5.12 09.1.17 NA 请拍砖

old-pipeUID: 2513842

Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits.

Although people’s lives have been dramatically changed over the last decades, it must be admitted that, unhealthy eating habits is still the one of the biggest questions that people nowadays have to face because the rapidly advertising development by the day. Why does this happen?

It is indisputable that advertising will exert negative effects on people judgment, those who extremely difficult to distinguish advantage and disadvantage for internal of produce, because merchants promote advertising in order to attract myriad of consumers so that get much more profits. For example, a large number of people are favor of eating fried food like fried chicken, fries, hot dog, imaginably, which will produce how to influence on person’s physical fitness. Moreover, as for children, to eat rubbish/junk food brings about unhealthy impacts on physical growth of them. They can keep a favorable interest in new produce due to different style of advertising and beautiful pictures to attract children.  

Besides, these days, people in growing numbers are beginning to complain that advertising is widely more than in past. Many experts point out that, along with the development of modern society, it is an inevitable result and there is no avoid it. For example, people who usually can pay attention to different of restaurant advertising in any where like KFC, McDonald, which barely appear in the street or supermarket. Moreover, the desire of new production and higher profits motivates leads merchants to devote much more finance and energy to diverse of media advertising, such as Newspaper, Magazines and TV-CM. from this point of view, people who will be extremely easy attracted by advertising production. Obviously, eating myriad of rubbish food will contributes directly to serious healthy issues, which may cause unhealthy eating habits and even suffer form physical illness like extra fatness, high blood pressure and heart trouble. Consequently, today’s market is filled with massive products and advertisements should be responsible for this problem.

Finally, we should not neglect that others factor result of unhealthy eating habits. Along with increasing economic rapidly more and more people suffer form stress from work and family. In order to undertake the responsibility of supporting their family those who have to working hard for access to higher salaries. In addition, he or she is necessary and inevitable save a huge amount of time except working, which will provide extremely limited eating time and lost interest to make cooked by them own. In fact, people usually buy a hamburger or French fries and fried chicken in KFC. In this case, one favorable of eating habits is necessary and positive for us to decide which food we will choose.  

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, advertisements have unfavorable influence on people’s eating habits. Nevertheless, we can not ignore a healthy and meaningful life style when we working extremely busy and tire.

写超时了 45分钟 请猛拍砖 谢谢

penn4uUID: 2696512

Although people’s lives have been dramatically changed over the last decades, it must be admitted that, unhealthy eating habits is still the one of the biggest questions that people nowadays have to face because the rapidly advertising development by the day. Why does this happen?

It is indisputable that advertising will exert negative effects on people judgment, those who extremely difficult to distinguish advantage and disadvantage for internal of produce, because merchants promote advertising in order to attract myriad of consumers so that get much more profits. For example, a large number of people are favor of eating fried food like fried chicken, fries, hot dog, imaginably, which will produce how to influence on person’s physical fitness. Moreover, as for children, to eat rubbish/junk food brings about unhealthy impacts on physical growth of them. They can keep a favorable interest in new produce due to different style of advertising and beautiful pictures to attract children.  
Besides, these days, people in growing numbers are beginning to complain that advertising is widely more than in past. Many experts point out that, along with the development of modern society, it is an inevitable result and there is no avoid it. For example, people who usually can pay attention to different of restaurant advertising in any where like KFC, McDonald, which barely appear in the street or supermarket. Moreover, the desire of new production and higher profits motivates leads merchants to devote much more finance and energy to diverse of media advertising, such as Newspaper, Magazines and TV-CM. from this point of view, people who will be extremely easy attracted by advertising production. Obviously, eating myriad of rubbish food will contributes directly to serious healthy issues, which may cause unhealthy eating habits and even suffer form physical illness like extra fatness, high blood pressure and heart trouble. Consequently, today’s market is filled with massive products and advertisements should be responsible for this problem.

Finally, we should not neglect that others factor result of unhealthy eating habits. Along with increasing economic rapidly more and more people suffer form stress from work and family. In order to undertake the responsibility of supporting their family those who have to working hard for access to higher salaries. In addition, he or she is necessary and inevitable save a huge amount of time except working, which will provide extremely limited eating time and lost interest to make cooked by them own. In fact, people usually buy a hamburger or French fries and fried chicken in KFC. In this case, one favorable of eating habits is necessary and positive for us to decide which food we will choose.  

