public media, he can understand an issue deeply and comprehensively from others viewpoint instead of be influenced by some unreal reports. Currently, we have abundant information resource that we can get the information, television, internet, books, online blog, and newspapers,etc. it is important that every well-informed person must have their own standard to organize these information.

To sum up, as an old saying “the truth can be diversify,which way you look at is the key for finding the truth”, how to use these resourcesto assist our thinking is the intelligent method as a well-informed person.

Lee.YUID: 2749003

Parents desire their children to be a talent who is accomplished in every aspect. Employers are eager for their employees who are competent for every position. Thus, there is a hot debate that how can（one person） be a well-informed people? Some argue that gets(getting) information from different sources could be a way for become(becoming) a well-informed people. Personally, I think this statement is indisputable and I fully agree with it. ! k7 R# n/ @5 y8 Z

As we know, one who knows currently news which includes political(politic),economic(economy), cultural(culture), and etc could be called a well-informed person. To become a real well-informed people(person), how to gain information from different (?缺东西)intermediately can be a crucial factor. Nowadays, numerous canards and unreal news come to our life; therefore, person would  be mislead by these fake news if they get information from  only one source. It is unfair to judge any issue if person only see or hear about from its one aspect. Television could effects a news’ result by putting vivid pictures, newspaper could enlarges the news’ truth by using exaggerated comment, internet could hides some parts from the news by unknown purpose. However, if people read the information through internet, newspaper, television or other information sources then combine together, that information can be accurate and comprehensive.
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On the other hand, it also enlarges people’s horizon by gaining information from different resource. When someone read others’ autobiography or blog about same issue from public media, he can understand an issue deeply and comprehensively from others’ viewpoint instead of being influenced by some unreal reports. Currently, we have abundant information resource that we can get the information, television, internet, books, online blog, and newspapers,etc. it is important that every well-informed person must have their own standard to organize these information." B3 w0 K& a* p! f# ?: v

To sum up, as an old saying “the truth can be diversify,which way you look at is the key for finding the truth”, how to use these resourcesto assist our thinking is the intelligent method as a well-informed person.

其实思路还是很好的，只是感觉观点还是少了一点
可以讲一讲反面的观点，正面1+正面2+反面，MAYBE better
单词开始错的有点多，后面的好了不少

if-onlyUID: 2583115

Parents desire their children to be a talent who is accomplished in every aspect. Employers are eager for their（可去掉） employees who are competent for every position. Thus, there is a hot debate that how can be a well-informed people? Some argue that gets information from different sources could be a way for become a well-informed people. Personally, I think this statement is indisputable and I fully agree with it.

As we know, one who knows currently（current） news which includes political,economic, cultural, and etc could be called a well-informed person. To become a real well-informed people, how to gain information from different intermediate can be(is) a crucial (important)factor. Nowadays, numerous canards and unreal news come to our life;therefore, person would (might be) mislead by these fake news if they get information from one source. It is unfair to judge any issue if person only see or hear about from its one aspect. Television could effects a news’ result by putting vivid pictures, newspaper could enlarges the news’ truth by using exaggerated comment, internet could hides some parts from the news by unknown purpose.

However, if people read (get) the information through internet, newspaper(s), television or other information sources then (用and代替)combine (them) together, that （可用such代替）information can be accurate and comprehensive. （本段的论点并未很好得到论述，也并没有解决上段的问题：如果所有的媒体提供的都是不真实的报道，那么，即使把这些消息combine起来也是不真实的）

On the other hand, it also enlarges people’s horizon by gaining information from different resource(sources). When someone read others autobiography or blog about same issue from public media(可去掉), he can understand an issue deeply (thoroughly)and comprehensively from others viewpoint instead of be influenced by some unreal reports. Currently, we have abundant information resource that we can get the information, （from）television, internet, books, online blog, and newspapers,etc. it is important that every well-informed person must have their own standard to organize these information.（这段提到了一个standard,但是似乎只是重复前面提到的论点，反复使用television, internet, books, online blog, and newspapers等词，给人重复之嫌）

To sum up, as an old saying “the truth can be diversify,which way you look at is the key for finding the truth”, how to use these resourcesto assist our thinking is the intelligent method as a well-informed person.

