4.28独立写作

lily@@UID: 2661882

4.28It is important to know the event happening around the world that not affect your daily life, do you agree or disagree?
Event happening around the world is often broadcasted on television. And as an amazing phonomenon, most people do watch those news everyday and we can even see them talking about such events on the subway, on buses and even in the work place. I don't deny that it's ture those events are far away from our everyday life. But I still hold the opinion that thoses events happening around the world, though far from our everyday life, still plays an important role in our daily life.
First and foremost, though events help broaden our vision. Daily life is flat and kind of boring sometimes. The events around the world bring us knowledge about the new technology, the multinational relationships, the catasrophes that hurts the whole humankind and many other meaningful things. Through those events, we will see the world in the vision of the whole humankind. And in this way, our companion as the humankind will arouse and we will live in our life in a more meaningful way. We cheer as scientists in Europe make new achievements and we sober as people in Haidi suffer from the earthquake. We have connected our own limitedn life with the whole humankind and in this way, we live a more meaningful life.
Second, the event around the world, though not affect our life directly, still has something to do with our life. The Betterfly Effect has told us that the world around us is very delicate and events connect with each other in the way we can never foretell. Tke the 2007 financial cisis in America for example. Many of the chinese,especially in towns, just took this event as nothing to do with themselves. They just felt indifferent to this news. Soon, they would find that jobs in their town were hard to find and salaries began to slump. Some factories even began to close because there were less orders from American companies. In a word, the events around the world may have links with our daily life in a way we can hardly understand, but they do sometimes affact our life greatly.
Last but not least, in modern world, acknowledge about the events around the world may provide one with chances of  better development. The airplanes, trains and steamships have brought the world into a whole. Glabolization is one of the most important characters of the modern society. The places used to be far way are not far any more. In fact, one can go anywhere in the world by airplane within 24-hour. Thus the activities of one is vastly expanded and knowledge about events around the world will help one get used to the modern globalization world.
To sum up, the evens around the world will help broad our vision and are vital for our further development. What's more, those events may actually connect with our daily life in our way we may not see it. Thus, it's hard to say these events are not important to our daily life.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

4.28It is important to know the event happening around the world that not affect your daily life, do you agree or disagree?( U# U$ }. f. `2 T
Event happening around the world is often broadcasted on television. And as an amazing phonomenon, most people do watch those news everyday and we can even see them talking about such events on the subway, on buses and even in the work place. I don't deny that it's ture those events are far away from our everyday life. But I still hold the opinion that thoses events happening around the world, though far from our everyday life（句式没变化，和前句有重复的嫌疑了）, still plays （are still play更好些）an important role in our daily life.! _2 x  o  E/ E# b
First and foremost, though events（？） help broaden our vision. Daily life is flat and kind of boring sometimes. The events around the world （最好列举出events有什么）bring us knowledge about the new technology, the multinational relationships, the catasrophes that hurts the whole humankind and many other meaningful things. Through those events（which events呢？你前面讲的只是events的作用）, we will see the world in the vision of the whole humankind. And in this way, our companion as the humankind will arouse and we will live in our life in a more meaningful way. We cheer as scientists in Europe make new achievements and we sober as people in Haidi suffer from the earthquake. We have connected our own limitedn（？） life with the whole humankind and in this way（另起一句）, we live a more meaningful life.怎么得到这个结论的?论述不够充分啊
1 w2 I8 d, t2 p% y4 @Second, the event around the world, though not affect our life directly, still has something to do with our life. The Betterfly Effect has told us that the world around us is very delicate and events connect with each other in the way we can never foretell. Tke the 2007 financial cisis in America for example. Many of the chinese,especially in towns, just took this event as nothing to do with themselves. They just felt indifferent to this news. Soon, they would find that jobs in their town were hard to find （你这样的表达就是硬翻译了，应该是it is hard for them to find job）and salaries began to slump（薪水会自己升降吗？）. Some factories even began to close because there were less orders from American companies. In a word, the events around the world may have links with our daily life in a way we can hardly understand, but they do sometimes affact our life greatly.* Q2 Y* R, F" D: n) u
Last but not least, in modern world, acknowledge about the events around the world may provide one with chances of  better development. The airplanes, trains and steamships have brought the world into a whole. Glabolization is one of the most important characters of the modern society. The places used to be far way are not far any more. In fact, one can go anywhere in the world by airplane within 24-hour. Thus the activities of one is vastly expanded and knowledge about events around the world will help one get used to the modern globalization world似乎你的论述没有提及better developmet.' R" @0 v( H7 a, P2 \
To sum up, the evens around the world will help broad our vision and are vital for our further development. What's more, those events may actually connect with our daily life in our way we may not see it(表述有问题). Thus, it's hard to say these events are not important to our daily life.

今天一天都不在学校，晚上10点回来就开电脑改作文，看到了你改我的作文，不知是没改完还是就是那么敷衍。。。最近我帮我改作文的人都这样，因此，我也就按照你改我的模式改了你的作文。我以前从来不这样改作文，不会改没有颜色显示的，也基本都是用word修改，每篇都改40多分钟。。。至于这篇，抱歉了。

BriaIFUID: 2515589

Event happening around the world is often broadcasted on television. And as an amazing phonomenon, most people do watch those news everyday and we can even see them talking about such events on the subway, on buses and even in the work place. (这个好~）I don't deny that it's ture （I don't deny 和 it's true有点重复哦~~）those events are far away from our everyday life. But I still hold the opinion that thoses（拼写错误^^) events happening around the world, though far from our everyday life, still plays an important role in our daily life.

First and foremost, though events help broaden our vision(those events吧~）. Daily life is flat and kind of boring sometimes. The events around the world bring us knowledge about the new technology, the multinational relationships, the catasrophes that hurts the whole humankind and many other meaningful things. Through those events, we will see the world in the vision of the whole humankind. And in this way, our companion as the humankind（humanitarian compassion^^) will arouse and we will live in our life in a more meaningful way. We cheer as scientists in Europe make new achievements and we sober as people in Haidi suffer from the earthquake. We have connected our own limitedn life with the whole humankind and in this way, we live a more meaningful life.

Second, the event around the world, though not affect our life directly, still has something to do with our life. The Betterfly Effect has told us that the world around us is very delicate and events connect with each other in the way we can never foretell. Tke(take) the 2007 financial cisis in America for example. Many of the chinese,especially in towns（是说在小镇上的人们吗？in rural areas更好哦~）, just took this event as nothing to do with themselves. They just felt indifferent to this news. Soon, they would find that jobs in their town were hard to find and salaries began to slump. Some factories even began to close （close down更形象一些^^) because there were less orders from American companies. In a word, the events around the world may have links with our daily life in a way we can hardly understand, but they do sometimes affact our life greatly.

Last but not least, in modern world, acknowledge(acknoledgement) about the events around the world may provide one with chances of  better development. The airplanes, trains and steamships have brought the world into a whole. Glabolization is one of the most important characters of the modern society. The places used to be far way are not far any more. In fact, one can go anywhere in the world by airplane within 24-hour. Thus the activities of one is vastly expanded and knowledge about events around the world will help one get used to the modern globalization world.

To sum up, the evens around the world will help broad our vision and are vital for our further development. What's more, those events may actually connect with our daily life in our way we may not see it. Thus, it's hard to say these events are not important to our daily life.

恩，我感觉楼主练到现在思路或者说框架什么已经越来越清晰了，就是一些措辞还需改进，然后尽量避免拼写错误……
继续努力哦！