5.10 作文 是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

5.10 08.5.16 NA----寄托家园论坛 半小时计时写的


Topic:　是telephone 还是television对人类的有more effects?




Consistent with most people's notion is my heartfelf belief that television has played a more significant role for huamn beings, making our life more fabulous and complete.  Without television, huaman being may still have no idea about how this world goes around and how our planet runs. In our daily life,
programs run on television could impart knowledge,inform global news and offer people amusement in our leisure time.



First, television provide knowledge to expand our vision. Various channels on television, like Discovery and National Geograhic, could open a mystious and yet wonderful world for us. For example, high school students could find out how animal species has evloved during millions years by watching Discovery in the weekend and then submit  an required essay in related field. The vivid pictures and beautiful scenes would impress them
as attending a cool  geological lessen. For people with huge appitite for knowledge and pursuit for insights, watching televisoin on the comfortable coach would be the best choice.



Second, world are full of news, which could be learned by watching television. Through television, we have a idea of how poor Africa nations are and thus we shoul do our part to drag them out of deep pitch; by watching television, we get to know catastrophic earthquake happened in Sichuan, southwest city in China, and give our hand to people stuck there; and by news released by BBC, we have known what a total mess the world economy has been during this financial tsunami and its woes keeps rippling outside. Without television, how could we get insight into the world and learn suffering of others; how could we come to know the reality of this seemingly beautiful planet; and how could we constrcut this world in a better way.

Third, interesting TV series and programs serve as a outlet for people working all day long. Coming back from office and mountain-ｈｉgh files, people find it the best relaxation and enjoyment to open a television, holding a tub of sweet popcorn or a bowl of delicious salad. For example, most of teenagers tend to watch Gossip Girl or Prison Break after finishing their homework; mere fun, like gorgeous beauties, courageous heros, and intriguing plots would relieve them physically and mentally.



Although telephone has some advantages, like chatting with your friends for hours nonstop, it can not compare to what a amzing experience television has brought to us.



To crown it all, people could absorb knowledge, learn current affairs and savor entertainment catering to thier tastes
through television, whose functions go far beyond what a telephone serves.

Word Count: 421   

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

5.10 修改 by 暧暧

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tsinghua10UID: 2811683

2# amanda_qinyy

谢谢暧暧，改的很好。我想问下我应该改谁的作文呢？ 前后楼的作文都被改了，我是应该改我前面一个人的，是吗？谢谢

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

谢谢你！只是有两个问题不太明白，麻烦你解答一下好吗？

文章第二、三两段的内容没什么区别，建议合并---麻烦问下，第二段写新闻，时事，加深对世界的了解； 第三段是电视提供人们娱乐和休闲，这两段内容不是一个主题吧…  

另外， Without television, how could we get insight into the world and learn suffering of others; how could we come to know the reality of this seemingly beautiful planet; and how could we construct this world in a better way.[我可以回答： by internet. 看上去还挺气势的排比，可惜不堪一击。]   

请问下by interent 是什么意思，我自己写的啊； 只是想问一下，不堪一击指的是语言方面还是什么具体一点的问题。 问题提得都很好，拼写错误很严重；你的建议真的很好，我会认真修改。 谢谢！

hzd515976083UID: 2487213

1# tsinghua10 tsinghua10
5.10 08.5.16 NA----寄托家园论坛
半小时计时写的
Topic:　是telephone还是television对人类的有moreeffects?
Consistent with most people's notion is my heartfelf [heartfelt] belief that television has played a moresignificant role for huamn [human] beings,making our life more fabulous and complete.
Without television, huaman [human] beingmay still have no idea about how this world goes around and how our planetruns. In our daily life, programs run [played]on television could impart knowledge, inform global news and offer peopleamusement in our leisure time.
First, television provide [provides]knowledge to expand our vision. Various channels on television, like Discoveryand National Geograhic [Geographic], could opena mystious [mystical] and [and删去] yet wonderful world for us. For example, high schoolstudents could find out how animal species has evolved [evolved] during millions years by watching Discovery in the weekendand then submit an required essay in related field. The vivid pictures and beautifulscenes would impress them as attending a cool geological lessen. For peoplewith huge appitite [appetite] for knowledge andpursuit for insights, watching television [television]on the comfortable coach would be the best choice.
Second, world are full of news, which could be learned bywatching television. Through television, we have a idea of how poor Africanations are and thus we shoul [should] do ourpart to drag them out of deep pitch [没见过这种用法，请赐教]; by watchingtelevision, we get to know catastrophic earthquake happened in Sichuan,southwest city [删去city] in China, and give ourhand to people stuck there; and by news released by BBC, we have known what atotal mess the world economy has been during this financial tsunami and itswoes keeps rippling outside. Without television, how could we get insight intothe world and learn suffering of others; how could we come to know the realityof this seemingly beautiful planet; and how could we construct [construct] this world in a better way [to a better one].
Third, interesting TV series and programs serve as a [an] outlet for people working all day long. Comingback from office and mountain-high files, people find it the best relaxationand enjoyment to open [turn on] a television,holding a tub of sweet popcorn or a bowl of delicious salad. For example, mostof teenagers tend to watch Gossip Girl or Prison Break after finishing theirhomework; mere fun, like gorgeous beauties, courageous heros [heroes], and intriguing plots would relieve themphysically and mentally.
Although telephone has some advantages, like chatting withyour friends for hours nonstop, it can not [cannot]compare to [with] what [删去what] a [the] amzing [amazing] experience television has brought to us.
To crown it all [更糟糕的是？？], people couldabsorb knowledge, learn current affairs and savor entertainment catering to their[their] tastes through television, whosefunctions go far beyond what a telephone serves [thoseof a telephone].