这篇作文可能是由于时间原因，脉络并不是很清楚，也可能是作者没有更好的思路，而反复写，建议在写作前，先确定一下自己的思路，如果实在没什么可写写一两段也行，毕竟是练习，但一定要把所写的写清楚，建议可以看看一些优秀的范文，是如何组织观点的，或者训练一些自己不熟悉的题目，如何展开有限的观点也是很重要的。

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

6.21 Do you think success is important, or it is moreimportant to remain happy and optimistic when you fail?

People never stop their desire for seeking the success, no matter how many times they would fail for reaching the final goal. Some will easily give up or change their life style because of once fail, others may still unremitting try until they achieve the success. Why there is a dramatic difference between these two groups’ people? The answer is obvious, people who are happy andoptimistic will much closer to success, I personally agree with that.

To begin with, there is no question for everyone tries to improve the quality of life by success. What success can bring to us; money, social status, or personal value? But why people need these? I think that because money can exchange to food and goods, social status can gain more respect, and personal value can encourages people to be more satisfied for their life. All of these elements exist because people happy to receive that. So, I am convinced that to be happy is the most important factor in our living. Success is only a way for people to be much happier.

On the other hand, there is equally important for success and failure. Therefore, it is necessary for people to summarize the result why they would fail. So, having an optimistic attitude will assist people to realize the reason of failure. It’s hard for some people to come out of the failure because they may tend to be more pessimistic or fear to lose again. As an old saying, “failureis the mother of success”, people should clearly understand that once fail cannot prevent anything in our life; however, because of this experience we gain an optimistic view of life will be more valuable and we already achieve the first step to success.

To sum up, I believe that success can be replaced a lot such as wealth, but happiness is invaluable and how to be an optimistic person isthe prerequisite of any success.

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

People never stop their desire for seeking the success, no matter how many times they would[去掉] fail for reaching the final goal. Some will easily give up or change their life style because of once fail [failure for the first time], [While] others may still unremitting[?] try until they achieve the success. Why there is[is there] a dramatic difference between these two groups' people[two group of people]? The answer is obvious, people who are happy and optimistic will [be] much closer to success, I personally agree with that.

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To begin with, there is no question for everyone [who] tries to improve the quality of life by success. What success can bring to us; money, social status, or personal value? But why people need these? I think that because money can exchange to[be exchanged with] food and goods, social status can gain[give people] more respect, and personal value can encourages people to be more satisfied for[with] their life. All of these elements exist because people [are] happy to receive that. So,[去掉,] I am convinced that to be happy is the most important factor in our living. Success is [the] only a[去掉a] way for people to be much happier. [这句有点颠覆论点的嫌疑]# {) M/ m& {5 A0

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On the other hand, there is[it is] equally important for success and failure. Therefore, it is necessary for people to summarize the result why they would fail. So, having an optimistic attitude will assist people to realize the reason of failure. It’s hard for some people to come out of the failure because they may tend to be more pessimistic or fear to lose again. As an old saying [tells/states/says], “failureis the mother of success”, people should clearly understand that once fail cannot prevent anything in our life; however, because of this experience [through which]we gain an optimistic view of life will be more valuable and we already achieve the first step to success. ! v# {

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To sum up, I believe that success can be replaced a lot such as wealth, but happiness is invaluable and how to be an optimistic person is the prerequisite of any success.

题目讲成功和失败之后仍能保持乐观两者那个更重要，作者的观点在这两者之间有点漂移，虽然第一段明确指出后者更重要，但中间的论证没有分的很开，其实现在我对这个题目也不是很清楚，到底什么是成功？所以可能由于题目的原因，中间就产生了一些概念之间的模糊，另外一点论证时多举些例子会好些，因为文章有example and in detail，会更具体，看得出作者很认真，希望今后注意语句训练，看一些写作讲义类的东西。加油！欢迎一起讨论～

DaisyTwinsUID: 2797670

谢谢楼上给我认识批改，我是写的痛苦啊怎么办感觉脑子里很空白想不出什么好的理由来