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, advertisements have unfavorable influence on people’s eating habits. Nevertheless, we can not ignore a healthy and meaningful life style when we working extremely busy and tire.
修改lz的作文太难了，我和你写了同一篇，我一点都没改的原因是我觉得写的很好，不知道这样算不算没有认真修改，但是我很认真的读了lz的文章，觉得实在是不需要我来修改了，所以原封不动回复了。希望和lz一起进步

old-pipeUID: 2513842

LS 谦虚了，文章写完自己改了下，可能原文不好的地方都改了，所以显得错误少了些。希望与你一起努力，你的文章也贴出来吧，我也学习下。加油。

macaoUID: 2404395

Advertising is the only main cause of the unhealthy eating habits

Although people’s lives have been dramatically changed over the last decades, it must be admitted that, unhealthy eating habits is still the one of the biggest questions that people nowadays have to face because the rapidly advertising development by the day. Why does this happen?个人认为t作文第一段明确提出观点的好，也会比较容易写

It is indisputable that advertising will exert negative effects on people judgment, those who extremely difficult to distinguish advantage and disadvantage for internal of produce, because merchants promote advertising in order to attract myriad of consumers so that get much more profits. 这个句子太复杂了啊，建议别弄那么多从句套来套去的For example, a large number of people are favor of eating fried food like fried chicken, fries, hot dog, imaginably, which will produce how to influence on person’s physical fitness. 这个例子跟段首主题句没联系，你应该加一句，因为广告的作用，所以人们吃junk food什么的Moreover, as for children, to eat rubbish/junk food brings about unhealthy impacts on physical growth of them. They can keep a favorable interest in new produce due to different style of advertising and beautiful pictures to attract children.  

Besides, these days, people in growing numbers are beginning to complain that advertising is widely more than in past. Many experts point out that, along with the development of modern society, it is an inevitable result and there is no avoid it. For example, people who usually can pay attention to different of restaurant advertising in any where like KFC, McDonald, which barely appear in the street or supermarket. Moreover, the desire of new production and higher profits motivates leads merchants to devote much more finance and energy to diverse of media advertising, such as Newspaper, Magazines and TV-CM. from this point of view, people who will be extremely easy attracted by advertising production. Obviously, eating myriad of rubbish food will contributes directly to serious healthy issues, which may cause unhealthy eating habits and even suffer form physical illness like extra fatness, high blood pressure and heart trouble. Consequently, today’s market is filled with massive products and advertisements should be responsible for this problem. lz这段没有将广告跟导致垃圾食品消费情况增加的原因结合在一起，建议多看些别人的范文
Finally, we should not neglect that others factor result of unhealthy eating habits. Along with increasing economic rapidly more and more people suffer form stress from work and family. In order to undertake the responsibility of supporting their family those who have to working hard for access to higher salaries. In addition, he or she is necessary and inevitable save a huge amount of time except working, which will provide extremely limited eating time and lost interest to make cooked by them own. In fact, people usually buy a hamburger or French fries and fried chicken in KFC. In this case, one favorable of eating habits is necessary and positive for us to decide which food we will choose.  

what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that, advertisements have unfavorable influence on people’s eating habits. Nevertheless, we can not ignore a healthy and meaningful life style when we working extremely busy and tire.

能荣幸lz第一篇文章我给我来看，粗略看了一下，lz的语言使用还是很不错的，比我第一次写好多了 - -
但是全文的逻辑与结构还不是很好，层次不清晰，望多看些别人的文章，加油！

old-pipeUID: 2513842

非常感谢LS 的朋友帮我修改，你的建议对我很有用，第一次发作文到寄托让朋友给批改。马上要考试了，朋友们的建议很重要，请问能否推荐其他人写的文章呢？ 万分感谢LS， 希望欣赏你的文章，共同学习。再次感谢你的指教。

old-pipeUID: 2513842

09.1.23北美

Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?


Although people's lives have been dramatically changed over the last decades, it must be admitted that, social competition is still the one of the biggest questions that people have to face，because the rapidly economic development by the day. How to deal with this problem? I strongly suggest that it is extremely important to promote people's ability of competition. Especially among the youngsters.

With increasing economic development, more and more young people are beginning to believe that get access to work experience will produce positive effects on their development after graduate from their school, those who have strong desire to learn skills in working to gain higher salary and a better job. For example, the majority of youngsters take a part-time job in spare time, which will not only bring them much necessary money but also can help them to learn sufficient working experiences, which can never get from the textbooks. Obviously, the part-time job contribute directly wide of knowledge to youngsters and play essential role in their future job.

Beside, youngsters who take many of jobs will increasing their ability in competition and get a better understanding of current job markets position, which will promote them devote much more time and energy on their favorable profession work. For example, increasing of young people is interested in fashion design and usually pays much more attention to fashion news. However, may they without enough knowledge and experiences to fulfill a wonderful work so that they have to spend much more energy on how to do perfect works issue. Therefore, they have to learn a large number of knowledge and should be encouraged to independent deal with this problem, which maybe will produce positive effects on their competition ability in these days.  

Finally, we should not neglect that youngsters should pay much more attention to their profession study. We can imagine that extra take working will greatly influence on their studying and lives. From this point of view, in order to acquire more opportunities to a better job and keep a favorable position in future job market, those who necessary and inevitable study knowledge involved in such profession works, so that they are able to use to in job. At the same time, they should be encouraged to take part-time job, for they can not only improve their academic studies, but also gain much experience, which they can be never getting from the textbooks.

From what have been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that take several kinds of job can produce a far-reaching impact on youngsters and they should be encouraged to take part-time job, which will benefit themselves and their family, even the society as a whole. However, we also should take into account extra work is able to cause them without pay more attention to study and lives.

