penn4u's independent writing

penn4uUID: 2696512

5.12 09.1.17 NA
Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.

More and more advertizing is surrounding us through some traditional media like newspapers, magazines, radio and TV and some novel media, Internet. What yield when more advertising rush to us. Some people consider advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.
I couldn’t stand at this side, because I think there are many reasons cause the unhealthy eating habits.
Of course, I couldn’t deny the effect of advertising on the people’s eating habits. Some manufactures and enterprises invite some stars of movie, TV plays, sports and so on to advertize for their food and production which may be not good for people health. Affected by those superstars, fans will be attracted by those idols; maybe they don’t really like these unhealthy foods. Then some people who buy and eat the unhealthy food would be attracted by the beautiful appearance in an advertisement. However, it’s not as beautiful, delicious and healthy as you watched. The advertisement show how advantageous their products and foods are, but no mentioned their potential healthy problem.

But advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits, only?
I don’t agree. Some unhealthy eating habits , in my opinion, are caused by the society. Why I say this, every enterprise or manufactures take benefits from their product to accumulate their capital. A lot of them are lack of be responsible for customer, there are only money left in their mind. The faster they manufacture products, the more benefit they get. Because this action destroys the balance of health eating habits.
So advertisement is not the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits. I think advertising and society are two main reasons for unhealthy eating habits.

macaoUID: 2404395

More and more advertizing is surrounding us through总觉得这个词很奇怪放在这里，而且建议文章首句别用这么复杂一句子，万一出什么问题很不好 some traditional media like newspapers, magazines, radio and TV and some novel media, Internet. What yield when more advertising rush to us. Some people consider advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.这转折太突兀了吧
I couldn’t stand at this side, because I think there are many reasons cause the unhealthy eating habits.
Of course, I couldn’t deny the effect of advertising on the people’s eating habits. Some manufactures and enterprises invite some stars of movie, TV plays, sports and so on to advertize for their food and删 production which may be not good for people health. Affected by those superstars, fans will be attracted by those idols; maybe they don’t really like these unhealthy foods. Then some people who buy and eat the unhealthy food would be attracted by the beautiful appearance in an advertisement. However, it’s not as beautiful, delicious and healthy as you watched. The advertisement show how advantageous their products and foods are, but no mentioned their potential healthy problem.

But advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits, only?
I don’t agree. Some unhealthy eating habits , in my opinion, are caused by the society. Why I say this, every enterprise or manufactures take benefits from their product to accumulate their capital. chinglishA lot of them are lack of be responsible （responsiblity）for customer, there are only money left in their mind. The faster they manufacture products, the more benefit they get. Because this action destroys the balance of health eating habits.

So advertisement is not the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits. I think advertising and society are two main reasons for unhealthy eating habits.

很荣幸lz的第一篇文章我来看，lz跟我一样chinglish很严重，建议多看多练，祝考出好成绩~~

old-pipeUID: 2513842

More and more advertizing is surrounding us through some traditional media like newspapers, magazines, radio and TV and some novel media, Internet.(个人感觉不需要在首句列举太多例子，可以加个背景句) What yield when more advertising rush to us. Some people consider advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits. 与下文没有很好的链接
I couldn’t stand at this side, because I think there are many reasons cause the unhealthy eating habits.
Of course, I couldn’t deny the effect of advertising on the people’s eating habits. Some manufactures and enterprises invite some stars of movie, TV plays, sports and so on（去掉） to advertize for their food and production which may be not good（unfavorable） for people health. Affected by those superstars, fans will be attracted by those idols; maybe they don’t really like these unhealthy foods. Then some people who buy and eat the unhealthy food would be attracted by the beautiful appearance in an advertisement. However, it’s not as beautiful, delicious and healthy as you watched. The advertisement show how advantageous their products and foods are, but no mentioned their potential healthy problem. 例子举得挺好，但是组织相对简单，可以长短句结合。此外，多积累好词，好句。
But advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits, only? 这种句子尽量避免，最好按照2+1的结构写。
I don’t agree. Some unhealthy eating habits , in my opinion, are caused by the society.段首句尽量写得漂亮些 Why I say this, 太口语了every enterprise or manufactures take benefits from their product to accumulate their capital. A lot of them are lack of be responsible for customer, there are only money left in their mind. The faster they manufacture products, the more benefit they get. Because this action destroys the balance of health eating habits. 可以看一下写作200句
So (in conclusion), advertisement is not the only main cause of unhealthy eating habits. I think advertising and society are two main reasons for unhealthy eating habits.

多积累好的词句，看看老外写的文章，可以摘抄些好的句子，下次写的时候有意去用。这样对你写作有很大帮助。以上改的如有问题请指出，一起进步。