Argument172 未限时第一次作业,求拍!请多指教!谢谢!

hedengboUID: 2797857

Argument 172

The Mozart School of Music should obviously be the first choice of any music student aware of

its reputation. First of all, the Mozart School stresses intensive practice and training, so that

students typically begin their training at a very young age. Second, the school has ample

facilities and up-to-date professional equipment, and its faculty includes some of the most

distinguished music teachers in the world. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to be

the best known and most highly paid musicians in the nation.

字数: 522

提纲:                           

1）强调集中训练，效果如何？是否就可以意味着学生一定是从小时侯开始练习，如果他入学年龄就很大了呢？

2）提高音乐能力和先进的设备有关吗？是否给学生用。它的员工是否参与教学，是否每一个学生都可以受到教育。

3）很多人成为了著名音乐家可能是他们自己的努力。其他学校如何。而且这些人年龄如何，是否代表当前的教育水平。
The author concludes that the Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for the students who aware of its reputation. The conclusion is based on the fact that the early training of the students, the up-to-date equipment and its famous graduates. While close scrutiny reveals that none of those could strongly support the conclusion.

The author emphasizes its early and intensive practice. However, as we know, intensive and early training without the interests of the students and the right method could not lead to the successful education. As a proverb said that interest is the first teacher, the bright future of a student depends much on whether he or she is willing to keep learning and go through the tough ways of learning music. What’s more, without good methods, no matter how hard the students are working, the progress will be little. Unfortunately, the author has mentioned nothing of how the teacher is and whether the school has a right way of teaching. On another hand, the author indicates that only very young students could learn music well there, then how young should they be? What about the relatively older ones?

The second reason the author cites sounds warranted that the school could provide up-to-date professional equipment and there are some most distinguished music teachers in the world. Yet, on one hand, as what happens in a lot of schools which have the advanced equipment, the professional equipment may not be accessible for most students. Only a few students or only professors could use them. The author doesn’t tell us that if this is the case in Mozart School of Music. On another hand, I’m wondering if the distinguished music teachers could give lecture or teach the common students. Experience tell us that top professors may just do some research without or merely teach students. In such case, it is meaningless to emphasize them when talking about the student education.

Finally, the author uses the great alumni of the school to support his argument. But how many alumni become famous? Is the number of best known musicians graduated from this school more or less than other music school? How old are they? Can they represent the quality of the education of school nowadays? It is likely that the great alumni graduated tens of years ago and they could only represent the situation at that time. What’s more, alumni may get their achievements through their own efforts and have little to do with the Mozart School. Is there necessary causality between their life at Mozart School of music and their success?

In sum, the evidences the author provide are too weak that could hardly convince me that those who pay attention to the reputation of a school would choose the school. To better support its conclusion, the author have to prove that the school could provide useful and scientific way of teaching that could foster good students. To better convince me more details about the use of up-to-date equipment and what the work of the distinguished professors should be provided. And the author should tell us more about the best-known alumni.

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

我的个人提纲：


1、        集中培训对他们学习真的有用吗？音乐是需要灵感的，灵感来源于生活中的点点滴滴。
2、        在很小的时候就集中培训不利于学生的全面发展，也许会发生自闭，不会与人交流等问题。
3、        学校拥有一些很知名的老师，但这些老师肯定在某些方面很有造诣，他们能传授各种乐器，各种音乐方面的知识吗？不能保证，学校在各方面实力都很强，肯定有弱点。
4、        毕业的学生有很多收入很高。收入高只代表他们的工作能力很强，并不能说明他们的音乐水平很高，金钱和实力没有必然联系。学生入学是为了学习真正的才能的，文中没有给出详细的描述，学校强在那里？

wdx19861106UID: 2821198

新手的意见：


The author emphasizes its early and intensive practice. However, as we know, intensive and early training without the interests of the students and the right method could not lead to the successful education. As a proverb said that interest is the first teacher, the bright future of a student depends much on whether he or she is willing to keep learning and go through the tough ways of learning music. What’s more, without good methods, no matter how hard the students are working, the progress will be little. Unfortunately, the author has mentioned nothing of how the teacher（文中给出了distinguished music teachers）is and whether the school has a right way of teaching. On another hand, the author indicates that only very young students could learn music well there,(文中是说因为是集中训练，所以学生可以从很小的时候开始在Mozart School学习) then how young should they be? What about the relatively older ones?
1# hedengbo

hedengboUID: 2797857

3# wdx19861106
谢谢你的意见!
很认同你的提干里面的一些论点.比如关于收入高和学术水平的区别.
你指出的两个地方应该细看是不妥!是读题的问题.现在改正和解释如下:
a) the author has mentioned nothing about if the teachers are good at make speech and teaching students.
b)作者暗示只有年轻的学生才可以学好音乐.因为作者在强调了他们的集中训练之后马上说学生可以在很小的时候就开始学习.这个论点现在看来是值得斟酌并且说清楚。现在看来在这个论点上借鉴你那个提纲第二点似乎更加有力清晰!
总的来说,谢谢指教!:)