在贴出一篇，希望得到更多朋友的指教。谢谢。 此外， 由于第一次用这种方式改作文，不知道怎样可以修改其他人的作文呢？ 要加入小组吗？ 请朋友答复。

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

没找到你5.11的作文，不好意思，没法改了

canoe03UID: 2786666

Although people's lives have been dramatically changed over the last decades, it must be admitted that, social competition is still the one of the biggest questions that people have to face，because the rapidly economic development by the day(此句话无谓语，那么用because of好了). How to deal with this problem? I strongly suggest that it is extremely important to promote people's ability of competition. Especially among the youngsters(同学在这里用的是句号，那么这个句子是不完整的，无主无谓。或者把competition后面改成逗号). (LZ在这里还不提出自己的观点来，急死我了。): {3 V% t8 \# Y

! M# q+ v& w( X) wWith increasing economic development, more and more young people are beginning to believe that get access to(这里表达不是很好) work experience will produce positive effects(产生效果，貌似不能用produce这个词，请LZ三思) on their development after graduate from their(删掉这个词好了) school, those who have strong desire to learn skills in working to gain higher salary and a better job. (这个句子长，内部的前后关系有点牵强，我知道LZ的意思，改变一些词的用法后这个句子会好看多的) For example, the majority of youngsters take a part-time job in spare time, which will not only bring them much necessary money(这是什么意思呢？) but also can help them to learn(不是learn experience啦，是gain或者obtain) sufficient working experiences, which can never get from the textbooks. Obviously, the part-time job contribute directly wide of knowledge to youngsters and play essential role in their future job.
( I9 U6 P: Z4 { ; \5 g/ `1 y+ u( R& u
Beside, youngsters who take many of jobs(many jobs) will increasing their ability in competition and get a better understanding of current job markets position(这三个词放在一起怪怪的), which will promote them devote much more time and energy on their favorable profession work(这个从句是针对position的吗？那怎么会得出这样的结论呢？还有promote them devote和favorable profession work这样说是不对的). For example, increasing of young people is(are) interested in fashion design and usually pays much more attention to fashion news. However, may they without enough knowledge and experiences to fulfill a wonderful work so that they have to spend much more energy on how to do perfect works issue(又看不懂了L) they have to learn a large number of knowledge and should be encouraged to independent(independently) deal with this problem, which maybe will produce positive effects on their competition ability in these days.(此话有问题)
$ z7 g  B2 \4 N+ U. E
% z! U% C  k* j1 W! L9 {+ G # x  {8 A" g4 `& G! w5 e4 ~) c
Finally, we should not neglect that youngsters should pay much more attention to their profession study. We can imagine that extra take working will greatly influence on their studying and lives. From this point of view, in order to acquire more opportunities to a better job and keep a favorable position in future job market, those who necessary and inevitable(修饰动词用副词) study knowledge involved in such profession works, so that they are able to use to in job(这句话又没看懂了。。。). At the same time, they should be encouraged to take part-time job, for they can not only improve their academic studies, but also gain much experience, which they can be never getting(这里明显错了，应该是which can never be got from…楼主加强句子的用法) from the textbooks.6 U+ B3 \! ~5 ~( L- U+ Y6 b

$ ]* I; J9 F6 ^4 U( M% w0 LFrom what have been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that take several kinds of job can produce a far-reaching impact on youngsters and they should be encouraged to take part-time job, which will benefit themselves and their family, even the society as a whole. However, we also should take into account extra work is able to cause them without pay more attention to study and lives(cause them paying less attention to study and lives).
- s/ G8 n' O" W& E  ]  t$ x/ Y2 e2 G( `2 R, U* A7 S
: D8 J% ~) u) G$ g* k
LZ没有写5.11号的作文，这篇好像是13号的。那我就先改了好了。不过最好还是写当天的作文。/ U. n  ]6 }$ Q6 w* c+ L
LZ这篇作文的字数还是蛮多的。但是其中的问题也很多。一是用词比较生硬，也不大准确；二是楼主句子的结构不大合理，很多地方让人摸不着头脑，特别是该用句号逗号的地方用错了；三是楼主有可能偏题了，题目是说在人们准备长期从事一个职位之前，应该做些不通的工作吗？LZ花了很多事件论述年轻人从事业余工作的问题。还有，LZ一开始也没有说明你到底同不同意题目的观点，却提出增加人们的能力问题，这是不合题意的。建议楼主好好改改这篇作文。
6 r; r$ k: B1 e( g9 H2 \) a/ m. _本人能力有限，若有说的不是的地方，请谅解！

canoe03UID: 2786666

09.1.23北美

Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?


Although people's lives have been dramatically changed over the ...
old-pipe 发表于 2010-5-11 17:37

你就到别人的链接去改好了贴上去就可以了

old-pipeUID: 2513842

感谢LS 的修改，由于昨日有事情没能修改组员的文章，十分抱歉。今天会补上的，希望共同进步。