KeeeeenW作文贴

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

15# FFFMZJB

你用的哪个版的office？ 03？ 07？进法不同,03 的进法: 工具——修订（ctril+shift+e)

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

14# tmdxlp

谢谢你的修改。 我用了你的建议把二段首句改成了“Having more vacation time, families are able to spendmore time with their children.
” 第三段也扩充了没钱也快乐的例子:) 我感觉你每次思路比我清晰一点

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

15# FFFMZJB
谢谢你的修改，其实写模版有好处的。我的写法就是速度慢，模版用熟了可以很快速把文章写完。

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

如果方便请直接用修改模式，写的时候找不到素材了，用的其他考试的，感觉这个有点不像托福的写法。。请各位多指点哈


6.29
Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well。



Although some people find fortune by taking tremendous ventures, successful people act steadfastly and painstakingly on what they have done well to enhance themselves and their society.



Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. consistently advocated his non-violent protest to extricate African Americans from endless plight. During the Montgomery bus boycott which marks the commencement of Civil Rights Movement , the protest method was a peerless success; Refusing to ride the bus that practice segregation, Dr. King and other activists managed to impose economic impact on the Montgomery bus company; Lacking of income, the company had to declare its desegregation of its all vehicles. Knowing the significant impact of non-violent protest, Dr. King continued to practice and refine what he had done well. A multitude of successful protests, including the well-known March  on Washington where Dr.King addressed his I Have a Dream speech, had been accomplished by Dr. King until his death.



Henry Ford is also a prominent figure who continued undertaking his expertise and eventually accomplish his pursuit. As a talented engineer in designing and manufacturing vehicles, Ford kept practicing what he was good at and devised ingenious blueprint of assembly line: the manufacture process during which the products rotate to workers on a fixed station. The assembly line was great success; however, Ford did not relinquish achievement and avert to other fields. Instead, he refined his assembly line to enhance the productivity of his factories from minutes per car to seconds per car.



Admittedly, adventures and innovations are necessary factors on people’s success; however, successful people take limited risks and restrained creativity on what they had done well. Dr.King initiated the Civil Rights Movement by introducing non-violent protest based on his advantages on preaching and persuasion; Henry Ford refined his assembly line according to his expertise on building cars. After achieving their careers, successful people enhance their methods into a more distinguished levels instead of abandoning them.

potpourriUID：2834146

恩，的确不太符合托福作文的结构。最好还是提出分论点，有针对性的举出例子吧。如果对例子没有分析性的语言，还是有些生硬的。我觉得，例子中有些和文章主题的描述可以适当删减。第二个例子，有力~
楼主的语言值得学习！

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

20# potpourri

谢谢建议:)

junedreamjuneUID：2700743

好强悍的例证想请教LZ如何积累这些材料？

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

22# junedreamjune

以前历史课的笔记，用自己的语言写一遍。网上也有类似的材料，只是要改成自己的语言。

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

7.1
Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.

Making self-decision is a significant step to accomplish goals and dreams. People make their own decisions to achieve their goals.

Self-decision motivates people to engage in learning to achieve their goals whereas passive decision disencourages them to do so. For example, a university student, who found out his foundness in the field of computers, devoted himself to study Computer Science as a major and eventually becomes a prominent software designer in prestigious companies. On the other hand, a student, who was enthralled by computers, was forced by his parents to take law study as his major. As result, he became an ordinary lawer’s assistence because he secretly relinquished his major to study computer programming by himself but failed to master his programming skill.

Successfull people make decisions and maintain them until they achieve their dreams. Longing for enhancing the human rights in American American community, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., decided to advocate non-violent protest. His Civil Rights Movement, commenced with the Montgemary Bus Boycott, motivates activists to march on street to gain their rights in a peaceful and self-esteem way. Even when the impanding death came so close to Dr.King, he still held his dream and traveled to Mephis for his Poor’s People’s Campaign. Another distinguished figure who acheive the goals by making self-decision is Henry Ford. Although his father encourged him to become a farmer, Henry Ford made his decision to travel to Detroit to build his own engine. In the end Henry Ford not only achieved his dream, but also managed to refine the assembly line to provide affordable transportations to half of the Americans in 1920s.

Making own decisions help people achieve their dreams while decisions made by others tend to hinder people’s success. People should make their own decision and set up goals to fulfill.

远远在笑UID：2742022

7.1 revised
第二段很纠结。LZ的例子积累得很多，佩服佩服。好文！

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

25# 远远在笑
谢谢你指出我第二段那么多错误。。我还是修改了再传上来好。。非常感谢

SilviaZhoUID：2236948

Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.7 }( a/ s8 O# z) q5 Q- g  n
2 S4 o' _: `$ q+ F$ S
Making self-decision is a significant step to accomplish goals and dreams. People make their own decisions to achieve their goals.(个人觉得最好还是能在首段提出明确的对话题的态度。而且第一句和第二句在逻辑上基本上是一个意思，还可以再增加一点内容，让首段丰满一下。） 2

Self-decision motivates people to engage in learning to achieve their goals （没看太明白）whereas passive decision disencourages them to do so. For example, a university student(,)去掉 who found out his foundness in the field of computers, devoted himself to study(studying) Computer Science as a major and eventually becomes a prominent software designer in prestigious companies. On the other hand, a student(,)去掉 who   by computers, was forced by his parents to take law study as his major. As result, he became an ordinary lawer’s assistence because he secretly relinquished his major to study computer programming by himself but failed to master his programming skill.(读完发现两个例子似乎是作者身边的真实案例，建议在例子之前简单说明，否则容易让人误会时态有错误）
+ e3 Z+ D0 D- R5 q% |& L
Successfull people make decisions and maintain them until they achieve their dreams. Longing for enhancing (the)不需要 human rights in (American)删除 American community, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., decided to advocate non-violent protest. His Civil Rights Movement(,)(that) commenced with the Montgemary Bus Boycott, motivates(motivated) activists to march on street(s) to gain their rights in a peaceful and self-esteem way. Even when the impanding death came so close to Dr.King, he still held his dream and traveled to Mephis for his Poor’s People’s Campaign. Another distinguished figure who acheive the goals by making self-decision is Henry Ford. Although his father encourged him to become a farmer, Henry Ford made his decision to travel to Detroit to build his own engine. In the end Henry Ford not only achieved his dream, but also managed to refine the assembly line to(which是不是更好) provide affordable transportations to half of the Americans in 1920s.

Making own decisions help people achieve their dreams while decisions made by others tend to hinder people’s success. People should make their own decision and set up goals to fulfill.(结尾太过简单，托福的开头和结尾还是蛮重要的:))

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

27# SilviaZho

谢谢你的修改

KeeeeenWUID：2592937

作文请见附件，写的时候有点超时。。。

peggy890UID：2812709

谢谢你的修改~~意见都很中肯
受益匪浅哦~
你的作文也很棒，一起加油！