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

谢谢你！只是有两个问题不太明白，麻烦你解答一下好吗？

文章第二、三两段的内容没什么区别，建议合并---麻烦问下，第二段写新闻，时事，加深对世界的了解； 第三段是电视提供人们娱乐和休闲，这两段内容不是一个 ...
tsinghua10 发表于 2010-5-11 11:28

第二和第三段指的是你的自然段落，不是论证的第二三个观点。第二段TV epand vision,第三段full of news。这两段内容近似，可以放在一起，单列出来的话感觉有点重复~

by internet那里，我是想说，通过internet可以获取信息，可以了解任何想要的东西。。。等等，意思就是说你的这个说法有点绝对了。呵呵，不仔细看的话其实没什么问题的。

PS：分组是在帖子的第一页貌似第二楼那里。

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

To crown it all [更糟糕的是？？]
今天才发现原来自己一直当成总结词用了，哈哈，谢谢了！

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

5.11 09.1.10 NA ----欢迎用大板砖狠命拍！
do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the most factor in successful development of country    ---不同意

Recently, it is not uncommon to observe a widespread panic among western nations, from the alarming newspaper titles like "A Dangerous Looming of China " to a series of strict export goods policies. Admittedly, China, as a newly-emerged economic entity, has drawn much more attention worldwide than it did in the past century. When it comes to evaluate a nation's strength, three key points need to be taken into consideration: education, economy and military force. Thus, improving schools is a very dominant factor in successful development of a country, but not the most.

On one hand, education is the rock and foundation of a nation. In this era, large amount  of fortunes flow into areas where science and high technology dominate. For example, well-known Microsoft company is founded by Bill Gates, a genius skilled in computer science though he dropped out of Harvard to seek his career. This example is no exception. Take a look at Forbes, most of successful companies are operated by college graduates from elite universities; while the productivity and revenues yielded by these corporations could contribute to their nations' economy, making their country more powerful and wealthy. Therefore, only by improving education level and investing  in schools could boost successful development of an nation.

On the other hand, though, economic status and military states also play a predominant role in development of a country. For example, United States, with the most prosperous economy and powerful military strength since World War Two, is the most influential country in the world. Besides its prestigious Harvard, Yale and MIT, it is also well known for its Wall Street, financial institutions like Morgan Stanley, and its unbelievable aircraft carriers. Though it has been suffering from the worst financial crisis nowadays, it is undeniable that America will gain its strength and recover in the near future due to its substantial economic and military bases.

In general, education is to a nation what the root is to a tree.  With comprehensive and sound educational system, a nation  on the right track could foster its strength and become successful in the end.

All in all, by combining factors like education, economy and military states together could we evaluate and determine whether a country has the ability to lead the  world. It is complicated to evaluate a nation from various perspective, but no one and not any government could afford to ignore the significance of its education.

