作文5.18

kacieUID: 2812774

5.18
Technology changes the world a lot. It changes the way we communicate, the way we think and the way we solve problems. Thought the technology may bring some troubles with it, like young people attracting on the net which is a wasting of life, and a lot of new technology use electronic, make hung requires of electric. But in my opinion, I agree the technology makes our lives simpler,

First, the emerging of the mobile phones bring so many convince to our daily life. Just dialing the numbers, you can talk through the phone with the person you miss so much, no matter where she or he is. We won’t wait for a long time to receive the letter from our friends and families. And when at emergency, we can use the phone to call somebody for help.

Second, we can learn almost everything we want to know from the internet. It will save a lot of time that used to be spent in the library. And we can find our friends through the facebook to know how are they now. We also can content with people through e-mail. We also can talk face to face through the internet. There are brilliant things we can do with internet, is it a wonderful technology for our society?

At last, if you dreaming about traveling around the world, it can be easily realize by taking a plane. Because the plane only costs about 3 hours from the Beijing to Guangzhou while the train will cost about almost a day and the costs to buy a tickets is lower than it used to be.

From all above, we know that the wonderful technology makes our lives colorful and simply. They are save a lot of time for us to create more technical things for our society.

kingarthur_leeUID: 2810596

LZ稍安勿躁，贴上我的意见了。

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Nowadays, we can find Advertisements almost everywhere. They are shown on TV, along the streets. The companies want people to know the brand and buy their products.（头两句都很中式化） So they try their best to tell people that their products are excellent through the advertisements. But the people, don’t care about what the advertisement told them. they already know what the company want, they just listen to(follow) their own heart, what is the real thing they want. So I consider the Advertisements is a waste of money., `5 s*（首段的句子表达太简单，太朴实了]
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First, Advertising dose(does) create false needs in our lives, And what we really need don’t requires Advertising. Ads（作文里最好不要这样的缩写吧） convince us that the things we once though were luxuries （是想说我们一度认为奢侈品现在是必需品吧，Advertisements convince us that the things we used to regard as luxuries are necessary now） are now necessities. For example, the cosmetic made for men.（这里不是一个讲座，个人觉得先用一句话先把观点表明，再详述，男士化妆品,,,后面怎么了） As we know, men pay little attention on caring their skin, But in the Advertisements, the company tells the audiences why men have to take care of their skin, and they create the images to show their cosmetic really works. ( g1 {5 H# h$ Z! _$ f5 `, C+ J# s

Second, when the ads is（are） shown on TV, people usually choose to take a break or go to the toilet (在美国英语里面，toilet是马桶的意思，去厕所最好用washing room) or even switch the channel. No matter how wonderful the ads are, there are few audiences can remember what they say. In turn, the audiences may really hate the ads time because they repeat everyday. - d& p4 ~  X; `

Last, the companies need people to create new ideas and pay hung(huge) money to make it out in order to reach mass audiences and specific group
of people. The ad company may pay more money for the stars to attract audiences’ eyes. Actually, the stars may attract the young people, only a small part of the audiences.
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In a word, there (it } is not only a waste of time, but the money and the energy. And the ads create a wasteful society, where things are throw out long before they are worn out.

LZ开始写吧，感觉意思还是传达到了的，就是语法和拼写有些错误，多注意下
而且转换词也用的比较简单，first ,second, last，这些还是少用吧。
不管怎么样，开始能写完就不错了，继续加油，期待进步

ggj_lllUID: 2796021

Technology changes the world a lot. It changes the way we communicate, the way we think and the way we solve problems. [这个平行结构用的很好，我喜欢]Thought [Though] the technology may bring some troubles with it[改为to people],like young people attracting[改为 attracted,因为yong people 是动作attract的接收者,而不是发出者，或者用addicted更好]on the net which is a wasting of life, and a lot of new technology use electronic, make hung [huge]requires of electric [power]. But in my opinion, I agree the technology makes our lives simpler.
First, the emerging [emergence是名词，emerging 是形容词]
of the mobile phones bring [brings, 因为主语是emergence]
so many convince to our daily life. Just dialing the numbers, you can talk through the phone with the person you miss so much, no matter where she or he is. We won’t [needn’t 会不会更好些] wait for a long time to receive the letter from our friends and families. And when at emergency, we can use the phone to call somebody for help. [In addition, we can use the phone to call for help in emergency会不会更好一些？]
Second, we can learn almost everything we want to know from the internet. It will save a lot of time that used to be spent in the library. And we can find our friends through the facebook [专有名词，写成Facebook] to know how are they now. We also can content
[contact]
with people through e-mail. We also can talk face to face through the internet. [连续用了两个We also can ,句式有点重复,换成，We also can exchange information by e-mail and talk with them face to face through chatting software]
There are brilliant things we can do with internet, is it a wonderful technology for our society? [很好，即总结了本段，又强调了Technology 的作用]
At last, if you [are]
dreaming about traveling around the world, it can be easily realize[d] by taking a plane. Because the plane only costs about 3 hours from the [删掉]Beijing to Guangzhou[cost 一般用于费用，而不用于时间，改成Because it only takes about 3 hours from Beijing to Guangzhou]
while the train will cost about almost [about 和almost重复]a day
[it will take about a day by train]and the costs to buy a tickets [for a ticket]
is lower than it used to be.
From all above, we know that the wonderful technology makes our lives colorful and simply. They are [删掉]
save a lot of time for us to create more technical things for our society.

总结：文章组织结构比较清晰，用了一些比较好的句式，但是语法错误和单词拼写比较多（写完之后一定要检查一编，因为我也常常犯这样的错误）。继续努力啊。