Word Count: 403

hzd515976083UID: 2487213

8# tsinghua10 tsinghua10(Invictus.)
5.11 09.1.10 NA ----欢迎用大板砖狠命拍！
do you agree or disagree that improving schools is the mostfactor in successful development of country
---不同意
Recently, it is not uncommon to observe a widespread panicamong western nations, from the alarming newspaper titles like "ADangerous Looming of China " to a series of strict export goods [foreign trade] policies. Admittedly, China, as anewly-emerged economic entity, has drawn much more attention worldwide than itdid in the past century. When it comes to evaluate a nation's strength, threekey points need to be taken into consideration: education, economy and militaryforce. Thus, improving schools is a very dominant factor in successfuldevelopment of a country, but not the most.
On one hand, education is the rock and foundation of a nation.In this era, large amount of fortunes flow into areas where science and hightechnology dominate. For example, well-known Microsoft company is founded byBill Gates, a genius skilled in computer science though he dropped out ofHarvard to seek his career. This example is no exception. Take a look atForbes, most of successful companies are operated by college graduates fromelite universities; while the productivity and revenues yielded by thesecorporations could contribute to their nations' economy [development], making their country more powerful andwealthy. Therefore, only by improving education level and investing in schoolscould boost successful development of an [a]nation. [本段的观点是教育是一国基石，但是例子好像没有论证这个论点]
On the other hand, though, economic status and militarystates also play a predominant role in development of a country. For example,United States, with the most prosperous economy and powerful military strengthsince World War Two, is the most influential country in the world. Besides itsprestigious Harvard, Yale and MIT, it is also well known for its Wall Street,financial institutions like Morgan Stanley, and its unbelievable aircraftcarriers. Though it has been suffering from the worst financial crisisnowadays, it is undeniable that America will gain its strength and recover inthe near future due to its substantial economic and military bases.
In general, education is to a nation what the root is to atree. [这句用法好] With comprehensive and sound educational system, anation on the right track could foster its strength and become successful inthe end.
All in all, by combining factors like education, economy andmilitary states together could we evaluate and determine whether a country hasthe ability to lead the
world. It iscomplicated to evaluate a nation from various perspective [perspectives], but no one and not any government couldafford to ignore the significance of its education. [结尾应该反过来，先说教育重要，但是其他也很重要，所以教育不是最重要，现在这样感觉跟主题有点不相配
]

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

对，结尾应该调整一下语序，第二段的例子论证也要再改,谢谢~~

annkeUID: 2605122

Recently, it is not uncommon to observe a widespread panic among western nations, from the alarming newspaper titles like "A Dangerous Looming of China " to a series of strict export goods policies. Admittedly, China, as a newly-emerged economic entity, has drawn much more attention worldwide than it did in the past century. [举China这个例是说明什么？没有用教育、军事来衡量吗？就文中是只写了经济强，然后，呼，就到三个力量了。]When it comes to evaluate a nation's strength, three key points need to be taken into consideration: education, economy and military force. Thus, improving schools is a [very] dominant factor in successful development of a country, but not the most[这里省略的是dominant，但是，极端形容词没有最高级的。].
On one hand, education is the rock and foundation of a nation. In this era, large amount  of fortunes flow into areas where science and high technology dominate.[这句是这段的中心句么？后面那个Bill辍学的例子不能说明大量财富流到了高科技领域吧。而且，就算能说明，财富流到高科技和教育是基石也没有逻辑联系呢。] For example, well-known Microsoft company is founded by Bill Gates, a genius skilled in computer science though he dropped out of Harvard to seek his career. This example is no exception. Take a look at Forbes, most of successful companies are operated by college graduates from elite universities; while the productivity and revenues yielded by these corporations could contribute to their nations' economy, making their country more powerful and wealthy. Therefore, only by improving education level and investing  in schools could boost successful development of an nation. [堆例子，缺乏论证过程。]
On the other hand,[一般来说，on the one hand, on the other hand 是平行并列的，但你这里显然是要对比，个人建议前后把on on去掉] though, economic status and military states also play a predominant role in development of a country. For example, United States, with the most prosperous economy and powerful military strength since World War Two, is the most influential country in the world[注意论点是successful development 每次举例完都扣一下题。这里influential，和successful不是同一概念，有的越poor越混乱越有影响]. Besides its prestigious Harvard, Yale and MIT, it is also well known for its Wall Street, financial institutions like Morgan Stanley, and its unbelievable aircraft carriers. Though it has been suffering from the worst financial crisis nowadays, it is undeniable that America will gain its strength and recover in the near future due to its substantial economic and military bases.
In general, education [is] to a nation [is] what the root is to a tree.  With comprehensive and sound educational system, a nation  on the right track could foster its strength and become successful in the end.
All in all, by combining factors like education, economy and military states together could we evaluate and determine whether a country has the ability to lead the  world. It is complicated to evaluate a nation from various perspective, but no one and not any government could afford to ignore the significance of its education.
[离statement太远了。个人建议，可以说教育的确重要—但是不是最重要的—因为还有其它的，比如经济和军事—为什么后两者重要呢？例子论证—总之，不是最重要。
总得来说很不错！语言功底很好。 尤其羡慕你在短短三十分钟之内能都可以旁征博引娴熟运用如此多的西方例子。要学习！！ ]

tsinghua10UID: 2811683

谢谢你！有几点我想说一下：
1. In general, education is to a nation what the root is to a tree. 这句话是对的哈……
2. [举China这个例是说明什么？没有用教育、军事来衡量吗？就文中是只写了经济强，然后，呼，就到三个力量了。]---说得很好，一定要加强我的论证逻辑~~
3. [这句是这段的中心句么？后面那个Bill辍学的例子不能说明大量财富流到了高科技领域吧。而且，就算能说明，财富流到高科技和教育是基石也没有逻辑联系呢。] ----我还是要加强逻辑论证啊~！